Steamy and Fun Power Exchange: Domina Mara and Eireann Shells

“Steamy and Fun Power Exchange: Domina Mara and Eireann Shells”

a Girl Boner podcast transcript

August/narration:

Power exchange. In the sexuality world, the term often refers to a relationship between a Dominant and Submissive, or D and s. The submissive partner eagerly relinquishes control to the dominant, in agreed upon ways that both folks fully consent to.

It’s pretty common in BDSM, and often goes far beyond what those more into “vanilla” type play imagine. For example, D/s may or may not involve any whips, chains or dungeons. In male/female pairings, either person could take on the dominant or submissive role. In some, partners take turns, or “switch,” between D and s.

And while it can relate only to sex, some people take D/s dynamics outside of the bedroom or engage in it around the clock. That’s also known as 24/7 power exchange, or 24/7 D and s. Today you’ll hear two stories of women – and one pup — in D/s relationships. Both involve a lot of play, communication, intimacy and fun. [R&B riff]

The first story features Domina Mara, who’s also known as Miss Mara or Mara. She’s a dominant who joined me for a Q&A game in 2022. The second features erotica author, Eireann Shells.

 

Domina Mara’s story

August/narration:

Domina Mara is a professional Dominant and filmmaker. She told me that her religious upbringing later played a role in her career path. Or at least, in certain experiences.

Mara: Because I came from a Catholic background, Roman Catholic, I went to a lot of private schools that had disciplining. So I was there during the age where wooden rulers were still okay to be used on children. Luckily, I was one of kind of the good ones for the most part.

August/narration:

She learned wonky things about sexuality.

Mara: That appreciating our body is bad, that it’s a sin, and all of that kind of stuff. However, I think I’m able to subvert that, to play into that as its own thing, as its own kink, especially those who come from an educational background.

Some of my earliest clients were like principals and stuff like that and people in power and they wanted like the brat school girl to fail but then turn the role around on them and punish them and I was like, oh my gosh, this is so much more exciting.

August/narration:

Mara’s companion, Pup, joined us when we met up. He was wearing an elegant black suit and a dog mask. The pair met at a munch, which is a social gathering in a public place where kinky folks meet to get acquainted. Clothes stay on, of course, and nothing kinky happens. This one was at a restaurant. [restaurant sounds]

Mara: And there was an outdoor patio, and we were seated at a four-person table, but one chair was empty. I had two friends on the other side of me, and this one guy tried to keep pushing his business card onto me because he knew that I was a dominant. And so, the friend across from me was like, “Hey, you wanna take a walk?” [footsteps, two women walking]

And I was like, “Sure, that sounds great.” I had seen Pup out of the corner of my eye enter the scene, basically, but he was just kind of standing there observing people. And so my friend went up to him and was like, “Hey, you want to sit at our table?”

He said, sure. And we literally spent the whole night talking and we ended up parking in the same direction and area away from everyone. So he walked me to my car and things kind of went from there.

August/narration:

Pup wasn’t into pet play yet.

Pup: It was actually very early on in my journey through the kinky world and dynamic. So I was still figuring things out and it was very convenient to have met a professional early on to kind of get some good guidance from.

August/narration:

Mara describes dominant and pup play like this.

Mara: Most of the time, the dominant is kind of like the owner, where they will literally train their pets to be what kind of pet they want them to be. And it’s also based on the pet’s personality because, you know, some dogs are like super obedient, so there’s not a lot of training that has to happen except for like vocal or like visual commands, versus like really playful ones or really mischievous ones that do need disciplining and punishment and that’s kind of their thing as well. So there’s a lot that goes throughout the entire gamut of them.

August/narration:

Mara has other “pets” she plays with, too. But her relationship with Pup is a bit different.

Mara: It’s a little bit special because for Pup, he gets to speak. , and he gets to walk as a biped.

