Like many women, it took me a while to figure these particular gifts out.
If you’ve been following my Girl Boner series, you know that after years as a serial monogamist, going from one serious relationship to another, I allowed myself sexually explorative single-time in Los Angeles. I knew my habits were bordering on excessive when my friend “Cassie,” a celebrity’s daughter with a never ending virtual black book, suggested I cool it down.
“You don’t need to have sex so…often,” she told me during one of our countless girl-talk/no-carb meatloaf fests. “Use your vibrator.”
I laughed and squirted ketchup on the pseudo-yucko food. “Right...”
Silence. Squinty-eyed stare. “Tell me you have have a vibrator,” she said.
I couldn’t. I didn’t. And Cassie isn’t one to let things slide…
That same week, I’d started a part-time job as a film producer’s assistant. The flexible hours, wages and free board in a gorgeous Hollywood hills home with two other female assistants seemed dandy. Truth be told, I took the job largely because of my room—a Victorian mansion-style library with books from floor to sky-high ceiling. *book boner* I should’ve known it was too good to be true…
My second day on the job, the producer had a chair-throwing temper tantrum over a misplaced file. When the anger turned toward me, I gathered my things and fled. The next day, the producer called me, apologized for his behavior, told me he’d received my package and asked me to dinner.
His package? So offset by him and the invitation, I declined and hung up without inquiring. When I detailed the happenings to Cassie, she flipped out. The delivery he’d received and presumably opened had been sent to me, with love from Cassie: a hot pink, buzzing Eroto-Rabbit and vibrator starter kit.
Agh! That was the beginning of a rather lengthy, sporadic sex toy pursuit. Once I finally owned and began using them, I understood Cassie’s reaction. Big time. Wow. I mean… WOW.
What matters about the story is this:
Personal sexuality is an ever evolving journey. Whether we become sexually explorative early, come about growth through awkward means or begin stepping out of comfortable zones decades-plus in, there are adventures, new experiences and deeper pleasure and intimacy to be had. Like other significant aspects of our lives, sexuality shouldn’t be ignored or wrought with complacency.
Perhaps your sex life is chock-full of WOW. If not, or even if it is, sex toys can add joy to the holidays and beyond. While they can’t replace intimate connections with human beings, they can enhance them and teach us about our bodies in ways no sex ed class could.
Sex Toys 101: The Three Most Common for Women
As the name suggests, vibrators are electronic sex toys that help us rattle our way to pleasure and orgasm. The most common varieties stimulate the clitoris, or “joy button,” located between the inner-vaginal lips. Originally invented to treat hysteria (i.e., emotional sensitivity and mood swings related to deprivation) during the Victorian era, vibrators are one of the best ways to experience intense pleasure and arousal, says Dr. Laura Berman.
If you’ve dreamed of having more than one penis to play with or one of your desired shape and size to use while masturbating, dildos may be your bedroom BFF. They’re shaped like penises and function similarly stimulation-wise. They also come in a variety of sizes and materials, and may provide special features, such as vibration. This dildo, the Sexflesh Devilish Darren with a suction cup, sells for $18 on Amazon.
The G-spot is an area on the front of the vaginal wall, about one to two inches within. Not all women have one, but if you do, aye carumba. It’s worth…nurturing. Stimulating the G-spot and clitoris simultaneously is known to facilitate multiple, mind-blowing orgasms in some women. Dr. Berman recommends G-spot stimulator play as a useful way to find your G-spot. Simply insert it in your vagina and let the fun-filled search begin. You can purchase the Don Wand Bent Glass Pleasure Wand goes for $16 on Amazon.
**If you don’t experience vaginal G-spot orgasms, fret not. We’re all different and can experience pleasure in a variety of unique and wonderful ways.
