Globally touring recording artist, Lachi, wasn’t sure what orgasms even were when she left the U.S. for boarding school overseas. After exploring her sexuality for a while, she realized what Big Os really entail. That awakening set the stage for greater confidence, in and outside of the bedroom.
In addition to Lachi’s story, you’ll get her top tips for cultivating confidence and feeling sexy. Hear it all in the new Girl Boner Radio episode!
Stream it on Apple Podcasts/iTunes, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Spotify or below! Or read on for a lightly edited transcript.
“Fruit Loop Orgasms and Sexy Confidence: Lachi”
a Girl Boner podcast transcript
Lachi: I’ve learned a lot about myself and a lot about what I want to feel. As a woman who is blind, I dealt with a lot of anxiety and not being sure of myself and not understanding things and not thinking that I needed to, maybe not thinking I deserve to. And as I got more confident in myself, alongside getting more confident in my sexuality and my body, it was an awakening of not only should I feel good, but I deserve to, whenever I want.
[encouraging, acoustic music]
August/narration:
Lachi is a globally touring recording artist, award-winning social entrepreneur, host of the PBS American Masters series, Renegades, and so much more. Her hit song, “You Lift Me Up,” pays homage to disabilities rights advocate Judy Heumann. [song excerpt]
Lachi has a huge heart, a contagious laugh and a self-confidence – sexually and otherwise — that I wish I could bottle up and gift to you all. Her story is perhaps the next best thing.
It started in a home where anything about sex was totally taboo.
Lachi: So being a daughter of African immigrants, we didn’t talk about sex a lot in our households. I was the sixth of seven. So there was like a ton of us. It was just like a whole like village of us in one house.
But you know, we were raised Catholic, so we didn’t talk about sex very often. And it wasn’t until I was in school that I actually started learning about sex and sexuality because we didn’t talk about it at all at home.
August/narration:
What she did learn wasn’t terribly helpful.
Lachi: They had this game called Chicken in school. and I was in sixth grade and like the eighth and ninth graders would play it where they would touch each other in weird places — like, you know, the sexual places until someone would yell, “Stop!”
And then when the person yelled that they were done, because it was too like, you know, weird or whatever, everybody would call them chicken.
And it was usually the girls touching the guys. So it was when the guy got freaked out and was like, “Okay, this is too much!” Then all the other guys would call him a chicken.
I didn’t really understand what it meant. But what I did know was that sex and love and dating and relationships, it was happening in school, but we weren’t learning about it in school and we weren’t talking about it at home.
So that was a really like interesting, situation.
Lachi: And it wasn’t until college that I really started getting into dating and relationships and all of that kind of stuff.
August/narration:
Lachi spent some of her college time studying abroad in the UK. That, she said, is where she had her first real sexual encounter.
Lachi: …when I finally got away from my parents. Finally got away from like my sheltered life. And, listen, it was not very romantic. In fact, it was actually a one night stand.
August/narration:
Here’s how it happened.
Lachi: My friends were like, “Let’s all smoke weed for the first time.” I was like, “Sure, I guess I’m trying all sorts of new things.” But this one guy came in. And he said, “Well, instead of weed, let’s do hashish.” I had never heard of that before.
So everybody started doing it. I didn’t feel a thing. So everybody was just like zonked out and I was just kind of sitting there and the guy who’d come in with it was like, “Hey, you want to go just like hang out and do something else?”
So we went out we had a few drinks. We were making fun of everybody for being zonked out. I told him I was from America. He thought that was really cool. I told him my parents were from Africa.
And then we kind of started making out. He obviously was more experienced than I was.
August/narration:
The making out heated up, turned into sex. Lachi’s first time.
Lachi: It was just not romantic. It was just the guy that brought the weed. (laughs)
It was interesting too, because you would think like after a guy has sex with like a new girl or something, especially if it’s just some guy that brings the weed that he’s not going to call back.
August/narration:
But this guy did.
Lachi: He didn’t want to date. He just wanted to be friends and he was just a casual sex kind of guy. It may have shaped me a little because then I started to think, Oh, maybe sex is just a casual thing.
August: Was that pretty surprising to you? Did you have that Catholic I’m saving myself kind of thing going?
Lachi: Honestly, I didn’t have that. I mean, I grew up in a combination of West Philadelphia, upstate New York and North Carolina. So I had been in a lot of very different places. My parents moved around a lot for work. So I knew all types.
The thing about me was, you know, as a young blind kid, legally blind, I was just so curious. I wanted to know everything. And my parents wouldn’t let me know anything. My parents wouldn’t let me play basketball because they were afraid that I would get hurt.
