Her Joyful Foursome: Susan Bratton

 

“Her Joyful Foursome: Susan Bratton”

a Girl Boner podcast transcript

August/narration:

What’s one of the most joyful sex experiences you’ve ever had? I figure we can all use more joy and lightness these days, so I’ve been talking to folks about that. Some of the stories I’ve heard are laugh out loud funny, others are moving. The one you’ll hear today falls into the latter category. It’s also very spicy.

[sexy R&B riff]

Susan Bratton describes herself as an “intimacy expert to millions.” She told me she’s been polyamorous for two decades.

Susan: Actually, let me rephrase that, because I’ve really been in consensual non-monogamy constructs for two decades. They’ve gone through a lot of permutations from kind of more swingy, you know, experiences to, sex party kinds of things, orgies, Burning Man, Orgy Dome, second base parties, tantra trainings, sex love and Intimacy workshops. You know, like I’ve dabbled in every kind of thing.

And I don’t always have sex with people at these parties. I usually stay in my fluid bonded group.

August/narration:

Fluid-bonded meaning Susan and her partners have an agreement to engage in unprotected sex that involves exchanging bodily fluids. It involves a lot of trust and transparency about things like STIs.

Susan and her husband have been together for 34 years, married for 32.

Susan: So we have successfully navigated a lot of permutations of sexual exploration together.

August/narration:

A foursome, however, wasn’t really one of those things – until recently.

Susan: I’ve had a long history of having a husband and a boyfriend. That works for me because I’ve had hundreds, if not a thousand threesomes with my two men, whichever two men it was at the time, my husband and another man. My husband loves that. I love that. The guys love it. It’s really fun.

And I tend to have fairly long term, like over four years of my latest and current boyfriend, nine years, my last boyfriend. So I really like that construct. It’s more unusual for me to have a foursome with another woman and two men.

August/narration:

A threesome can take quite a bit of logistical planning. A foursome? Even more.

Susan: Find four people that wanna have frequent love making together whose schedules line up and all of those things is challenging.

August/narration:

The real-life characters in this story include Susan, her husband, her girlfriend, and her boyfriend. The girlfriend is the newest to the mix.

Susan: Our new girlfriend met my boyfriend through the Feeld app. She reached out to him. They went on a date. She liked him. She screened in to make love to him, but then she met my husband and I, ’cause she actually came to our house to make sure we were fine with it and to meet us and everything.

And I think she met us and she was like, oh, well I’d actually like to fuck all these people. Good for her. Right? [laughs] So now we are in a polyamorous quad. And that’s been very pleasurable.

August/narration:

For Susan, the words joy and sex brought up the quad’s first foursome.

Susan: You know, the first time all four of us got together to have sex. ‘Cause I, I think I always think that it takes like 20 love making dates to get pretty good together.

August/narration:

But there are some things Susan and her partners to do make even the first time amazing. And, they did. Group sex didn’t happen straight away for the polycule.

Susan: We spent a long time dating before the four of us had sex. Our girlfriend dated my boyfriend a few times. First, then she met us and I encouraged her to have dates with my husband and she and I are, neither of us are like super bisexual. We are, I would say we’re more what I would call us both a sapiosexual.I am attracted to any gender person if I’m intellectually attracted to them. I need to be a values match.

August/narration:

And while Susan’s had a lot of adventurous sex, she doesn’t have as much experience making love with women.

Susan: And so I feel really nerdy and awkward, and I don’t, you know, like, ugh. It takes me a while to actually get turned onto to it and be ready for it. I have to have a fair amount of energy to do it because it’s not routine.

I turned 64 this month and I’m just on my training wheels with the ladies, you know? And I love that. I love that for me, honestly. I just feel like my sex life has been a constant evolution.

August/narration:

Leading up to the foursome, Susan was spending a lot of time resting.

Susan: You do have to have energy to try new things. It does take health, just like libido takes health. And so when my girlfriend first started having dates with my husband and my boyfriend, I was just happy for them. But I was in a little bit of a health lull. I had long haul COVID and it still has affected me. So I have to rest a lot between bursts of energy.

And I was resting and I was just really enjoying them all enjoying each other.

August/narration:

Susan told me she has a highly developed sense of compersion, or the feelings of happiness or joy from a loved one’s positive experiences. In non-monogamous relationships, that often means getting excited about a partner’s experiences with someone else.

Susan: So I was really happy that she had the opportunity to have more time with my guys and I enjoyed that for her and I enjoyed that for them, especially ’cause my energy was low and I wasn’t able to kind of give them the level of fucking that they generally enjoy. [laughs]

It’s good to have a spare girlfriend around. In my world, when I have a couple guys, I wanna make sure they’re happy, too.

