“As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.” — Pablo Neruda
Have you ever met a woman whose mere presence sets a room aglow? Everything about her, from the way she carries herself to her positive energy, oozes with empowerment and authenticity. Palpable and contagious, her most prominent beauty has little to do with her age, shape or size. And all you know when the server comes is that you’ll take 700 cups of whatever she’s having.
Though it doesn’t materialize quickly, I believe we’re all capable of that kind of beauty. It radiates from within, all cliches aside, and while it’s not the first goal most people set when pondering appearance, I feel it’s the most powerful and important. Here at Girl Boner Center, we believe that embracing our sexuality and sensuality are key parts of such beauty. One of the loveliest things about that? Such embracement makes way for beauty of all kinds.
6 Ways to Look & Feel Sexy From the Inside Out
1. Cultivate happiness. While numerous studies show that people deemed physically attractive tend to have higher levels of happiness, sociologists and psychologists have determined that the near opposite is also true: Happiness makes us feel and appear more attractive to ourselves and others, regardless of aesthetics.
“When you’re happy your skin will appear healthier and your hair and nails can actually grow faster,” says Richard Fried, MD, PhD. a dermatologist in Yardley, Pennsylvania. Happiness also promotes strong immune function, protecting us from acne flareups, water retention and the blahs related to illness and staves off stress hormones, such as cortisol, which can contribute to weight gain.
So how do we obtain happiness? There’s no one or magical pathway, but making happiness is priority is a great place to start, say many experts. Focusing on gratitude, moving past emotional baggage and pursuing our passions are also proven means.
2. Watch your language. I don’t recall the last time I sat down with a group of girlfriends for any length of time without hearing at least one body-shaming remark. It’s easy to do in today’s culture, but voicing negative thoughts gives them power and inspires similar thoughts and comments from others. The old “If you can’t say anything nice….” adage should apply here. Stating only positive remarks about our bodies, or focusing on more important matters, has the opposite impact; it empowers us and our pals.
3. Steer clear of negative influences. Also not easy. But people, magazines and other media that emphasize harsh “beauty” ideals can make us feel and even appear unattractive. (When we’re self-conscious, we’re likely to slouch, frown and emit overall negative energy.) Spend time with folks who build you up, rather than push you down. And when you feel that inner nudge of self-consciousness inside while reading or watching TV, you may want to choose another publication or program.
4. Masturbate with GUSTO! LOL Well THAT painted an interesting picture. I’m not suggesting we all masturbate like Red Bull-loaded bunnies (though if that floats your GB, have at it!). What I mean is, having shame about masturbating rather defeats the purpose. When we embrace it, we also embrace ourselves. It becomes a beautifying practice that boosts our sexual confidence and body image while making way for more satisfying sex with our partners—if or when we engage. (Psst! Masturbation can also be a wonderful shared experience. Just ask Kitt Crescendo.)
5. Prioritize sex and orgasm. Couple sex and climax provide many of the same benefits of masturbation. The release of feel-good brain chemicals during climax minimizes physical and emotional stress, promoting for greater comfort and confidence with ourselves. Deep intimacy and connectedness with another can do the same. A healthy sex life also helps us better metabolize nutrients, which supports everything from healthy skin and hair to positive energy levels and moods. That’s right! Routine, satisfying sex is practically a beauty makeover.
6. Act as-if. Did you know that Botox has been shown to decrease happy moods in women who aren’t as able to freely smile? Smiling, even if we force it, sends the brain signals that make us feel more positive, according to Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a researcher who specializes in happiness at the University of California, Riverside. Acting more self-assured than we are can have similar effects. Notice how you feel around others when you stand up taller and smile brighter, and while pretending that you feel and appear as beautiful as you’d like. Apply similar techniques in the bedroom if you feel self-conscious naked. Over time, you’ll likely be able to drop the act.
7. Create your own definition of sexy! One reason so many of us struggle to feel attractive as we is because the world around us presents unrealistic and damaging ideals. Make a conscious decision to refute them. What does a sexy, beautiful woman possess, in your opinion? Do you uphold yourself to those standards or society’s?
*****SPECIAL OFFER: Interested in defining sexiness on your blog? Do so and link your post to mine for a FREE Girl Boner magnet! (Food + sex + empowerment = YUM!) Feel free to use the above graphic.
