Crossing the ‘Gasm Chasm + an Hour-Long O

“Crossing the ‘Gasm Chasm + an Hour-Long O”

a Girl Boner podcast transcript

Emmi: “…wandering hands, and a lot of touching just turned into me being on that edge. Like right before you have like the big tsunami, that tip of the mountain, for like an hour. And honestly, I didn’t even think that was like a possible thing.”

Susan: “….orgasms that go from stretching out the moment of climax like taffy to expanding the sensation  and exponentially growing the orgasm so that you’re having these incredible orgasmic experiences from a little clit stroke. And that was really one of the things that activated my vulva.”

August/narration:

Can orgasms make or break a relationship? I’ve been thinking about that since interviewing the two women you’ll hear from today. Their stories are different in many ways – but they both involve rocky relationships, mind-blowing climaxes and the pleasure and freedom that can come – pun embraced – from doing important work in our lives. 

Let’s start with Emmi Fortin, a breakup and relationship coach who described her upbringing as pretty sheltered, as far as sexuality goes.

Emmi:  I didn’t learn a whole lot about sex when I was younger. 

I grew up in a pretty scientific family as far as, you know, the healthcare system. So I knew the birds and the bees talk. But as far as us talking about it really within the family, it wasn’t something that we ever really discussed too much. 

We were very restricted, my sister and I, in what we would watch and listen to. So I have this memory of just sneaking away, you know, to the television when I knew my mom was doing other things and like, you know, finding whenever we had like free HBO and just, you know, watching like as many snippets of anything, you know, that was on as I could, changing the channel as she would walk by, one of those movies I think was Prince’s, “Purple Rain” or some other movie about a prostitute.

But that was like the only exposure, I guess, that you could say I had to like sexuality outside of like the birds and the bees. [nature sounds, birds chirping]

August/narration:

Fast forward to her early 30s. Emmi was coming off of a divorce – the end to a marriage that had been lacking sexy spice.

Emmi: The last couple years of it, I was feeling intimately disconnected. And so I was like, ready for passion essentially. And, I met a guy in the salsa dancing scene here in Boston.

August/narration:

By the time they met, she was already really into the Latin dance form — the fast turns, rhythmic footwork, the swings of the hips to the upbeat music.

Emmi: It’s such a sensual and passionate dance in general, that I already got my highs from that. And then when I met him, I experienced those kind of highs with him as well. 

August/narration:

In Emmi’s memoir, Who is Your Red Dress? One Woman’s Quest to Break up with a Love Addiction, Emmi talks about several different types of people she’d meet in the community — the players, who would prey on “fresh meat,” the all-important DJ, the instructor, the socializer. And the man she connected with — who she calls Santiago, in the book — was definitely the social butterfly type. 

He was the first man Emmi made plans with since divorce, and the first time she went to his place, she was caught off guard by how nervous she was around him. She found his confidence intimidating, and attractive.

She was used to men checking her out, but Santiago didn’t seem to be doing that at all. “I began doubting whether he found me attractive or not,” she added. And the fact that she even thought about that irked her, too. 

Gradually, Santiago did take obvious interest in her — and while Emmi’s mixed feelings continued, she was drawn to him. Things grew romantic, very steamy, and…tumultuous. 

Emmi: We were always breaking up, getting back together. Even though I knew it was contributing to my own personal downward spiral, I could not stay away. And it seemed like he couldn’t either. So it was kind of like a gambler, like the addiction a gambler would feel. It’s like I would go to the salsa club and be like, oh, is he gonna be here? Am I gonna see him? Are we gonna hook up? Are we gonna get back together? 

And so in addition to this kind of compulsion, I also had crafted this like fairytale idea of us and what I wanted us to be, because how we were when we were dancing together was always just so euphoric for me. But it wasn’t how we were in real life as partners.

August/narration:

The ups and downs, the passion on the dance floor, the uncertainty…all of that ramped up their heat in the bedroom.