Whereas most of my other pets, they have to crawl around, well, not have to, but it’s in their nature to, and I like training them on all fours. Unless they’re, like, jumping or doing something that requires them to be on their knees or something like that. In those cases, they wear the full outfit where it’s, like, the leather mitts. They sometimes have a tongue sticking out. That’s part of the hood. A tail.

Tails are really huge because that’s kind of like a really playful aspect of things. And then a leash and collar. But Pup doesn’t actually have to be on a leash because he’s more like a bodyguard slash butler to me and that’s kind of how I’ve established his character.

August/narration:

In some ways, Mara said, it’s kind of like making her childhood dreams come true, only adult and kink style.

Mara: Because I’ve always wanted like a Doberman when I was younger, but I never got a chance to experience pets because my mother was allergic. And so in my Dom life I can now like literally create the world that I want.

August/narration:

Dynamics like this can be sexual or not.

Mara: So in my personal relationship with Pup, it’s not sexual. It’s all service oriented and that’s kind of where the butler part takes in so he will drive me places, make sure like my camera equipment is set up properly, um, sometimes model and pose for me or be behind camera.

And so he does a lot of those things to make sure that my life is like easier, but as well as, you know, being a really great companion to like events and stuff like that. He’s also just a good boy to have around.

August/narration:

Even if pets in this kind of play aren’t sexual with their Dom, Mara said, they might get into it with each other.

Mara: There’s pet days or pet competitions and like pets get to meet each other.

And so if they’re not sexual with their owner, they get to be sexual with each other and play like that, which I think is super adorable. Especially if you are, let’s say, like, two kittens and they, you know, get to pounce on each other or whatever, but then later on really enjoy each other in the bedroom, too.

That’s, like, awesome. And obviously, who doesn’t want two kittens in the bedroom as well? So.

August/narration:

And just like real-life kittens, pet play is all about playfulness.

Mara: I think that’s also why people get turned on by kinks like this is because it allows them to be like, oh my gosh, I didn’t know you could do that! It’s allowing each other to give permission to each other and just make rules that we all can agree on on our own terms.

August/narration:

Whether you’re into D/s play or pet play or anything kinky or not, Mara feels it’s important to give ourselves permission to explore different interests.

Mara: And that has come to me professionally too with certain kinks, like I thought I was going to be super into caning somebody and I, I still am, but it doesn’t give me the same joy as before.

I still have a sadistic streak, but now I think I’m a little bit more like. I hope they bandage that properly at home and are cleaning it every day, you know, kind of situation I’m more of like nurturing to that. And I feel like if you ever have changes on your interest like feel free to always communicate that because you don’t want that to fester in yourself or like the other person to resent you for you know not communicating that. Those things are kind of like the backbone of my practice and how I approach any relationship.

And then also just be kind to each other. Like if somebody’s not feeling something that day, like that’s okay. There’s so many other options that you can like explore and do and just be playful with each other. That’s what this is all about. It’s fun, you know?

 

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Eireean’s story

August/narration:

Now, Eireann’s story. [R&B music]

Eireann: I think the first thing I learned is that I really like reading about sex.

I remember discovering my mom’s copy of The Joy of Sex by Dr. Ruth Westinheimer. And I used to sneak out at night and read it and reread it.

So you know, all those things I used to read. I was always aware that there was something missing. None of the things that I read included my desire. I’ve been into spanking for as long as I remember.

August/narration:

Eireann said she was “so shy and so ashamed.”

Eireann: I never told anybody about it.

August/narration:

Then she got married in her early 20s, and she told her husband about her spanking desires. He was willing to engage with it, she said, but he wasn’t exactly enthusiastic.

Eireann: I always felt selfish and ashamed and not in a good way when we would engage in spanking. It was never satisfying. It was never what I wanted.

So I left that relationship and I was like, okay, I’m going to put my fetish right at center of my dating, I’m going to make sure I’m never unsatisfied again.

August/narration:

The problem was, she said, putting her fetish front and center make a relationship beyond it unlikely. Still, she had some positive experiences, like the lover she dated for a couple of months.

