G-Spot Sex Toy Stories + Tips: Ebony and Deborah

 

 

“G-Spot Sex Toy Stories + Tips: Ebony and Deborah”

a Girl Boner podcast transcript

Ebony: And she was like, “Ebony, come here.” I’m just kind of laying on the bed already. She was like, “Open your legs.” I was like, Okay, I don’t know what’s going on.

Deborah: And I breathed, and I breathed and I was just so committed to transforming and to feel whatever there was to feel.

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August/narration:

Ebony Mystique is an adult entertainer and producer, as well as a Playboy centerfold. And it was her work in porn that led to her first sex toy experience. Ebony’s story made me think of another one of my favorite G-spot stories, from speaker and author, Deborah Kagan. So you’ll hear that today, too. Plus, some of their top sex toy advice.

[encouraging, acoustic music]

First, Ebony’s story. Early on, Ebony told me, she learned that sex feels good.

Ebony:  I learned that masturbation was pleasurable to me. My mom worked a lot, so honestly I had like a lot of time to myself because I had like nanny care. She was a director of drug rehab, so she worked long hours and I was pretty much the only child in my home and there was like. TV and porn and I was just like, oh, this is kind of cool. So just kind of pleasuring myself.

It was more or less like, I should not be watching this. My mom’s doesn’t know, so I’m gonna watch it. More rebellious stuff.

It used to give me some  spidey senses, butterflies.

August/narration:

Ebony was about 11 when she started that exploration. And the household, she said, was…

Ebony: Pretty sex positive. My mom was a single parent, but she had boyfriends. Me and my mom never really had conversation, per se, one-on-one about sex, but she, since I was like growing boobs and interested in what’s going on with vaginas.

She would buy a lot of colorful like books about reproduction. And she’s a nurse also. So, anatomy books.

August/narration:

She also learned about sex, or at least reproduction, in school.

Ebony: They had those sexual education classes in eighth grade or something where we had like an egg and then you had a partner.

August/narration:

Basically the kids would be paired as co-parents.

Ebony: And we would have an egg and that would be our baby, and it would be like a week assignment. You can put hair on your eggs to make it all cute, but if it broke, well you lost the assignment.

August/narration:

I guess the baby died? The idea was to show how fragile and delicate a baby is, so kids would take pregnancy prevention seriously.

Going into adulthood, Ebony said she always wanted to be sexy, even during her previous career. Until five years ago, she was a nurse-

Ebony: …and I always got the cutest scrubs and I used to do my makeup, couldn’t use perfume in the hospital setting, of course, but I wanted to. However, the place of medicine is not the place to be beautified.

It’s actually possibly sexual harassment claim, or you may lose your job. Too much of that. So I always wanted to be sexy. Honestly. A lot of nurses think about being like sexy and we talk about this stuff at the nurses station once all our patients are sleeping .

August/narration:

She used to work the night shift.

Ebony: …especially when I worked in Las Vegas hospitals. Some of the nurses actually were go-go dancers and nurses.

August/narration:

She said COVID actually got her into the industry.

Ebony: I was just newly into my position as a nurse in the advice call center.

I left, patient care, hand-on. And went into the advice call center as an advice nurse. Very new in that position. Then Corona came about. So my seniority was the reason why I couldn’t continue my job. It was gonna be like, we all have to be home quarantined. You’ll get the highest level of unemployment and use out your sick time.

August/narration:

She was like, that’s really nice, but –

Ebony: I live in LA. My rent is like 6k! It wasn’t gonna work out. So I decided to call a very big porn, legendary porn star that I’ve been friends with for a while.

August/narration:

Picky XXX

Ebony: and I told her kind of before the world knew that it was a real quarantine situation. That there’s a possibility we’re all gonna be in the house.

Sounded like it was some weird theory I came up with, but it clearly was true.

And I asked Picky XXX if I could shoot for her site. I did. And it went more viral than at that time I thought it would or wanted it to.

August/narration:

Ebony had tried to keep her identity private.

Ebony: I did it with a mask. I thought the mask would help. It totally failed. The mask did not work.

August: Oh no, you mean it like fell off?

Ebony: No, it stayed on, but a lot of people knew it was me. My tattoos, body structure. My uncles knew it was me, who told my mom.

August: Oh, you’re kidding.

Ebony: No! My twin uncles, I guess our avid porn watchers saw the scene and told my mom. I told Pinky. We did two scenes, and I told her to take them down ’cause my mom had found out and she did.

And I was still back at work and one of the guys at work that I’m friends with saw the scene. So that was my last day at work.

I was like, oh shit. It’s bigger than I want it to be. My mom knows, people at work know, I think I’m gonna exhaust my sick leave and just take the option to stay home. I kinda ran out of there and never went back.