Emmi: My perception of sex with him was, was that it was always amazing because I was already walking into all of our interactions with really heightened emotions constantly in a state of anxiety and anticipation and adrenaline.

August/narration:

And, she said? It led to what she describes as an hour-long orgasm.

Emmi: One day, you know, we were just hanging out on the couch watching a movie in quotation marks, “watching a movie.” you know, it was very chill. It’s not like, you know, he was throwing me around on the couch or anything. It was just, we were just chilling, touching each other just slowly and wandering hands, and a lot of touching just turned into me being on that edge. Like right before you have like the big tsunami, it’s that tip of the mountain for like an hour. And honestly, I didn’t even think that was like a possible thing. It was something that I haven’t experienced since. It was just that one time, and I remember completely exhausted for like days afterwards.

August: Wow, that sounds really powerful. Looking back on it, what do you think created this experience, the orgasmic experience that lasted so long? 

Emmi: I think because of all of these chemicals. So I also come from a biological background. I taught high school bio for 16 years, and so I love knowing, you know, like what’s your body physiology doing? And from a biology standpoint, you have all of these chemicals that are really powerful, adrenaline, dopamine, you know, even anxiety chemicals, stress chemicals, and this big concoction.

And for me it was kind of there at like all times because, you know, we did have a lot of sex, like throughout our relationship. You know, so if you’re having these kind of experiences multiple times a week, all of these chemicals together, oxytocin, you get bonded. And even though the relationship itself was toxic for me, the bond just kept getting stronger and stronger and stronger.

And I personally could not pull myself away. That’s why I called it a love addiction. It became this compulsion, this need, to be with this person.

August: Another woman actually I interviewed who went through a lot of addiction and relationships. 

August/narration: 

I was talking about journalist Amanda McCracken there. 

August: She talked about being addicted to longing. And how it was like this anticipation was the thing she was so hooked on. So did that play a role? And also it sounds like sometimes when things are up and down, it’s kind of like with breakup sex, right? Or like makeup sex, when the emotions are intense like that, like did that fuel the fire a little bit in the bedroom and not elsewhere probably. But did it make the sex more passionate? 

Emmi: Yeah, absolutely. Because I never could feel certain about when I was gonna see him again or even honestly when, when he was gonna text me again, you know? The breakup sex or getting back together. 

It’s like you see the person, you’re like, are we gonna get back together? And then it’s all that anticipation, that building. And I actually recently came across this word that I think describes it perfectly and like you just said about the woman you interviewed this word limerence.

You allow yourself to indulge in these fantasies. And I can safely say I spent so many hours just like going in and out of fantasy. I was creating this whole world in my head, but it wasn’t the reality. And what you’re thinking has a huge impact on your ability to have an orgasm to experience pleasure, and so I was creating so much of that on my own. 

August: Absolutely. Oh, that makes so much sense. Are you comfortable sharing a bit about the toxicity, what you were experiencing outside of sex that made things so difficult? 

Emmi: Yeah, sure. I think it’s an important topic because I think a lot of people experience this, especially in today’s online dating world.

I personally was seeking a monogamous relationship. But he had told me right up front in the very beginning that he couldn’t offer that to me because he was coming off of a breakup as well. But I was like, that’s okay, sign me up. Because I had already had sex with him. And for me, I was like, eh, it’s done.

Like signed, sealed, delivered. And so what was toxic was that the whole uncertain nature of it just always gave me this sense of uncertainty and not feeling safe or secure. And so it really did lead to a downward spiral in my own self-view. My self-worth, like the need to constantly feel like I needed to do you know, whatever I needed to essentially to get him to pay attention to me and to wanna be with me. You know, that feeling of like, I’m not enough. Why is he not choosing me? Oh my gosh, especially in the dance world, like where we’re constantly dancing with all these other people. There’s all these other beautiful women around, and I’m like, oh my God. You know, like he’s gonna want her and her, and her and her. And so your comparing yourself constantly to other people will gnaw away at your own self value as well. 

