“Speechless, we made love. In mist and clouds.” – Lan Ling
And sometimes in….puddles?
Tell me if this scenario seems familiar:
You’re in the midst of passion-infused nakedness with your partner when your sheets suddenly transform into the Great Sea. You hear a gasp.
“You peed on me!” says your partner, snapping from hot to accusatory.
You bolt upright, your entire body blushing as you realize, or at least think, that he’s right. (“Damn it! Why’d I have to drink so much tea?”) The mood shifts from “Come on, baby!” to “I wanna run and hide!” as you rush off to do the laundry—feeling about as sexy as the dryer sheets.
True story. And not uncommon.
If you can relate, I hope your experiences with female ejaculation have been slightly more romantic. My boyfriend at the time seemed somewhat tickled by it after the fact, but even he—a physician—had it wrong. I hadn’t peed; I’d ejaculated!
Last week, a fabulous reader brought light to this topic, sharing that his wife had had a similar experience. Fortunately for her and for me, recurrences have been much more satisfying.
Like Iguazu Falls and solar eclipses, female ejaculation has been teeming with wonder and controversy for years. As recently as the 1980s, doctors mistook female ejaculation for poor bladder control and recommended pelvic muscle exercises as treatment. We now know that “squirting” during sex is a very real and natural thing for many women.
FAQ About Female Ejaculation
What is it?
Female ejaculation is the release of fluid from the vulva or vagina, usually at the moment of orgasm. It’s also known as she-jaculation, gushing and squirting. And the ejaculate doesn’t typically spill out, but, well—GUSH. It can involve a lot of fluid or a little, which is usually clear or milky white and nearly odorless. I haven’t tasted it, but it apparently has a slightly sweet flavor.
What’s the “gush” made of?
Researchers believe that female cum is produced by the Skene’s glands, according to Columbia University Health Center, which are located near the urethra and are similar to the male prostate gland. Female ejaculate is rich in a chemical called prostatic acid phosphatase, which semen also contains.
Why the controversy?
A few reasons. Pornography writers (the majority of whom are male) tend to suggest that all women ejaculate voraciously with orgasm—not accurate. Only about 6 percent of women reportedly routinely ejaculate—although I’m guessing that’s extremely lowball, since many women shy away from discussing it. A study conducted by Masters and Johnson involving 400 women having sex or masturbating showed no instances of ejaculation. But it’s difficult to study, because most women don’t ejaculate every darn time or, necessarily, often. (And heck. Orgasming in a lab may sound fun, but I imagine the setup influences the results.) Lastly, if you believe that female ejaculation involves Niagara Falls-type action yet your ejaculate is more of a trickle or baby spill, you probably won’t realize that you’ve done so.
How much fluid releases?
The amount of fluid a woman ejaculates varies, and little research has been conducted on the process. None of the existing studies seem to have involved measuring cups. A typical amount is about a half coffee-cup full, estimates Beverley Whipple, sexuality expert and co-author of the G-Spot Book. Some women truly drench the sheets, however—that’s one BIG coffee cup!
Does it matter?
Ejaculating doesn’t make us any more or less sexy or sexual, but it can tinker our with sex drive if we feel ashamed. I think it’s important to understand our Girl Boner-icity—what makes our bodies tick, what doesn’t and how they generally function. If we do ejaculate, it’s important to recognize that it’s perfectly natural and nothing to feel embarrassed about. Because it occurs with arousal and climax, we can embrace female ejaculation as one of many reflections of our precious sensuality. Our partners can cherish it for the same reason.
How do I know if I’ve done it?
If after sex, you’re lying in a puddle that doesn’t smell pee-like and you can still urinate, you likely have. Some women do release a bit of urine during sex, especially those who’ve had children and also tend to pee a bit when they cough, sneeze or laugh. That’s not abnormal or “bad” either. I say we should embrace all of our bodily functions and fluids. (A little pee spill never hurt anyone!) If your symptoms are bothersome or severe, of course, you’ll want to see your doctor.
Nothing like starting a week gushing about gushing, right? I’d love to hear your thoughts…
Ladies, have you ejaculated? Guys, has your partner? Any other topics you’re dying to learn more about? My Girl Boner ears are wide open!
