Multiple Orgasms: Stories, Tips and Myths (Busted)

 

“Multiple Orgasms: Stories, Tips and Myths (Busted)”

a Girl Boner podcast transcript

August/narration:

If one orgasm is incredible, are several in a row always better? That may seem like a no brainer. But like so many sex-related questions the answer is, it depends.

Still, it is pretty hard to argue the idea that multiple orgasms can be mind-blowingly awesome. In this Girl Boner episode, we’ll dive deep into the land of Multiple Os with sexuality experts who’ve experienced them. And yes, you’ll hear some juicy stories.

First, I’m excited for you all to get to know one of the experts, Lala – since it’s first Girl Boner appearance. Unlike many folks, her upbringing was pretty sex-positive…well, at least on the home front.

Lala: So my mother was a social worker with a psychology background, so she was extremely sex positive and my dad had what people would consider during his time like a worldly mother. So sex wasn’t a topic of discussion that was like awful limits in my house. 

So I knew a lot about it and no one made it seem like a shameful or a taboo thing. And I also grew up where there was just no censorship in my household. And even religion and spirituality coexisted in the same realm as sex-positivity. 

But I do remember going to high school and I’ve always been curvy or full figured. During the time, Girls Next Door was a big show, so I loved wearing like Playboy stuff. And my mom didn’t care if I wore short dresses or low cut, as long as it was tasteful in the right setting. 

However, I got to high school. I was a girl that was fine talking about sex and dressing, revealing, and I learned that that was not socially acceptable. 

While my parents didn’t police my dress or anything, my peers did, which was actually like a cultural shock to me, and even at some point I became a little bit ostracized or treated poorly in some aspects. 

August/narration:

She said it was the whole “high school mean kids” thing. They’d call her a slut or a whore. They laughed at her. Someone even hid something in her locker to humiliate her:

Lala: 

Me and this person we dated and they actually told people about us doing oral sex. And I remember going to my locker and one of the girls that liked him, that I used to be friends with, that I didn’t know at the time, and condoms fell out. Everyone was laughing and I just felt awkward and weird about this situation ’cause I was only 14. And so I started distancing myself from my sexuality and the freedom I felt. I locked it away.

August/narration:

Around that same time, Lala also had a toxic partner who traumatized her sexually.

Lala: 

And I remember some of my close friends made it seem like the few that I did confide in, that I brought his aggressions that he forced on me, on myself because of the way I talked and the way I dressed. 

So I felt like at that time, a piece of me had to kind of go even more under lock and key, and died inside of me. 

August/narration:

The double standards of how girls and women versus boys and men are treated around sex really sunk in for Lala. Thankfully, she could talk to her mom about that — and about the trauma she’d experienced — without being judged. Her mom validated and supported her feelings, and helped Lala get started with trauma-informed therapy. Later on, Lala found healing and fun in erotica.

Lala: 

I always love to read but I really escaped into erotica. I saw relationships and female pleasure as this great thing through erotica and that and really helped me come back to it as I got to college as well.

August/narration:

Today, Lala is sex and relationship coach, erotica writer and storytelling podcaster. One of her stories, “Sweet Summer Vengeance,” features a very sultry multiple orgasm scene.

Before I share a clip from that story, here is Lala’s take on multiple Os — something that, culturally, we can get pretty wrong.

Lala: I feel like with multiple Os, or with the same with squirting and if you can only orgasm from vaginal penetration, it’s like this competition. It’s not valued as oh, this is how I seek pleasure and this is how my pleasure comes out of me and shines. It’s like a competition… Women are even competing with each other’s how they orgasm. 

And then in the patriarchal society that we live in, it’s like a badge to show men, oh, you did such a great job, so I orgasmed multiple times versus I got pleasure, I allowed pleasure in, and this is how my body reacted or responded. 

August/narration:

I love that she brought all of that up. I’d hate for anyone to hear this episode and think that experiencing them makes you somehow cooler…or that there’s some orgasm hierarchy. There definitely isn’t. I think the best orgasms stem from easing up on ourselves, which is basically the opposite of competing. 

Of course, we are both fans of spicy play and pleasure, and Lala has experienced both in the form of multiple orgasms. Like this one time…

Lala: 

I was in my mid-20s and at that point I had a few partners and I couldn’t climax with them… So my now husband, who I was dating at the time, is almost 15 years older than me. It was the first Thanksgiving together and it was the best sex of my life. He cooked for me and we had wine, and I was able to relax and be more present in the moment. He allowed me a safe and respectful environment to have sex, which also helped.