I dated a guy in high school and it got pretty serious and we also dated freshman year in college.
August/narration:
She said her parents just weren’t feeling it.
Lachi: And so they didn’t let me do a lot of things. I went home every weekend. I wanted to go out drinking with everybody else. I wanted to play basketball. I wanted to run track . I wanted to do all of the things.
And you know what was crazy? The guy I’d been dating in high school and that folded over to college, he actually broke up with me because he just was like, “Well, I want to move to the next level. And I’m not sure if that’s what you’re trying to do. And I think you’re really cool and stuff, but you know, like, hello.”
I didn’t necessarily understand a hundred percent what he meant, but I did know, like, it wasn’t on my terms. So I was just like, All right, well. Okay, peace.
When I was in UK because now I was finally gone I was like, I’m gonna do everything like everything in the world. So I was like, I’m gonna drink I’m gonna drink church smoke weed. I’m gonna go dancing out late with the girls. I’m gonna do this. I’m gonna do that. So I had sex with this guy. I didn’t orgasm.
August/narrations:
Orgasms did become a part of her life once she was back in the states.
Lachi: My first orgasm, my first real orgasm, I mean, you know how like you can have an orgasm with a lowercase o? Then you can have an orgasm where the O encompasses the rest of the word. (laughs)
August: (laughs) Perfectly said.
Lachi: My first orgasm happened when I was with my partner that I’m with now. And they were like, “Look, okay, let’s stop fucking around and let’s get you an orgasm.”
August: Oh, I love it.
Lachi: So, you know, again, I was raised Catholic and I was kind of a shy person and yeah, I had my renaissance days in the UK, but I kind of slightly reverted back to my sort of reservedness when I came back to the US.
August/narration:
She was focused on school. An A student, an overachiever. But her partner had other hopes for her. Now and then, he’d offer her a sex toy.
Lachi: And I would always reject it. I was like, you know what? No, that’s weird. Like what? Legos? Like, I don’t get it.
August/narration:
But then, she got a little bit curious. She was hanging out with her when he handed her the big vibrator that had been sitting on a shelf. [buzzing sound]
Lachi: I was just like, alright. I go in the bed, I’m by myself and I’m like, okay, let me try this out. This is ridiculous. So I turn it on and the second it touches my vagina, I don’t even know where I put it at the point to be honest.
Maybe I put it on my ear. I don’t even know. (laughs) But I just started screaming. And so I was like, okay, everybody calm down. Alright. So what is this devil magic?
Then I just started using it more and more, and I was just having over, like, fruit loop orgasms. It was like, oh, that’s what an orgasm is!
Because I would tell people like, “Oh, I’ve had an orgasm.” And I thought it meant…You know when you have sex your vagina lubes itself? I thought that was an orgasm. Or, you know, just feeling good and feeling pleasurable. You’ll feel like, you know, the butterfly tingles while you’re having sex. I thought that was an orgasm. No. I know what an orgasm is now. (laughs)
August: Yeah. It’s so true. There’s those whispery feelings, but again, how do you know when no one ever told you?
Lachi: How do you know?? Because people try to explain it like, “Oh, it’s muscular.” I’m like, “What?” “Yeah, it’s like your muscles are moving all good and gooey.” I’m like, “Okay, alright.”
August: I like Fruit Loop Orgasm. That is a keeper. That is brilliant because it is, it’s like all the colors. You know?
August/narration:
Those FLOs – flows, oh my gosh, that’s so sweet, like fruit loops — they launched more discovery for Lachi.
Lachi: I’ve learned a lot about myself and a lot about what I want to feel. As a woman who is blind, I dealt with a lot of anxiety and not being sure of myself and not understanding things and not thinking that I needed to, maybe not thinking I deserve to. And as I got more confident in myself, alongside getting more confident in my sexuality and my body, it was an awakening of not only should I feel good, but I deserve to, whenever I want. And it really kind of flipped the script on sex with my partner.
It could be like, Oh, you’re, you’re feeling good. Okay, let me go rub one out real quick on my end, so I know I’m good. And then we can work together to do your thing.
We will explore situations. We’ve been doing all sorts of different things. And while I’m trying to exercise their pleasure, I got a free hand to exercise mine.
The whole toy thing has really revolutionized my life. I mean, at the end of the day, it’s a tool to orgasm. I don’t think there’s a problem with that. if we weren’t meant to orgasm, God wouldn’t have put it there.
I think that they’re great things just as much as, you know, someone needs glasses or someone needs a pencil in order to write.
You know, sometimes you need something to get something stimulated so you can go on about your day.
