I have two terms for you: ‘Ally McBeal’ and ‘carwash.’ If you’ve watched the popular TV series starring Calista Flockhart, the pairing undoubtedly conjures all things hot-and-bothered. You may even have a substantial Girl Boner right now. Why? *SIGH* Where to start…
I know. New York City, circa early 2000s. An apartment full of models with whom I shared extremely little in common. Mika, the lanky Japanese fashionista, nibbled her day’s solitary meal of a cream cheese-laced bagel in slow, methodical bites. Katia, the Parisian party girl, smoked cigarettes and guzzled beer—her “dinner”—while gossiping too loudly on the phone, her bare, grossing-me-out feet on the coffee table while I tried to focus on my current read to the tune of people arguing on some talk show. Then Jami, the Californian surfer dudette, entered and grabbed the remote: “Deeeuuudes. Ally’s on!”
Rather than continue ignoring one another, all focus snapped to the screen. Heavy breathing. Wanton eyes. Soon the four of us were united in Girl Boner glory, staring at the TV with our mouths ajar, envious desire raging. Seated in her car during a drive-through carwash, Ally’s eyes locked with the handsome mechanic outside her window. Lust. Desire. Need. No words were exchanged, only pheromones and glances. Yet suddenly the car was no longer the wettest thing around. Within seconds, Ally and Hot Mechanic Man were entangled and groping each other, kissing as though their lives depended on it, having sex. No, they were fucking. Ally had been taken by a total stranger, and was savoring every heart-pounding residual moment.
I don’t recall what happened just after. (Sorry to disappoint anyone, but a model orgy? Didn’t happen.) For days, though, I couldn’t get that scene out of my head! It cropped up at castings and in my dreams, added sweat and speed to my workouts, lust-filled spark to my eyes at photo shoots. Being the good girl I prided myself for being, I tried to imagine my boyfriend back in Minnesota taking me the way H.M.M. took Ally. Good girls in relationships, after all, don’t fantasize about other men, right? So I thought.
I’m happy to say that fantasies, even those involving other men (or women), are no longer on my avoid list. According to research and experts, that’s a positive thing. Unless our fantasies interfere with our relationships or well-being, they make way for benefits, such as stress relief, faster arousal time, erotic stimulation and increased spice in our sex lives. (Sign. Me. Up.)
5 Common Female Sexual Fantasies
1. Sex with another man. This doesn’t mean you’re dissatisfied with your sex life, says Dr. Hilda Hutcheson, a clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University and author of Pleasure. More likely, you’re simply excited by new experiences and turned on by hot guys. (Shocker! ;))
2. Ménage à trois. Lots of articles suggest that most men dream of 2:1 female:male threesomes. Though it’s lesser discussed, many women long for sex with dual partners, too. If you envision yourself with two guys, you may want to be doted on, adored or fought over, says Hutcheson. You may also relish the idea of another woman wanting your guy (or vice versa) or simply believe that when it comes to pleasure, more equals merrier—i.e., in various places on or in your body at the same time. (Yum.)
3. Domination. A recent study conducted at Notre Dame and the University of North Texas showed that over 62 percent of women fantasize about some type of forced sex by a man. Fantasizing about being dominated can be thrilling, says Hutcheson, because it takes away all responsibility. If you feel intensely responsible in other life areas, you may long for sex that simply happens to you, say…in a carwash.
4. Sex with a woman. Ever wonder why Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” is so popular? Arousing thoughts about sexual intimacy with another women, even among the fiercely heterosexual, show appreciation for female gorgeousness and pleasure. Fantasizing about both genders can also reveal an open-minded and adventurous spirit—huge attributes, if you ask me.
5. Sex with a spouse/partner. Replaying sultry sex with your partner or dreaming up new adventures with him (or her) are the most common female sexual fantasies, says Hutcheson. This simply means that sex with your partner entices you—thank goodness!—and that you value your intimate connectedness. If you don’t fantasize often or simply want to improve your sex life, prioritizing this fantasy can be helpful.
Research also shows that most women have sexual fantasies somewhat routinely, but we tend to embrace and talk about them less than men. Whether yours fall into the common or uncommon category, I hope you’ll embrace your inner sexual goddess and whatever sexy thoughts and dreams she conjures.
Toward that end, I’d like to invite you to share a sexual fantasy in the form of a poem, simple paragraph or short story (roughly 500 words or less). Email it to me (august at augustmclaughlin dot com) by 12pm PST this Saturday, January 12th. I’ll share some of my favorites next week in Girl Boner Fantasy-Palooza, Part II. Let me know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous and any preferred pen name in your email. No one but me will see your name and email—GB honors.
