Awkward Sex/Dating Confessions: a Bonus Chat with Makenzie Mizell

“Awkward Sex/Dating Confessions” — bonus episode

a Girl Boner Radio episode transcript

August: Literally this morning I got another response from a listener talking about a time that they felt like they made a date awkward, and here’s what they said:

“I came to a first date crying and kept getting emotional about something that happened beforehand. My date was polite, but also seemed so weirded out.” When I first read that, I thought of us because the day we met, I think some people might have found either one of us to be creating something awkward and instead it was like, oh my gosh, we’re friends always. 

August narration: 

The nutshell version of what happened that day is this. I was at the first studio I recorded at, and it was my then engineer, Gabe’s, last day. I was emotional about it — as I tend to be about goodbyes — and Makenzie, who would soon take Gabe’s place, was standing in the corner of the room. 

I walked to Gabe’s desk with a goodbye gift for him, fighting tears – a fight I lost. And Makenzie, this stranger, saw me crying and ran over to me, arms open wide. 

August: And you gave me this big hug and I was like, oh my gosh, what an awesome human. Some people might have thought either one of us awkward. 

Because awkwardness comes up not just on dates, but when we meet anybody, right? We’re meeting a new person and I feel like there’s a bit of awkwardness built into that.

Makenzie: Yeah. And I feel like that’s kind of a silly thing that we’re all taught is that we’re supposed to have, which totally goes against what we were just talking about. Cause I was gonna be like, it’s so silly to think you should have an instant connection. And it’s like, meanwhile, you and I, instant connection.

But yeah, of course I think it’s supposed to be awkward. I think that when we don’t feel awkward sometimes we’re ensnared, in the trap of a sociopath who’s making it feel less awkward than it should. 

August: Which we have talked about at length as well. Yeah, it’s really true.

And I think that’s kind of the idea of dating is finding the people that we are similarly awkward with, or or who just delight in the ways in which we are, quote unquote awkward. 

Makenzie: Yeah. Definitely. It’s that, what’s the phrase? It’s a feature, not a bug. I find that so often with people where it’ll be something that’s like an idiosyncrasy that I’m like, ah, we’re on the same team.

We’re the same kinda weirdo. Give me more of that. 

August: Yes, it’s so true. It’s so true. 

August narration: 

As I worked on the recent episode about awkward dates, I kept thinking about the various sides of stories. 

Because when someone asks you, what’s the most awkward date you’ve been on, it’s easy to leap to times when someone else did something wonky or odd; I know that’s where my mind has gone. And I think those are important stories. I love sharing them. 

Still, it seemed only fair that I explore the flip side — times when we ourselves made things awkward. So that’s what this bonus episode is about. It’s a conversation full of moments made WTF by us. Us being Makenzie Mizell and me.

Makenzie seemed like the perfect person to join me for the conversation, maybe because we share similar types of “weird,” the kind that’s made us friends. 

You may recognize Makenzie Mizell from appearances in a few previous episodes. They also recorded this show back in pre-pandemic days – after Gabe left – and continue to engineer my occasional in-studio sessions now. 

Makenzie has produced a bunch of award-winning content, by the way, including the Webby-winning Mueller, She Wrote. And they head operations at the Period Podcast Network.

Makenzie has recently embarked on a spicy career path as well – one they’ve kept quiet publicly until now. So after our “we were awkward” stories, plus a few more stories submitted by listeners, you’ll hear about that. 

[acoustic, encouraging music]

August: So we both jotted down a few times that we felt that we made things awkward. 

Makenzie: Oh, yes. (laughs)

August: We had to narrow it down. Let’s just say. 

 

For you, the first one you jotted down I’m curious about is, “are you gay at all?” What happened? 

Makenzie: I was in the hot tub with a bunch of friends and there was this girl. We kept looking at each other and I was like, I can’t tell if I keep catching her eye or that I’m just staring at her so much that statistically, we will eventually meet each other’s eye periodically.

And she left the hot tub and I turned to my friends and I was like, “I really liked her. I thought she was cute. I couldn’t tell whether or not she was looking at me.” And they were like, “She was looking at you the whole time.” And I was like, ok… 

So I like run outta the hot tub wet and I catch her before she leaves, and I catch the door behind her and I’m like, “uh, are you gay at all?” 