So he was the first partner I was even able to orgasm with, and I was like, Oh, wow. I can orgasm with a person that has a penis and not just like a toy or my hand. I was so shocked. 

August/narration:

And he prioritized Lala’s pleasure hugely.

Lala: I feel like whether it was his age and he learned how to make sex more enjoyable, or he was just not a selfish lover, like for the first time for me. 

August/narration:

They also had great physical chemistry, and their bodies moved well together. Plus, he had some moves.

Lala: During oral sex, he gave me a clitoral orgasm. And so then when we went to like vaginal intercourse or what we call P-in-V sex, I think I was like in doggy style.

So the deeper penetration stimulated my G-spot, and as he played with my clitoris, he gave me kind of like a blended orgasm and I orgasm and he kept going. So when he reached climax, but the craziest thing to me was after he got done and pulled out, my vaginal walls continued to convulse. My clitoris continued to throb. My body was tossed into another orgasm.

And then it was another wave that hit me until it finally stopped and I was just like three times without him even touching me. And I was like, oh my gosh. Like, what the heck? My body just had a multiple orgasm. I didn’t even think that was a thing, and I was super shocked. So.

August: Ah, I feel like – I mean, I think there can be value in attempting, if somebody wants to, to have more than one. But for me personally, in just life with orgasms, I feel like the surprises are extra special. ’cause there’s not the pressure either. You’re not like, I’m gonna see how many I can have, and I love that that was a surprise for you. How did you feel afterwards? Did it impact how you felt about your body or orgasms or anything?

Lala: So I will say at first, and I think, too, because of my age and just my sexual experiences, I was kind of ashamed and then shocked, and of course naturally it was an ego stroke from my husband. But also, too, I learned while it’s an experience, and even now, sometimes I still have them sporadically. I’m not a fan of them because it just becomes overwhelming for me. And like I always tell this, like, there’s this guy that gave phenomenal oral oral sex, but it was too good to the point where I felt like I was gonna pass out and with multiple orgasms, that’s how I feel.

So it’s just not a thing for me, my body has it, I think in my head, wow. I’ve reached the highest level of pleasure I can experience. That means I’ve really let go of everything and I’m having mindful sex and I’m really enjoying the moment.

And seeking that pleasure. And that’s how I look at the situation more so than, oh my gosh, let me have all these orgasms because I feel like people focus on sex being great if I had a orgasm versus did I feel more connected to my partner or partners, or did I actually receive pleasure in that moment?

August/narration:

I so appreciate Lala’s honesty, and that while the best sex she’s had involved multiple Os, they’re not something she craves or seeks out – and she’s good with that. Especially given her expertise, I think there’s a lot of permission there for all of us.

There’s also a ton of value in fantasizing about orgasmic experiences, whether we replicate them or not.

August: One of the reasons I wanted to talk to you about this topic is because you really specialize in fantasy with your beautiful erotica work. 

Would you share some thoughts on kind of how fantasy and erotica, whether it’s reading or listening to your podcast or an audio book, how can all of that, especially for women and, and folks with with a vulva, like if we’re wanting to get really turned on or, potentially have surprise, multiple orgasm, what role does fantasy and desire play?

Lala: Yeah, so like just even speaking about erotica, like one of those that can help have multiple orgasms or heightened pleasure is that it improves your sex life indirectly by lowering your inhibition, so you’re feeling more adventurous in bed. You’re feeling more sexually confident, and you feel more open to experiences.

And then it also helps you normalize conversations with your partner around sex and the sex desires and the kinks and stuff that you wanna try. And so with erotica lowering your inhibitions, that allows you to get in a better head space for sex and be more grounded and present in the moment.

And the more you’re mentally in that moment and able to connect to all five of your senses, you’re able to achieve your highest level of pleasure because your biggest sex organ is your brain. 

It also helps you get aroused and it gets those juices pumping and it the natural lubrication.

Think of it as like a solo pregame. So women our vulva owners need a little bit more time to get fully aroused than typically our male partners, if your partner is a male or a penis owner. And so I always think of getting into that mindset so you can start using erotica to become aroused. And then the more aroused you can get, the more turned on you are, and that increases your likelihood of reaching orgasm.

August/narration:

Also? Holy spicy daydreams.

Lala: Erotica is such a powerful sexual tool because it taps into your imagination and sex that should be fun and playful. So it provides you with sexy scenarios and ideas of ways to play with your partner or new positions to try out or even how to reach orgasm based on what you’ve read in that book and the different things they’ve done in different scenarios.