Eireann: It was always super hot. There was spanking , and there was domination.

August/narration:

One time she put her hair in braids and did a strip tease for him.

Eireann: That was really tender and vulnerable.

August/narration:

He was a true friend, she said, but after each night together, she was ready to go home.

After another wonky experience that led to a 5-year sexless relationship that felt “horrible,” Eireann said, she matched with someone who turned out to be the love of her life. We’ll call him “Shades.”

Eireann: We’d been talking on a dating app. And so we’re talking, and we’re having this really good conversation, and then he dares me to come over to his house. And we’d been talking long enough before that that I felt comfortable doing that . And I was like, sure, and he was like, oh no. He did not expect me to be like, “Okay! Let’s do it.”

August/narration: 

She jumped in the shower to get ready to head over there. Then Shades sent her a text [phone chimes]:

 Eireann: Are you more dominant or more submissive?

I was like, oh, wow.

August/narration:

That leveled up her interest quite a bit.

Eireann: I said, “I’m more submissive.” And he says he’s more dominant .

August/narration:

Eireann also learned that he’s not straight.

Eireann: We talked about it right from the beginning that he had bisexual experiences.

August/narration:

Eireann: Later, Eirean would learn about Shades’ interest in crossdressing. They didn’t talk about it upfront, though – similar to the way Eirean didn’t bring up her desires for spanking straight away.

Because there’s a lot of emotional rejection at stake.

August/narration:

She pointed that there was more at stake for Shades in this day and age in the US. Even though crossdressing is a harmless form of play that plenty of folks enjoy.

Eireann: As a man who cross dresses, you cross dress in the wrong place and you could encounter violence.

August/narration:

And they were just getting to know each other. Building trust.

Eireann and Shades met up, had a nice conversation, gave each other a hug, and called it a night. Then as soon as Eirean got home, they started texting.

Eireann: An incredible text conversation.

August/narration:

He said he was really interested in a 24/7 power exchange, which often involves a Dominant/Submissive dynamic. So you take on those roles not only during sex and intimacy, but during daily life.

Eirean considered that info, and told Shades she was interested in having safe words.

Eireann: So if we can meet in the middle with that. I’m open to it because, daily life is what it is, and, having a power exchange definitely spices up very mundane things,

August/narration:

Eireann and Shades chatted a lot about how that would look.

Eireann: We had had all kinds of just in depth conversation about kind of the shape of, of each other’s desire walking into this power exchange.

August/narration:

Then it was time to delve into the practice in person.

Eireann: The next date, he was coming over to my house. He told me that when he came over, he wanted me on my knees when he walked through the door.

August/narration:

Eireann dressed in pink, which he’d said was his favorite color. She turned on music she knew he would like. [Music: “Sexy Grinder”] Then she waited for him to show up, full of butterflies.

Eireann: It wasn’t first date butterflies. I already felt like I knew him at a deep level.

August/narration:

From their many conversations. Her butterflies were from sheer giddiness. They flapped wildly as Shades walked through her door.

Eireann: And he pulled me to my feet and grabbed my hair, and he just kissed me, and that was just completely dizzying,.

August/narration:

Dizzying, she said, because of the anticipation. As they moved fully into their power exchange dynamic, Eirean experienced more of that. And she loved it.

Eireann: I used to masturbate like six times a day. And from the beginning that was over. It was nothing without permission and I had to wait for permission to come .

Losing my daily masturbation habit just kind of put me super on edge, because I’m such a sensory creature where there’s all kinds of things that can give me orgasms that would not traditionally look sexy.

August/narration:

For example, rubbing her lower back. Eireann knew about the clitoral nerves located there. Most everyone with a vulva has them.

Eireann: And so he started rubbing that spot, and that would get me off, at this point, he could stand across the room and tell me to come and it works.

August/narration:

Having that little bit of restriction, she said, opened up “a whole new arena of [her] sexuality.”