August/narration:

She said that hour-long climax made her feel even more stuck on him. It also taught her more about herself, and decisions she’d make differently later on.

Emmi: In the moment it impacted me because I was like, what was that? And it just made me even more bonded to this person. 

You know, if I’m thinking kind of back on it, you know, what did I learn from it or what I take away from it is to definitely be careful and selective with who I share that kind of intimacy with, because it bonded me, you know, to this person and situation that was toxic.

And, I think it’s really important to be clear about what you’re looking for. I wanted passion and oh, I got it. But it was at a really great cost. 

[acoustic, encouraging music]

August/narration:

Emmi’s memoir, Who is Your Red Dress?, delves deeply into her intimate life — including sexual experiences. Given her sheltered upbringing, that’s not something she ever imagined doing, much less talking about an orgasm for a podcast.

Emmi: Even coming on here today even, having already published a book, I was so nervous. And it was a huge, huge decision for me to write and publish it and just make it public knowledge because it is the juicy, spicy details of that relationship, but also all of the online dating adventures that I had, every time we broke up and, the romantic flings I would have when I would go on  vacations. So yeah, it was a huge decision to put it all out there.

The thing that was gonna be the most challenging was that my parents would find out, and, and even that they would read it, you know, because they were like, “well, we wanna read it like you wrote this book,” you know? And so I had a ton of fear, insecurity, shame, and guilt about all these really, really truthful things that I was talking about so candidly.

It was challenging, but I think it was really important for me to do so because A, it was super cathartic. I actually had started off writing the memoir in little vignettes to help me process how I was feeling in the relationship.

And I finally realized, wow, I could, I could actually string these together to make a whole story. And so I didn’t plan on publishing, but, but then I actually really wanted to share my story because I had felt so just stuck and, and poorly about myself that I wanted anyone who read the story, if they related to it and resonated with it at all, I wanted them to be able to feel connected, supported, seen in what they were going through, because I had been reading a book during that time and I was reading it, being like, oh my gosh, like someone else was going through these similar things. And I couldn’t wait to find out what the ending was cuz I was like, do I have hope.

And so I wanted people to be able to read my book and feel connected and seen cuz you can feel really, really alone in what you’re going through. So I wanted to do that with the story and hopefully give other women the inspiration or even permission to just share, you know, you don’t have to publish your story, but feel free to share it with other people.

I knew of a lot of other women in the salsa scene and even my own friends who were out of the scene, who were going through similar relationships and they, and it was tearing them apart, but no one was talking about it. You know? It was almost just like this accepted type of relationship and it’s like you don’t blow up someone else’s spot.

And so I didn’t like that, and I was like, you know what? It’s time for people to start talking about it.

[gentle Latin music]

August/narration:

If you would like to experience the kind of smoldering sex Emmi had during her relationship with Santiago, thankfully, toxicity is not even close to required.

August: I have to ask because I know that some folks will hear this and go, I want to have this like, incredible, passionate, orgasmic experience without all the drama.

 So do you have any thoughts on that? Do you believe now that you can have both, you can have the passion and you can have the healthy relationship that meets your own, you know, priorities and all of that. Or do you have tips for somebody who might want to increase the pleasure in their life while protecting their own safety?

Emmi: That is a really great question, an important one. I would say that the number one thing is make sure first, that you’re connected to you. And that you, are not kind of seeking that high or pleasure outside of yourself, but it’s gonna be something that you’re doing, you know, that will really be healthy for you. 

Number two is if you have a partner, building emotional intimacy and trust is what’s gonna give you that secure foundation. And then having the ability to communicate and express with each other, what kind of experience that you wanna have together and how can you create that together.

But I would say like sometimes people are shooting for like “I want the orgasm,” but in my experience, I think you also really need that emotional intimacy, to feel safe enough to open up and be vulnerable to have it.

[soft Latin music]

 

 

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August/narration:

Now, how intimacy expert Susan Bratton crossed the orgasm chasm.