August/narration:

By the time they got to their first foursome, Susan’s girlfriend was comfortable with the men.

Susan: And so really the only thing we were navigating was the comfort with each other. And we already had had tons of dinners and she’d already proven to be an incredible woman of brilliance and integrity, and she would did such a great job checking in with me on everything, keeping me up to date. We have a WhatsApp group where we’re constantly talking to each other. So the communication is excellent and she’s an amazing woman, so that was all really fun.

August/narration:

Susan finds planning sexy events fun, and the foursome was no exception.

Susan: We have a really pretty living room with floor to ceiling windows, a beautiful fireplace and great lighting. That’s a good place to have a foursome because our bed, though a king, is a little small for four giant people. You’ve met me, I’m almost six feet tall and I’m one of the smaller ones of the group.

So, we have these trifold, foam futons. I have three of them, and they fit right across my living room floor. So we ha we call it the, the adult pool. I have waterproof you know, fitted sheets that go on each one of them ’cause they’re full size futons. Then I have nice navy blue sheet sets that go on top of that.

August/narration:

So they set that all up, then piled pillows all around. Then it was time for some sensual music.

Susan: We put on the sexy playlist. Lately I’ve been enjoying deep house. Playlists. They really are great, sexy background music.

And then we put the lighting how it needs to be. And, my husband loves when I wear lingerie. Now, I’m a highly sensitive person, and lingerie is scratchy. Why is it almost impossible to find lingerie that’s not scratchy?

August/narration:

Still, she indulged him.

Susan: So I put on my lingerie and that makes him happy. But I always end up taking it all off. I just like to have sex naked.

August/narration:

Then they got out some lubes, some towels and wash cloths, and a bunch of sex toys – vibrators, cock rings.

Susan: We just have all that stuff. We organize and we’re really good together. Like everybody just goes and gets everything and gets it going.

August/narration:

Once everything was set up, they got started with a kind of opening circle.

Susan: So when we circled, we really like to just check in. We just go around and does anybody have anything they need us to know?

And you know, does anybody have any desires? Does anybody have any boundaries, any sex positions you’re interested in?

August/narration:

That, Susan said, it when it got really fun. Her husband is good at coming up with sex positions.

Susan: You know, he had 23 ideas. Everybody had all these ideas. It’s better to have more ideas, than less ideas. It’s just like that’s, but it’s better to have more ideas than less ideas.

August/narration:

Then, the action started.

Susan: What we really did was we started out with parallel play pussy rubs. My boyfriend gave me one, and then my husband gave our girlfriend one.

And we really like to start with Yoni Massage because it helps people drop in and it kind of gets you into your body and out of your head. It calms your nervous system and it really starts the engorgement and the blood flow to our pussies. And so that’s really nice.

Then I had kind of had enough of a pussy rub and my boyfriend and I started making out. We love to do this thing where we make out, and I stroke his cock, and he plays with my boobs and he tells me things that he loves about me.

August/narration:

That’s not just a fun activity for Susan. It’s a healing practice.

Susan: I really need to hear a lot of words of adoration and appreciation, verbal words, because it gets me into my arousal much better. It makes me feel safe.

I have a lot of security issues around sex because I was sexually abused as a child. So I have a few things that are what helped me manage the trauma that I went through.

August/narration:

Susan’s partners know that those words are one of her non-negotiables.

Susan: And so he literally automatically just starts to tell me what he loves about me. I don’t even have to ask him anymore. He knows that’s what I need.

August/narration:

Meanwhile, Susan’s husband was giving her girlfriend a pussy massage.

Susan: And one of the things that my husband loves about my girlfriend is that she’s massively orgasmic and she’s massively squirty. My husband loves that because, you’re really turned on and relaxed.

If you are a female ejaculator, on a scale of one to 10, she’s a 20. [water splash] She’s just like, we have to manage the fluid release because that’s why there has to be not just a stack of washcloths and hand towels, a stack of towels.

August/narration:

Next, Susan and her boyfriend started making out. Her boyfriend, by the way, is as sensitive as her girlfriend is squirty.

Susan: He’s very heart connected. He’s very sweet, he’s very romantic. He’s not the kind of guy that’s like, drop trow, get hard, stick it in, bang the shit out of you. He’s the one that needs the romance and the kisses and sweetness and things like that. So I love that about him.

August/narration:

Then, things just kept getting steamier.

