I had an incredibly erotic experience the other night. I dreamed I met a man in a bar and without saying a word, began riding his leg. Within what seemed like moments, I climaxed so intensely that it jolted me awake. My handsfree orgasm lingered as I laid there in my PJs, my heart and vagina pulsing, as wet as though I’d been rigorously sexually active for hours. Who knows? Perhaps I had.
This wasn’t my first nocturnal orgasm, but it was definitely the most powerful I recall. Thank you, research! I’d watched an intriguing TED presentation by Mary Roach, author of BONK, called 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Orgasm, the evening prior. (Manning Girl Boner Central has so. Many. Perks!) Add an active imagination and all sorts of things open up—YUM! but no pun intended.
I love the fact that I can savor and share such experiences without shame and discuss them with you all here. I also love the empowerment embracing our sexuality brings to all who seek it. The more we step into, respect and savor our sexuality, the better able we become to connect with and delight in it, making way for fuller, more authentic lives. Seems like an orgasmic dream-come-true to me.
“Women have sleep-gasms?” I recall wondering years ago, well before beginning my research into sexuality or launching Girl Boner. Indeed we do! If you’ve wondered yourself about the erotic phenomena, consider the following.
5 Facts About Female Sleep-gasms and Wet Dreams
1. They’re common. In 1953, sexuality researcher Alfred Kinsey, Ph.D found that nearly 40% of the 5,628 cisgender women he interviewed experienced at least one nocturnal orgasm or wet dream (technically called “nocturnal emissions”) by age 45. Considering how little women were encouraged to embrace their sexuality or speak about it back then, I’m guessing the numbers are far greater.
2. And recurrent. About 85% of women who orgasm during sleep do so several times per year, according to more recent findings published in the Journal of Sex Research. Now that’s a recurrent dream worth keeping! I’d much prefer night-gasms to flying or stalker dreams—wouldn’t you?
3. They start early. Like boys, many girls and femmes experience wet dreams during adolescence. If you have a daughter, sex and relationships expert and author Laura Berman, Ph.D. recommends discussing nighttime orgasms with her when she reaches the 5th or 6th grade to prevent any shame or confusion and to enhance her sense of self.
4. You may not realize you’ve had them. Mid-sleep orgasms usually take place during REM sleep, according to Dr. Barbara Bartlik, a psychiatrist and sex therapist in New York, when we’re deepest asleep and blood flow to our genitals peaks. Unless you’re woken meanwhile, you’re unlikely to recall the orgasm or any coinciding dream. Unlike men, who consistently ejaculate, our evidence can be less apparent.
5. There’s no shame in having, or not having, them. Sexy dreams, wet or dry, can be an outlet for sexual expression. They’re also believed to symbolize intimate connections with one’s self or others, according to DreamCloud. That said, having them doesn’t make us normal or abnormal, better or worse sexually or otherwise. There should be no shame in having or not having erotic dreams or orgasms during the day or night. If you do experience them, however, I highly recommend embracing them.
Have you had nocturnal orgasms or wet dreams? Which fact above most struck you? I love hearing your thoughts! For more Girl Boner fun, be sure to scope out the Girl Boner Facebook page, connect with me on Twitter and tune in to Girl Boner Radio. Today I’ll be interviewing the incomparable Cindy Gallop, of Make Love, Not Porn. ♥
Ha! Great post! I recall my first wet dream wasn’t about sex at all but resulted in a superpowered orgasm all the same! In the dream, I was balancing lotus position atop a towering stack of towels…yes, towels. It took all my concentration to hold my core still and keep the terry-cloth tower from tumbling. I woke up quivering and confused
LOL! I love it. Whether yoga or sexy encounter related, those nocturnal orgasms have perks.
I was softly chuckling while reading about your experience August. And believe me, I wasn’t laughing about you. It just reminded me of the one really intense sleep-gasm I had – that nearly threw me out of bed.
It’s a long time ago, I was single at that time, didn’t have an affair, no man in sight and I wasn’t sexually active for quite some time when I woke up with one of the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had until then – while dreaming I was having sex… with Kid Rock….
*RRRROOOOAAAARRRR* Embarrassing, isn’t it? (Sheesh… I don’t even like the Guy. LOL)
LOL! Now I’m laughing hard, Raani. You created quite the visual! Thanks for making my night.