So that was my pickup line and she was like, “Kinda?” We exchanged numbers and she never texted me, but I was really glad that I chased her down. 

August: Oh. How did you feel about saying that afterwards? 

Makenzie: I mean, I was thrilled. like, oh, when I shut off my brain, I’m just honest, like that’s fine. I trust my nervous autopilot. It worked fine. 

August: Yeah, and I do think that so many people would find that very endearing, and so if that person was someone that you would have more chemistry with, it would’ve been a good sign if they were like, “that is the coolest pickup line ever.” 

Makenzie: And it was really cute. She seemed engaged by it, and we chatted for a bit and, who knows what the backstory is, but I was like, oh, I’m glad I shot my shot, if that’s how you say it.

August: Yeah. I think when you’re honest and clear, that’s never wrong. 

Makenzie: Mm-hmm. 

August: I think that’s great. You spoke your truth instead of dancing around it and being like, so this is gonna be very stereotyping, but it just flew into my head saying, “do you like the Indigo Girls?” (both laugh)

Yes. Lots and lots of non-gay people love the Indigo Girls. What about the time you dreamed about squeaky shoes? 

Makenzie: Yes, so there was this person who I had been friends with forever. We were always dating other people and then we both lived in Seattle at the same time. And we’d always kinda wanted to go on a date and we went on a date, super fun, like shut the place down, went back to his place.

He played a couple songs on the guitar, and it was this kind of cute, fun night. And so then I decided to stay over and I have just like constant vivid dreams from the minute I hit the pillow and I have lots of short dreams. I don’t know if you’re this way, if I get woken up and go back to sleep.

So anyway, I’ve been having just like a million different little dreams and then I have this dream that, remember when ballet flats were really in, I mean, now darling, they’re coming back in, keep an eye on 23, very grateful they’re coming back. I had a pair of final plastic kind of shiny ones, you know, and if I was fidgeting and I’d rub ’em together, they would like make this weird plasticy squeaking noise.

And I would always be like, “oh my gosh, stop squeaking your shoes.” So anyway, as far as I’m concerned, I’m sitting there squeaking my shoes. And I’m like, “oh, stop it!” And then I wake up and I’m just having a loud, long fart that sounds like squeaky shoes, while cuddling with this person. And he doesn’t react.

And I don’t react. And I’m like, I know we both know. So I just stayed very quiet and didn’t sleep, I don’t think again until morning. Now, I think I would’ve laughed at it, but I was like 23 or something. So it was, you know, the end of the world. 

August: So this dream…the fart was inspiring the dream.

Makenzie: Yes, I was hearing it. Yeah. 

August: Oh! I love that there was just like this silence after…silent acceptance. 

Makenzie: Which I think that connects to one of yours slightly, doesn’t it? 

August: Oh, the bodily function… 

Makenzie: Yes, you have a bowel-related one. 

August: Uh, yes. So I had a few first dates in my early twenties. A little backstory, my appendix burst when I was 20.

Makenzie: Oh… 

August: And I had to be at bedrest for a month. It was really intense. So I had this kind of wild cabin fever and I wanted to get out and I was single at the time. I think this was back in AOL Love times. 

Makenzie: Ooh!

August: I met a couple people online and I wanted to go on some dates and I was so excited to be out. And also I had this…other experience while I was recovering. 

So after my appendix, first they did the surgery and the medication they gave me, I think it was a side effect of the medication paired with maybe some things that were residual from the eating disorder that I was kind of stable physically, but still struggling with. So there were a lot of factors. It made my digestive system not work super well. 

And so, I came home from the hospital and I was sleeping down in the basement, and I was in so much pain because I had impacted bowels, which is—you cannot have a bowel movement; the stool is just backed up in you. Long story short, the release of that was so profoundly magical to me. 

Makenzie: Uh huh. 

August: It felt like such a miracle. I felt like my life was saved. I mean, they told me “this is worse than childbirth pains.” It was so intense and worse than the appendix problems. And so this incredible bowel movement, I had…how can I put this? Elevated me a bit off the toilet, like there were so much intensity that blew my mind. I was so fascinated by this and relieved beyond relief, and slightly immature. 