Susan: While my husband was having intercourse and missionary style with our girlfriend, I kind of crawled over and I started making out with her. And my boyfriend fucked me from behind doggy style. So I was getting fucked while I was making out with her, and she was getting fucked by my husband. That was so hot.

I remember that I was moaning. I’m a big moaner and a part of the reason I’m a big moaner is that my boyfriend has bad hearing in one ear and I can never remember which ear it is. So I just have to be loud all the time for him.

And then once he kind of like popped my cherry about being loud, ’cause I used to be pretty quiet. Once he popped my cherry about being loud and I started moaning and everything, that genie was out of the bottle. I mean, now I am a mad moaner.

August/narration:

Basically, like this.

Susan: He was fucking me from behind, and I was going, “Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh…” Like that. The whole time I was kissing her, I was moaning in her mouth.

But I was right by his ear and I thought, I said, “Babe, babe, am I too loud?” He’s like, “God, no. I love this so much.” And I was like, “Okay, you’ll let me know if I’m gonna hurt your ear. I mean, I don’t wanna bust your ear drum or anything.”

He’s like, “No, it’s not too loud. I love it.” That’s one of the things that I have noticed has really made our sex life even better, is just like the vocal expressions.

So I’m making out with my girlfriend, but I’m moaning in her mouth while I’m making out with her because I’m getting fucked so well from behind by my boyfriend, who’s an amazing little fucker. That was just really hot. We were all having such a great time. It was just, we were like in the groove. Everybody was having a good time. It was super hot, but then we took a break and we take a lot of breaks.

This is something that I would say that people who are still kind of getting good in bed, they think that they need to just like get excited, have sex, and then you’re done. Well, we like to have sex for hours. You know, we got snacks! We got water. We’ll go get a glass of water or a beer if we wanted, or smoke some weed or whatever. You know, we’re just, we’re like there. This is what we’re doing for hours. We just lie around, shoot the shit, have fun, you know, make jokes and giggles, rub each other’s necks and feet.

And so we were resting and then of course my husband, he’s like, well, “This is the one I really wanna do. I wanna do the I wanna do the Eiffel Tower.” And we’re like, okay, that sounds really good. So we did the Eiffel Tower. We’re like, “Okay, that sounds really fun…” [sexy French music]

He was gonna be man on bottom. So he’s lying on his back. He’s flat on his back. Our girlfriend was sitting on his face. So she was on her knees and he was eating her pussy. And I was fucking him. I was cowgirl style on him fucking him. And she and I were facing each other. So we were making out. And so he was getting fucked and eating her pussy. And of course she’s squirting all over his face, right?

Like he’s just like, blah, blah, blah. I could hear him, I could hear the water coming out of her and just like, blah, blah. Like, like I said, I said to him at one point, “Don’t drown my husband.” [laughs]

It was so cute. She’s like, “I won’t, oh, I’ll try not to.” I’m like, “No, it’s okay. He can own his own safety. I was really just making a joke. He’s fine.” It was just so funny.

And then my boyfriend, he stood just beside us, facing us with his erection. And we gave him a dually blow. They like it when you fight over their cock a little, like, you know. I would take his cock and I would like smack her face with it and I would tickle her lips with the tip of it, and I would suck it and not let her have it. And like I was just being, you know, a brat.

August/narration:

One of Susan’s favorite things to be.

Susan: And so I was being like bratty with his dick and stuff. And so we were taking turns and I was deep throating it and then I was letting her suck it and then we were kissing around it and all this kind of stuff and it was so much fun.

After a while we had to take a break from that as well. I think that was kind of one of the last things.

But here’s one thing I do remember. When we were done and I had just been fucking my husband, then my husband and my girlfriend wanted to have intercourse again. And my husband said, oh, but hang on a second. I need to go take a shower. Because one of Susan’s boundaries is that she doesn’t like it when I go back and forth between vaginas without washing because she doesn’t want too much vaginal microbiome cross, bacteria.

I was like, God damn, I love that man. He’s so great. Like I haven’t had a foursome in so long. I hadn’t had another woman where we were both having intercourse at the same time with my husband in a really long time. I’d forgotten my own boundary and he remembered it and I was just so appreciative of that.

I really think to myself, remember when I said safety is like really important to me? Look how safe that guy keeps me. And so he got up, he took a shower and then he had intercourse for a while longer. And my boyfriend, and I think we were done at that point. We just laid around and watched them or got up and did something.

Sometimes we’ll just go for a bike ride and they’ll just keep fucking. We like to do different things, which is fine. Everybody’s got their different pace. So that was our foursome.

August: Oh my goodness. How did you feel afterwards? Did you all like fall asleep? Do they stay over? What happens after? Is there aftercare?

