Like many women, it took me a while to figure these particular gifts out.
If you’ve been following my Girl Boner series, you know that after years as a serial monogamist, going from one serious relationship to another, I allowed myself sexually explorative single-time in Los Angeles. I knew my habits were bordering on excessive when my friend “Cassie,” a celebrity’s daughter with a never ending virtual black book, suggested I cool it down.
“You don’t need to have sex so…often,” she told me during one of our countless girl-talk/no-carb meatloaf fests. “Use your vibrator.”
I laughed and squirted ketchup on the pseudo-yucko food. “Right...”
Silence. Squinty-eyed stare. “Tell me you have have a vibrator,” she said.
I couldn’t. I didn’t. And Cassie isn’t one to let things slide…
That same week, I’d started a part-time job as a film producer’s assistant. The flexible hours, wages and free board in a gorgeous Hollywood hills home with two other female assistants seemed dandy. Truth be told, I took the job largely because of my room—a Victorian mansion-style library with books from floor to sky-high ceiling. *book boner* I should’ve known it was too good to be true…
My second day on the job, the producer had a chair-throwing temper tantrum over a misplaced file. When the anger turned toward me, I gathered my things and fled. The next day, the producer called me, apologized for his behavior, told me he’d received my package and asked me to dinner.
His package? So offset by him and the invitation, I declined and hung up without inquiring. When I detailed the happenings to Cassie, she flipped out. The delivery he’d received and presumably opened had been sent to me, with love from Cassie: a hot pink, buzzing Eroto-Rabbit and vibrator starter kit.
Agh! That was the beginning of a rather lengthy, sporadic sex toy pursuit. Once I finally owned and began using them, I understood Cassie’s reaction. Big time. Wow. I mean… WOW.
What matters about the story is this:
Personal sexuality is an ever evolving journey. Whether we become sexually explorative early, come about growth through awkward means or begin stepping out of comfortable zones decades-plus in, there are adventures, new experiences and deeper pleasure and intimacy to be had. Like other significant aspects of our lives, sexuality shouldn’t be ignored or wrought with complacency.
Perhaps your sex life is chock-full of WOW. If not, or even if it is, sex toys can add joy to the holidays and beyond. While they can’t replace intimate connections with human beings, they can enhance them and teach us about our bodies in ways no sex ed class could.
Sex Toys 101: The Three Most Common for Women
As the name suggests, vibrators are electronic sex toys that help us rattle our way to pleasure and orgasm. The most common varieties stimulate the clitoris, or “joy button,” located between the inner-vaginal lips. Originally invented to treat hysteria (i.e., emotional sensitivity and mood swings related to deprivation) during the Victorian era, vibrators are one of the best ways to experience intense pleasure and arousal, says Dr. Laura Berman.
If you’ve dreamed of having more than one penis to play with or one of your desired shape and size to use while masturbating, dildos may be your bedroom BFF. They’re shaped like penises and function similarly stimulation-wise. They also come in a variety of sizes and materials, and may provide special features, such as vibration. This dildo, the Sexflesh Devilish Darren with a suction cup, sells for $18 on Amazon.
The G-spot is an area on the front of the vaginal wall, about one to two inches within. Not all women have one, but if you do, aye carumba. It’s worth…nurturing. Stimulating the G-spot and clitoris simultaneously is known to facilitate multiple, mind-blowing orgasms in some women. Dr. Berman recommends G-spot stimulator play as a useful way to find your G-spot. Simply insert it in your vagina and let the fun-filled search begin. You can purchase the Don Wand Bent Glass Pleasure Wand goes for $16 on Amazon.
**If you don’t experience vaginal G-spot orgasms, fret not. We’re all different and can experience pleasure in a variety of unique and wonderful ways.
10 Sexy Stocking Stuffers:
Based on my research, the following gifts could make your Girl Boner sparkle this holiday season. (If you don’t celebrate Christmas, even better. There’s only so much one can fit in a stocking…)
1. The Liptrick Speaking of stealth sex on the go, this vibrator is disguised as lipstick! It’s perfect for holiday travel while in proximity of nosy relatives and luggage inspectors. $26.50 Amazon.com
2. Sensual Essence Gel Lubricants can help expedite and enhance arousal and guard against pain. This gel is odorless, tasteless and paraben-free. It’s also a convenient size for traveling. $12.95 MyPleasure.com
3. His and Hers Pleasure Rings Fun for couples, this vibrating set is cute, quiet, easy to clean and non-intimidating. $34.95 MyPleasure.com
4. Pink Kink Tickling Kit If you watched 40 Days and 40 Nights and wondered if you, too, could orgasm from the sensual play of a flower laced over your body, this kit is for you. The blindfold and soft, “tickle” whip seem like valuable options, particularly if prefer the notion of tickle-torture to conventional whips. $28 Babeland.com
5. Vibrating Panties Based on the description, they could be worth the hefty price tag. A hidden pocket holds a clitoral stimulator, which can be operated by remote control from up to 12 feet away. For a larger than size 10, adjustable option, check out these Booty Parlor Turn Me On Panties. $89.95 MyPleasure.com
6. American Whopper Dong with Harness Okay, not the sexiest name. But a little role reversal can really spice things up. Entre strap ons. Use the dildo on its own or strap it on for pleasure with your partner. $39.95 Adam&Eve.com
7. XXXopoly If you’re looking for a fun way to turn up the heat without coming up with the ideas and suggestions, this game will well worth a larger stocking. Each space you land on dictates a sexual task, from kissing to intercourse. You’ll venture through a Red Light District, Hot and Heavy and Erotic cards, and probably won’t have to pass GO to get going. $34.95 Amazon.com
8. Edible Undies I can’t vouch for the flavor, but apparently it improves with licking. Hmm… $3.95 Dear-Lady.com
9. Naughty Lovers Pleasure Kit Being dominated is one of women’s most common sexual fantasies, says Dr. Kit Hilda Hutcherson, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University. This kit can ease you into bondage, starting with a dice game that leads to someone getting tied up, blindfolded and lightly whipped. $29.95 MyPleasure.com
10. Get Lucky Grab Bag If you’re feeling indecisive or prefer 100 percent surprise, opt for this goody bag, featuring expert-selected erections rings, dildos, lubricants, vibrators and more. MyPleasure.com $39.95 ($130 value)
Keep in mind that respect for yourself and others and healthy, safe sexual habits are some of the most precious gifts of all. Toward that end, wash toys with warm soapy water after use and read product packaging for additional care instructions.
For more sexy fun, including candy cane dildos, penis wrap and cookies gone wild (yowza!) check out Merry Hubby’s XXX Christmas on Natalie Hartford’s blog.
Your turn! About 45 percent of women admit to having used sex toys alone or with a partner, according to numerous studies. Are you among them? Planning to give or receive sensual gifts? Any funny, wacky or wonderful experiences to share? All respectful thoughts are welcome. ♥