August/narration:

So, here’s her sex toy story. About six months into her adult film career, Ebony tried her first vibrator.

Ebony: I was in porn. I did not use toys, not a dildo. Honestly, I think I’d never even been into like an adult store for real. I don’t know if it’s New York culture or Connecticut, like East Coast men culture, but nobody ever asked me to use a vibrator. I never even considered it before I got into porn.

August/narration:

She said she learned about vibrators in the “funniest way possible.” She was hanging out with her then manager, after a convention.

Ebony: There were like six girls in the room. It was after Exotica, one of the bigger, fan conventions and we were like drinking cocktails and just having fun and just like as a fun thing Pinky was like, “Look what I have, girls!” I’m like, “What the hell is that?”

This big old white thing, it’s the wand, and was like, “Come here, let me try this on you.”And she was like, “Ebony, come here.”

I’m kind of laying on the bed already. she was like, “Open your legs.” I was like, “Okay.” I don’t know what’s going on. And she just put that thing on my vagina and I was like, “Yo, stop. This is crazy! Like, what’s going on? Then I was like, “No, do it again.”

It totally hit my G-spot immediately. I didn’t even know that was humanly possible because when guys kind of go down on you, most guys don’t really know what they’re doing. It doesn’t really do the orgasm thing just gets all wet down there.

But that was a fun, friendly experience that was good for me. And next thing you know, my panties are all wet and I took the vibrator and did it to her and she’s all squirming around, too. We just had a good time that evening. Very girl-friendly, but it was like, this is fun.

August/narration:

Toys are a really common way people with a vulva find their G-spot, by the way. Some are shaped specifically for stimulating that area – which is part of the clitoral network. A super sensitive and erogenous area for many.

In 2020, around the time Ebony left nursing for porn, I spoke with Deborah Kagan about her experience finding her G-spot.

Deborah: I was absolutely hell bent on discovering my G-spot. This was back in my early thirties. I had been married to a wonderful man, but we just were not connected sexually. It just didn’t work for numerous reasons. And so after I left that marriage, I mean, I was orgasmic and I could self-pleasure and clitoral stimulation, you know, all of that.

Like, I knew how all that worked, and I started to become aware. About G spots and G spot orgasms, but I had yet to experience it myself. And so I went on this mission and it was legitimately a mission. I went to the pleasure chest, right. I thought I’m going to the epicenter in LA, right? Of getting a great sex toy.

And the staff there is so fantastic. So I just said, “Hey, what do you recommend for finding a G-spot?” And I was led to this glass G-spot dildo. And so I went home.

I had prepared and made the room an oasis. I mean, there were candles, okay? There was essential oils, there was good lighting. And I’m with myself! But again, this is filling your cup

August/narration:

She pulled out the toy.

Deborah: And I tried it and I mean, didn’t really happen the first time. So I was again, committed on a mission.

It was with this glass G spot dildo and patience and breath and the willingness to be in my body deeply. ’cause it’s a different experience. and it was uncomfortable at first.

There was like almost an emotional discomfort and an irritation, and I wanted to stop, and I was starting to get mad, and I was starting to get frustrated.

August/narration:

Past sexual trauma came up for her, too.

Deborah: That irritation, you know, there was just these moments of, okay, I’m starting to feel, but that cellular memory of like, I don’t wanna feel, because that was painful at the time.

And I breathed, and I breathed and I was just so committed to transforming and to feel whatever there was to feel.

August/narration:

Gradually, pleasure unfolded.

Deborah: It took a little while. I’m talking, this was like 20 minutes, 30 minutes. This was not like a five-minute ordeal.

There was a sense of, this feels good. I’m liking this. Oh wait, let me go to the left and the right. And, oh, what if I slowed down a little more and even slower. And now if it’s just this tap.

Something happened to the point where I started to feel good and then it was like, oh my God, this is going deeper and deeper.

And an orgasm started to happen that I have never in my life felt before it was as though my body was swelling to the point of the size of the entire room, This almost like earthquakey undulation of the body happened. And then here’s the wild part. And this might sound really fucking weird, but here we are.

It was as though the ceiling kind of got blurry. But then it like parted, it’s like it parted like the Red Sea, you know? But it’s like it started to open and there was. It was like, God, goddess, it was spirit. It was that. And it was above me, whatever it was, big guardian angel. It was something from Spirit. That was so present and so floating, like right above me.

And all of this light came into the room. I’ve never taken LSD, but I imagine if one ever did take LS, D, this would be kind of what I think. So from I’ve read, it sounds very psychedelic. Yeah, it was very psychedelic. And so anyway, so then I, and then I start crying.