August/narration:

Case in point, Lala’s story called, “Sweet Summer Vengeance,” which she described as a sexy, romantic suspense story about a young woman who is super hung up on her hottie surfer boyfriend.

Lala: He’s a bad boy and she’s willing to do anything to show him that she loves him. But like how far is she willing to go? 

August/narration:

Lala told me she included a multiple orgasm scene because of the power exchange that unfolds after the leading lady auctions off her virginity.  

Lala: And she’s like, “Oh, well, you well, you know, I’ve heard girls talk, it. It’s not gonna be pleasurable anyways.” 

So my goal was to show that not only could your first time be pleasurable if you’re with the right partner, but but it can be earth shatteringly great. 

August/narration:

Here’s a clip from the 2-part story on her podcast, Lala’s Bedtime Tales. As a heads up, it’s really hot. So if you’re driving or operating heavy machinery right now, you might wanna pause.

Lala (reading, over sultry music): “His lips connect to mine, and I taste something warm, wet, and metallic on my lips, but I can’t put my finger on it. He bites, licks, and sucks on the painful spot on my collarbone as he fucks me hard and rough into the mattress, giving my pussy a good pounding until I’m cuming so hard I think I might pass out. He pulls out of my pussy as the last wave of my orgasm hits, cuming all over my tits. 

My mystery man rolls me over on my stomach, leaving me no choice but to lie face down in a pool of my saliva and the remnants of his cum, but I’m too sexually satiated and weak from my orgasm to care. I’m lost in thoughts of never wanting to leave this euphoric dreamland—a holy grail of luxury living and multiple orgasms. I barely notice my wrists becoming free of the cuffs until he massages the feeling back into them. Next, my anonymous lover undoes the snaps of the leather that’s securing the ring in my mouth, providing me with some relief of finally being able to relax my stiff, sore jaw. I gasp in shock and feel the soft black silk slip from my eyes.”

August/narration:

Lala also hopes listeners will learn a little something from that scene.

Lala: So with the power dynamic, the way that he did the edging and the orgasm control, it can also show that that’s a great way to induce multiple orgasms in women as well. So I wanted to show that.

 August/narration:

As Lala’s story demonstrates, edging, aka orgasm control, is when you get really close to climax, then stop the activity that’s getting you close, then repeat. It really gets blood flowing where it counts in O Land and increases arousal so much. And that is often a huge key to experiencing orgasm times three, or more.

Speaking of revving up your boner, Lala pointed out how helpful internal clitoral and G-spot stim can be for serial orgasms, too.

Lala: It’s easier typically to do it after clitoral stimulation because our clitoris extends internally and what we see is just the tip of the iceberg. And so after a clitoral orgasm, the entire clitoris becomes engorged in the vulva and vaginal canal nerve endings are more sensitive, and a clitoral tissue that creates the G-spot is more easily found and felt as well. 

August/narration:

Seriously, don’t ignore the inner parts of the clitoris. That’d be like only touching the very tip of a penis. 

You can stimulate the internal clit with deep kissing, too, by the way — mouth to mouth, as in the lips on your face. It doesn’t have to involve oral sex at all, though it can. If you have a clitoris, just trust me and try it. Make out intensely, clothes on, and see what you feel deep within.

Lala also suggests inviting multiple orgasms with blended orgasms, where two of your most erogenous parts are stimulated at the same time. 

Lala: For instance, it could be a clitoral and a nipple orgasm or any erogenous zone on your body that can be stimulated to bring more pleasure, whether that be a clitoris and the anus or the clitoris and a G-spot. 

August/narration:

Toys can also help you stimulate your G-spot area for multiple Os. Every time I talk about that, I think of the late and wonderful Lora Somoza, who joined me in-studio some years ago. During a Q&A game, the fellow podcast host talked about her own toy-fueled multiple orgasm experience. 

August: I’ll go with the next question and this is 42. Have you ever had multiple orgasms? 

Lora: I have indeed. I got up to 13. 

August: What?!

Lora: Boom! I’m such a huge fan of the Hitachi wand. They should put me on the payroll because I’ve sold so many of those just talking about how fabulous the Hitachi wand is.

August: Were you aiming to have many? 

Lora: I was kind of, yeah, I was just kind of like, wow, that was powerful. That was another one. I’m just going to keep on going until I pass out. See how far I can go.

August: Did you pass out?

Lora: No, I didn’t pass out, but I was definitely like, 

August: After a while, you’re like, I need a meal or something. 

Lora: I felt like my vagina was still vibrating on its own for like an hour afterwards. 

August: That is really funny. Yeah. I still haven’t tried the Hitachi wand. I need to add it to my collection. 