Sponsor fun: Did you know that sex toys can make orgasms last longer? They also make Big Os more likely, if you’ve struggled in that department. Whether you use a toy alone or with a partner, I highly recommended having at least one you love in your pleasure toolbox. If you want to stock up on toys or your favorite lube, you can get free — always discreet — shipping on orders over $75 at The Pleasure Chest. Simply head to thepleasurechest.com and search by category, for vibrators, strap-ons, kink accessories and more. Again that’s The Pleasure Chest at thepleasurechest.com.
August/narration:
Lachi told me that a lot of her confidence has come from her music, since early on. And by the time she had her sexual awakening, vibrator in hand, she was already established in her career. Still, the sexual confidence boost helped the rest of her life, too. She said you can’t really separate one kind of confidence from the other.
August: It sounds like embracing your sexuality and your, your pleasure, almost like this revolution in your life was so powerful. Did that impact your artistry or your music at all?
Lachi: Absolutely.
You know when I was younger, I was just super shy. I didn’t really I was outcasted you know, I didn’t have a lot of role models, that look like me or, you know, on TV or anything like that.
And then my family was very… I told my family I wanted to be a musician and they were like, that’s not how you spell doctor, you know, that kind of thing. (laughs) And so, I was super shy, but honestly, music had always been how I found confidence.
So I sang in the high school talent show in front of the entire high school, and I was just singing my heart out for the first time about wanting to belong. It was a song I wrote.
Then I sang in the Glee Club where I met my partner and I made a lot of friends and I started an acapella group and so it was just always music that really blossomed things for me.
August: So music’s where you got your confidence and the sexual confidence came through experience.
Lachi: Sort of. There is still a juxtaposition because to me, it all is one big thing, right?
Sex is one thing, but sexuality and feeling sexy, those also are part of it, but they are different things. It’s one thing to just have sex. But it’s another thing to feel powerful and sexy and another thing to understand your own sexuality.
I moved to New York. I start coming into my own musically. I’m still hiding my disability. As I get older and as I get more successful in my music career, I start to come out about my disability.
All this time, I’m not really taking care too much about like fashion or, how I feel about me as a woman, in terms of feeling like a sexual being. I’m having sex, but I don’t feel sexy. Once I come out about my disability and I’m like just super confident about my career and it’s kind of like nobody can tell me anything right at this point because it’s like anything you say I’ve already like I’m already here like I’m out about being blind.
I’m out about being neurodivergent. I’m making money. Like what do you what can you say? I started thinking to myself like, yeah, I’m feeling myself a little bit here. I started dressing up. I started getting cute. You know, I have to use the white blind cane. I started blinging up my canes and now I use glam canes.
These glam canes are like my white cane, but they’re bejeweled with rhinestones, different colors to match my different outfits. Then I’m wearing six inch heels and then I’m clomping down the street. I’m wearing gorgeous braided hair. Okay. Got the nails. And then I’m just walking down the street feeling sexy as fuck.
and people will think, Oh, she’s blind. I feel so, so she must not be getting hit on . I get hit on like constantly. No, I’m not saying that to brag, but a little bit to brag
Though. You know, I guess it’s like I walk in I’m feeling great. I’m being hit on by guys. They don’t give one shit about the cane Because it doesn’t even matter anymore, right?
They’re like, she’s hot she obviously knows what she’s doing. Let me be the one to buy the drink because obviously she’s the hottest one in the club or whatever. And that affects your sex. That affects how you feel in bed, it affects the whole thing.
What that ended up doing for me is started to make me realize that I don’t actually care if it’s a guy or a girl. I get hit on by both sides, right?
August/narration:
This unfolded during a lengthy breakup with her partner. Lachi’s friend, who was exploring her own queer identity, started taking her to lesbian bars. [club music]
Lachi: I go to the girl bar and, you know, at first I was kind of joking around, like, Oh, ha ha. We’re hanging out with lesbians. This is so fun. Let me hit on a girl. And I started hitting on a couple of girls.
And then I realized that I was like, I was, we’re just working out…
August: Yeah, you’re really feeling it!
Lachi: I was feeling it. I started hooking up with a couple, like not hooking up with a capital H, but it was a slowly but sure thing that I was fishing around in, until I got back with my partner.
August/narration:
Feeling more confident about who she is as a sexual person, Lachi got back together with her partner. (Yes, Mr. I Want You To Have Your Fruit Loops. Swoon.)
Lachi: Started really feeling myself getting dressed up, wearing these heels, doing all this, I started realizing like, you know what, girls, guys, it doesn’t really matter to me as long as I have that connection.
You know, there’s two things that I like. One is great conversation. So if we can have a great, fun, funny conversation where I don’t feel afraid and you don’t feel afraid, we just feel very free. That’s number one. Number two, I like height. I like guys that are tall. And I like girls that are shorter than me. So I don’t know. I don’t know what that’s about.