On a related note, I’m hosting a virtual body image/self-acceptance party on Facebook on Thursday night. Care to join us??? If so, you can learn more and RSVP here: Beyond The Shadows: A Self-Discovery/Recovery Party! Hope to see you there!
Poor Men, another proof of orgasm challenge! For those who don’t trust women orgasm every single time they get together with Mr.LoveMachine, i hope the 6% factoid will circulate. Squirting is the new proof quest for men. Look out ladies.
Hmm… Perhaps we should start toting squirt guns.
There are so many other signs of arousal and satisfaction, right? The only quest we should all have, IMO, is that of mutual pleasure and connectedness. And Girl Boners, of course! (Ha.) Thanks so much for weighing in.
Cheers to this forum, and any & all other info out there that helps clarify a women’s distinct pleasure points/zones. Sex doesn’t have to be one-sided, and where we can enhance/increase our partner’s “floating on air sensation” so be it. Happy romps, err, adventures ahead everyone.
Cheers to you! Agreed—sex should never be one-sided! It’s such a gift, to ourselves and one we share with others. Thanks so much for the support.
I sure wish I’d read this when I was younger! Happened several times with an ex who always acted grossed out. My hubz, on the other hand, is appropriately pleased, both with himself {as well he should be!} and with how well it all worked out for both of us! The best lovers are those who want their partner to feel as good as they do. My hubz and I are equally matched.
I know the feeling! We learn so many sexual lessons late… I’m so happy to hear that everything worked out well for you and the hubz!
SKA-WEET! By the time I experienced one, I knew all about female ejaculation, thanks to your recommendation to read I Love Female Orgasm, August.
The things I’ve learned. The experiences I’ve been blessed to explore since you began this series…
*sitting here at a table in Starbucks with a Cheshire Cat grin*
BONUS! A new book recommendation. This calls for a visit to my local B&N. Yes. It would be easier to order on-line. But, it wouldn’t give me the mischievous glee I get perusing book titles in that particular section of my local B&N. Couple that with helpful employees asking if there’s a particular title they can help me find? If it’s a female, I have (no lie) said…
“It was mentioned on a blog I follow that explores female sexuality. Girl Boner? Have you heard of it?”
Your street team is already at work. And, play.
So glad you enjoyed the book, Gloria! And more so for your experience. Aw… Three cheers for my glorious street team! I’m crazy touched.
A great blog August. From the male point of view I felt like a million dollars when it happened for my (new) wife and I. It was a case of, ‘I actually aroused you so much that this happened?’ She felt so embarrassed at first it had never happened to her before, I felt 10 feet tall. What a great experience, such intensity and she cried it was that beautiful. It’s also a bio-feedback event, arousal brings more arousal and on it goes. Hint, put small bath towel on bed.
So beautiful that she cried—I LOVE that! Sex and intimacy really can and should be that mind-blowing on occasion. And you’re so right about arousal attracting arousal. It’s my favorite cycle!
Thanks again for the awesome topic nudge, Laurie. All my best to you and your wife!
Thank you so much August, I thank you for taking a hint on board from an old guy. I follow your blog because we are never to old to learn something, especially about women and I mean that in the nicest possible way. We are after all opposites and the more we know how our other half works the better for all.
Tears of joy are a great thing as they add so much to the intimacy. People think because you reach a certain age that you shouldn’t enjoy your sex life. Mention intimacy in mixed company and the younger set go Eww! It’s as if you should give it up or it’s only for the young and beautiful. I’m not exactly geriatric, I’m 62 but injury and a medical condition can make loving difficult. Instead of giving up I try harder and the results speak volumes. Being retired is good, we are on our own and the intimacy can start anytime. It doesn’t always lead to sex but it’s the connection that keeps everything alive. I’ll stop waffling now.
Thanks again for your kindness August.
Cheers
Laurie.
6%? Even if that is lowball, it’s no wonder my friends thought I was nuts when I explained my hatred of all things hotel because of this. Now I just claim germophobia. Which is still, technically true.