Eireann: And that I had dreamed of but didn’t think it exists outside my imagination.

Kind of conventional sex of ‘get hot and then come and then cool down.’ Like that dynamic never worked for either of us in prior situations.

August/narration:

With this dynamic, Eireann said, they’re always at a “preheated temperature.”

Eireann: So everything is a little bit hotter .

August/narration:

And nothing seems to shut off their sexual imaginations.

Eireann: That’s something we both have in common is that our sexual imagination is, is really important and a key part of what turns us on.

August/narration:

Another part of their dynamic is safe vulnerability – this idea that you can be vulnerable with someone, not hold back, and be completely loved, exactly as you are.

Eireann: That in and of itself, that kind of unites my emotional body and my sexual body in a way that I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced .

August/narration:

That’s all led to discovering new turn ons. After Shades felt safe enough to share he was into cross dressing, for example, Eireann discovered she was really into him doing it. She finds it sexy.

Eireann: Him in his bra and panties, because I know that that is the thing that makes him feel the most like himself. So he’s fully with me in those moments when he’s wearing those two items. I don’t know that I’ve ever had any time in my life where I was just as a human being who is a creative and a vulnerable person and a very strong person.

And kind of quirky, right? I have all of those things. All of those things are situationally accepted in different places. But when I’m with my significant other, all of those things get to be present and loved.

That’s just amazing. And I hope I do the same for him because he’s truly incredible.

August/narration:

Eireann has two big pieces of wisdom for anyone who felt as she did early on one: that in a true relationship, built on the type of love we all deserve, you should be able to talk about anything. And two: learning to love yourself unconditionally is powerful.

Eireann: When I have been in a state where I felt that unconditional love for myself, I make much better decisions for myself.

[acoustic, encouraging music]

August/narration:

Eirann’s erotic imagination takes her to the page as well. She wrote a spicy story that’s featured in Best Women’s Erotica, Volume 10, called “The Afterlife with Red and White.”

Eireann: There’s a line in a movie  where they say you get what you’ve imagined. And I’ve seen that in other places, too. d The idea that the afterlife is what we’ve imagined. And so I just wanted to play with that and have some fun with that.

I think there’s a dominant culture belief that after death, nobody has lust anymore, but I think that lust is such a key component of our humanity. It’s such a driving force. Maybe it’s all in the body. But for me, my experience of desire is not all in my body. It all starts in my mind.

August/narration:

The main character in The Afterlife with Red and chooses to work through unresolved issues from life in the afterlife, with the ultimate dom. Eirean wrote the story before starting her 24/7 power exchange dynamic with Shades. But the night before our interview, she read it aloud to him.

Eirean: And there’s a scene in there where she has to take 12 strokes or something.

And we kind of recreated that last night. That was really moving to kind of engage in that way with them. There’s something about having a boundary and being able to push against it in a safe way with someone you love that just goes so deep. I don’t know if that’s true for everyone.

August/narration:

But it definitely is for her.

August/narration:

Eireann also penned a series called The Erotic Adventures of Waverly Goode.

Eireann: And this is actually one of my favorite things I’ve ever written.

August/narration:

It’s inspired by her experience with a past lover.

Eireann: I remember said something about “just call me wet girl,” and that sparked Waverly good WG same initials.

She’s a bounty hunter who, when she orgasms, she knocks out her partner. And that allows them to kind of catch whoever they’re after.And the way she gets there is her desire automatically attunes to whoever she’s pursuing.

August/narration:

Find The Adventures of Waverly Goode on Amazon, and Best Women’s Erotica, Volume 10 most anywhere books are sold.

Learn more about Mara and her offerings at dominamara.com. Check out her jewelry shop at keepitkinky.us. Hear the full Q&A game we played at the link in the show notes.

If you enjoyed this Girl Boner Radio episode, I’d love it if you’d post a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. For very occasional updates from me, sign up for my email list at augustmclaughlin.com. Thanks so much for listening.