I think I am definitely the dominant one, like on both sides though. It’s not dominatrix dominant. It’s not that hardcore, but it is very much like these days. I know exactly what I want. So I’m not very confused.
So if people are like, “What do you want to do?” I’m like, “Oh, well, okay. Well, here’s what we can do. Tell me if you’re into this.”
August/narration:
Lachi has come a long way since her Catholic school upbringing — pun totally embraced. If you’d like to cultivate similar confidence, consider this advice:
Lachi: The first thing I’ll say is it’s a journey. Don’t try to force waking up one day and feeling sexy and confident. The best way to go through a journey is to lean into the open doors. Right? If you start doing something and it makes you feel a little sexy, lean into that.
If you start doing something and it makes you feel a little confident, lean into those things that make you feel, confident, even when you’re alone. Sexy, even when you’re alone and lean into those more and more, because when you can wake up one day by yourself and look in the mirror and say, like, Damn, I look good…by yourself. Nobody else has to hear it.
That is step one. And in fact, that’s actually the hardest step. So let’s try getting that done first. Feel sexy, beautiful, confident, and in love with all parts of yourself. Even the parts of yourself society wants you to hide. Don’t hide it from yourself. Lean into it. Flex your flaws.
August/narration:
Which brings us back to Lachi’s first vibrator, fruit loop orgasm experience.
Lachi: This idea of using toys or whatever you need to explore your own self and to tell yourself what you like, is a great first step as well, because once you can tell you, then you can tell someone else.
August/narration:
[music…]
Lachi recently released a video series called Mad Different. And it ties into all of these things in some way.
Lachi: Each song is an expression of sort of self acceptance.So the first song it’s called Coming Out of the Dark, and it’s a celebration of queerness. And the second song is called A Girl, and it’s a celebration of womanhood. The third song is called Diseducation, and it’s a celebration of disability. And then the fourth song is going to be called That Kind of Black, and that’s a discussion of race, right, of me being black.
So it’s all of my different, I guess, identities. It’s a celebration and a deep exploration of these things.
My sexual confidence and sexual liberation is very uniquely tied to my liberation and also the liberation that came with my musical success. They’re all inextricably linked.
So as I navigate my own queerness and being open, I found that I’m super, first of all, I’m a huge flirt. And I’ve been accused of like, “Were you flirting with that guy?” I was like, “No, no, I was just trying to get us a drink!”I don’t know. Whoops! (laughs)
So the confidence, my sexual liberation, my disabled liberation, my music liberation my self liberation have all led to a unique confidence that I just love to celebrate every day.
August/narration:
To experience more of Lachi’s magic, find links to Mad Different, her PBS series, her songs and her upcoming gigs and speaking in the show notes – or head to lachimusic.com.
Lachi invited us to explore another rabbit hole, too — and it’s so fun: something she does on the side with her partner – who left his job in corporate America to be her business manager. He also does her makeup and styling.
Lachi: It started with him doing my makeup the first time and putting it on reddit on the makeup addiction subreddit and they looked at it and they were like, dude, do not let her leave the house looking like that, right?
You know, they started giving him tips on how to do my makeup, because it was COVID at the time and my makeup artist stopped coming or whatever. So I needed him to do it. So he just kept trying and posting it to Reddit and they were like, try this, try that. And eventually after about a year of that, we started going viral.
He did a makeup look for me to go to the White House to actually visit with President Biden and VP Harris at the time. That ended up going like mega viral to the point where people now recognize me on the street because of that.
Fast forward to 2024. Everything he posts on this makeup addiction subreddit goes viral.And everyone is 100 percent obsessed with our relationship. They’re like, “Holy shit. I think it’s so adorable that you quit your job And that you do her makeup.” They don’t know who I am, right? They’re like, “Oh, this is so cool. It’s about makeup.” Then they look me up and they’re like, “Wait, what the hell? Who is this, like, ridiculously awesome person?” (laughs)
We’re just having a great time. We have a really fun relationship now. And we just, we navigate the music industry, just having like a good time, making inside jokes about everybody we meet, doing the makeup and going viral and getting dressed up and being blind and having fun. Like, it’s such a it is fun.
August/narration:
Maybe we should call that a Fruit Loop life. Check out Lachi’s viral makeup photos by Googling “My SO is Blind.”
If you enjoyed this Girl Boner Radio episode, please make sure you’ve hit the follow button – so you’ll never miss a beat – and let your friends know about it. I’d also so appreciate a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Thanks so much for listening.
Leave a Reply