10 Sexy Stocking Stuffers:
Based on my research, the following gifts could make your Girl Boner sparkle this holiday season. (If you don’t celebrate Christmas, even better. There’s only so much one can fit in a stocking…)
1. The Liptrick Speaking of stealth sex on the go, this vibrator is disguised as lipstick! It’s perfect for holiday travel while in proximity of nosy relatives and luggage inspectors. $26.50 Amazon.com
2. Sensual Essence Gel Lubricants can help expedite and enhance arousal and guard against pain. This gel is odorless, tasteless and paraben-free. It’s also a convenient size for traveling. $12.95 MyPleasure.com
3. His and Hers Pleasure Rings Fun for couples, this vibrating set is cute, quiet, easy to clean and non-intimidating. $34.95 MyPleasure.com
4. Pink Kink Tickling Kit If you watched 40 Days and 40 Nights and wondered if you, too, could orgasm from the sensual play of a flower laced over your body, this kit is for you. The blindfold and soft, “tickle” whip seem like valuable options, particularly if prefer the notion of tickle-torture to conventional whips. $28 Babeland.com
5. Vibrating Panties Based on the description, they could be worth the hefty price tag. A hidden pocket holds a clitoral stimulator, which can be operated by remote control from up to 12 feet away. For a larger than size 10, adjustable option, check out these Booty Parlor Turn Me On Panties. $89.95 MyPleasure.com
6. American Whopper Dong with Harness Okay, not the sexiest name. But a little role reversal can really spice things up. Entre strap ons. Use the dildo on its own or strap it on for pleasure with your partner. $39.95 Adam&Eve.com
7. XXXopoly If you’re looking for a fun way to turn up the heat without coming up with the ideas and suggestions, this game will well worth a larger stocking. Each space you land on dictates a sexual task, from kissing to intercourse. You’ll venture through a Red Light District, Hot and Heavy and Erotic cards, and probably won’t have to pass GO to get going. $34.95 Amazon.com
8. Edible Undies I can’t vouch for the flavor, but apparently it improves with licking. Hmm… $3.95 Dear-Lady.com
9. Naughty Lovers Pleasure Kit Being dominated is one of women’s most common sexual fantasies, says Dr. Kit Hilda Hutcherson, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University. This kit can ease you into bondage, starting with a dice game that leads to someone getting tied up, blindfolded and lightly whipped. $29.95 MyPleasure.com
10. Get Lucky Grab Bag If you’re feeling indecisive or prefer 100 percent surprise, opt for this goody bag, featuring expert-selected erections rings, dildos, lubricants, vibrators and more. MyPleasure.com $39.95 ($130 value)
Keep in mind that respect for yourself and others and healthy, safe sexual habits are some of the most precious gifts of all. Toward that end, wash toys with warm soapy water after use and read product packaging for additional care instructions.
For more sexy fun, including candy cane dildos, penis wrap and cookies gone wild (yowza!) check out Merry Hubby’s XXX Christmas on Natalie Hartford’s blog.
Your turn! About 45 percent of women admit to having used sex toys alone or with a partner, according to numerous studies. Are you among them? Planning to give or receive sensual gifts? Any funny, wacky or wonderful experiences to share? All respectful thoughts are welcome. ♥
The Hook says
These sound like a great way to heat the winter right up!
Remind me to tell you the “Not Safe For Blog” vibrating panties/remote control/arrest story one day….
Rebecca Enzor says
I gotta stop reading these posts at work
Hubs travels a LOT, so I’m very familiar with sex toys. Goodvibrations.com is a great site for anyone looking to purchase.
Bill Parker says
“I gotta stop reading these posts at work ;-)”
So, so, this! Well. Won’t. But should!
August McLaughlin says
There’s gotta be a study about the benefits of sexual content reading at work. Must find…
Prudence MacLeod says
Personal sexuality is an ever evolving journey. August, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Now, seriously, there are women out there who don’t use sex toys? That’s just wrong on so many levels.
Well, I’ve got different plumbing obviously, but the only toys I’ve ever used are cuffs. And FYI, I’m never the one being “incarcerated”
Lisa Hall-Wilson says
I’m not telling – but that scene with the vibrating panties from He Said She Said had me on the floor laughing in the theatre.
Donna Galanti says
Lisa, sounds like the same LOL scene from The Ugly Truth. Love that movie! And love this post…what a hoot – great pics….very intimidating for the men I think. ha ha. Now, since recently having had a hysterectomy last week I am wondering how this will affect sex. August, there’s a post for you to do! Girl Boner post for post-hysterectomy women and how to keep the sex good! This post reminds me of one I did on my first visit to a “toy shop”!
Lisa Hall-Wilson says
Oh – you’re right. It was the Ugly Truth. Nearly fell out of my chair in the theatre.
renée a. schuls-jacobson says
Believe it or not, I know nothing about which you speak. I had someone once offer/promise/threaten to get me something, but it never panned out.
I can’t imagine buying any of this stuff for myself. I just can’t. But I would be open to trying…if Hubby felt like giving me a gift of vibrating panties this Hanukkah.
Kristy K. James...Living, Loving, Laughing says
Thank you above for saying this post must intimidate the men. That made me write! lol
I don’t see anything at all wrong with sex toys for either gender. I also don’t see anything wrong with a lot of healthy safe sex by yourself. I can see how using the toys as a couple could be (well, should be…would be?) a great boon to your sex life. What I have difficulty with are the people (a lot of women – sorry) who see that sort of thing as wrong or as a replacement for them. I suppose that what gets me a lot is that many of these same women do not want to say “yes” all the time (can we say “double standard” here?).
As for that study…I would be willing to take part…
Natalie Hartford says
OMG I can’t believe your ex-boss accidentally received your first vibrator. Good thing you didn’t go to that dinner. LOL!!
Love this post and could not agree more. I am not one for a lot of wild and crazy adventures in the boudoir but I won’t leave home without my vibrating dolphin/bullet finger puppet. It just adds way to much spice and fun to my special spots….if you know what I mean…
I think the more “fun” a couple can have in the bedroom experimenting and finding what works to bring them both ultimate pleasure is the greatest sexual journey they can have as a couple.
That being said, no need to have a man/woman in your life to experience sexual joy. As I heard my mother once tell a family friend while we were at dinner (we were talking about her 8 years of singlehood):
“God gave me everything I need to have a good time!”