In the meantime, I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts. Any sexual fantasies you’d like to share here? Any of the listed five? Have you felt comfortable having and discussing them? What did you think of Ally’s carwash scene? What other TV or film revs your Girl Boner engine? As always, all respectful thoughts are welcome.
**If you haven’t yet signed up for the IN HER SHADOW Release and Thrill-Fest Party on Facebook, you can nab the details and reserve your spot here. We’ll be celebrating like thriller-loving geeks rockstars and giving away signed books and author interviews. Can’t wait! x
Ok, watched the Car Wash scene…yes, I do, definitely, understand…
That “vulgar verb” fits there and I could not see that it was bad…
Wow!
Scott
Ha. Glad you enjoyed it!
Great post August and so liberating. I think fantasies are a wonderful, safe and uber way to spice up your sex life and get your mojo going (and stay going…)! YUM!!! It’s one technique I use often to tap into major Os…I mean…a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! LOL!
Thanks for opening up the subject and making us all feel normal and among friends!
BAM!
So glad you thought so, Natalie. I love that you fantasize your way into major Os—woot! I Thanks for the sweet kudos, and for honoring your inner sex goddess. It’s a gift that keeps on giving, right? To ourselves first.
YOU SAID A SWEAR /faints
There was a (gasp) before that, but I used the wrong bracket so it thought it was code and is hidden.
Ha! I did, almost out loud even. *cool fan*
No model orgy? Couldn’t you just lie, August?
After all, you have the creative chops for it!
I keep saying this: great post!
Never saw that seen in Ally McBeal–never watched the show before, but looks like I’m off to find some old copies somewhere.
Oh, my! What a happy, encouraging post (as much because I love this whole series and I often participate in all 5 of the fantasies. I think it’s made me a better writer. Of course, we’ll see about that… definitely going to see about that poem
So glad you enjoyed it, Eden. FYI, there’s a link to the Ally scene near the bottom of the post. Happy viewing and writing!
Oh, I hadn’t noticed… Shame on me!
I’ll still go searching for more. I like to know characters and have a sense of context for the writer’s world… even if it’s merely a variation on our own. (good news for all my writer friends who make their books into series… I tend buy them all eventually)
The fantasy list makes a lot of sense, but Ally McBeal??? I’ve always blamed her for the fall of Harrison Ford in cinema. He was my man crush for years. Diary entries to prove it! LOL.
Ha! I hear you, Jess. Ally McBeal had its ups and serious downs——the carwash scene being a major ‘up,’ IMO.
Jess, I stopped crushing on Harrison Ford the minute they hooked up. lol
My fantasies used to be fairly elaborate; anymore, though, seems like what turns me on most are the simple things, like looking forward to waking up on lazy Sunday mornings and doing it all over again. And if it happens to be a rainy Sunday? Well, you won’t hear from me the remainder of the day.
Fantasy makes for great sex – especially in a long term relationship – but oh, what a delicate dance it is. I found that it’s best to broach the subject with your partner when you’re not in bed – but on a night out and over a glass of wine (or three) – “You know, I was thinking…maybe…” “What, tell me.” This makes it safe, fun, provocative. Words without touch. “And then what?” “And then, I was thinking you could…” And that fast you’re on your way home. No bruised egos. No “What, I’m not enough for you anymore?” Just a long term loving couple, suddenly hot to trot again.
And always, always, return to who you are as you kiss goodnight and spoon yourselves to sleep.
I would have to write a novel to explore and elaborate on all of my sexual fantasies, August.
Oh. Wait! I am writing one! Duh! Bonus! I justify new adventures as research (even though I need no justification). I want to write what I know. And, I want to know many, many things.
Thanks to this series, I am finally learning to know and understand my own body, my own needs, and that sexual pleasure and its pursuit is not a sin or evil or dirty.
Guilt free fantasyland is a brand new frontier. Talking openly about it? AWE-freaking-some!
On your list? Yes, to #1, #2 and #3. Maybe even #4 if it were in tandem with #3. When I’m alone, I often pretend my fantasy lover du jour is watching and telling me what he plans to do next, and then next, and then next.
The Tantra Chair? Ever look at the tapes for the different positions? I SO want one of those chairs when I get a place of my own.
I’ve even fantasized about the pain/pleasure combo of Ben-WA balls with light spanking as described in Fifty Shades. For me, that falls into the “things you fantasize about, but wouldn’t want to experience” category as described in I Love Female Orgasms.)