So I’m on these dates and it came up pretty quickly. I mean, cause like “what have you been up to,” right? And it was like the best thing in my life at the time. 

I remember acting it out once. When I got to the elevation part — and I’m skipping details because I have learned a few things — but at the time I told details and I just thought that they would be as mesmerized by this experience as I was. So I lifted myself off the chair. I remember once it was in this pretty nice restaurant.

And I know I did this more than once. Might have been more than twice, but the two that I recall, I just remember them being so, so quiet. I think at the time I thought, oh, we don’t have the greatest chemistry. 

Makenzie: Mm-hmm. 

August: I did end up dating at least one of those guys for a bit. It didn’t last super long. However, I think that it’s one of those stories that they could tell later and be like, red flag! If they tell you about the poo that launched them from the toilet seat, it might not work out. 

Makenzie: That makes me sad, because knowing you. I would be like, oh my God, all the green flags! This person is so comfortable with their body and they’re so open. But then totally, I think if I sat down with somebody and she was like, “so anyway, I had a poop that lifted me off the toilet,” I would be like, “Well, this has been nice…” (both laugh)

August: When you say it, I get that, but when I say it, I get excited. It’s so interesting to me. Like I said, I’ve learned a few things, but it still is a fascinating story to me and I will tell people now, but not until I know them. 

Makenzie: Mm-hmm, that might be the trick. 

August: Growth and maturity. So you also had an experience about a thong.

Makenzie: Oh yes. Actually that’s connected to my last one that I just forgot to say. My friend Haley taught me this. If you like farts and you like making noise, that’s fine, but she taught me just make sure that string is way up your butt when you go to bed. No farts all night. You can still fart. They’re just muffled.

August: So the only problem is you have to wear a thong. 

Makenzie: See, I love thongs!

August: I’m glad. I’m glad that people love thongs. I find them very distracting. 

Makenzie: Really? Oh, interesting. 

August: Oh yeah. I don’t like having material in there. 

Makenzie: See, I guess it just becomes background noise after a while. 

August: Yeah, no pun intended.

Makenzie: Yes. I think I like a thong because I’m like, I know where it is. You know what I mean? Nothing is falling down in my pants or I don’t know.

August: It’s so true, very secure in there. 

So I have a couple more, if you’re curious, you can feel free to ask me about. 

Makenzie: Yeah, so you said that you broke up with someone with a song. 

I wanna ask you about that because it makes me think of my friend Sarah. She was dating this guy and they went out for their anniversary and it was kind of the end and they were gonna give each other presents and Sarah was like, “oh man, hope it’s not a ring.” And her boyfriend was like, “oh man, I hope it’s not a song.” And she had written him a song and he had gotten her a ring and neither of them liked it, but they kept dating for like a year. 

August: Oh my gosh. So did they say that to each other? 

Makenzie: Outloud, yeah. And then gave each other a song and a ring, but the ring wasn’t an engagement ring. I think that’s what she was scared of. It was more of a we are 21, here’s a promise ring. But yeah, pretty successful anniversary date there. So you have a singing date? 

August: I do, yes. This was also in my early twenties, which I think is kind of a theme for a lot of people. We’re newer to dating, we’re newer to adulthood. Our brains are still developing. Not to make excuses, but I was dating this guy. He was an accountant, and all the things you think of when you think of accountants fit him. 

Makenzie: Okay. 

August: He was mathematical, organized, polite. We didn’t have the greatest chemistry in general, but we did date for a bit. And when I decided to break up with him, I thought it would be really romantic if I sang him a song, because you know, as a musician yourself, sometimes your feelings come out in songs.

Makenzie: Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

August: I was kind of journaling through music. And then I had this idea that I thought would be brilliant: sing it to him as the breakup. Like this could be in a movie! How sweet that this person poured their heart out in song and then they could just hug and go their separate ways, just humming along. I just thought it would be so romantic. 

And so, we had this date, we went back to his apartment and I pulled out my guitar to surprise him with this song. There were tears in his eyes and so I thought, oh, he gets it! This is how it was meant to be.

