For many vulva owners, clitoral stimulation paves the way to orgasm—yet many of us have little clue as to how to stimulate them early on, if ever. If your own knowledge is sparse, you’re far from alone. Clitoral structure and function weren’t deeply analyzed until the 1990s, and the size and scope of the organ wasn’t known until urologist Dr. Helen O’ Connell released research findings in 1998. (Thank God for her!) In other words, the entire world has much to learn.

So what is that shape and scope? Not the tiny knob many people think. “The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris,” O’Connell, told the BBC in 2006. “If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris – triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue.”

That’s right! ERECTILE tissue! A major physiological component of the Girl Boner. But enough history class for now. Today we’re going to explore ways to gain ample pleasure from your clit, whether yours has typical or particularly high sensitivity.

3 Ways to Cultivate Clitoral Bliss

1. Help him find it. Particularly if your partner has a penis, they may not exactly where your clitoris is. If you want them to stimulate your clit, yet they tend to steer clear or give it too little attention, guide their hand to it during foreplay or share a sexy hint. Cosmopolitan recommends saying, “You’re so good at rubbing my clitoris in circular motions with your fingertips…it gets me really turned on.”  Not only are you telling the truth but uplifting your partner, making them more likely to adore your clit with glee. Another fab way to help him find it? SHOW them. There’s little sexier than a little demo. Masturbate together, showing each other what you love.

2. Lube it and squeeze! A quality personal lubricant can enhance clitoral pleasure, whether you’re engaging in sex with a partner or solo. (For tips on choosing the ideal lubrication, check out my recent Sexual Wellness News article, Your Perfect Match.) Once you’ve applied or created your own sensual lube, sex coach Sean Jamison recommends taking your clit bliss further with a squeeze! “It’s so powerful, despite the fact that it’s an indirect clitoris stimulation technique,” he says. You know what this means? Clitoral squeezing is ideal for those of us with highly sensitive clitorises. (Woot!) You basically grasp, squeeze and move the folds of skin covering your clit with your thumb and forefingers.

3. Play with positions. Sexuality and relationships expert Dr. Laura Berman recommends trying different positions that provide direct clitoral stimulation, such as the woman on top, or that let you self-stimulate, such as having your partner behind you. By pressing your clit on your partner’s body, the bed, a pillow or what-have-you, you’ll stimulate blood flow and physical pleasure while increasing your likelihood of orgasm. The key word is “play.” Have fun and experiment with various positions, observing what feels best.

To learn more about clitoral sensitivity, orgasm meditation and an empowering play based on writer/producer Jean Franzblau’s personal experience, check out my latest Girl Boner Radio episode, The Highly Sensitive Clitoris. After chatting with me, Jean read her winning contribution to the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest, Girl Boner Edition—”A Love Letter to my Clit”—on the air. You don’t want to miss it!

What do you think of the tips above? Any tips to add? If you listened to my chat with Jean, what did you think? (Isn’t she FABULOUS???) I love hearing your thoughts! ♥