AMEN to that!
Natalie Hartford says
Oh and thank you for the fahhhbulous shout out to hubby’s post – he’ll be tickled pink!
Hubby Claus! says
He was tickled…nobody loves me like I do!
Gloria Richard Author says
I’ve been quite
yappyopen about arriving late to the sensuality party during this series, August. Yes, I’ve known how to achieve orgasm on my own since I was in my early twenties. The things I didn’t know. Oy!
I now know what a G-spot is, where it is, and (Aye Carumba!) where mine is. MyPleasure.com is currently out-of-stock on their G-spot vibrators. Thanks for the tip on Don Wand.
I plan to fill my own personal and private stocking this year. It will not contain the standard measuring spoons, socks, and Bath and Body Works free samples.
So many choices! Where to begin? If you have Sex Toy 101 essentials — a bit like starting with basics for building a new wardrobe — I have pen, tablet ,and PayPal at the ready. Ben WA balls? Was the author of Fifty Shades lying about steel balls with a string? I ordered a beginners set made with some sort of plastic material, and they’re too big to offer any stimulation…er…Kegel exercise.
Okay, my story does not beat yours about the libidinous boss with no interest in you until he opened your first-ever vibrator. However, since this is already a Novella…
In the interest of “Write what you know,” I ordered a KegelMaster. A quirky supporting character and my protagonist are both going to learn sensuality in my current WIP. One of the scenes (and sex toys) ordered by the quirky character is a KegelMaster. I ordered one. I’m currently assessing how quickly one can build those kegels. [Fairly quickly.] But, I digress…
A small, pink, teardrop-shaped On-the-Go vibrator came with the KegelMaster. In squinty print on the bottom of the carton, it cautioned, “Do not heat in conventional or microwave ovens.” Really? I’ll take warm water or an armpit if I fear an arctic freeze in “the zone.”
Thanks, as always, for this forum, August. Remember…
Pen, paper and PayPal ready if you have beginner set advice.
August McLaughlin says
I’m thrilled for you, Gloria, and your joyous, sexuality-embraced holiday plans. We’re all so darn different, so I think starting out with a couple of the basics is wise. MyPleasure.com has a Beginners Vibe Pleasure kit if you’re looking for vibrating fun. Since you’ve located your G-spot (Go, YOU!), you might dig the G-Spot Explorer, from Adam & Eve.
I personally prefer dildos, and recommend at least trying one, but vibrators are many ‘o gals’ best friends.
There’s also a popular book you might dig: I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide, by Dorian Solot. It deals with intercourse, self-pleasure and sex toys in depth, and features a whole slew of personal stories.
Do not heat in ovens?!? Ha! Wow. I guess the small print is worth reading, if even for entertainment value——also important to note pre-hot tub use, I’d imagine…
Gloria Richard Author says
Repeating a statement from my original comment: The things I didn’t know. Oy!
I thought vibrators and Dildos were synonymous. I had to scroll back up to discover that a vibrator function comes with some Dildos. Sex Toy Ed 101. Yeah!
I might dig I Love Female Orgasm? You can remove the qualifier.
Thanks for the tips and the recommendation on books. I purchased the book you mentioned in your email to me. Yup! Found it! At B&N. I used their computer to search for it and was perusing books in the applicable area when a young, male sales rep asked if he could help me find something.
I told him — the book part of what I’m looking for. He didn’t hesitate. He knew exactly where to find it.
Louise Behiel says
great article, August. Just remember to take the batteries out of your toy if you put it in checked luggage. the vibration of the plane can cause the vibrator to turn on and it’s very embarrassing when you pull vibrating luggage off the baggage carousel…especially if you’re a woman alone. LOL
Tameri Etherton says
What fun! I’m still laughing that your ex-boss received the very special gift meant just for you. What a good friend!
Sex toys… yes, please! Next month, my book club is reading 50 Shades (well, most of us, there is who is nixing it), and we’re having a sexy toy party to go along with it. I told my husband anything I buy I can write off as ‘research’ for my erotica writing! Whoohoooo. I love my book club ladies and their spicy senses of humor. Except for that one…
Gloria Richard Author says
I want to be part of your book club, Tameri!
Two of my writing buddies did the old “Can you imagine??? Who would do such a thing?” because a fellow writer mentioned the benefits of a pulsating shower head.
I had to step way outside my comfort zone when I told them I did and they shouldn’t knock it until they’ve tried it.
Enjoy Fifty Shades. I did. But, I thought Grey and Darker were essentially one book split into two because of length.
Emmie Mears says
As always, an awesome post, August!
My first sight of a sex toy happened to be my moms’ dildo. I was twelve and had NO idea such things existed. It was in a box when I was helping unpack, and in retrospect, it was probably not the box for me to be unpacking. LOL. My sister saw and flipped out. I was more perplexed than anything, ha.
One thing I’ve always noticed is that sex shops in Europe were more inviting than ones here (with the exception of Poland, where the ones in Krakow were dingy, dark places). But I do think that’s shifted a bit in recent years!