[“Water is Wide” Irish love song]

Susan: I think the story starts when I was standing at the doorway of my Silicon Valley mansion and my husband was about to drive down the driveway and leave me forever. My little girl was standing beside me, six years old, barely reached above my knee. She had her little pink blankie and it had a satin. And when she was worried she would take that little satin edge and she would rub it against her lips to soothe herself.

And my husband was driving away because we were gonna give up our 11 years of marriage because I mean, when you look back at it, it was as simple as, I’d never had an orgasm from intercourse. I’d been having sex with my husband for 11 years as a dutiful wife, and I’d never come. And I didn’t wanna have sex with him anymore.

And I gave him mercy sex. He begged me for sex. He bargained for sex. He tried to do honey dues to get sex, and I just had a million reasons to avoid him. 

And after a while he decided to just go have an affair because he was trying to cope, he was trying to stay in the marriage. He didn’t wanna break up our marriage.We got along on everything else. 

August/narration:

And from the outside, she said, it seemed like they had it all. 

Susan: …but we didn’t behind closed doors. And when I found out that he’d been having an affair, I remember my skin practically melted off me from the shame I felt because I’d done such a bad job being his wife sexually. And this is so classic that we women, we take the whole thing on our own shoulders. [laughs, knowingly]

August/narration:

At a certain point, she spoke to a therapist who taught her about Byron Katie’s work, and a practice called “The Work.” It’s a series of questions you ask yourself to challenge thoughts that cause you suffering.

Susan: And in a nutshell, Byron Katie’s work is, it’s actually probably not even about you, babe. [laughs]

August: That’s a good way to put it. I love her.

Susan: And what we decided to do instead of breaking up our marriage and ruining our daughter’s family and losing each other when we were best friends, but we were platonic, was to try to figure out how to make it so that sex was good for me, too. 

I just didn’t wanna feel like a masturbatory sock anymore. You know, like you’re just dumping your sperm inside me and I’m not getting anything for it. It was so shitty and demoralizing. I hated it, and I wanted good sex. I’ve always wanted good sex. I’ve always dreamed of having incredible, passionate multiorgasmic, like ‘leave you with hours of cum-brain afterwards’ sex. 

August/narration:

So, they bought self-help books about sex and started seeing a therapist.

Susan: And it was interesting because the woman that my husband was having an affair with was in a sexless marriage. And she was saying to my husband, “You should leave your wife. You should come to me. I’ll have sex with you every day. You deserve sex every day.” So that kind of translated into the therapist’s office as he was demanding that I have sex with him every day. 

August/narration:

And demanding is never a good thing. It’s actually really harmful.

Susan: And I was like, well, I’ll try to do it to save my marriage. But I was back in the same thing of having sex that didn’t fulfill me out of like, like a gun to my head. 

August/narration:

She’d gotten the idea that-

Susan: If you don’t wanna lose your marriage, you have to fuck your husband every day. 

August/narration:

She said it was miserable. And before she found out about the affair, her husband was so stressed out and nervous about having having cheated that when they did have sex, he would sweat profusely — making the sex even less pleasant.

Susan: He was so stressed out.

August/narration:

Those behaviors were not characteristic of him, she said, at least not in other areas of their lives. And it didn’t help that there was another woman who did enjoy sex with him whispering her own demands in his ear — about what he “deserved.” Susan and her husband were both out of sorts. 

One day during therapy, the psychologist revealed a hypothesis. She said to Susan’s husband…

Susan: “I think you have a sex addiction. So she sent him to Sex Addicts Anonymous. He went there and he came back and he’s like, “man, I am nothing like any of those guys. I really am not. It’s not an addiction. I just want my wife to want to have sex with me.”

August/narration:

Around the same time, the therapist helped Susan see that she was dealing with trauma from her childhood, which made her dissociate during sex.