Because it’s like I felt so connected to everything and I’m orgasming and I’m crying and I’m orgasming. And it went on and on and on and on and on. And then I just like. I just laid there and cried and laughed for probably like another 15 minutes, and that’s how I discovered my G-spot August.

August: Ah, thank you so much for sharing that. how did that impact your sexuality moving forward?

Deborah: Oh my gosh. Well, it just got me hungrier and more curious. ‘Cause I was like, Ooh, if my body can do that, what else can we do? It was just like, Ooh. And then I thought, Wow, okay. I can experience that with myself. Can I experience that with a partner?

What is that gonna be like? How do we keep doing that? and it, opened up an entire new world, which actually got me on the path of what I’ve been doing now for 11 years . It got me on the path of supporting women in what I call rocking their mojo.Yeah. So it changed my life.

August/narration:

If you’d like to expand your own sex toy experiences, Ebony has some tips. For women and people with a vulva, she suggests at least trying the kind of toy that sent her reeling the first time.

Ebony: It’s the vibrator for me. It actually helps a woman get to an orgasm.There are some women who never had an orgasm. And the vibrator helps with that sensation.

August/narration:

She also likes a toy she’s a brand ambassador for. It’s called the Melrose.

Ebony: That is the number one male sex toy on the market right now. And it is pleasurable for men. It’s just for penis havers. They love it.

It has like sucking thing going on turning thing. I’ve actually used it in my own personal off camera, sexual experience and on camera sexual experience with a guy.

August/narration:

If you’re interested in or curious about anal sex…

Ebony:…butt plugs are cool. Glass ones are great. Silicone ones are cool.

August/narration: And while toys can be super fun to use with a partner, especially if you’re new to toys, solo sessions are often a great way to start. For that, Ebony suggests the right mindset.

Ebony: Get into your zone. Masturbation is very personal. It’s almost like a massage. It’s your time to just cut everything off and enjoy your massage.

I think masturbation is the same thing. Whatever makes you calm and be able to in tune to yourself, because when you’re thinking you can lose your O just by one thought or a sound that’s abrupt and takes you off of the feeling that you were building up and gathering.

So I think it’s important to kind of really have a moment to yourself. I try to turn everything off, know that this moment is for me. Sometimes I even talk myself through it. I dare talk myself, me and my vagina have a relationship in these moments. ‘Cause I don’t want her playing with me.

August/narration:

And, she said, she needs her O.

Ebony: So just very in tune to the action of what I’m doing and, accepting that and. The magic happens. Masturbation is very personal. Whatever that means for you, there’s no shame in it.

This is for you. It’s totally about you. You’re pleasuring yourself.

August/narration:

Here’s what Ebony wanted you to know about her work.

Ebony:  If you’re watching Ebony Mystique, be prepared to laugh. I love sex comedy. I love to be entertaining. But you’re definitely gonna get that old school porn feel, because that’s what I like. No holds bar when they say action, if we’re in the act of sex, that’s exactly what you gonna get.

You gonna get that old school porn feel from me. I appreciate that about myself. I’m very sexually open and i’m fun. I’m fun to watch. And, all my viewers really get that from me. You’re gonna have a good time.

I’m not from start to finish. My energy doesn’t go away until they say Cut.

August/narration:

On a related note, Ebony’s mom now appreciates her porn work, too.

Ebony: My mom’s pretty decent. At first of course, she was a little like, what the hell? What the hell? What the hell? Like, what are you okay? My mom is very non-judgmental and I have done everything that my parents have asked me to do. in my early adult life into my adult life, I helped retire my mom.

They know that I make pretty decent decisions even if they may seem a little weird, it’s the usual best decision for me and that’s how my mom looks at it. This was something you wanted to do. I know It was planned out and thought about it. ’cause I’m a super overthinker about things and she sees my success as good.

I did it in the best way possible if I wanted to be sexually liberated, you know, all the little nominations, the contracts, the Playboy, everything that came with it, made it easier for my mom to see that this is a profession and this is not like a in, in any sort, you know?

So I do kind of consider my family even through my porn ’cause. I’m a representation of them if that makes sense for some people. ’cause my family loves me and they appreciate me and I still help them out financially And, uh, we still love each other and yeah, they’re super nonjudgmental. My mom’s good.

[music]

August/narration:

Find Ebony’s work at onlyfans.com/ebonymystique. She has a new website in the works, but you can find her easily online now. Her accounts are verified and there are lots of fake imitations, she said, so look for that checkmark.

To learn about from Deborah Kagan, visit, deborahkagan.co. Find her book, Undressed: An Invitation to Claim Your Erotic Nature, on Amazon or your favorite bookseller.

Hear more about her sexual self-discovery journey in the episode linked in the show notes.

 

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