So I sang the song, we shared this long hug and I went home, went on with my life. The next day or so I had a gig with these two friends of mine. We used to sing in coffee houses. And I got up to sing my new song. The name is kind of hilarious. I called it “Came and Went.” I’ll just leave that there.

So I got up and I introduced the song and I said, “This is a song I just wrote about a breakup”…like a very raw, real breakup song. As I’m saying, “this is a breakup song,” I hear a gasp in the audience. And the gasp came from my ex who didn’t know he was my ex until that very moment.

He thought I wrote him a song and I don’t know that he really got the words. Also my words might have been a little too poetic. You know, sometimes you’re trying to be deep and you don’t say, “Now I’m breaking up with you?” You actually talk about flowers and petals falling off, or whatever it was.

And so he had no idea and it was horrible cause I felt him looking at me and he stood up and I felt so terrible. 

Makenzie: Aww. 

August: And he walked out and I just sang the song. 

Makenzie: What else are you gonna do? Talk about a movie moment!

August: Yeah. It was just a different kind of movie. 

Makenzie: Wow. That’s so brave, though! That you wrote a breakup song and sang it. Yeah, as grownups we can easily look back and be like, oh yeah, like clearly that was gonna leave some room for interpretation, but, but damn. I really love that you went through on that. 

August: Thank you for the positive spin. Because, at the time, I felt so terrible. And then I didn’t tell anyone for a while, and then when years passed, like…I would not do that today. Where is the clarity there, right? Like “Are you a little bit gay?” is so much better than you going up and singing a song about a potential bisexual person or whatever, right? Yeah. Feels like a lifetime ago and yesterday.

Makenzie: I love that. That’s so you. I really love that. I’ve definitely done it the other way. I’ve had the like, “Hey, here’s a song I wrote about you, you should go out with me.” I’ve pulled that one a few times. 

August: How did that go? 

Makenzie: Oh, like 10 outta 10! It always works. I used to be like, this is my move. I’ll write ’em a song and then they’ll love me.

August: But your songs are so good, so that’s partly why. 

Makenzie: Thank you! And I try to make them real. They’re not like, you’re great. They’re always, You’re weird. I like that about ya. 

August: I love that. That’s beautiful. It’s the clarity with the romance. In the movies we want the thing that’s a little surreal and disjointed. 

Makenzie: Mm-hmm. That’s true.

August: Maybe mine is best for fiction, but I like your version. 

Makenzie: I love yours though.

Um…oh yeah, I do feel like we have to get to the last one. 

August: Yes, so this was a little bit more maturity level in my life, I guess. I was in my late twenties, so I feel like I’d upgraded, but I still had a lot to learn. 

I was living in LA and it was my first time having, I called it sex as a single girl. When I’ve written about it, I talk about this really enlivening time when I realized I could have “casual sex.”

Before that it was always serious relationship, another serious relationship, and I really felt free after this massive breakup and moving to LA to be like, wow, this concept feels like something I could try on. So I was literally going out to clubs, you know, hoping to hook up with people. And this friend of mine had told me that you can basically just have your pick.

It was that Hollywood idea of the actresses come in and they can have their pick, essentially, is what she said to me. And the presumption was that all these dudes wanted to have sex. So if you want to, go for it. If you don’t, then go home. But here’s your platter. Here’s your pick. Just have fun. 

And so one night I hooked up with this guy. I’d met him once before, just briefly. He seemed nice. We had sex that night and I was more on the initiating side. We didn’t have a discussion or anything. I just thought, this is what we do and I was into it and this is what I wanted to do.

So we had sex. And I do remember a couple times during it, he kind of paused. The next day he arrived at my apartment with flowers and a card and apologized to me.

Makenzie: Right…

August: And he said that he really think that I have value as a person. He doesn’t want me to feel objectified. He doesn’t usually have sex the first time he meets someone, or the second time or the first date. And he saw a future with me. He wanted to take things slow, to slow things down: let’s go out for coffee. Let’s pretend like the sex never happened.