YUP! I’ve had sleep-gasms that woke me, and I’m pleased to learn I may have had some I don’t recall. While it would be more fun to wake and relive the details, an extra dose of oxytocin is never a bad thing. Right?
I recently woke one morning after a sleep-gasm. This was after I’d treated myself to a sound and oxytocin enriched sleep the night before. What a great day that was.
I imagine we still get benefits, recollections or not! Plus, you never know when they’ll crop back up in real time. (Yum!)
I’ve had way more than I’d like to admit. I think my dreams get more action than my husband.
LOL Shows you have a very sensual mind–a great thing for you both.
I have had lots of them but one stands out as the ONE of all time where I woke up moaning out “Oh wow . . . Oh my god. . . .” It was – deep and spreading and really intense. Most of them wake me up, but every so often I’ll wake up in the morning and then remember and go “Hey! . . . well la tee dah . . . .” laughing.
What a scrumptious awakening! I love those, too.
I love that you make sex open and honest and something we can discuss instead of giggling behind our hands about it or hiding our sensual sexual sides as something “shamey” etc etc etc!
A great post August. I can’t speak for my wife here and I don’t know if your readers would be interested in a man’s perspective. What I will say is whenever I have a sex dream I end up backing off and saying, ‘I can’t, I love my wife.’ A bit sad eh?
You’re the best there is at what you do, August. Period.
Sweet dreams…
I didn’t have a wet dream for years,but I saw my ex in her garden in a pretty sexy bikini and had three wet dreams about her in a month! I managed to hide the first one but have had the third degree since as the result was pretty obvious. I don’t know why I’ve had them especially after so long? I wouldn’t ever cheat but I do admit the ex turned me on in a way she shouldn’t. I feel sort of guilty and my partner didn’t believe they were over her like I’d said.
In my wet dreams, iam not getting any pleasure rather i make myself wet. Does it happen’s to anyone?
As a teen, I awoke very wet indeed, sometimes with my clitoris still fully erect, after awaking from erotic dream. While asleep, I believe I may have been unknowingly massaging myself though my underwear and came.
It’s more common than people think! Thanks for chiming in.
I actually found this very interesting. I never took into account the fact that we don’t ejaculate, so the dreams may be even more common than we think. I always (and illogically) thought that women would wake up from wet dreams. I can only ever recall one, but I’m starting to think that they’re much more common. We have 3-5 dreams a night, even if we can’t recall them, why not wet dreams as well?
Apparently I have done this with much moaning, groaning and talking too. I don’t have a problem with it but also have no recollection of it. My husband on the other hand does seem to have a problem with it. .. I don’t know what to do. If I’m asleep and don’t know what’s happening how in the world can I control it? !?
My only problem is when I wake up my clit is so sore and I still have an ache down there that I get when I need to masturbate so I do, but the feeling lasts until I go to sleeping the next night. It’s kind of uncomfortable and distracting.
Lol I get them at least once a week and they usually just are about sexy men a lot of different ones that are muscular and Hawaiian or black or even white they are all very sweet and gentle in my dream then lol I am the one that goes hard at it in my dream lol sometimes I start air humping lol
Loved reading this iv been having these types of dreams several times a month now for a while (lucky me lol) sometimes im aware of whats happening and know im dreaming and am able to control whats happening, i know that sounds a bit bizzare but its really cool i never actually touch myself either its just all played out in my dream, if i do try to move then i end up waking up.
oh i just love themas well, have so,etimes three a weekor once in a month since couple of years, always wakeup and finish myself with having orgasm begin in sleep and end in reality, gosh, this type of orgasmsare unable torweach with partner ;d
im a girl and I’ve got to say that I’ve been having wet dreams or sexual dreams for a while now. Even since I was about 6! Anyways they’re great and I’ve had orgasms during them many times. I’ve realized that I thrust during them lol. But I remember one dream where I was making out and grinding on Josh Hutchersons leg and started riding him so that just made me orgasm and I woke up so wet. That was a while back, I think I was 12 so damn I was young. And that was also when I was obsessed with the hunger games so yeah.. Anyways I’m like half asleep and half awake during the time I orgasm but damn it’s amazing. No hand orgasms?That’s a win for me! When I don’t masturbate and orgasm for a while I’ll have wet dreams so once in a while I’ll hold off masturbating just so I can have a wet dream. They’re the best. I’ve had wet dreams with celebrities, my crushes from school, even my friends (I’m not leabian though). But it’s totally normal for girls to have them and girls shouldn’t be ashamed or anything. And don’t deny that you haven’t had them because most likely you have, but you probably can’t remember. God the dreams turn my on so much I wake up knowing I orgasmed and I’m totally horny so I have to do something about it and take care of business But I’m 15 now and been having them since I was very young and that’s okay. Hope this helps anyone. And I hope this hasn’t turned anyone on lol.. But if it did then that’s okay.