What makes you feel beautiful and sexy? Which of the tips struck you most? Which are you working on? I love hearing your thoughts! ♥
I think like feeling happy, feeling sexy is a choice. So when you see people who are walking around looking sexy, or confident, they decided to make that choice, and choose the thoughts they chose to get them in that space. The more we work at choosing those thoughts, the easier it becomes to own them. We forget that we have that power. Thanks for the post.
Excellent point! We’re so fortunate to have that power – one that’s too easily overlooked.
Have you met my friend Jillian Dodd? She’s the embodiment of your first paragraph.
I haven’t met her personally, but I know of her from the web. I could see that!
It’s funny you should mention creating your definition of sexy. A friend and I were on an errand today and we got on exactly that topic. Physically attractive doesn’t always mean sexy…and we both found ourselves giving examples with “whos” and “whys”. I think I may just have to write a post on what makes a person sexy in my eyes. Thanks. And thanks for the shout out!
Great article, August! What helps me the most? Remembering that I like me. Those who don’t…oh well. And that goes for my looks, my figure, my personality, my sense of humor…whatever they might have a problem with, their opinion doesn’t matter. Does that mean I’m 100% confident every minute of every day. Nope. I might be confident ONLY one minute of every day sometimes, but I keep working on it.
Loved this one. I am working on my things in myself. This post helps the male, too.
Scott
So happy to hear that, Scott! We can likely all benefit from cultivating and recognizing our inner beauty. Best of luck.
Great reminders here, thanks. My mother always said “if you can’t say anything nice.” Makes perfect sense to apply it to self-talk. Love that idea.
I am currently trying to start feeling better about my self after piling on a lot of weight, I know once I love me a little more the weight will come off easier ( I speak from past experience) but when I was younger I always believed sexiness did not lie in the flesh but in the eyes and a smile
It’s important to feel good about yourself first and foremost. When you have doubts about your body image, your self esteem and your internal sexiness dies a quick painful death, which can make your self esteem even worse. So whisper the good things to yourself and love yourself. If you can’t love yourself. how can you expect someone else to?
I treat myself to something special and then feel sexy – and of course, my boyfriend telling me he thinks I’m gorgeous is helping too. (even though I think he needs new glasses… LOL)
But then: dressing up – smiling, cultivating happiness… that’s what intrigued me most of this post.
It is a great post, as usually, August!
A most excellent post August. I, according to what you’ve written am happy because my nails and hair grow like crazy. It is my hope that I emit happiness to others. I feel it can be contagious. Thus, after reading your post today, I am even more happy or happier, whichever the case may be. And may I just say that you glow with happiness and self confidence. You get what you put into it, right? And it shows! {{Hugs!}}
I read this on my iPhone the day it came out, August, but didn’t comment b/c I’m WP challenged on my iPhone.
YES! YES! YES! to creating your own definition of sexy. I’ve struggled with balancing the Beauty of a Woman concept (inside out) with my own exercise and healthy eating habit (turned struggle for the last several months). I should be exercising and eating right for all the right reasons. The body I get as a result? That’s the bonus, not the focus.
It may take a bit before I get my post on my definition done. (I’m in the middle of a rush to Golden Heart. But, I will be back to grab that visual and give this post some ping-back love.)
You already know how I feel about masturbation, self-love, exploring my body, and learning all I can about sensuality and sexual pleasure. A bit late to this pleasure party in terms of chronological age. But, that is just a wicked number that means nothing. Spot ON, GBers!
I really agree with this post. I’ve encountered physically beautiful people that squander their looks on meanness. I’d much rather spend time with someone who is habitually happy and lets me be happy to. Just sayin.
I love your blog posts that empower people, though I don’t always comment. I know some people don’t like the idea that it is possible to chose happiness and define your own image of sexy (and other traits). I’ve read people claiming that the “chose to be happy” crowd is blaming people who are unhappy (blaming the victim), but I think that misses the point. Cultivating happiness and avoiding negative self talk is really important, especially for people stuck in a hard place. Been there, done that. All I know for sure is that negative self talk is the wrong way to go. I hear people exercising saying “this is killing me” or “I really hate this workout.”
Just like putting down our own appearance or intelligence or whatever; it’s an easy habit to fall into and SO MANY people do it.
Points 4 and 5 are good to, but if I comment, I’ll blush.
I haven’t visited in a while, but I’m glad we met up today, August. You’ve done your gender – and bloggers/writers everywhere – proud, young lady.
Well done.
Beauty truly does come from within. It’s just too bad so many people refuse to embrace that all-important truth.