Lora: Oh, you will and then you’re going to call me up and go, I don’t know what I was waiting for.

August: Yeah. I’ll be like, “I’m on number 12, Lora!”

Lora: If they’ve never had an orgasm, I mean, that’s really one of the best ways, because just the vibrational tone of it, for whatever reason, works with so many women. You know, it looks like the seventies massager that your mom had, you know, which now, you really know what your mom is doing, which again, is probably not a visual that you want to have now, but sorry.

And it’s just, you know, within like 30 seconds, you’re just going to be like, Boom! Yeah, it’s powerful. 

August/narration:

I should mention that I have since tried various wand toys — and they actually aren’t the most exciting for me. That said, so many folks have told me that they share Lora’s take — from the easiest way to orgasm to multiple orgasms to, as she mentioned, experiencing their very first. So if you do go the toy route to more climactic pleasure, keep in mind that trying a variety can be a great thing.

Lora passed away several years ago, and I think that wherever she is now, wherever her spirit or memory lingers, she would love it if you all would think of her during your own multiple orgasms. Well, maybe before or after.

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August (ads): 

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Couply is on a mission to “help the world build incredible relationships” by helping couples deepen understanding, improve communication and create those magical moment – using super fun quizzes, questions and games. You can even sync your app up with a partner’s to stay connected and turn up the heat from a distance. 

There are so many apps that help you get into your relationship – Couply helps you STAY in a relationship, and have a blast doing so. To get started, download Couply in your app store – or head straight to it here.

Speaking of toys, The Pleasure Chest has a range of wands, G-spot toys, dildos, cock rings and more to add a sense of fun and adventure to your play. If you wanna try for multiple orgasms, consider these picks:

The Womanizer 2 provides suction on the outside and a curved part that you can use with or without vibration for internal bliss. The special Pleasure Air suction motor stimulates the clit without even touching it. Pick it up, along with one of their multi-orgasm guidebooks and some lube and you’re good to go. Cock rings, for firmer and longer lasting erections, can also make way for more orgasms. 

Check them all out and explore your heart, and your boner out, at thepleasurechest.com. 

[acoustic, encouraging music]

August/narration:

Women and people with a vulva aren’t the only people who can experience multiple orgasms. Yes, men and penis havers can have them, too. 

I spoke with artist and speaker, Yuval Mann, and intimacy coach, Court Vox, about becoming multi-orgasmic — plus some related advice.

Yuval: So here’s a few things about becoming multi-orgasmic, uh, as a man. And also in general, actually, it’s not just for male presenting bodies. This is for anybody. 

I think the main idea, especially when we are talking about the male body, the male genitalia, and it’s something that is pretty established scientifically now as well, but we’ve known that, forever, is that ejaculation and orgasm are not mutually exclusive, meaning you can have one without the other. They don’t always have to come together. 

And that is, I think, a very fundamental understanding in becoming more multi orgasmic. 

August/narration:

And on a personal level…

Yuval: 

The whole point for me in opening up to my full orgasmic capacity, or my full orgasmic spectrum, is less about chasing some peak experiences of orgasmic pleasure, and more about opening up to the idea that everything is welcome.

 That sex, and… orgasms are not some kind of end goal of some sort, but rather a full spectrum experience that you can experience throughout an entire sexual experience and throughout your entire life. It’s less about having a multi orgasmic experience and more about living an orgasmic life. 

A byproduct of that is being able to separate ejaculation from orgasm and having full body orgasms and, you know, being in full control of ejaculation and ejaculating more intentionally when I feel like it and when I want to and when the moment is asking for it rather than something that happens without me wanting it, but that’s just a byproduct of living an orgasmic life, which is celebrating pleasure in all aspects of life, which is following the subtle thread of your body’s natural needs and desires in any moment and embracing them all.

It’s in all things, you know, it’s, I wake up in the morning and I really deeply feel like, what feels more pleasurable right now? And it’s not a pleasurable seeking kind of hedonistic obsession with, you know, lustful fulfillments. It’s more about what lights my fire most, what feels most exciting.

So if I’m eating, I’m not just going to eat to feel myself. I’m going to feel into what does my body really genuinely want right now? I’m going to, Oh, maybe now it’s time for self care or self pleasure or taking a bath or taking a walk and really feeling the sun on my face, breathing in a way that is intentional and deep and nourishing.

And even in sex, I’m not just performing for something or someone. I am following the thread of my own pleasurable aliveness. I’m following my pleasure. What does, what feels most exciting? What feels like a full body fuck yes right now? And I feel like that is the path of becoming multi orgasmic.