Susan: So we had to go through wrangling all of the trauma. And I’ll tell you, so many people have had traumatic events, whether it’s shame, religious repression, lack of good modeling, fear, a bad sex experience, or actual physical sexual assault and traumas. You know, most of us carry those wounds to some degree. 

August/narration:

And realizing she was among that population made a helpful difference. Susan had known that she had trauma in her past, but not that it was still affecting her. 

Susan: So I pulled it back out and I worked through it, and I got through the upset of that, mostly let it out of my body. 

August/narration:

The couple also decided to go to sex workshops. They invested thousands of dollars over a couple of years, she said — going to therapy workshops, reading personal growth books.

Susan: We went to tantric workshops, orgasmic meditation workshops. We went to a lot of sex workshops, and they were very difficult for me. August, they were very difficult for me because at that point in time, I’d never even really looked at my vulva. I was very disconnected from my genitals. I just didn’t know anything. 

And the very first thing that really helped was getting this expanded orgasm.

 [“Awash in Hope” – atmospheric music]

August/narration:

Expanded orgasm is also known as “full body orgasm’in Tantra – and there are a bunch of different modalities and techniques for getting there. Susan described her practice like this:

Susan:  He was laying me down and stroking my clit with the five strokes of the expanded orgasm practice…for orgasms that go from stretching out the moment of climax like taffy to expanding the sensation and exponentially growing the orgasm so that you’re having these incredible orgasmic experiences – from a little clit stroke. 

August/narration:

It involves applying lube to the vulva and three opening strokes. One’s called the bread-and-butter stroke. Another’s called the towel stroke, for when you’re done.

Susan: And that was really one of the things that activated my vulva. 

August/narration:

She said it also helped her experience orgasms during P-in-V, penis in vagina sex, with her husband, something she had never been able to do. Susan and her husband also worked together to help her feel less shame about her body. 

Susan: In a tantric workshop, we had to create this sacred container and then put things into it and take things out of it.

And one of the things that my husband put into it was for me to believe that I was as beautiful to myself as he felt I was to him. 

I had a lot of body image issues and I look back now at 61, I look back at 40, whatever, and I was like, oh my God, Now I believe that I’m gorgeous. I did not even think I was. I looked at every imperfection, you know?

It was such a sweet thing. The mirror, to see your beauty the way I do. Fuck, that just was like so melting, you know? 

August/narration:

Pretty soon, the workshops, therapy and those clit strokes were paying off and their sex life was good. No more dissociating during sex for Susan.

Susan: I started to be able to stay in the sensation. I started to be able to expand the sensation. I got concerted effort and focus and attention on my orgasm. I got my husband staying with me. He would hold a mirror up to my vulva and show me what he was doing. He would start to tell me where he was touching me. 

I started having orgasms and by having the expanded orgasm practice, it, it helped me cross the gasm chasm. I was able to close the orgasm gap. 

[“Water is Wide” music…]

August/narration: 

The all-too-common scenario in hetero relationships where the man consistently comes and the woman doesn’t. And beyond no longer fully dissociating, sex became a mindfulness practice for Susan — like a pendulum swinging from one mental state to the near opposite.

Susan: I could stay present with my husband. He kept calling me back, “Babe, come back to me, come back to me.” When I would look away, close my eyes evaporate. He would keep me back with him and connected to his heart. He connected my pussy to my heart and my brain. He connected me to him limbically. 

August/narration:

Susan became so passionate about expanded orgasms that she co-created a popular program to help others experience it.

Susan: It’s also known as orgasmic meditation. It’s also known as the butterfly method. It’s something that a lot of people have picked up and teach in their own way. But it’s basically a simple clitoral stroking.

August/narration:

When Susan and her husband started this practice, it was all about her pleasure and satisfaction. 

Susan: There was never any quid pro quo. This was my receiving, completely receiving. And then if I wanted more, I could ask for it, but my husband never expected to have intercourse.

August/narration:

Fair, right? After everything they’d been through? The sex on demand, her lack of pleasure and his infidelity.