And I was like, oh, no! I don’t want any of that. None of it. And so, I felt, again, terrible. And at least I told him, I was very clear in that moment. As soon as I knew, I said, “gosh, I’m so sorry that I gave any impression other than I just wanted to have sex. I didn’t realize that you had mixed feelings about it. I’m really sorry and I hope you take care.” It was just short, and here you go. 

He looked pretty crestfallen, and I next saw him was when I was scrolling through daytime TV. I saw him on Dr. Phil. You know how on Dr. Phil, an expert in the audience will stand up and share a thought about something?

Makenzie: Mm-hmm. 

August: And the camera pans over and here’s this guy. He stands up and I can’t remember what he said, unfortunately. But he was there as a relationship expert who’d been through a lot and was now helping other people cultivate committed relationships. Like it was not anything about let’s go have a hookup, not that they do that on Dr. Phil, but at least in that moment I interpreted that as, oh, I was a part of his pain and I was one of the wounds that sent him to Dr. Phil and, oops. 

That experience really showed me that it is a stereotype.

Makenzie: It is!

August: And I’ve met many guys who do not wanna have casual sex. They want a relationship. It doesn’t matter what your gender identity or your orientation is, it’s always important to communicate. 

Makenzie: Yeah, so much so, because I have had that happen too, and I feel so bad. Not to that degree, but just where it’s been like, I think this is just this thing that’s happening with this person. 

I used to joke that I can’t seem to have a one night stand. I remember there was this guy, we were out and we were like, “yeah, let’s hook up!” And the next thing we know it was like weeks later and we’re still hanging out watching Naruto on the weekends and we’re not dating, but we’re still hooking up.

And I’m like, oh, right. Because I have this idea in my head that if I’m like, well, I just need some sex and you look available, men specifically will be like, “yes, let’s do that.” And that has never been my experience. Every time they’re like, “cool, I like you, do you wanna hang out?” Like, oh, right, because they’re not just like dicks with brains, you know what I mean?

We learn that men are just down for sex all the time. And, yeah, I’ve definitely felt myself in similar places where I was like, wow, I didn’t think about your feelings the way I maybe would have with a woman, because there’s just this assumption. 

August: Yes. Assumptions are never helpful. 

Makenzie: No. 

August: They just aren’t. 

[encouraging, acoustic music]

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Visit musamasala.com and click the store tab to start shopping. That’s M U S A M A S A L A dot com to save 15% and support a wonderful cause.

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August: I also asked the Girl Boner audience to share experiences where they felt like they made things awkward. 

Makenzie: Ooh, yes. Please share. Make me feel better. 

August: Right? Yes. Here’s our misery loves company: 

“I didn’t realize my period had started. I thought I was just really wet and we had sex in his car in the dark. It looked like a murder scene after. He was nice about it, but oh my god, I was so embarrassed. I Venmoed him money for a car detail and/or cleaning the supplies.” Oh, bless this person. 

Makenzie: That happens to so many people, though. I don’t know about in the car, but yeah, that sucks and my heart goes out. 

August: Yes. I mean, the moment of realization, when the lights turn on… I just really feel that one, and it’s so sweet to send money. 

Makenzie: Yep. I could see myself doing the same. 

August: And I’m glad the guy was nice about it. Has that happened to you where you didn’t realize you were having your period? 

Makenzie: Listen. My friend who I mentioned earlier—she’ll be fine with all this; these are public stories. But her first time, she and her partner thought she was real wet and then turns on the light when they’re done, it was just like blood everywhere. She just happened to have her period and not know it, so yeah.

August: Okay, so this happens a lot, everyone who’s relating to this.

(Glances at notes) Oh, goodness…. I just wanna say, I love all of these people. There is a kinship when you have been a very awkward person in certain scenarios. I just, I feel these so deeply. 

“How can I put this? I had sudden food poisoning, I think, in the form of explosive diarrhea. I feel so dumb about this now, but I pretended the smell wasn’t coming from me.”

Makenzie: Aww. 

August: It’s so hard to know how you’ll react in these situations, right? 

Makenzie: Yeah. 

August: What do you think you would do if that happened to you?

Makenzie: I would love to say that I’m super evolved and I would go, you know what? We’re both adults, bodies are bodies. But I’d probably do the same thing. I’d probably be like, “What? Weird! What’s going on?”