Susan: Oh yeah! We make dinner and everybody spends the night and Oh yeah.

August: Oh yeah. So was this during the day?

Susan: Yeah. It was during the day. Oh God. Yeah. At my age, August? Jesus. That’s when I’m the best. You know, like, I mean, I can do a little bit at night, but I don’t last long. I need to go. Mommy needs her sleep.

August/narration: 

Susan said a few things really stood out to her from this experience.

Susan: I feel so lucky to be able to have these experiences in a safe way. You know, we’re all STI checked and fluid-bonded and so it’s completely safe, which is really nice. I love the confidence that I have in my own ability to navigate those situations after decades of practice. So there’s no agitation or nervousness or insecurity, which feels lovely.

I love how comfortable and confident and pleasurable we all are together. I’m proud of us. I love the opportunity that I have a life where I can come on your show as myself and share this, and I’m really honored and proud to be the person that I am and to let people know how beautiful, comfortable, pleasurable, heart connected, orgasmic these experiences can be. I love that.

I also love that we are still talking about little moments. We call it sharing frames. It’s something that one of my mentors, Dr. Patty Taylor, taught me. And it’s one of the types of dirty talk that I think is really profound. And it’s sharing a moment of kind of physical or corporeal, you know, an experience that’s not like processing emotion, but it’s like body-based.

Where you say to someone, you know, one of the highlights of that experience was this for me or that for me. And you’ll always be surprised at what it was that was the peak moment for one of your partners. You would never imagine that was the thing they liked the best.

My girlfriend said her number one moment was when I was moaning and kissing her at the same time, that that was like one of the hottest experiences of her life. And that made me feel really good, too. I was glad that it wasn’t too much for her and that she enjoyed it. And so it made me know and feel reassured that, you know, I can give her a lot more of that if she likes that I got more where that comes from, you know?

So it gives you clues as to things that you can do together in the future as well.

August/narration:

If you heard Susan’s story and you’d like to try something like it, or act on another sexual fantasy – but it seems intimidating, she wanted you to hear this.

Susan: Well, first thing you work your way up to stuff like that. I mean, this is decades of experience that are in that story from many, many different things. I mean, even just negotiating body image issues and things like that. Like I don’t have body image issues anymore. Now, I actually am proudly what I look like. I am 64 years old and I’ve got some wrinkles in my skin and it’s not the end of the world and I’m fun to fuck. That’s what I like to say. I just feel so proud that my body does what it does. There’s so many layers that you get to peel back as you have experiences with people.

And frankly, somebody listening to your show is a sexual seeker. Whether they’re ever gonna have a threesome or a foursome or anything like that, they’re still gonna bring all these ideas and all this kind of empowerment and liberation.

That’s what I think is the beautiful thing about what you’re doing and what we’re doing together today, is empowering people’s sexual agency to begin to think about what might make them feel good that they could bring into their own sex life in whatever way works for them.

August: Oh, I love that. Any other advice for folks for cultivating joy in their sex life?

Susan: I’ll go back to that sharing frames, the idea that the after experience of talking about it is as joyful as the having of it. The memory making, the meaning, making the heart connection. The fact that you feel pretty proud of yourself for navigating it, you know that, Hey, I did that. Yeah, I did. It just gives you a zest, a vitality. That’s what’s great about your sexuality is that your sexuality informs your vitality, your lust for life, and your lust are two sides of the same coin. And so whether you’re listening to a story and getting the contact high of the vitality, which is a thing, you know, you’re feeling sexier just having been here with us. I think that’s also something that’s really nice is savoring. Savoring the turn on.

[sultry riff]

August/narration:

Susan is offering you all a free ebook.

Susan: It’s called Dirty Talk: Five Ways to Talk Dirty Without Feeling Weird. It includes fantasy sharing, sharing the favorite frames, how to do that, like the little kind of like guidance around that, the auditory pleasures. It’s at DirtyTalkbook.com.

Sex is sensual. And I think so many of us are so quiet because we’re not sure what to say and when we say dirty talk, we think, oh, it’s gotta be like, “Oh, you dirty little slut.” And it’s not that at all.

There’s so Like my boyfriend telling me the things he loves about me, that’s my auditory foreplay, you know? So I’d say Dirty Talk book would be a really good thing that I think your listeners would love to have, if they enjoyed this segment and some of the things that I said.

[sultry riff]

August/narration:

Learn much more about Susan Bratton at susanbratton.com. And, if you’re enjoying Girl Boner Radio, I’d so appreciate a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and if you’d share links with your friends. Thanks so much for listening.