 Part of it, yes, is slowing down, is becoming more attuned with your pleasure, with your levels of arousal. Part of it is also starting to slow sex down to the point that you can feel more types of orgasmic experiences than the peak ejaculatory or clitoral explosion.

But you can experience more. You can expand orgasmic experiences to other parts of your body, to your entire body, to your heart, to your mind, to your nipples, to your throat, to many, like, whatever, you know? those are just byproducts. That is what multi orgasmic means for me. 

August/narration:

Separating orgasm from ejaculation is also known as semen retention, and there are a bunch of ways to explore and go about it. The edging practice Lala mentioned, for example, can help. You can also try Kegel exercises, paired with the mindful awareness Yuval touched on. Kegels flex and strengthen your pelvic muscles for greater control. 

Court has experienced another type of multiple orgasms, where ejaculation does happen more than once. And regardless of the type, he wants folks to know serial Os are worth embracing.

Court: You know, some people are having orgasms they’re describing as energetic orgasm and I want to name that. I also have that, which is incredible, like I don’t have to ejaculate. I can have these rolling energetic orgasms. It’s a different feeling, of course, and they’re wonderful. So if you feel like you’re having orgasm in your body, like, roll with it. That’s delicious. Don’t think there’s something weird about you. Just lean in. 

I’ve had a lot of people say to me, uh, ” People think it’s weird, so I stop it.” I’m like, “No. Lean in.”  But I noticed that I can access my prostate actually from the outside. So if I kind of put my hand, sometimes very softly, and other times it has to be deeper, just above my pelvic bone, I can kind of massage my prostate, which is an incredible feeling that You know, I coach people to try, not everybody can feel it. Everybody’s body is different. 

And then also I use a breath technique called the Big Draw that’s used by Montaq Chia. That you can read more about in The Multi-Orgasmic Man. 

Really, the Big Draw is used more as like a way to kind of move the energy throughout the body so that you don’t get blue balls so that doesn’t get stuck in that area. 

But how I have used it a lot, like if you’re thinking about, your ejaculatory orgasm as steps and I’m sort of getting to an eight, I can start to increase my breath pattern of, which is part of the big draw. And as I’m getting more to a nine, I’m getting to this place where I’m taking my deep breath in and I’m holding, as I feel myself getting more to a 10, I’m holding and I’m clenching everything in my body and clenching my muscles.

I’m holding my breath. And then when I’m, I’m continuing to stroke myself, and as I’m ready to ejaculate, I release everything. I release my muscles, I release my breath, I release my ejaculate, and a lot of times it will come a little bit. I’ll have a first wave, and then it’ll have a second wave, and then it’ll be a third wave. 4th and 5th waves are a little less common… I’ll say that the 5th wave I’ve had maybe twice. 

August: And how do you feel afterwards? 

Court: Oh, I feel so good. I feel clean. That’s the only way I can describe it… I feel like I’ve been cleansed.

August: This feels a little bit rhetorical, but is this something that you recommend? Obviously you wouldn’t dissuade someone from it, but do you think that folks should aim for this or try it if they’ve never had multiple orgasms?

Court: Why not? What I would invite is to not get discouraged. Because what I know about humans in general and also masculine identifying bodies is that we do it once and we go, fuck, I didn’t get it right. I can’t do it. My body doesn’t have the capacity. 

And what’s true is it takes time to build up to some of these things and you might do it on your first time. I don’t know! Everybody’s body is different. You may never do it. So if we could just do less comparing and contrasting to each other’s bodies, we’d be better off.

August/narration:

Last for today, another tip from Lala, a practice that can pave the way to more pleasure — and yes, multiple orgasms — no matter your gender or body parts.

Lala: Once again, like our brain is our biggest sex organ. I always ask, What am I feeling? What am I smelling? What is my partner saying? So I can stay grounded in that moment. You want to be in the moment, be mindful, be present, and focus on the pleasure. 

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August/narration:

For more from Lala, visit lalasbedtimetales.com. There you can find her podcast and an educational hub, which includes guides for “best erotic picks” and pleasure. She also offers workshops and has a robust YouTube channel. 

Learn more from Yuval at yuvalman.com and more from Court Vox at thebodyvox.com. Both men offer courses and events aimed at topics like deepening intimacy and transforming your sex life.

If you’re enjoying Girl Boner Radio, please rate it and make sure you’ve hit “follow” on your favorite podcast app. Ratings and reviews really help ensure that more folks find and benefit from the show, and I read and appreciate every review. As always, thanks so much for listening.