Creepy and Cringey Dating Stories: Unwanted Guest, Autopsy Guy and TMI

 

“Creepy, Cringey Dating Stories: Unwanted Guest, Autopsy Guy and TMI”

a Girl Boner podcast transcript

August/narration:

First, the time an intruder, of sorts, made sexy plans rather interesting…

Unwanted Guest

The story features Maile. When we spoke, back in 2020, she was the director of product for #open (“Hashtag Open”), a sex-positive dating app for people who are looking for polyamory, BDSM, and open relationships.

Before this experience went down, Maile and her husband Adam had opened their marriage. And they’d been getting into polyamory, having not only sexual encounters but added relationships–Maile especially.

This story involves their first full sex swap with another couple. For privacy reasons, Maile calls her boyfriend Pip.

Maile: Pip and I had just start dating and we were starting to hang out more. It happened to be a Saturday night where my husband and I didn’t have kids in the house. And Pip and his wife were similar situation; their kids were out and about.

So they’re like, “Oh, well, why don’t you come over tonight?” So, we were really excited to kind of set it up. My husband and I had had playdates and threesomes before, but we had never coordinated with another couple. So it was very exciting. Definitely like first time nerves.

August (narration):

Maile told me she engages in rituals before dates like this one. She gets really excited and cleans the house from top to bottom any time she and Adam are about to have a play partner over.

Maile: So I was in my groove cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. And I just kind of finished up and I was on the second floor of our house. And as I’m winding down and ready to just kind of relax for a bit before Pip and his wife come over, I walk into our hallway, and I see a bird flying around. And I’m like, oh my goodness!

So, I see it flying around. I kind of try and figure out where it goes. I see that it goes downstairs, which is where my husband, Adam, is and we start looking around for it. He’s like, “Yeah, I saw it, too.” We’re starting to look around and we can’t find it. And after we look for like five or six minutes, he’s like, “Are you sure it was a bird?” And I’m like, “Oh, my god. Maybe it wasn’t a bird.”

August (narration):

She remembered that a few years prior they had had a bat in their house. It ended up perching on the playroom. So as soon as Adam asked that question—“are you sure it’s a bird?”—she went straight to the playroom.

Maile:

…and there’s a bat in there.

We’re like, oh, this is not good. We’re having company over but because we had had this happen before. We’re like, okay, we just have to close it in there. Animal Control is going to come tomorrow. No big deal.

So that’s what we did. We closed it in there. Pip and his wife came over. We joked about it. They looked at the bat; it was a good laugh. And we’re like, okay, we’ll call animal control in the morning. And it was the joke that as we had our coffee, we’d be ending the date with Animal Control swinging by.

So, the night goes on, we kind of split off. Pip and I were excited to have a little bit of time on our own to kind of explore and have fun. And the same thing with Adam and Pip’s wife.

We had a good time all night. We did our fun things. Adam and Pip’s wife kind of settled into our room and Pip and I decided we were going to settle into the spare bedroom for the night.

So we finally fall asleep in the middle of the night. I woke up really startled and I’m like, Oh, what’s happening? I hear a noise. [fluttering wings] And it’s dusk or dawn so it’s kind of just starting to get light in the room, but I can’t see very well. And I open my eyes and I realize there’s a bat flying around our heads.

We had barely slept a wink, and I’m waking him awake. And I’m like, “Don’t freak out! But there’s a bat.” And he’s like, what do you mean? He’s half awake. He didn’t have his contacts in so he couldn’t actually see. But he can just make out the image of this thing flying, like darting near our heads.

So we had to make a plan. And we’re like, well, we just have to get out of the room and figure it out so we’re like waiting until the bat perches, gets tired and it stops. On one of those times, we grabbed everything, and we ran into the hallway and took a breath.

I head downstairs to our kitchen. And as I get into the kitchen—no lie—another bat starts flying around. By this point, we’re like oh, my god. Three bats in the house. I open the door; I think that one got out. We were able to close all the bats in the rooms, kind of settle in.

As we’re winding down and laughing about it and it’s a good time, we’re kind of like, don’t worry. The wildlife guy is going to come. He’s going to find the bats.

August (narration):

Only, that’s not quite what happened. Pip and his wife left, the wildlife guy arrived and and Maile and Adam were relaxing while the search ensued.

Maile: He never found the bats. Like we don’t know what happened. We think they got out of the house on their own.