Ooh, hotels. That does bring a new slant on things, doesn’t it? They do wash the sheets, or so I’m told…
I really hate WordPress sometimes. Here I go again…and this time I hope I don’t lose the comment after I hit post.I will copy it before I do this time, sigh. So if you wind up with two comments from me…if the other one is ever returns from the Twilight Zone, delete this one please.
No…I have never had this experience. I would love to get to the place where I ‘could,’ but I’m not sure I’d want to. I suppose it would depend on the guy, how much trust there is between us, and his knowledge of female orgasms. At the moment, I’d just be happy with a good sex life and regular orgasms, lol.
Looking forward to your party tomorrow night. I need some body image encouragement at the moment.
You know, it’s funny…as I read this and the “study”, all I kept thinking was that there are still so many people who think the G-spot is a myth…or can’t find theirs.
Having said that…I wrote a post a while back on adult toy parties and why I had a fear of going to one if I’m out of state and need to fly home (something about forgetting to remove batteries as I check my luggage). In the post I talked about one of the toy parties I hosted and how the lady told us about one of the vibes called a g-wiz.
“Ladies, when you’re using this toy, you may feel like you have to pee. Don’t stop. You don’t have to pee. What you’re about to experience is called a g-spot orgasm.”
I’m not going to lie…I cracked up. I also bought the toy….worth every penny. (By the way, I wasn’t the only one who bought that toy that night.)
Hmmmm…. that was an interesting read, I have to say! I never really realized she-jaculation so far, even though I am orgasming pretty unrestrained. (Of course with my partner who’s making me feel so safe and secure I can let myself go – but that’s another story).
Still I think it’s fascinating to learn that some women do ejaculate.
There’s still so much to learn, it seems to me sometimes I’m still a “beginner”. *sigh*
I’m so glad that you have a partner who makes you feel comfortable and secure – makes such a difference! And orgasms are wonderful with and without extra wetness. Keep enjoying!
Never even heard of this, August. Love your site, it’s so informative and always makes me more curious about sex and sexuality in general. Mathair (my mom) has always been very open with me, but even she was oblivious to this. We both are utterly curious about this phenomena… if you can really call it that, but more over the fact that there is such little known about it. Perhaps if more emphasis was put on female sexuality in science, the world could understand us and maybe we’d be able to understand ourselves better. Or maybe it’s just another nod to the mystery that is WOMAN.
“Perhaps if more emphasis was put on female sexuality in science, the world could understand us and maybe we’d be able to understand ourselves better.” — Brilliant, Inion! I think we need more emphasis on science, as well as other aspects of female sexuality. It’s remarkable what we aren’t taught, and the damaging myths we are. I’m so touched that you find Girl Boner helpful. Thanks for the support!
I dated one woman who did squirt and a lot.
She told me beforehand, though I still wasn’t quite ready for it.
Afterward, though, it helped me know when she did orgasm (and she did frequently).
I got used to it. You are right; it is just part of it all.
Good perspective, Scott. Thanks for chiming in!
Thanks!
I didn’t even know that female ejaculation was possible until my husband and I watched a porn about it in Vegas. I then became obsessed about this and read up on it. And then I learned to release this power!
I still like to do the occasional search engine hunt for more information, which led me here after I searched on “6% and female ejaculation.” I recently learned that I was in the 6%. From talking to my friends, I think the number is too low.
Thank you for the added information here!
It helps so much to have an encouraging loving partner, who is willing to get very, very wet!
Good for you! I think many women stay unaware of beautiful things our bodies can do simply because no one ever told us we were capable. And you’re so right about those encouraging partners! So thrilled you have one.
Here’s a blog post that also mentions squirting and the source being the Skene glands you mention:
http://kinkunveiled.blogspot.ca/2013/10/max-hardcore.html
But it also mentions some safety concerns (dehydration!)
I had my first experience with ejaculation with an ex about a year ago. I was shocked at first because I wasn’t quite sure what that particular feeling was, until my former boyfriend had excitedly acknowledged what I had been wondering. It didn’t happen again until I started having an intimate relationship with my current boyfriend, and now it happens quite frequently, and he loves it! (As he should!) The amount varies it seems like, but 99% of the time the ‘Safety towel’ always comes in handy :))
I wish every woman was able to experience that kind of release, it really is a beautiful thing.
