Sex is supposed to be noisy, unless silence is part of the fun or something you need for privacy. But what if a particular sound or bodily function makes you feel beyond embarrassed? Or if a partner hasn’t exactly welcomed your sounds?
This week’s Girl Boner Radio episode features a true story about embarrassing sex sounds, tips for navigating such things (including cooking tips from my mom!), a throwback clip about embracing the sounds you’ve been shamed for and Dr. Megan Fleming’s last listener Q&A before she shifts to monthly Pleasure Picks only.
Stream it on Apple Podcasts/iTunes, iHeartRadio, Spotify or below! Or read on for a lightly edited transcript.
“Body Sounds During Sex: Sorry/Not Sorry”
a lightly edited Girl Boner Radio transcript
Upbeat intro music and this voiceover:
What would it take to arouse your life? To experience more pleasure, more connection, more realness, in and outside of the bedroom? I’m August McLaughlin, and this is Girl Boner Radio…
Olivia:
My name is Olivia. I am a 25-year-old woman originally from St. Louis, Missouri, I live in LA and I am a Co-Creative Director for Colors Only erotica books, and I also work as a professional dancer.
I am a vegan so I eat a lot of beans. [laughs] And you know, the old saying is like, you know—what was it, like—beans, beans, the more you eat, the more you fart, something like that?
August (narration):
I do remember that saying. It’s apparently from a playground song. The lyrics go like this: “Beans, beans the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you…yes, “toot.” Which is all fine and good; it’s healthy and normal to pass gas. But when that function enters the bedroom? It can feel pretty embarrassing. There are workarounds, for anyone interested – and we’ll get to some of those in a bit here.
First, Olivia’s story. It’s one of the “OMG” sex stories I collect and share here often. It happened during the early days of her relationship with her current boyfriend, during a time in her life when she was pretty new to what she called the “sex world” and pretty self-conscious about her body.
Olivia:
We had this routine of where we would maybe go see a movie, maybe go out to eat, but we really were, like, into cooking at home at that time. So we had just made a big meal. And then we usually just, like, sit on the couch. And then you know, one thing leads to another and then we’re doing it.
August (narration):
Olivia said that oral sex was a big empahsis in their relationship at the time.
Olivia:
I was on birth control at that time. But for some reason, I was still weird about it. So I was like, we need to emphasize head and then maybe only do penetration for the last two minutes. I know that doesn’t make a difference. But you know, sometimes you just are WEIRD about that.
August (narration):
I completely know what she means. It’s not uncommon to fear that any penetration at all can lead to pregnancy.
Like many couples, Olivia and her partner have their go-to sex moves. They know what they like and often go in a similar order.
Olivia:
We usually have the routine of, you know, foreplay, he gives me head and then we do it.
August (narration):
“It” being PIV (penis-in-vagina) penetration. This time, though, Olivia really wanted to enjoy the head she was receiving more than usual.
Olivia:
Like I mentioned, I’m a vegan. So I eat a lot of beans, in general. I’m just a gassy person. And I always feel like I’m holding it in when I’m receiving head and it’s just like, I don’t want to have to do that. I want to just release and feel completely good.
And so in this moment I was like, You know what? Forget it. I’m gonna just let go. It’s probably not even gonna be that bad.
So he’s giving me head and I’m enjoying it. And I’m kind of like, Okay, let’s just let it go. And I farted! In his face! In his face. And it was like a audible like [makes fart noise] one; it wasn’t like a silent like, oh, maybe he didn’t, like. It was very noticeable.
And honestly, we just had to stop. I mean, he’s a nice guy. So he just kind of played it off. But I had to stop because I was like, “I can’t – I can’t handle this.” [laughs]
Honestly in that moment, I just kind of rolled over, and I was just like, “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that to you. I know we’re comfortable. But I would never just assume that I could just fart in your face like that.”
I was just so embarrassed for the first few minutes. But he’s such a sweetheart. So he was like, “I understand. It happens. You know, I’m sure it’ll happen to me at some point.” You know, of course it hasn’t. [laughs]

August (narration):
Olivia has come a long way since then, as far as comfort with her body, including any sounds that might emerge.
Olivia:
But now I understand that that’s just part of bodily functions. It happens. And now I just try and make sure that if I know there’s a possibility we’re going to be doing it later that I try to just let the farts out earlier, if that makes sense. [laughs]
At that point, after I had did that, I pretty much became pretty open with any like bodily things at that point. Because I was like, “I literally farted in your face. Like there’s only like a couple more things worse than that.” [laughs].
August (narration):
Olivia and her beau have been together for some time now. As she’s gotten to know him more deeply, she’s realized that she probably didn’t really have to be so embarrassed about that flatulence.