August (narration):

But even if the bats had flown out on their own, the ordeal was far from over. Because apparently if you sleep in a room with a flying bat, you have to go get tested for rabies.

Maile: We both called our doctors. I’m like, oh my gosh. It kind of feels like I have to call and disclose an STI to him. It’s our first full night sleep over and I call him and I’m like, “So listen, they couldn’t find the bat. I think we have to go to the ER.” And so we did. And it was like a big joke that we like started our relationship getting treated for rabies together.

The followup to our first sleepover was a trip to the ER where we’d earned each other’s full medical histories. We were laughing. The poor registration people are like, “Okay, so are you each other’s emergency contact?” And we’re like, “No, that would actually be my husband.” And they’re like, “Whaat?” I’m sure they were very confused.

August (narration):

Not only that, but they had to go back in several times for series of shots.

Maile: The first time we went, it was two shots in our legs, two in the arms. And they’re like, yeah, they’re these are really painful. And we’re like, oh, my gosh. So, it was like a whole process.

I look back now and we laugh and laugh. We were actually just joking about it a couple weeks ago. Remember in the beginning when it was so easy to schedule dates because like we just had to go to the hospital to get shots. And that was like, okay, well, I guess we’ll go out for lunch afterward.

I guess this is gonna work out because like we somehow had fun going on rabies shots and enjoyed being around each other. And so we’re like after that, I’ll think we’ll stick around for a while.

August (narration):

Maile said that a couple of people have asked her if she thinks it’s a bad omen, to have bats invade your intimacy early on. So far, it hasn’t turned out that way. If anything, it’s seemed like the opposite.

Maile: I think that being able to kind of really gauge that we had similar personalities, because we were able to laugh through it and go with the flow. But then at the same time, there were also moments that really kind of showed me some of his character. It was a lot of work to schedule all these shots and I remember one day I was just really busy with work and my kids. And he’s like, “just send me a picture of your insurance card. I have the rest. I got your name and date of birth. I got it.”

I hear people talking about the red flags for relationships, but sometimes you also have to look for the green flags and stuff like that. He didn’t have to do that for me but he actually wanted to and he cared enough to take the time to do it.

August (narration):

I looked into bat symbolism and yes, there are some beliefs about bad omens. But other beliefs seem to suit Maile’s situation far better: Bats are also known as “guardians of the night” and symbols of rebirth. [fluttering wings]

***

Okay. So there’s another reason I have scary stories in mind, beyond Halloween. The anthology Horrific: Tales of the Dying and the Dead, is out this week–and I’m thrilled to have a story in it.

Here’s Mike Miller, editor for the publisher, Rogue River, reading the back cover:

Mike: “Welcome to Horrific: Tales of the Dying and the Dead. Here you’ll find fifteen dreadfully delicious tales of horror and the supernatural hand-picked from all over planet Earth. Of course we have ghosts, zombies and vampires, as well as a few twisted phantasms that defy logic. There’s even a novella to chew on. In these atmosphere-choked pages you’ll find unsettling dread, simmering terrors, and the downright disturbing. Gruesome feasts await, as well as harrowing descents into madness. Some of these macabre tales might even make you laugh aloud while cringing simultaneously.

So settle in and enjoy, let the artists represented here paint their personal visions of Hell and unremitting horror in your mind. But be forewarned. All of these stories linger, and some may never leave you again.”

August (narration):

I can’t wait to read all of the stories in Horrific. Mine is called Anniversary Day. It’s not a sex story, but it does involve penises. Not in a happy way—just a forewarning. Anyway, if you’d like to have some fun or some nightmares, grab Horrific from your favorite bookseller.

Autopsy Guy

Next, author EF Dodd with a date she just can’t seem to forget… The story originally aired in November, 2022.

 It happened after her first year in grad school. EF was spending the summer working two jobs and fitting in as much fun as possible with her best friend.

EF: I was 21, so that kinda tells you what we had planned. We were living in an apartment together, just living our best lives. This was probably 2000. So if you wanted to meet somebody, you didn’t log onto the internet, you didn’t swipe left to right, you, got up, got dressed, went out, and saw what you could see out at restaurants, clubs, bars, whatever.

So she and I had gone out to, you know, one of the, our favorite haunts, and I met this guy, and he was cute. And she said, “Well, you know, that’s a DJ for X radio station.” I said, “No, I had no idea.” He was probably 25, 26, really just starting out in his own radio career, I guess. so we hit it off, you know, had a few drinks, and he invited me to go out, I guess maybe the following weekend or something.

