“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” – Deepak Chopra
Letting go. The simple word pairing describes one of the most powerful concepts we can embrace. Letting go of a romance-gone-wrong makes way for peacefulness and, if and when we desire it, new love. Releasing anger and resentment allows us to forgive those who’ve caused wounds, preventing clouds of bitterness from tinkering with life’s sunshine and replacing “Why me?” with gratitude-induced rainbows. Today I want to challenge you to loosen your hold on barriers that inhibit your Girl Boner gusto, which is a term I use to describe loving and respecting your body and sexuality with curiosity, intent and glee. (Can I get a WOO HOO?)
Last week I had the honor of discussing Girl Boner with Dr. Lisa Masterson on her fabulous radio show, Health in Heels with Dr. Lisa. The practicing OB/GYN, mother, philanthropist, author and former cohost of the Emmy award-winning TV show, The Doctors is equally vivacious and sharp, and we had a BLAST exploring body image, sexuality and the unbreakable link between. (To listen to our full interview, scroll down to the link in the last paragraph.)
After I explained the inspiration behind Girl Boner, here’s what Dr. Lisa had to say:
“We really are sort of backwards about sexuality, about pleasure, about physicality… What I’ve found in my practice is that girls that felt really comfortable with their bodies had a real sense of self and a real pride in themselves and their bodies—those were the ones least likely to get pregnant, to develop STDs, because they care about their bodies and themselves.”
She is so right! When we embrace our bodies as adults, we’re also more likely to have fulfilling relationships, feel and appear more attractive, practice self-care—which leads to fewer instances of chronic disease, stress and depression—and have more energy to invest in positive ventures. I also loved what Dr. Lisa had to say about swimming in the nude:
“The first time I went skinny-dipping with my girlfriends was last year in Fiji… It’s a freeing thing because it’s sort of getting over yourself, feeling comfortable with yourself. I can’t stress enough how important that is to feel good about [your] body.”
As I explained on her show, getting to that place of embracement can seem grueling, considering the multitudinous forces against us. On the bright side, however, such work is not only doable, but more empowering than most folks realize. It all starts with baby steps, in my opinion—taking even one bold step into a zone in which you would like to feel more comfortable. Not sure where to start? Consider the following suggestions.
20 Ways to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
& Into Girl Boner Embracement ♥
If you’re up for the challenge and eager for the scrumptious rewards of embracing your sexy self, choose one or several of the following suggestions to commit to in the coming days or weeks. Or let your mind wander and conjure your own. If your heart races slightly and your lips curve upward as you consider a practice you haven’t tried, it’s likely a great pick!
1. Spend more time naked or in your skivvies. (Sleeping, reading, cooking, cleaning…)
2. Say “I love my body” aloud at least once daily—sarcasm not allowed!
3. When you shower, explore your vagina with your fingers, doing your best to name each part.
4. Use a mirror or camera phone to observe your sexual anatomy.
5. Look at your full body naked in the mirror daily, thinking loving thoughts (and telling others to hush up!)
6. Buy yourself underwear or other apparel you feel sexy in!
7 . Read or write erotica.
8. Watch an erotic film.
9. Buy yourself a new, or your first, sex toy—and try it out!
10. If you’re fixated on weight and size, toss your scale in the trash and remove size tags from your clothes.
11. Stop the diet you know in your gut isn’t healthy and focus on enjoying a variety of (mostly whole) foods mindfully—with awareness and appreciation.
12. Take a pole dancing class!
13. Go out for a night on the town with your girlfriends, dressing however you feel happy, comfortable and sexy.
14. Write a love letter to your body, paying mind to its sexual capabilities and parts.
15. Make love by candlelight.
16. Masturbate by candlelight.
17. Share a sexual fantasy with your partner. If you’re both game, act on it!
18. Keep a sensuality journal, tracking sights, sounds, smells, tastes and happenings that tickle your senses—and, of course, those that tickle your Girl Boner!
19. Prioritize and initiate sex more often.
20. Remind yourself daily that your sexuality is not dirty, but beautiful, natural and worth embracing.
Regardless of how you go about gaining and maintaining Girl Boner gusto, what matters most is that you do. If we don’t prioritize sexual and body embracement, there’s a good chance they’ll fall to the wayside, ridding us of countless benefits—and that’s pretty tragic, in my opinion. You all deserve to live full, happy lives! Recognizing that our sexuality is a crucial part of that opens the door to wondrousness. ♥
During our interview, when Dr. Lisa described skinny-dipping with girlfriends as a liberating way you to “get over yourself,” I was totally sold! (Telling her I’m “not much of a swimmer” was a bit like describing the North Poll as somewhat chilly, but I adore the concept. LOL) Merely getting our feet wet, literally and figuratively, can be all it takes to set sexy self-embracement in motion.