August: Right? There is that feeling of “the show must go on” kind of thing. 

Today, I think I would perhaps try to find a tactful way to say, “I’m having a digestive problem,” without going into the details—as I have in the past—and I think I would then probably scoot away and try to change and clean up and everything. But then I could also see myself just getting up, running out, going to a thrift store. I mean, it’s so hard to know until it’s happening.

Makenzie: Yeah. 

August: So I have one more that I’ll read: 

“I sat down to meet someone I matched with on Tinder, started chatting up a storm. I talk a lot when I’m nervous. Then I realized after a while that this person was not my date. The guy was either too stunned or polite to stop me because he sort of just played along until his actual date arrived.” I feel this one, too. 

Makenzie: (laughing) Gold star. I love this person. That’s amazing. 

August: Have you ever done anything similar? 

Makenzie: Oh gosh. If I had more time to process, I’m sure. 

I just know for me, there are genuinely few things in the world scarier to me than those moments where you’re going, are you who I’m supposed to be talking to? Are you supposed to be who I’m meeting up with? 

Like specifically on a date. I freak out sometimes if I know someone well and I know that they’re in a restaurant and I have to try and find them. But that first date, whenever I meet people, I always tell them something like, “I’m the blonde with a blue jacket by the door.”

And they’ll be like, “I saw your profile picture.” Okay, cocky, whatever… Like, I wanna know what you’re wearing. I wanna be able to see you from across the room. I don’t really know from like one picture online, you know what I mean? Not even in a distrusting way. I just don’t know what your face looks like yet.

August: And pictures aren’t the same as people. 

Makenzie: Oh yeah, absolutely. 

August: No one looks exactly the way they do in a picture. It’s not 3D. That’s kind of you, I think, to do that. 

I got into a car once, my partner and I drove to the post office together and I hopped outta the car because there was no parking.

Makenzie: Mm-hmm. 

August: I went in and shipped off a package and I came out and I just jumped into a Jeep. And my partner’s a block away looking at this in horror… I look over to my left in the driver’s seat, there’s a man, and he did not say a single word. He just sat there. 

Why is that always my reaction? Every time I’ve done one of these things, people just stare at me. 

His mouth kind of opened a little bit and I was like, “oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Totally not the car I was meant to get into. Oops.” 

And I just got out and ran and oh my goodness. My partner watched this whole thing. He saw me just get into a stranger’s car with this large man in the driver’s seat. And it wasn’t even — it was another suv, but it probably was a totally different color. I don’t remember, but not the same car. (Makenzie laughs)

So I have had those,l moments. I could see doing that, sitting down and just startin’ my story. 

Makenzie: Yeah, just get into it.

August: Yeah. Oh my gosh. 

So you have had some really incredible evolution in your life recently. 

Makenzie: Mmm, I have. 

August: What would you like to share about that journey and what led you to it? 

Makenzie: Thank you for asking. I’ve been getting into the wide world of taking your clothes off on the internet and I’ve been having the most fun.

I’ve been doing this behind the scenes stuff forever. Still doing it, still love it, managing a bunch of shows. And then to be completely honest, I hit a weird, scary, am I gonna starve to death moment and thought, well, I’ve always kind of wanted to try sex work.

And then I tried it and I was like, screw everything. This is so fun! I wanna do this forever. 

And so it sort of snowballed from doing sugar dating – I’m currently a sugar baby. And then that turned into exploring OnlyFans. And now I’ve been looking at creating custom videos for people, meeting people through Instagram. 

I’ve been chatting with people in my personal life about it, but this is really the first time I’ve gotten to say so on a podcast. Like, “Hey everybody. I do sex work now and it’s super fun. Come on in! The water’s fine.” 

August: I’m very proud of you. I know that this has been something that you’ve been excited about for a while, and it seems like you’re getting so much fulfillment out of it. What’s your favorite aspect?

Makenzie: Photography. I just love it. Like boudoir photography was my favorite. And it’s been so much fun to be like, oh, I can be both. I can be the sexy lady who’s taking their clothes off in front of the camera and I can be the person with the camera. 

So it’s just been super fun. And then to just play for a whole evening and do whatever the heck I want and be silly, and then turn around and have that turn into people who wanna become my clients and give me their money.