So I said sure. My first clue should’ve been when he said, “Well, let’s meet at my house, and then we’ll go from there.” But you know, again, I was 21, So I said, “Sure, you know, that’s fine.” So I drove over. He had a cute little apartment or whatever, and he says, “Well, I’ll just cook dinner here.”

And I thought, “Well, okay. Sure, fine. Whatever.” And it was fine, and so then he said, “Well, I know you’re getting ready to go into X profession, so I’d like to get your opinion on something.” And I said, “Okay. Sure. Random.” You know, I mean, I’ve literally just finished my first year of grad school, so don’t know how much help I’m gonna be.

And he says, “Well, you know, my mom passed away when I was…” I forget what he said, high school or something like that. And I said, “Oh, you know, I’m really sorry to hear that.” And then he turns around in his chair, and I will never forget this, he just like slaps down this folder, like manila folder on the table, and he’s like, “Yeah, and here’s a copy of her autopsy report.”

And I was like, “What?” Like in the middle of dinner. And I said, ” Okay.” And he said, “Well, I’d like to get your opinion on this.” Now, keep in mind, I was in grad school. I was not in med school. I was not getting ready to become a medical examiner. I was not in any way, shape, or form in the medical or police or investigative field

and he proceeds to go through this report with me page by page, has pushed his plate to the side. I am just no longer interested in eating and really just wanna get the hell out of there because this has gone from weird to what?

August: Oh, my goodness.

EF: Yeah. And you know, he was asking me questions, “Well, do you think it was really an accident,” or, “Do you think blah, blah, blah?”

And I said- I don’t know. I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t have answers to these questions. And, like, he just kept asking all this stuff and showing me, you know, “Well, I think this, and, you know, you can tell by this part, and da, da, da.” At that point, I just, I needed to just at least get out of the room, and I said, “Well, hey,” I said, you know, “Can I use your restroom right quick?”

And he’s like, “Yeah, sure.” He said, “Don’t use the one in the hall. You can use the one in my bedroom.” And I was like, “Okay, cool.” So I go in there, and I’m really just trying to collect my thoughts and just figure out a way to say, “I have got to go.” You know, come up with some explanation to leave, and just end this odyssey right there.

Well, so I go in, and I’m like, “Well, I’m in here, so I’m gonna at least pee.” And I look, and I promise you, it was as though a Tyrannosaurus rex had pooped in that toilet. And it wasn’t just that there was poop in there. You could tell that it had, at some point, almost overflowed, because it was like poop soup in there.

And I was like, “I’m gonna throw up.” Because there’s no way you don’t know that’s in there.

August: Right. You- And, and he directed you to this bathroom. Yes. That’s strange.

EF: He had another bathroom that he told me not to use. So at that point, I was just like, “I have got to go.” And so I, you know, I sat back down at the table for a minute, and this was back in the day of flip phones, I just grabbed my phone out of my purse, which, thank God, I had just kinda put beside me at the table.

And I said, “Oh, my gosh, my roommate just texted. You know, she needs me back at the apartment. You know, I hate to cut this short, but I’ve really gotta go.” He was like, “Oh, no, I hate to hear that,” blah, blah, blah. “Are you sure you can’t stay?” And I was like, “No, no, no. She really needs me. Gotta go.” And so I just got the hell out of there.

August: Oh, my goodness. Okay, so wow. I have- I have a couple of questions. So first, autopsy photos in general, I feel like some people might be especially squeamish. Like, I have a sister who if she sees a bruise, she feels a little sick, right?

EF: Oh, yeah. I have a cousin like that. If she sees blood at all, she’s out. She’s either gonna pass out, or she’s gonna vomit.

August: Right. So consent is very important. For you personally, was the discomfort more around just this is so out of left field, and it feels inappropriate, or were you also kind of, “I really am uncomfortable seeing this dead body”?

EF: I just remember being so taken aback by thinking it was okay to slap the autopsy report down there on the table and ask my opinion on it.

You know, my heart goes out to anybody that has lost a parent, especially if you lose a parent early in life. so I don’t want to belittle his pain and all of that that he went through, and especially if you have questions about the circumstances surrounding how anyone close to you died.

