Remember when your daydreams involved unicorns, exotic vacations and working as a pop DJ in the mountains of India? (Er, maybe that was just me.) Nowadays I fantasize about more important things, like seeing an end to sexual shame.
Imagine what puberty alone would be like if we actually liked and respected our bodies and sexuality beforehand? Can you even visualize it? I’m no psychic, but I can almost guarantee that it would be less of a dizzying world-flip. It might even be empowering.
Considering the demeaning societal messages and long-held myths surrounding female sexuality, I don’t think it’s any coincidence that girls are at such high risk for depression, anxiety, heightened stress and eating disorders from adolescence on. If only they all saw the glory in their bodies, in their capacity for pleasure, in their innate sexuality—no matter what its specifics. #WhatAWonderfulWorldItWouldBe
Here’s what I think (and lots of research suggests) an end to sexual shame would bring:
♥ Less depression, anxiety and stress
♥ Fewer battles with disordered eating
♥ Happier, healthy intimate relationships
♥ Fewer sexual health problems
♥ Women having more gratifying, orgasmic sex
♥ Less beating oneself up for being “too” or “not enough” anything
♥ A heck of a lot more joyful, authentic living
So how do we get there? It starts in our own lives—making the decision to move forward, then taking the necessary steps to do so. Every effort to more fully embrace our sexuality is a worthy one.
To gab with me, Dr. Megan Fleming and the Artemis Films crew about this subject, play trivia hosted by the super groovy Jess Witkins and potentially win an awesome prize from Good Clean Love, hop onto Twitter between 7 & 8pm PST this Thursday, October 29. Search for the hashtag #WomenKickAss. Learn more more on the Facebook event page. I hope to see you there!
What steps have you taken to minimize shame around your sexuality? Will you be joining us on Thursday? I love hearing from you!
David N. Walker says
August, there’s an underlying problem with how the sexes view each other that’s several thousand years old. Most of the Biblical patriarchs were polygamists. As such, they couldn’t possibly respect women as human beings with fears and feelings. They must have viewed them as objects – receptacles to relieve their sexual urges – and little more.
That attitude of men toward women has continued down through the ages, but it hasn’t been just a one-sided thing, particularly in the last decade or two. I’m constantly reading comments of women about washboard abs, the size of men’s penises, and other such things that show they think of men as objects rather than as human beings.
Thinking back to high school and college days – or other times of being single and dating – I recall having my attention focused on how far a girl or woman would let me go rather than on how she felt as a human being. I’m fairly sure that would be a common attitude among women as well, although possibly with some slight differences.
The pervasiveness of erotica among female writers and readers is an indication of this, too. The characters all concern themselves with using their partners to achieve the greatest climax possible rather than thinking of the feelings and well-being of the partner.
I have no solutions – just recognition of the problem. I don’t know how to fix this, but I’m sure we’d all be happier and better adjusted men and women if we all view one another as human beings rather than sex objects and if we concerned ourselves about how our partner felt and what we could do to make the partner feel better – either sexually or just about him or herself in general.
August McLaughlin says
Thanks for weighing in, David! I hear you about objectification. I really think conversations about all of this and doing the tough work in our own lives makes all the difference. By the way, Kitt Crescendo and Roni Loren both write super empowering erotic fiction.
David N. Walker says
Kitt and I correspond from time to time. I’m a FB friend with Roni, but we don’t really know each other.