I feel like this is why there’s a stigma cuz people don’t want us to know that it’s fun and doable and I’m still awesome. Like my value does not change when people give me money for sex. And, yeah, very fun to be on the other side of all that and, and getting to play in this sphere.

August: I love it. And because there is stigma, I know a lot of sex workers maintain certain levels of privacy, including when they’re dating. And not to get into a whole other topic, I know that you had a wonderful event recently where you married yourself, you committed to self love was so beautiful. 

Makenzie: I did. 

August: So I don’t know if you are dating or not, but have you thought about bringing sex work up on dates? Is that something that you have experienced yet? 

Makenzie: I love that you’re asking that question because that’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I see other people who work in sex work and have partnerships and they’re really happy. And so I see that that is a future option. 

So the commitment that I made, which, I’m me, I can do whatever I want. I can renegotiate if I’d like, but currently my plan is to stay single for a year, and single means not dating people like. If I wanna hook up with people, who cares? I have a sugar daddy and so I still get to check that little, I’m having sex box, like my body still gets to have all of the good oxytocin and things that come with that.

So right now I’m good just chilling. But I have thought about that and I think it would have to be one of those things where it’s just like day one, or maybe before day one, maybe put it on a dating profile. I don’t know. Cuz I could really see it being one of those things where if you start to have a conversation with somebody and you say, “oh actually I do this.” I could just imagine the mental gymnastics someone would wind up doing. Because I’ve seen, when I explain to people outside of sex work that this is how I live my life. If you wanna date me, you have to fit around it. And I often see people instead sort of turn it and be like, “but wait, what if you were different for me?”

And so I have that fear that if I go back into dating and I’m like, “I wanna date you and keep doing sex work,” they might be like, “but what if you don’t have to?” And I want to, so I’m nervous about that someday conversation. 

But, you know (thinking)…actually, never mind. I was gonna try and do sort of a positive thing and wrap it up with a bow and be like, “I’ll talk to my therapist about it.” But that’s a very weird thing, too, is that I had to leave my last therapist because she thought me doing sex work was so interesting and fast, she couldn’t hear my feelings. She just kind of sat down and was like, “oh, tell me this, tell me that.” And it wasn’t my life. So it’s like, I don’t even know, guys. We’re all working on it together, right?

Like hopefully, with learning from friends and meeting new people and you know, there’s, there’s a big wide world of humans out there. And if and when the day comes, I date, you know, it’s possible. But yeah, it seems like it’ll be a huge pain in the ass, if I’m honest. It feels like it’s gonna be a big, weird hurdle –  but, not dead yet! I’m gonna figure it out.  

August: I think it’s really important work you’re doing, partly because of those stigmas, you know? 

Makenzie: Yeah. I really want to do that. I want to be useful in that. Like we’ve talked about before, you know, I think I’m in a good position to be uh, useful to the cause in that way. I’m very low-stakes. If I told the world, you know, this is who I am and this is what I’m doing, it would probably be a month before most of the people in my life went back to treating me normal. So I feel grateful that I’m in a place where I can be more open about it. But yeah, there’s just like a really big stigma fight to still be had.

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August narration: 

Here’s to making dates less awkward by reducing stigma. 

Learn more about Makenzie’s podcasting work at periodpodcastnetwork.com and onlyfans.com/sidneylane.  

Lastly, I want to leave you all with a few more gift ideas… If you’d like to give a friend, lover or yourself the gift of sexy pleasure, visit thepleasurechest.com to explore a range of dildos, vibrators, cock rings, kink kits and more. Pleasure Chest gift cards also make fantastic gifts. 

 

And, for a couple more weeks, you can still save 35% off a Vesper 2.0, the vibrator necklace I love, and support my work at the same time. Just visit augustmclaughlin.com/crave to place an order. They’re elegant, waterproof and available in silver, gold and black. You can even have yours engraved. Find links to all of these goodies in the show notes.

[acoustic chord riff]

If you’re enjoying Girl Boner Radio show I would love to hear your thoughts by way of a review on iTunes or the Apple Podcast app. I deeply appreciate every one. Thank you so much for listening.