I mean, I can’t imagine going through that. But at the same time, boundaries are important. And it’s a first date.

and you’re not even through dinner. You’re still there just at the getting to know you phase, and you slap that down on the table, and then just open it up and dive right into that. It just boggles the mind,

August/narration:

I don’t know about you, but parts of that story do feel like something you might read about in a novel. But awkwardness isn’t the focus of EF’s erotic tales. She does draw on her own life, though, in other ways. She basically makes way for the opposite.

EF: Through my writing, I try to make sure that my heroines are vocal about things that they enjoy because in a way I’m encouraging people to open up to their partner to say, “I really like this. That is the spot. Yes, please. Thank you.”

August/narration: One more story, from an October 2021 Feminist Book Club special, then we’ll wrap up with something you might want to try this spooky season.

TMI Guy

Niba: I’m sure you ask so many women and men about their terrible dating stories. And if you ask the two, it’s so different the answers you get between like, what is the worst date you’ve ever had from a woman versus what is the worst that you’ve ever had from a man.

August (narration):

That’s Niba, of Notes by Niba and the Feminist Book Club podcast. And her point is valid, about women’s and men’s experiences. As security specialist Gavin de Becker wrote in his book, The Gift of Fear, “…at the core, men are afraid women will laugh at them…women are afraid men will kill them.”

Whether you’re a woman or anyone who would like to feel safer in social situations, this next story from Niba is an important one. It’s about a date that could have gone terribly wrong.

Niba: One time I showed up to a date, this is some dude I met off an app. We’re getting dinner. And I get to dinner. This is literally the first time we have ever met. We’ve exchanged maybe like 20 messages at best, like not a whole lot. And so I get there and we’re chatting, we’re getting to know each other some small talk stuff.

August (narration):

Niba mentioned something and he replied, “Oh yeah, like your high school in the Bay Area.”

Niba: And I’m like, “What do you what do you mean, my high school in the Bay Area? And he goes, “Oh, well, you you went to XYZ High School, right?” And I’m like, “Wait a second. Why do you know what high school I went to?” And he goes, “Oh, I mean, I just looked up your phone number and your name.”

I kind of look people up before a first date, but not very seriously, especially if we’re meeting in a public place where I can leave afterwards. And so I’m mentally like, Okay, what else do you know about me? And he proceeds to tell me about my own life, about where I grew up about me, all these awards that I’d gotten in high school, all these things I had done in college.

He proceeds to tell me what my own research is. At the time, I was working as a scientist working on the genetics of plants and like how roots develop and stuff. And he’s like, “Yeah, you work in like [this] lab, and I think that’s really cool. And I’m like, this is so creepy. Like I get wanting to look up your person before a date.

But you don’t go on to this deep – like he must have spent at least two or three hours for the amount of information that he had about me. So he proceeded to tell me about my own life and I’m sitting there in growing horror, and I’m like, God bless this guy doesn’t know where I frickin’ live. So I decided to be like, “Oh, I have to go to the bathroom.”

So I go to the bathroom. And while I’m on my way to the bathroom, there’s a waitress and I pull the waitress aside and I’m like, “Hey, I think I’m in like some weird creepy stalker shit.” And bless this woman for the bonds of sisterhood. She immediately was just like, “Oh yeah, I got you. Do you want me to get your stuff you can go out the back?” Like we can do this.

And I’m like, “Yeah, actually that would be great…this is way too scary.” So she leads me through the back and I’m hanging out in the kitchen [sounds of crowded restaurant] while she gets my stuff and she comes back and she’s like, “Yeah, he seemed kind of confused as to why you wanted your stuff so I just told him you’re on your period and you needed a pad or something.” And I was like, “Oh excellent, perfect.”

Then I leave out the back door [door closing] and it was so creepy. [footsteps] I walked home because the place was like a couple blocks away from where I lived and the whole time I just remember looking over my shoulder and just being like God if he follows me home this is going to be like some next level nonsense. I just cannot. And the one nice thing about all of this is that he was relatively a smaller dude and I think of myself as being relatively fit and so I think like body mass wise we were either comparable or I was a little bit more so I was kind of like okay, at least I’m not like in some sort of like huge physical danger but also like you never know what these men.

Every woman you ever asked knows the long way home. We all know that way home to go if someone is following us or feeling creepy or whatever. I know that like at bars there’s sometimes like secret drinks that you can order to the bartender to signal that you need a lift home and…I hate that that is a thing but I’m also glad that at least there’s the safety measure in place.