Susan: But when I wanted it and we moved to intercourse, it finally made me able to come just from his cock in my pussy. So when I hear women saying, “oh, I’m just not the kind of woman who can come from intercourse,” I’m like, “uh, girl, yes you are.” 

August/narration:

Because there are skills you can hone. Just make sure you want it for you, not to measure up to a standard or someone else’s demands. If PIV orgasms make your #goals list, it usually just takes some learning and some spicy practice. 

Susan: And you get better at it your whole life long.

August/narration:

Susan credits crossing the ‘gasm chasm — that orgasm gap in her relationship — for saving her marriage and her sex life. She said it prompted a renaissance in their relationship. That was 17 years ago, and since then they launched Personal Life Media, “a publisher of passionate lovemaking techniques.”

Susan: I learned this phrase from a friend of mine who actually, I have a dozen roses sitting on my desk from him because we’ve had such a good relationship for so many years, and he taught me that your greatest wound can become your greatest gift, and it. Definitely did for me.

August/narration:

She said it’s all turned her into the expert she is today, helping people around the world move past the limiting belief that they can’t orgasm the way they want to or experience the pleasure they desire.

Susan: …because they have this limiting belief that they’re just not the kind of person who can, and then their partner’s like, well, I guess she isn’t. And then they go, okay, well I’ll just do this to be close to him. And I’m just like, I gotta call bullshit on that. You gotta stand for your sexuality. You’ve gotta learn, you gotta do the work, you gotta learn the skills because we can sure procreate without any information, but we can’t make love and we can’t turn friction into connection without some guidelines.

August/narration:

That work also helped Susan cultivate more sexual pleasure, no partner required. Before it all, she had a vibrator…

Susan: I would give myself some orgasms sometimes, but not very often. I didn’t find it that appealing to me. It was easier for me to shut my sex life down than to even bother. 

And I think that’s what happens to so many women . I’m always saying to women, self-pleasure, solo pleasure.

August/narration:

Ingredients for expanding your orgasmic capacity.

Susan: Do orgasmic cross-training with the five different kinds of sex toys there are, you know, get the, get the licker and the thruster and the air stimulator and the vibrator and the G-spot wand and have ’em all in your pleasure chest and use ’em all. And I think it’s damn good advice. But not all women are motivated to even try to do that. And I know for me it was so lackluster. I wanted passionate love making. 

August: And that must have changed. Like do you have more passion in your solo play practices now that you’ve crossed the ‘gasm chasm? 

Susan: Yeah, man.

August/narration:

She had quite an experience recently, in fact — after a sexy photo shoot for her OnlyFans page. 

Susan: After I spent that time with my friend and we just had all these sexy experiences together, I was so turned on that I, I think I had the best masturbatory sesh I’ve ever had in my life.

August/narration:

She was traveling at the time and went back to her hotel room.

Susan: I played with my own breasts in a way that I had never done before. My nipples and my breasts felt so incredible to me, and I was squatting on the bed in the hotel room. I had the sliding glass door open, looking out to the pool, and no one could see in. The fresh hair was coming in, and I was kneeling on the bed, and I was playing with my boobs, and I was stroking my clit.

And then I started stroking my G-spot. And I started ejaculating and it was just gushing outta me. And I’m like, oh shit, I’m gonna, I’m gonna get this bed soaked. I’ve never really done much of that to myself before either. 

I went to get another towel and I saw this rolled up bath mat, and I’m like, I better get, and I roll the bath mat out on the bed. And then I got my little vibrator out, and I put it on the low setting. It was like not gonna let myself go up to the level 2, 3, 4, or five until I did one and work my way up.

Like I just had so many orgasms, like had to get outta me. I started on one and I came and came and came, did two, and came and came and came. And I could feel, my clitoris, my clit boner, my girl boner was like a little pinky finger. I was so engorged, the tip, the shaft, the lips, my vagina, everything was just like so plump and juicy and voluptuous and gushing and cuming.