Can I communicate a fantasy in 500 words or less? I do not know, but I’ll give it one hell of a try. Look for an email.
Don’t let the word count hold you back! Consider it a flexible guideline, at most.
Cheers to you and fantasyland! Your book seems like a GB winner.
HOT WAX.
That is all.
No, that’s just the beginning.
That is true.
Just had to tell you August, that I saw your post this morning, but saved it for reading tonight. It’s like August After Dark. Love ’em!
Aw. LOL I’m touched, and my post is lucky to have your company.
love this post. Fantasies are so good for us – each and every one, regardless of which type and how detailed.
Where would we be without fantasies? They’re all healthy and keep relationships alive. In order to write a good sex scene an author needs to have a deep understanding of how her/his body works. The way a man’s body works during arousal is very similar to a woman’s if both are at a heightened state and desperate for one another. And if they’re at the stage of falling madly in love an author needs to nail the emotional intensity. When it’s pure lust that’s quite a different thing and tends to be fast and furious or in a committed relationship teasing and playful. One of the books I can recommend, which just happens to be sitting to the left of me as I type this is ‘Slow Sex’ The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm my Nicole Deadone http://www.amazon.com/Slow-Sex-Craft-Female-Orgasm/dp/0446567183/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1357615598&sr=1-1&keywords=slow+sex+nicole+daedone
I see an email winging it’s way into your inbox very soon.
Ooh, I can’t wait! Thank you, CC–also for the book recommendation. Having read some of your work, your insight carries weight!
Uhm… well… I remember that scene as it had been yesterday… I didn’t even need to peek at the link. When you write “car wash” scene, I knew immediately which one you meant – as well as how I felt back then – jeeeeeez… that was interesting… *grin* I personally think it was good I watched it all by myself. hehehehe
As for fantasies… I think I’ll be passing this one… I tried to write “Erotica” once… by re-reading I had to laugh so hard, I nearly peed…
It was something like: “… everything on him felt good… his hard muscles… his kisses… his touches… his rooster…” Whoops – wrong translation… *giggle*
August – why do we have awesome sex in the first place? Yes, because there’s that cool factor of “I’m doing it right now!” and “this feels REALLY good” and “she’s so beautiful!”, but also, for recall, later. When things get a little thin in the booty-call column, you can always burn a candle, take a hot shower and sift through all the personalized “carwash” scenes you’ve compiled in a life lived in sexual exploration.
that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
I once was infatuated with Jennifer Aniston, but the infatuation didn’t last long. The funny-well, perhaps embarrassing- thing happened a couple months later after the infatuation receded. In 2009 I was sharing a hostel room in Ireland with some other guys and a girl. In the morning I woke up, and the first sentence that came up after I opened my eyes was “I just had sex with Jennifer Aniston”. LOL I was the last one who woke up, so the others were like: “Whattt????!!” That was so embarassing! Hahaha, But now Aniston is 43 years old and I am bit unsure whether I should maintain the fantasy with her. Perhaps I should find someone younger?
I have tagged you in my latest blog post. I hope you’ll like it!!
http://raaniyork.wordpress.com/2013/01/09/very-inspiring-blogger-award-with-slightly-adjusted-rules/
The post is about the “Very inspiring Blog Award”.
Have fun!!
Hugs
Raani
OMG., Just seeing this NOW! Ally McBeal ROCKS and you better believe I remember that hot scene! (just watched the entire series last year on Netflix. Yeah, Robert Downey Jr killed the show when he had to go back to jail! LOVED him on that show…
Fantasies rock and never underestimate them! They can be fully utilized with hubby’s of 10+ years when games are introduced, of course…blindfolds are a lovely invention.
Without hubby, they usually entail fantasies of rough men in pick up trucks at red lights …envisioning being taken in their cab. But lucky for hubby, they last a mere seconds and then I depart to my real destination – usually work
Fun post. Yes, I believe fantasies are very healthy for relationships – and for sex. I never watched Alley when it was on and I lost some respect for Harrison when they started dating. Then look what happened. But I have to admit that scene makes one stop and pay attention.
Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Great scene from AMcB. Makes me want to watch that show all over again. I know I missed episodes too. I agree that fantasizing is very important for all parties. The part that makes me sad is how many fantasy’s go un-answered. Yes, there are certain ones that are dangerous and/or illegal that should maybe stay in your head but, there are countless others that just end up being ignored! A travesty!!