Frank Wiegers grew up during World War II, in a sexually repressive environment. Today, the former fighter pilot and Vietnam War veteran embraces “magical sex,” and teaches others how to invite and make the most of the same. Learn much more in this week’s Girl Boner Radio episode!
Stream it on Apple Podcasts/iTunes, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music or below. Or read on for a lightly edited transcript.
Save 30% on Zencastr, an awesome all-in-one podcasting suite, here!
“Cultivating Magical Sex with Frank Wiegers”
a lightly edited Girl Boner Radio transcript
Frank:
I think you know it when you have it. I mean, it’s when you have one of those, oh, my god, that was amazing. And you feel your partner. You know you’re connected. And seriously, connection is the key to magical sex.
[encouraging, acoustic music]
Frank’s story
August (narration):
Growing up during World War II, Frank Wiegers never imagined he would one day work in the sex and relationships realm. He had his sights set somewhere else, on becoming a fighter pilot.
Frank:
Well, when I was growing up in World War II, because I was born in 1935, there was a book called God is my Co-pilot. And it was about a fighter pilot in the Chinese Theater flying P-40s. [fighter jet sounds] You know with the shark mouth on them? And boy, I went, Oh, man, I want to do that.
[military trumpet]
August (narration):
He fulfilled his childhood dream. He entered the Air Force, graduated at the top of his class and “flew fighters” in the Vietnam war.
Throughout all of that and the years after, he grappled with questions and challenges around sex and intimacy department–which grew into curiosity and passion. Today, he helps others cultivate the sexual experiences and relationships he long desired, and finally found.
Near the beginning of The Magical Sex Book, which he co-wrote with Judith Claire, his wife and a long-time career and relationship counselor, he wrote:
I loved flying jet fighters, almost as much as I loved sex, but flying fighters was dangerous work. We averaged about one crash a month when I was working as an instructor pilot teaching new fighter pilots. You might think that sex and relationships are not as complicated and dangerous as flying a fighter. Think again. At least when you die in a fighter, it’s quick.
There’s a touch of humor and a lot of seriousness there.
He goes on to say that how you create your sex /love life has a direct bearing on every other aspect of your life. He’s learned a great deal about that throughout his own journey to sexual fulfilment…which, as I mentioned, started out not so great.
During college, when Franks was in Air Force ROTC, he fell in love with a classmate – the daughter of an Air Force officer.
Frank:
And I said, Oh, this is a perfect candidate for me. She knows all about being an Air Force wife.
August (narration):
So they got married, and they loved each other. But given upbringings Franks described as sexually repressive, their sex life was difficult.
Frank:
I grew up in a very religious household. And even thinking about sex was a mortal sin, and you’re going to go to hell and burn forever.
And she grew up the same way. We went to a Catholic University. And we got married. She was a virgin, and I might as well have been a virgin because I didn’t know anything about sex or relationship. And all I had was what my parents had, and I didn’t like that. So I didn’t know what to do.
August (narration):
Frank only knew he wanted something more and better than what they had. He wanted a pleasurable, fulfilling sex life with his wife, something neither one of them had any clue about.
So one day, he picked up a book called Ideal Marriage: Its Physiology and Technique. It’s a famous book written in the 1920s by Dutch gynecologist, Theodoor Hendrik van de Velde. It’s been updated and re-published many times. After World-War Two, it sold over a half-million copies. [bookstore crowd]
The book was considered pretty revolutionary by many, partly because It asserted that a “critical goal of marriage consists of sexual pleasure shared by husband and wife.”
Frank:
This was in 1959, 1960. And I brought that book home. And my wife said, “I’m not doing that. I don’t want to know anything about that.” I mean, she was a self-confessed frigid woman.
August (narration):
In other words, unless his wife was asexual, her shame (and perhaps trauma) around sex ran deep. They were able to have three children together, but throughout their relationship, she struggled with mental health challenges. Meanwhile, both she and Frank became heavy drinkers.
Frank:
And so I think the alcohol masked a lot of the problems.
August (narration):
Those problems only increased over time. Eventually they split up, and Frank started exploring sex with others.
Frank:
Sleeping around, as they say, and I still didn’t know anything about what I was doing. But I know that I wanted it.
And so I had some, some pretty good lovers. And they really didn’t give me much guidance about what to do. We just did it, you know? And I didn’t know whether they were having an orgasm or not half the time.
August (narration):
There was a disconnect, something missing—besides possible orgasms, in those experiences. At a certain point, his lifestyle started to feel reckless.
Frank:
It wasn’t until much later, when I got a ticket for drunk driving. And I said, this is really insane. I’ve got to change this. And a buddy of mine said, “you know, if you want to stop drinking, you really should go to AA,” and I did.
August (narration):
That was around 1980. And he started making changes.
Frank:
I quit drinking and quit drugging. No more dope, no nothing, you know?
August (narration):
He began to ask himself, what can I do to grow as a person and create the sexual experiences he had desired? He sensed that sex could be pretty magical, if only he could figure out just how.
