“Arousal begins within the mind, then seeps out where fantasy propels physicality.” — Kristie LeVangie
Do you remember the first time you were sexually turned on? I don’t. But I do recall when my internal crush-struck butterflies began flapping their wings during grade school and boys stimulated more giddy perspiration than disgust. Then something foggy and confusing known as adolescence happened. (Hmm…) During high school, I remember feeling insanely turned on by my first serious boyfriend. Even when the relationship became sexual, I had little clue about the specifics of what I was feeling. The unquestionable mix of curiosity, intrigue and supercharged hormones, I quickly called love.
To learn much more about female sexual arousal, listen to August on Girl Boner Radio!
Confusing lust or general horniness for emotional connect and love are mistakes many of us make early on. How can we differentiate when most of us scarcely understand our sexuality at all? Add the facts that female sexual arousal is less straightforward and varied than men’s, discussion of personal sexuality remains fairly taboo and female sexuality wasn’t even studied until fairly recently and its mysterious is, well, no mystery.
Even with the aforementioned odds stacked against us, maturity and experience often bring clarity. (Thank flipping’ goodness!) We ideally learn much about our bodies and their supreme abilities to be turned on and experience mind-blowing, gratifying pleasure. We learn what stokes our frisky fires and puts them out and hopefully share wondrous sexual intimacy not only with ourselves, but with trusted partners. Love and lust need not always pair up, but it’s pretty dang wondrous when they do!
While different strokes (scrumptious pun!) work for different folks and we all display arousal* a bit differently, here are some common ways it shows.
*Some women aren’t fully aware of their arousal, particularly if haven’t learned to fully embrace their sexuality. If you’re one of them, please check out Sexual Confidence: How to Feel Sexier Naked and Solo Sex and Body Image for some tips and inspiration!
6 Signs of Girl Boner Giddiness (i.e., We’re Turned On!)
1. We start fantasizing. You know what I’m talking about ladies! You’re sitting across the dinner table from your beloved and suddenly he isn’t wearing a sweater and chomping on pizza, but naked and licking his sexy lips. No, YOUR sexy lips. Yum! You really, really want some…
2. We have wanton eyes. There’s a reason Hungry Eyes is among the most sexually arousing tunes, according to a Spotify study. Our fantasies and wants can’t help but show in our eyes—for some of us more than others. If a lover locks eyes with us meanwhile, we’ll want him or her even more. Our pupils may dilate as our Girl Boners grow.
3. We use want-filled words. Depending on our comfort level and personality type, we may use words to subtly or overtly essentially say I WANT SEX! If there’s any confusion about your arousal level, talking is arguably the most powerful tool for clarification. Make sure to keep your words positive when communicating arousal to your partner. “I’d love to see you naked right now” will work much better than a frustrated, “Can you not tell that I’m turned on?!?”
4. We reach out and touch. This one also varies with personality, a topic I’ll likely explore here soon. Regardless, touch is a powerful, natural and nearly involuntary way to express sexual desire. Touching a partner in intimate places—areas not often touched by others, such as the inner thigh, or even touching his hand or cheek often shows turn-on. If we venture into the crotch area—NEON FLASHING LIGHTS! ;)
5. We arch our backs. (The mere thought makes me want to purr…) Many of us naturally arch our backs during arousal, which exaggerates particularly sensual body parts, such as our rears and breasts. It also creates a sort of “come hither” physique that can turn both parties on. This can all happen during foreplay, sex and even casual exchanges, such as chatting with your lover.
6. We lick our lips, blush, swell and moisten! As we discussed in Girl Boner Physiology: The Female Body Turned On, our bodies work all kinds of magic in the form of added wetness and swelling as we move from turned on to lovemaking and ooh-la-la orgasm. These shifts derive from increased blood flow to our sexual organs and the brain signaling us to prepare for kissing, cuddling, intercourse and so much more.
Hot, right? Simply talking about sex and sensuality can be a turn on—as it should be! If you haven’t started chit chatting with your partner about the ins and outs of your sexual relationship or explored your own sexual needs and wants fully, there is no time like the present. Start where you feel comfortable then take baby steps or larger leaps ahead as you’re ready, understanding that sexuality is a journey and an adventure that we should enjoy throughout our lives.
What’s your favorite arousal sign? Have you observed your arousal state? (If not, I highly recommend it!) How do you and your partner communicate about arousal and whether to have sex? Any items to add or questions to share? I love hearing your respectful thoughts! ♥
Reblogged this on The Sexy Cynics.