I kind of wonder if he meant well by it. But he also just kind of just gave off extremely interested vibes. And I mean I’m really cool. Anyone is lucky to have me but like, I also do not think you can be that interested on a first date.

This was a date that changed my dating life for the rest of eternity because he kept on texting me and so I put him on mute/do not give me alerts, but I had read somewhere that  you don’t necessarily want to block people who are harassing you because if you ever need to file a report you want to have that data available to show, hey this person has been trying to get to me in all these different ways which is a pretty grim thing to know about, but it’s something that was useful. And so he kept on hitting me up and luckily I’d muted everything so I wouldn’t see it unless I opened my phone and specifically checked my messages.

But after this date I decided that I would never, ever, ever give my phone number out to a person until we had met in person and I had decided okay, I feel this level of comfort. On dating apps I’ve kind of mentioned like, “hey I had a bad experience giving out my phone number. I’m not comfortable giving this out until we’ve met.” And generally the response from dudes or women or nonbinary people is like, “I’m so sorry you’ve had that.” Some people try and push it and are like, “Oh, I’m not like that,” and I’m like, “I don’t care. This is my boundary. You can’t cross it.”

I think everyone who’s been cool is pretty okay with it. I don’t think it’s a big deal to wait an extra second, you know? Your phone number is linked to your information online. It’s linked to all kinds of things. It gives away your area code which isn’t as big of a deal anymore, but there is information in your phone number. And I guess the way that he had looked me up is partially through my phone number. I just never really thought of the way that the information that you give out could be used against you in this fashion, and we try and assume positive intent or whatever, but that may not often be the case.

I think he finally stopped messaging me like a full semester later. I went on that date at the start of the semester and I remember I got a message from him during finals and I was like, why are you still contacting me? I literally did not respond to a single message. And you know, the messages would kind of oscillate between, “You’re so beautiful .You’re so cool. Please just give me another chance.” And then five seconds later it’ll be like “I didn’t even care about you. You’re ugly anyways.” Blah blah blah. And I’m like just move on with your life, man.

August/narration:

Thankfully, he did move on, finally. And hopefully has changed his ways.

Witchy Sex-Positivity and Role Play

August/narration:

Now, some Q&A about witches and sex-positivity and some witchy role play ideas you might want to try.

Back in October, 2020, I interviewed Kristen J. Sollée a writer, curator, and educator, who happens to be a second-generation witch herself. Her book, Witch Hunt: A Traveler’s Guide to the Power and Persecution of the Witch, had just been released.

I asked her about a quote she included in the book, credited to Marion Gibson: “For the witch, sexuality is good and scientific logic must be followed freely.”

Kristen: She’s talking about Jules Michelet’s La Sorcière. That was sort of like a romantic retelling of the witch hunts. It’s super influential because a lot of people sort of took it as fact, and it’s influenced a lot of contemporary feminists to this day because it sort of framed the witch as this sex-positive feminist, if you will. We know the archetypal witch—she was free from patriarchal influence, but it’s not like thousands of people accused of witchcraft were all, like, sex-positive progressives, of course.

Historically they lived in Christian societies, were often devout themselves. Some practiced elements of folk magic, which could have gotten them branded, you know, a witch, but oftentimes it was just wrong place, wrong time, community strife, political corruption, religious corruption, et cetera. But that doesn’t mean that, like, the mythos and the archetype of the witch isn’t, like, strongly influenced by empowered female sexuality. Because all that, like, visual art from the early modern period shows witches, like sexualizing older women, and queer couplings of witches, all these inversions of what the proper woman was supposed to be. So that’s definitely real.

And so that book La Sorcière took that and sort of said that was actually what was happening, which is not quite true, but then some feminists, like, picked it up and, like, ran with it, and it’s very galvanizing for political action today. So that’s awesome. So I don’t really care if it’s historically accurate or not, as long as you know.

I think it’s good everyone knows we can twist history for useful ways to, like, help us transcend the oppressive state of the present. So that’s great. But as long as we know, like, we’re still twisting history a bit, you know?

August: If you look at it as almost partly a fictional book, but it was kind of predictive, or maybe helped contribute, you know, maybe someone manifesting what they want.

Kristen: Absolutely. I think it’s so spot on, and so I love the book.

August: Yeah, and it’s really interesting to me how when the sex positivity does come up in these different stories, it gets vilified so much.