Olivia:
I think I underestimated his hippyness at that time. Because he’s very open, you know? This is our body. This is my body. These are the sounds that happen when you’re, you know, putting things in orifices.
But now we’re completely fine. Of course, I still don’t want that to happen. But if something along the lines of that happens, I’m just like, “I’m so sorry. I would never intentionally do that to you.” And we’re cool.
[upbeat, acoustic music]
August (narration):
So here’s why beans can make you gassy. They contain a type of natural sugar called oligosaccharides. When your large intestine breaks them down, gas is produced. Some people are more sensitive to these sugars than others—so not everyone needs to avoid beans before sex if they don’t want to feel gassy.
If you would rather not avoid foods that make you gassy, you can always take Olivia and her partner’s lead and let things happen. Heck, play some sensual music during sex. Light some aromatic candles.
If you do want to eat beans and still avoid any gassy side effects soon after, you can either take Bean-o, the supplement that contains natural enzymes for reduced gas and bloating, or degas your beans. Yes, that’s a thing.
Shortly after I interviewed Olivia, my mom mentioned that she had been degassing beans. So here are what may be the first ever Girl Boner-curated cooking tips – by way of a chat with my mom.
August:
Okay, so I know that you decided to learn how to de-gas beans, right?
Caroline:
Yes, I really like beans. And they’re really good for you. But beans don’t like me very much. And especially pinto beans and black beans make me a sing very loud songs. [small laugh] So I wanted to de-gas them.
August:
Yeah, that’s a nice way to put it.
Caroline:
So I heard from Rick Bayless on his Mexican cooking show mentioned that Mexican oregano de-gasifies beans. When you boil beans—I use dried beans, of course—so when you boil the dry beans, you put like a teaspoon of Mexican oregano in it.
Also, another point he said to is not to salt them until they’re done, or they get tough. So anyhow, so you add the Mexican oregano, the beans get cooked. And then you just drain it off and use them as you want.
But then I found another method. I did some googling and research. Another method is when you put water and the beans in the pot to boil them. You put a potato in there as a chemical reaction. And the potato absorbs all the gassiness the only warning is never to eat the potato. If you eat the potato, you just might be like Mount Vesuvius.
August:
Oh my goodness.
Caroline:
And there’s one other method. And that is to put a teaspoon of baking soda in the water.
So when I do especially pinto, and black beans, just to be sure, I add the Mexican oregano and the baking soda. And it really, really, really does help. I can eat my beans. And if nobody hears me singing.
August:
That’s awesome. Thank you for sharing that.
Let’s say that you did not know about these steps and you had a lot of beans and you are a gassy person. And you’re being intimate with someone you’re physically close to someone and gas happens. What would be your advice?
Caroline:
Well, you just make sure they have beans, too, and you’ll sing duets. Or you warn them that it might be a very musical time. [laughs]
So there it is, all in a nutshell. There it is.
August:
In a bean nutshell. Good advice. Thanks, Mom.
Caroline:
You’re welcome.
[upbeat, acoustic music]

August (narration):
Flatulence isn’t the only bodily sound that might happen during sex, of course. Two other biggies are breath and moaning. And while both can be hot — signs of arousal and bringers of intense turn-on—some folks feel self-conscious about those sounds, too.
Back in May, 2019, Kait Scailisi, founder of Passion by Kait, joined me in the studio to explore “embarrasing sex problems.” We weighed in on a few listener questions, including one about sex sounds. Here’s a clip:
August:
Somebody else wrote that they’re very embarrassed by the sounds they make in bed. Ever since an ex demanded they stay quiet.
Kait:
OH!!! I’m glad there’s nothing for me to throw right now.
August:
We’re sending this person love.
Kait:
Yeah, so much love. That enrages me. I see red. The only time you should be silent during sex is when it’s part of the fun.
August:
Stealthy sex can be hot.
Kait:
Stealthy sex, role playing role playing silence can be hot.
August:
Breath is so important, too, so if you’re trying to be quiet, you’re also holding your breath and your muscles are tense. And then you have self-consciousness. And to have somebody have shamed you for that. Maybe you weren’t embarrassed.
Kait:
Exactly. That’s put on you. Yeah. And you’re like, Oh, wait, am I supposed to care about this? And then you get in your head about it.
August:
Right! Maybe you loved it about yourself. Like, if you squirt a little sometimes and then somebody says, “Oh my gosh, she peed on me.” You know? Those kinds of tapes can play up again.
Kait:
Yeah. So I’m so, so sorry that this happened. Because it’s fucking bullshit. You go straight to like the deep compassion, and I’m like, I need to be with my anger.
August:
This is why we’re yin and yang.