And I was like, whoa, man. This is just the hottest masturbation session I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve had some good ones, too. So that was really neat!

August: I’d say! [laughs] To put it lightly. You’ve come a long way. 

Susan: Oh my God, I’ve come so long, so far and so hard. August . 

August: It’s incredible. It’s incredible. 

[femme voice: “Ahhh”]

August/narration:

Feel free to, you know, take a moment. *clears throat*

If you would like to bridge the orgasm gap yourself, Susan has lots of advice.

Susan: The very first thing is that all orgasms are learned skills. Your body has the ability to have many kinds of orgasms. There are orgasms that come from touching specific locations in your body, like your clitoris, your G-spot, et cetera. There’s a lot of orgasms. 

Then there are techniques and techniques that I would consider to be things like the clitoral stroking technique, female ejaculation and specific stroke techniques there.

August/narration:

And if you have a penis, Susan teaches what she calls the male multiple orgasm, which involves a squeeze, a breath and a thrust.

Susan: That they pull together kind of like a golf swing that they can practice during masturbation and then learn how to pull the orgasm instead of having it shoot out their dick in an ejaculation, pull it up and into their body and spread it as a full body male multiple orgasm.

August/narration:

In other words, experimenting and learning skills can go far. Meanwhile, play with different types of orgasmic pleasure — what Susan calls “orgasmic cross training.”

Susan: …being able to stimulate and activate new neural pathways all around your vulva.

August/narration:

She pointed out that there are likely some 10,000 nerve endings in the clitoris — more than 25% more than previously thought. (That finding is based on a new, exciting and overdue research, by the way – thanks to trans men who donated tissue. More on that another time.) But considering those many nerve endings, anyone with a clitoris has a lot of pleasure capacity to explore.

Susan: Our job is to guide our lovers into the touch that feels pleasurable to, to us in the moment.

August/narration:

So learning what you want and what feels best to you is key. Susan suggests listening to your body, because, as she sees it? Your pussy — or whatever genitals you have — are always talking to you. (Talk about fascinating conversations…)

Susan: So when you become her mouthpiece to your lover and you both understand, my husband and I call each other team sweetie because we’re in this together, because that’s the other really, really important part.

and I’d say maybe the biggest tip , which is that we have as much erectile tissue in our vulva as our male bodied partners do in their penis, but it’s all wrapped around our vagina and it takes them a minute or two to get erect. It takes us 10 or 20 minutes to get erect,

August/narration:

Everyone’s different, but if you jump straight into PIV without any prep, especially if you’re minds not in the right place, there’s a good chance you’ll be starting sex sans boner.

Susan: As soon as you get enough erectile tissue, full of blood, everything feels good. You could be a total ding dong and stroke a pussy that’s full of blood and it’s gonna come. 

You’ve got a banana’s worth of erectile tissue in your panties, and it is your job to ask for the stimulation you need and guide your lover in the moment toward getting you to the point where you’re ripe and luscious and full and just like sodden with blood flow so that everything feels good.

You get that many more pleasure signals from the stimulation sent to your largest sex organ, your brain.

August/narration: 

Susan wants everyone to have what she calls “the upward pleasure.”

Susan: Where sex keeps getting better as you age, and you have more and more satisfaction and orgasmic bliss from your sex because you are becoming a more masterful lover and learning new things all the time. 

August/narration:

Learn more about Emmi’s work at emmifortin.com. She offers free discovery calls, if you’re seeking a relationship or breakup support. Order her memoir and check out the cinematic book trailer at book.whoisyourreddress.com/author. 

Learn more about Susan’s work, at susanbratton.com. You can also get your hands on a PDF of 48 erotic play dates she put together at sexlifebucketlist.com.

And if you’re enjoying Girl Boner Radio, I would so appreciate a rating and review and if you’d tell your friends about it. For bonus clips, join my community at patreon.com/girlboner. Thanks so much for listening.