Kristen: Of course, sex or gender, that patriarchy doesn’t want to be challenged, right? And it’s only underpinned by these weird oppressive ideas about the gender binary and, male sexuality dominating all things and whatnot.

August/narration:

A lot has changed since then, of course, as far as how witches are perceived.Many people celebrate witches all year round,. I found an article called Sexy Witch Fantasies and Sexual Magic Role Play Games on the site Frisky Sexual Fantasies.

I was curious about any historical context that came to mind for her, whether some are just plain made up, and if certain accessories or scenes brought to mind anything from her research. We started with eerie background music or sound effects

Kristen: Ooh. I mean, I love a good, like, Halloween sound effect. I will put that on and just hang out in my place. So that’s just me. I feel like that’s more associated with the archetypal witch of cinema and, like, horror films. Like, you’ve gotta have that when you’re thinking about those witches.

So I think obviously not that there’s no historical underpinning with that.

August: There was no scary music when they walked around?

Kristen: I don’t think so, but you know, we weren’t there, so we’ll never really know.

August: That’s really true. What about a selection of magic wands? So in a sex scenario, this could be a glass dildo, which are really fun and, and beautiful and make good art, by the way.

I think we should keep them around our houses. But magic wands, where does, where does that come from?

Kristen: It’s more from, like, ceremonial magic, you know, when there would be, like, a lot of literal ceremony around the magic you’re practicing. So that’s not always, like, associated with witchcraft historically, but it’s sort of all melded together.

And when I hear magic wand, I think of chakrubs, because I’m a huge chakrubs fan. And when I discovered a crystal sex toy with healing potential, yes, please. I mean, that is, like, the truest magic wand out there.

August/narration:

Speaking of manifesting, next we explored bubbly potion or a magic elixir.

In a role-playing context, that might be champagne, wine, or an herbal enhancer. This idea reminded Kristen of Giovanna Altosso of Florence. In Witch Hunt, Kristen shared that Giovanna, was accused of drawing the “chaste spirit of a man for carnal purposes by means of the black arts.”

Kristen: She was accused of witchcraft partially because she multiple times would put her menstrual blood in her lover’s wine so that she could control his will, and she could have his virility. And she did it with multiple lovers. That was just what you did back in the day to, like, bind yourself to someone else.

As I say in the book, consent in love magic is important these days, so I’m not telling you to go put your fluids in someone else’s beverage without telling them.

August/narration:

If you asked a lover for permission, however, and they were on board, Kristin said that could be fun. Next, we explored anointing substances for which you could use flavored oils, syrup, stimulating lube, lipstick, or body paint.

And right off the bat, Kristin thought of flying ointment

Kristen: And that’s historically this psychoactive salve that was made from plants like henbane, datura, belladonna. It would be poisonous or too strong, toxic if ingested, like orally, so it could be applied vaginally or anally, and you could still get that same feeling of magical flight, which is why they call it flying ointment .

And, there’s suggestions they applied it with the handle of a staff or maybe a broom,

August/narration:

At least that’s one narrative, Kristin said. Next, we talked about this witchy role-playing accessory: red satin sheets with a black comforter.

Kristen: That just seems like an awesome, contemporary slutty witch vibe to me. I wish I had red satin sheets. Like, I don’t even know where one would get them, but that is totally on my list.

August: Okay, how about this one? Adding candles and incense or having sex outside during a full moon.

Kristen: Ooh, yes to everything.

Candles and incense remind me of ritual. They remind me of any witch shop you go to ever because they all smell like candles and incense .

August: What about full moon sex? I sleep really well when there’s a full moon, and I always get this surge of creativity, and I usually find out later that there was a full moon and people are like, “I couldn’t sleep all night.”

Kristen: Hmm. That’s interesting. I have a terrible time during the full moon. I always feel, like, sick or anxious, and I don’t sleep. But that’s interesting that you sleep because, you know, it’s associated with things coming to fruition and, like, bringing things out into the open. You know? You can see the light you know, literally everything’s lit up.

August: And I imagine sex during a full moon, if you are manifesting or if you’re doing some kind of orgasm magic, that’s a good time.

Kristen: Oh, yeah, and you can, like, see what’s going on.

August: Yeah, and the ambiance. Candlelight and moonlight are just beautiful.So it’s fun, especially if you feel a little, as so many of us do at times, maybe a little body conscious or something. Just to feel a little more comfortable. Everyone looks so extra beautiful, I think, in that light.