Kait:
We work perfectly together. So first of all, I do invite you to do whatever grieving and processing of how that made you feel. If someone shamed you for something, especially if it’s something that you liked about yourself, or you never even thought about and it was just this neutral part of you, feel your feels around that. Get angry, get sad.
And you know, that’s really on them. That is on them. Again, I think the advice of letting someone else hold some space for you is really powerful. If you have a partner now who loves those noises, invite them to tell you that if that would feel good or encourage you… And the other thing here is that exactly like you said, with the breath… You know in porn, especially mainstream porn, we often hear this like this really high pitch [porn sex sounds].
August:
That was really good!
Kait:
Thank you! [laughs] And you hear that the breath is coming in very like in the chest and it’s very short and rapid. And that’s actually not going to lead to a better orgasm. You want to think about taking deeper breaths and more of a like [moans] – like that deep moaning noise. I can’t believe I just did that and it’s going out to like many listeners. [laughs]
August:
I love it. No shame.
Kait:
No shame. Sometimes you just have to name it for yourself. I’m turning red right now.
Anyways, back to my point. The deeper breaths you can take are going to help you experience more pleasure, have a stronger orgasm, if experiencing orgasm is in your repertoire, and just enjoy the experience more with being loud as a part of that.
You know, start small. I always, always say, whether it’s body [concerns] or whatever it is, start where you are and take the next tiny, baby step that feels a little uncomfortable, but not like, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” right? Not triggering-uncomfortable, just like, “Hey, this is scary, but think I can like maybe let out a little, baby moan right now.” Just a little one. And start to reclaim that.
But also, like I said, feel those feelings towards that person because no one should put that on you. And that’s such a reflection of their probably discomfort with noises. And I actually just answered a question a reader question about ‘how do I get my partner to talk during sex,’ so to make noise and to tell me what they want and to share fantasies, it’s a beautiful thing. Noise is a beautiful thing. Like I said, unless silence is something you’re playing with.
[upbeat, acoustic music]
August (narration):
If this episode is turning you on—hey, fart fetishes are a thing, and Kait did do a stellar job of those sex sounds—head to thepleasurechest.com to check out their latest specials. Right now, they are celebrating their most popular, tried and true vibrator collection.
If you’re a new customer, sign up for their mailing list to save $5 on your first online purchase and stay in the loop about upcoming events. 🎉
[upbeat, acoustic music]
This week’s listener question came from Bree, who wrote this:
“I’ve been feeling sort of blah. My partner is back to work, I’m on my own with a small child and pets for the first time in over a year. I know many people have had a horrible time in the pandemic and I am definitely not complaining. If I’m being honest though, there are things I miss about stay home life. And I think that’s why I haven’t been interested in sex lately.”
Bree, I sense so much care in your words. And I love that you’ve already picked up on the fact that your reduced interest in sex isn’t likely about sex at all. That is so often the case, and incredibly easy to miss. Your awareness around those feelings is just so huge.
Here is what Dr. Megan Fleming of greatlifegreatsex.com had to say (brief highlights – hear much more in the episode!):
[single guitar strum]
Dr. Megan Fleming:
Bree, you’re definitely not alone. Introverts, in particular, have enjoyed parts of stay-home life. I personally have appreciated finally have opportunities for nooner sex with my husband.
It starts with you. As I often say, self-care isn’t selfish. Allow yourself to have feelings and know that, like a wave, all feelings crest and move on.
You definitely have the ability, all on your own, to ignite and savor your inner sexy pilot light. [more…]
[single guitar strum]
August (narration):
Thanks so much, Dr. Megan. And here is to taking care of ourselves first.
Okay, so I didn’t want you all to feel sad before hearing from Dr. Megan there—but that was her last official listener Q&A segment. I know! That’s sad. But, you will still hear from Megan each month, as she continues sharing about her latest Pleasure Picks, and in a special episode next week about hot monogamy and some of my most popular and powerful sex tips for that.
Dr. Megan is still part of this Girl Boner family—as are you, awesome listener.
And I would love to share even more with you. To Ask Me Anything all year round and get all sorts of fun bonus content, join my Patreon community. I have a ways to go to reach my goal of expanding my team, and any support, even $2 a month, would be so appreciated. Once you join, you’ll get access to all rewards in your tier that I’ve posted so far. Check it out at patreon.com/girlboner.
You can also support the show by leaving a rating and review through your podcast app and letting your friends know about it.
To learn more about Colors Only, which Olivia described as erotica that shifts away from the “male gaze” and into the “female gaze” and centers people of color, follow @colorsonlyeroticabooks on Instagram. Learn more from Kait Scalisi, MPH, at passionbykait.com.
Thanks so much for listening and have a beautiful, Girl Boner-embracing week.
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