What steps are you willing to take to better embrace your body and sensuality? Remember, there’s no shame or judgment here—only support! Which may include a few giddy, cheer-you-on squeals. I love hearing from you! If you decide to write that love letter to your body and would like to share it, post it on the Girl Boner Facebook page or email it to me for possible (anonymous, optionally) inclusion in an upcoming post. ♥
To listen to or download my chat with Dr. Lisa for FREE, visit Health in Heels on iTunes, Episode 11/14. If you like what you hear, I hope you’ll consider posting a review of Dr. Lisa’s program! She deserves all the praise she can get. For a chance to have your sex or health-related questions answered on the air, tweet them to Dr. Lisa at @drLisaM using the hashtag #AskDrLisa.
Unless you’ve been horrifically abused, I’ve never understand equating sexually with “dirty” or “wrong”.
That’s what O like about your place and posts. You seem to connect all the right dots.
Gloria Richard Author says
GACK! I missed last week’s posts. No worries for me. I’ll catch up and listen to what I’m sure is a stellar discussion when I’m no longer in a public venue, and I’ll bop over to post a review.
On to your twenty ideas:
Yes! I love them all. I might switcheroo (or augment) pole dance classes with belly dance. My rationale? I could spark heat anywhere with a bit of suggestive belly dancing. Even if I only danced for my mirror image. It’s much harder to tote a pole about with me. Ankle and toe, wrist and finger bracelets fit in my purse. Remember that when I get to SoCal and drag you and friends out for some fun on the town.
Are you yet tired of hearing how many of those items I wouldn’t have on my been there, do that, love it list before GB came along? Suffice to say, you’ve opened amazing and satisfying doors for my curious mind.
Oh, yes. I’ll write that letter of appreciation to my body. It may be too long to go on Facebook. The length of this comment is testimony to brevity-challenged moi. Look for it via email.
August McLaughlin says
You are such a gem, Gloria! I LOVE your belly dancing tip. (There’s actually a belly dancing studio in my ‘hood, and would you believe I’ve yet to try it?) I can’t wait to read your Girl Boner/body love sentiment.
Jenny Hansen says
Loved #14, August. Seriously, I watch my toddler running around naked everywhere she possibly can and lament that so many of us lose that joy in our skin meeting the air. I don’t think I’ve been skinny-dipping since junior high or high school.
August McLaughlin says
Nakedness can be so freeing, Jenny! Those wee ones really are ahead of the game in many ways, and fantastic teachers. May you enjoy the heck out of your birthday suit.
Jenny Hansen says
LOL. I made sure to run around naked last night for a few minutes in your honor.
August McLaughlin says
LOL! I’m SO honored.
Raani York says
This is such a great post, August… and I did read the list with greatest interest… some of it seems quite natural – some other points would cause me “trouble”… I was raised with feeling ashamed of being naked… and of keeping back loving myself… it would have been vain… I’m not sure if this can be overcome within shortest time, even though I work on it for years…
Reblogged this on Our Life….Under the Sheets and commented:
I’m so going to try this! A letter of appreciation to my body…~ mrs j
August McLaughlin says
Thanks for the support!
Your very welcome! ~mrs j
I can relate to number 1. I’ve always loved skinny dipping, it is liberating, the water feels great against ALL of your skin, and the sun reaches parts it’s never met before. Even when I’ve been overweight the issue of image has never bothered me. I imagine that is different for women with the whole ‘you have to be a perfect *pick your size* to show yourself off or enjoy sex, love, relationships etc. Religion has a huge part to play in how people feel about their bodies, pleasuring themselves, being happy. I wonder how different the world would be without sexual repression, shame and fear?
We live at the back of our 42 acre block, there is a 7,000 acre cattle property behind us and our neighbours on each side are 500 yards away, perfect for a little naturist activity. Wrong. My wife and I went out one Sunday morning for a naked walk around the yard and house. The early morning sunlight bathed our bodies, the sense of freedom divine, the cool breeze on our skin, electric. The sounds of hoof beats over the back as a group of riders trotted past looking straight at us, well, interesting. it didn’t take long for word to get around, at least it kept the Jehovah’s Witnesses away.
Kourtney Heintz says
It is so important to say nice things to yourself about your body. Great tips here August. Congrats on the radio show–looks like a smashing success!