I have had sleep orgasms since I have been 7. I never understood what it meant but since I’ve gottne older they have become more intense and longer.
I get about two sleep orgasms a month now. I am now 24. I actually just had one two days ago. It was the most intense one I’ve ever had so far. I woke up breathing hard and my heart was racing. I never was ashamed of it because I never knew it was a thing. I just thought it happened to everyone. ♡ love this post ♡
So glad this resonated with you, Bernice! Thanks so much for weighing in, and for embracing your sleep-gasms.
didnt think women had them news to me
I ran across your post while researching what is becoming a new norm for my wife and me. Her “nocturnal orgasms”. Trust, I’m all for equality and women empowerment, but have those of you who are married thought about the husband’s experience? Being regularly woken up by your wife’s orgasms. Worse yet, her slurping on a dreamy figure’s member (not your own). The issue is two fold (and it is not the fact she’s having them); as her husband I have to ask if she’s not sexually satisfied and secondly who in the world is she dreaming of? Our sex life is considered healthy and still has variety and intimacy, so I’m not really sure. If she’s dreaming of Brad Pitt then who cares. If she’s dreaming of someone from work or someone in our circle of friends, then that’s a separate story. At the same time, I’m not sure I want to know the answer. If it’s someone close to us, then we’ve opened a serious can of worms. And there’s a reason why that possibility is on the table. This has been going on for at least a year, but now the frequency has increased and honestly I’m a bit humiliated. Masturbation is for you to do by yourself or us together. One or the other, but not in front of your husband and without him being involved. Put the shoe on the other foot. You’re asleep and night after night you’re woken up by your husband masturbating to the point of climax right next to you. Before you respond, look at the data relating to what women think of men masturbating. Btw….If you’re single, by all means, enjoy the ride.
I am a woman of 53 years and been having nocturnal orgasms for as long as I can remember. I am in a very happy marriage with a healthy And frequent sexual relations with my husband. When I have my wet dreams I am never dreaming about another man. I’m usually simply walking down the sidewalk, shopping in a grocery store, or surrounded by a group of people when my clit starts to tingle. I end up dropping down onto the ground( within my dream)and start masturbating and that’s when I always wake up just in time to orgasm. I have never been touching myself in my sleep to bring on this tingling sensation. I do however have to touch myself after I’ve woken up to maximize the orgasm to its fullest. I’ve done some research on this and have learned that when in REM sleep, blood flows heavily through the genitalia area which causes the process.
I had a few question but great job
1.can I make these go away?
2.do you sleep talk or anything when you have them?
3.will they ever go away be cause I have had them twice in a row?
4. It’s weird cause I haven’t had any sex yet and I was wondering if that’s why?
5.will it be like this for ever
6 and when I wake up there’s no cum it’s just wet and it doesn’t smell or anything
Thanks for reading my question I hope you can answer them cause I just want to know if it’s just pee or not
Hi Charlotte, It sounds like you’re having wet dreams – which is totally normal. I could see not having sex being a contributor to the dreams. When we have desire that isn’t acted on, alone or with a partner, it may act on itself (so to speak!). Have you considered why you want them to go away? Regardless, some solo play may help. Wishing you the best!
I have been getting these, since I was 11 or 12 years old and I’m now 36. Mostly happens randomly and I could be dreaming of a man or just alone somewhere. I’ve never had anyone next to me when it happens, but one time, when I was 15 and camping with my dad in a freaking tent. I woke up on my tummy moving up and down and moaning that it actually woke me up and I paused and looked over and he was snoring. Omg how awful to be having one, while laying next to your father or any family member. Yuck. I would of been mortified. This is really the only way I can let myself go too. I have intimacy issues and take meds that it’s hard to let myself go for a man, but I can masterbate solo. I definitely enjoy my dreams though. All of them are so different and some more intense than others.