I agree, Jamie! I think more women are capable than realized. I know that for me, self-acceptance and embracing my sexuality seemed to make way for it—and too many women lack both. Thanks so much for weighing in! Also for the towel tip—ha! I love it.
I finally learned about it after 34 years of marriage. She’d often say “Well, that was a two towel night!” and I didn’t quite get it. And then one night I actually felt her glands ejaculate, OMG, that was awesome! After tasting confirmed that it wasn’t pee I looked it up and understood. I then explained it to her so now she can relax and enjoy it. The more she accepts it as natural as man-cum it makes her more equal to me. She also doesn’t have to wait for me to cum so she can blame me for the mess. She can pump a half a cup at a time, three times in a session and I’m not exaggerating. It’s not pee ladies, just make sure you pee before sex and you might get it with a good romp. It is just like what you get out of us, it’s awesome!
Love your blog! You have actually inspired me to write,Ive been hiding from my talent for a while now! thanks for the inspiration and I love your piece on the the 90 day rule! so strong and firece!….
Go you! That’s thrilling news. I’m so touched that you’ve found inspiration here. I hope you’ll keep me posted.
I feel honoured to be able to gush I do most times me and partner have sex.It’s perfectly natural once I’d learned not to be embarrassed.I think most women could do it if relaxed enough.:) x
I love your attitude! And I agree that most, if not all, women could ejaculate, given the right emotional setup.
I have to admit, it comes with time…not till the right partner and the “ideal emotional state” of my life did I ever think it could be me to be a squirter, yet here I am
Trust and practice definitely help! So glad to hear you’re (seemingly!) enjoying it.
I had heard if this 10 years ago. Never could achieve it then except one tiny squirt that wasn’t worth the effort. Two years ago with the love of my life… it just happened… we weren’t even trying. He didn’t know muvh about it. It wasn’t lots but it happened. Now he can make me gush like a geyser. We always put a towel down. Sometimes it doesn’t happen at all. On occasion it is a 3 or 4 towel night. I have gushed so hard that it arches like water out of a hose and has landed on my own face. He loves it…. it totally makes him happy. He likes to catch as much as he can in his mouth. Omg that was a bit graphic. Sorry! But we love this and it makes us so close. ♡
No apologies necessary! I’m so happy to hear that gushing has brought you and your love closer.
Great awareness by August !! Congratulation to write on such a great topic. A woman has to believe that she can release liquid fluid. The most important thing is , she should not care about pee on the bed when she is fully aroused. A male partner has to help and induce his partner to release the fluid. Initially it will be very less, but once your female partner starts to release, you will see the eigth wonder of your life and it will be a mystery for you forever that how so much fluid could be generated.
I’m so happy to hear that men find it sexy. . The first time it happened, I literally squirted my boyfriend in the eye! I thought I had peed and was mortified- while he was gleaming and explained it to me. My now husband and I get a towel in preparation. I feel both squirting and gushing and they feel different to me- gushing is more like a build of pressure… Anyway, he does want to keep going to get it, like an orgasm, but they all happen at different times. And, although it feels good, I could do without the wet bed!
LOL The sexual hazards no one tells us about! At least it’s not smelly the way urine is. I had an awesome chat about it on my show, if you’re interested. Stay well, regardless!
So, squirting is a new-ish phenomenon for me. Historically, I’m a pretty tough cookie to crack as far as actually getting an orgasm from my partner’s efforts and had only ever orgasmed from clitoral stimulation, never from intercourse or vaginal stimulation alone. That is until a little over a year ago, when I was with a New partner with WAY more experience that I had. We were in the 69 position with me on bottom. I was focusing on my end, trying to keep up to this cowboy, and he was doing amazing crazy things with his hands down below. All of a sudden, I swear to God, it was RAINING all over both of us! I didn’t know what had just happened! As im wiping it off my face and his back, I asked him where it had all come from, he said “from you baby, good job.”