Heartbeat. When I am aroused, my heart will be harder, not necessarily faster, but noticeably harder. Also, I breath differently.
Mmm, yes! Great ones.
Touch is definitely my big one. When I’m aroused, I need to be touched and need TO touch….evvveeerrryyything, especially skin. This can be problematic, since my boyfriend is extremely ticklish, but we manage to find a good balance.
Sounds as though you’ve also communicated and experimented with each other — good on both of you! Touch is a beautiful thing; so glad you’ve found that balance.
Why do I think I’m the perfect example for an “aroused woman” once I am aroused? It’s like: Point 1: – DONE – Point 2: DONE… Point 3:…. and so on. I wonder if that’s normal…?
Because you’re awesome! Keep enjoying that checklist, mama!
I guess asking if she wants a hot water bottle in bed is not a good place to start…..
LOL I suppose that depends on the relationship and your intended use.
LOL!
You’re a gift to sexually confused females everywhere, August.
Well done.
I can agree with “The Hook” but I also feel you are a gift to males, as well. Not only are you personally beautiful (which does make it easier to read your posts!), but you are also helping me to understand things I never understood before. How I wish you had been telling me these things when I was in high school. That was such a difficult time for me.
Scott
At the time of our sex session, i feel too much aroused with harder breathing.
Iam in love with a virgin and I really want to sexually satisfy her so she don’t run after other guys.Please I need your advice. On this issue.
I’d communicate with her and aim to bring her pleasure in whatever ways she feels most comfortable because you care about her. The rest will take care of itself. Good luck!
August, I’m recommending this post and your website to everyone who takes my workshop this weekend on writing sensual love scenes. or You’re Never Too Old For Sex, the original title which will remain a secret, I suppose. Looking forward to see you there.
I’m honored, Velda. Thank you! Looking forward to seeing you soon!
I am almost 18. Virgin. Many of my girl friends have been masturbating a lot. I however never feel I have been turned on. I try watching porn and touching myself. The times when I feel I am horny it’s just because I became a little wet down there … only a little. I try sex chat and it almost immediately makes me wet. However I don’t experience any pleasure from any kind of stimulation … be it my nipples or clit or g spot.
I try to give it time and relax myself and I can’t understand if I can’t relate to any of the things others feel experience.
It’s interesting that during adolescence there’s a dash of hormones to support the urges (or shall I say invoke), with age the rush subsides a bit but experience & maturity takes over to compensate the loss!!
I must agree man’s arousal is more straightforward than female’s. Few weeks back over a weekend my wife had a night shift & I planned to keep my busy watching worldcup cricket. Game wasn’t interesting so I started browsing pictures on my iPhone & something sparked & I got romantic. I text’d her “I love you Jaan (Honey)” – She right away responded are you horny or drunk?
Not really sure what to think about this. It seems that everytime i think my wife is horny she is not and everytime i think she is not she seems to be. Anywho i have found that i get much more pleasure out of watching porn simply because i know what those girls want and my wife well she is not very good at communication. This is of course my opinion and perhaps i am the one not good at communication. Anyhow i do have to say that guys are not that easy to tell in my experience. I get hard all the time but rarely am i wanting to make love. I really enjoy kissing and it takes a lot of foreplay before i am ready to put in the effort of sex. Is this strange? Thanks,
I have never been sexually aroused before i lose my virginity to my boyfriend a month ago and we’ve had sex thrice now and i never get an orgasm before and i can’t even tell him.i really want to have sex when i have the sexual interest but i don’t knw what to do
It takes many women time to learn how their bodies get aroused and orgasm – so you’re not alone! I’d recommend masturbating, with your hand or a sex toy, and really emphasizing foreplay with your boyfriend. Use a good lube (I like Good Clean Love, which you can find through the link in my sidebar – Good Vibrations). Practicing patience with yourself can help, too. Wishing you the best!
I’m under aged but I still want to be able to have pleasure, but I can’t find anyone my age to ‘help’ me and I don’t have any sorts of ‘tools’ and I don’t know what to do! Plz help
Have you tried self-stimulating? It’s a great way to get to know your body and experience pleasure.
I have being in relationship for a year now. but we have never talked about sex. We are both shy to tell the truth. what can I say to him to make him voice out
I agree