Kristen: Yeah.

August: Erotic torture devices. Feathers. I don’t know if feathers really are torturous then, but maybe they could be. Nipple clamps, whips, paddles, and hot wax.

Kristen: Interesting. I’m thinking of, they’re thinking of the trials and it reminds me of, I write in this chapter about the Scottish witch hunts when I visit Edinburgh.

I was at the National Museum of Scotland and I see this collar, and it was kind of like a spiked collar. And I was like, “Oh, it looks just like one of mine.” My, like, bondage collars, you know, I’ve been wearing since like middle school or whatever, that I got at my favorite sex shop.

And then I go up closer and I’m like, “Oh, you fool.” It’s like a horrific torture device, you know, used to chain up witches or accused witches. And so I think in a way, using those pieces today and having the power to subvert their original intent and usage is kinda cool. Taking control of your own pain and pleasure is something that those accused of witchcraft in the past didn’t have the ability to do.

August/narration:

Next, I shared three witch-themed role play scenes recommended by Frisky Sexual Fantasies for Kristin to share thoughts on, starting with this one. “An innocent young witch is being trained to tap into her sexual energy by a wicked warlock.

It is forbidden yet powerful knowledge that tempts her. She is eager to experience all of his erotic secrets, whatever the outcome.”

Kristen: So that, that definitely makes me just think of in the trials, you didn’t often have men and women, getting accused of witchcraft ’cause they were having sex or anything, but I’m sure it happened at some point, Maybe.

August: Okay, here’s another one. “You have lured an innocent male into your haunted lair. He is tied up and struggling, but can’t resist the building excitement as you defile his purity. You unlock his primal urges and release him from his inhibitions. He is so grateful that he becomes your sexual servant to satisfy all your nasty desires.”

Kristen: I love that one. And that one’s pretty historically accurate. In multiple witch hunting manuals and demonological treatises, there is writing about witches taking over men’s wills and making them their slaves or stealing their penises or forcing them to have sex and, uh, you know, bringing them into a devilish compact, renouncing God and Christ in the process. The fear of the seductress is certainly a big one when it comes to historical witch hunting.

August: And what was the taking of the penis for?

Kristen: They would just keep it in a box. He’s been bad. Like a chastity device, but they actually just remove the penis.

August: Wow. That’s intense. Yeah, no one try that one at home. Lastly, one we will call the Lusty Virgin. ” You’re a virgin witch who has just discovered a special spell. Lusting for power, you are willing to sacrifice your virginity to tap into your sexual energy. You conjure up a demon lover, devil, vampire, or werewolf, to ravish you and fulfill the ritual. The beast is insatiable as it takes you again and again. The ecstasy you experience is worth the price. “

Kristen: Ooh, that’s good, and has some historical underpinnings, too. In the English trials, there’d be a lot of testimonies about the devil coming to different women in the form of an animal, in the shape of an animal, and having sex, and a man too.

Actually, in Catcall, my second book, there is a story of even a man having sex with a devil in the shape of a cat, which I don’t know how that worked. But definitely lots of beastly sexuality was tried and true part of the witch hunts.

August/narration:

One of the coolest things about role-play is that it’s all about fantasy.

Kristen: Right. It doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right or historically accurate. Oh my God, can you imagine being such a nerd at role-play that you want it to be historically accurate? Actually, that’s like probably me, so- Never mind.

I’m like, “I must have my role-play historically accurate.”

August: That would take a lot of work.

Kristen: Oh, yeah.

August: And probably some travel as well.

Kristen: Uh-huh. Definitely. A lot of negotiation.

August/narration:

Kristen has a brand new book out this month. Here’s the description she shared about Nightcats.

Kristen: Night Cats is a feral feminist vampire novel where cats and cat ladies are out for blood. A suspenseful mix of occult horror and urban fantasy drenched in dark humor, Night Cats explores the unbreakable bonds between women and their cats and what we sacrifice to keep our teeth sharp in a world that wants us defanged. Coming out October 26th.

August/narration:

Find links to authors and books mentioned in the show notes. There you can also click to join the exclusive Girl Boner community. For as little as a few bucks a month, you’ll support this show and get access to fun bonuses, including full archived you can only get there. Lately I’m excited about the new 3-questions series featuring our storytellers. They share their top, underrated sex tips, their favorite bedroom accessories, and more. Find it at patreon.com/girlboner.

Thanks so much for listening.