Since then, it has happened a few more times, not necessarily with the same force. It does feel really good, but not as good as the orgasms from clitoral stimulation that leave that super slippery mess everywhere…..
Guess its kind of a party trick, with little more value than that.
Hello August. A bit late response but only saw your blog today. I met my wife when she was 15, and I have been with her ever since. She is 43 now. We have always had enormous attraction which never declined. Actually, I would say that sex is much better now than it was earlier on. Now I know her much more, I know all her reactions and the right buttons to click, and we never had any issue with “keeping the fire burning”, so to speak. Anyway, I hear such a lot of buzz about G spot and Squirting that lately I have become curious. She is very orgasmic, and can climax with intercourse, with oral sex, with masturbation, and we had cases of orgasms just with breasts caressing. So no issues there. But she never technically ejaculated, even though she does become outrageously wet. She is not so much an “adventurer” and as far as I know never accustomed to masturbating, so she is not really aware of where is the G spot is or never looked for it or hinted at me that I should. G spot stimulation is a quite more aggressive than normal fingering, and i have to say a feel a bit reluctant to explore new territories, I would like that if this happens, it happens by chance and not because we study for it. For me , its a lot in our mind, and saying “hey look lets see if you can squirt”, I am afraid could result in a turn off instead of a turn on. And trying in a way that she doesnt know, this is an option I may explore. I have tried manually getting to her G spot during foreplay, and she does get very aroused, but cannot say if more than usual. The problem there is typically when she is at that point she begs me to take her, so I cannot stimulate her that long enough. In other words, I need to take the chance of the right time when it comes around.
Who knows maybe someone has any advice on how to make it happen more subtly.. I will keep trying, but I dont want it to become an obsession. Even she is aware that squirting exists, she jokes about it with her girlfriends (she has a fantastic and large “sex and the city” type girfriend gang of about 12 women, who talk very openly abt everything, but none of them squirt – this I know becasue sometimes she lets me in on their discussions..), but never took it seriously like she was missing out on something. SO this is totally not an issue for her, and she may never squirt and live happily with that.
Sorry for all this bla bla, maybe someone has any advice, and keep up you nice blog.
A –
Hey Andy, Thanks for weighing in! Very cool that you and your wife are enjoying better intimacy than ever. If you haven’t yet, I’d check out my podcast. I interviewed an expert on squirting, who had so much wonderful insight to share. You can listen through iTunes or at this link on my homepage.
I’ve just experienced gushing while masturbating. Soon to be 30, it was the most pleasurable encounter I’ve ever experienced. It was like my vagina had a faucet; way more than a cup of coffee. It smelled sweet like cucumbers, I didn’t taste it tho; wishing I had. I told a friend and she insisted it was pee, smh. The fluid was clear as water, not sticky at all, and again lightly smelled like cucumber.
I am thrilled to have experienced this type of orgasm; and from masturbation!!! Am earnestly anticipating a repeat.
my girlfreind does it every time and its all good and she loves sex when that happends
It is an amazing release if u have had the pleasure of gushing. It first happened with an ex who was well endowed. He thought it was great but the amount of fluid can distract from the orgasms if u don’t prepare ahead of time. Towels just in case became the prequel to foreplay.
It think the amount of arousal and desire play into gushing. If u have a partner that loves u they will enjoy this just as much as u do!
My partner knows exactly how to make me gush and he loves it, particularly when it happens 3 or 4 times in one session. Like others have said, if you’re in a loving relationship it should excite your fella not put him off, after all, he gets to gush, right?
I am 22 and have experienced all of the above! The literal “gushing” doesn’t happen every time, but I’ve been with the same person for coming on 3 years now, and he KNOWS how to get me to at least squirt. The gushing, though, in MY opinion.. much better. Squirting is usually from fast and hard penetration of his fingers, but it’s not often that this is coupled with climaxing. Gushing, however, happens when he gets in reeallll nice and deep a few times in a row, and then it’s Niagara Falls, AND coupled with orgasm. So obviously, I have a favorite. I have an IUD, though, which he can feel, so sometimes he has to pull out right before that one more thrust would’ve done it for me! Lol. It’s all about ~give and take~