Around the same time, someone told Frank about Science of Mind, a philosophy that blends spirituality with science and physics. Intrigued, he attended a nondenominational church to learn more about it.
There, he met like-minded people, including many women who were “open to having fun.” He also discovered a great deal – not only about spirituality, but about his own aspirations.
Frank:
Terry Cole Whitaker, the teacher, said the two biggest wounds in our culture are sex and money. And she would always talk about prosperity, consciousness. And I said, Terry, who’s going to talk about sex? She says, not me. And so I said, I’ll take that one. That’s going to be my ministry.
August (narration):
From early on, that ministry brought him fulfillment, but it wasn’t paying the bills. So for many years, he worked other jobs in aerospace, applying his engineering degree and experience.
Frank:
And the whole time, I’m trying to think, learn and study everything I could about sex and spirituality, and find my way to more consciousness.
August (narration):
He took workshops and classes, attempting to learn all he could. While doing so, he ended up finding love, too, with a woman named Judith Claire. They met at a meaningful, if somber, event. A Tantra teacher he had studied with died very suddenly, and a memorial Puja was planned.
Frank:
A Puja – p u j a – is a tantric ceremony, a celebration.
August (narration):
So he headed to a little church in Santa Monica for the ceremony. [Buddhist bell, new age chimes]
Frank:
And I walked in the door. It was late on, I think, a Sunday afternoon. And I walked up the steps into the church. And I looked, and I saw this woman who was just…
August (narration):
I wish you could’ve seen Frank’s face as he said that. Even recalling the story, he became momentarily speechless.
Frank:
I just wow, that’s my type! [laughs] She was really attractive to me. And so I was smiling, looking at her thinking, that’s nice. And she looked at me and smiled.
August (narration):
Judith approached him and introduced herself. They chatted briefly, then went their separate ways to mingle in the room of about 70 people.
Frank:
And they started the ceremony, and they do all kinds of exercises in the ceremony. And I didn’t see her during the whole ceremonial process. So after the ceremony was over, I said, I got to find her.
August (narration):
He scanned the room, looking for the woman who had taken his breath away.
Frank:
Oh, there she is! So I kind of elbow my way in there. I got my elbows out, and got in there. She looked up and she smiled at me. I smiled at her. We traded business cards. And I called her the next day and we made a date for the following weekend.
And so we went out that weekend, the following weekend, really clicked off and made a date for the weekend after that, and really clicked off. And then I made a serious date to take her out to dinner. And we hit it well and connected sexually. And she said, “You know, I’m looking for a husband.” And I said, “You know, I want a long term committed relationship.” She said, “No, I’m looking for a husband.” I said, “Well, that is a long term committed relationship.” [laughs] So I said, “Tell you what. Let’s commit to each other. And we’ll go as deep as we can, exposing all of our inner secrets. And in three months, we’ll know whether it’s gonna work or not.”
August (narration):
That was 18 years ago.
Frank:
It’s still working.

August (narration):
And, they’ve shared the magical and meaningful sexual experiences that Frank had long hoped for. They’ve both embraced it so much that they decided to co-write books about it, including their latest, The Magical Sex Book.
They use the term “magical sex” to descibe deeply connected sexual intimacy between partners.
All about “magical sex”
Frank:
You know, I think you know it when you have it. I mean, it’s when you have one of those, oh, my god, that was amazing. And you feel your partner. You know you’re connected. And seriously, connection is the key to magical sex. And so the question then becomes, well, how do I do this more often? I mean, I’ve had sex, you know, I masturbate, I have sex, I get an orgasm, and it’s nice. It feels really good. But it’s not magical.
August (narration):
It’s just a physical release, he said. It keeps the juices flowing. That’s all healthy and good—and not every sexual experience can or needs to be extraordinary. But, some can.
In The Magical Sex Book, he and Judith talk about a study conducted in 2003 by psychiatrists who studied love, sex and relationships.
Frank:
And they said there’s a process where you begin to connect with your partner on a non-vocal level, on a totally spiritual level.
August (narration):
If you’ve ever had a pet, he said, especially a dog, you might have a sense of that kind of connection.
Frank:
They know when you’re feeling bad. And you know when they’re feeling bad and they don’t talk.
August (narration):
And that is limbic resonance. Without speaking, you just…get it. The same can go for time with a partner. It builds as you foster emotional intimacy. And then, when you take that into the bedroom-
Frank:
-your heart is open, your brain is open, your mind is open, your spiritual body, energy is all open, and you get that connection. And that is the beginning of magical sex.
August (narration):
Of course, exploration, knowing your and a partner’s turn-ons and skills are important, too.
One way to do so, Frank said, is to think about sex and arousal in stages. In The Magical Sex Book, they explore four of them, starting with what they call pre-play.
Frank:
Pre-play is about establishing the connection. The secret to magical sex is the connection. And the deeper the intimacy you have with your partner, the more powerful the connection.
The 4 stages + tips
August (narration):
One way to cultivate that connection, he said, is to practice empathetic listening. Ask thoughtful questions and really listen to each other’s responses—without trying to “fix” anything, unless your partner asks for that.
You can also try eye-gazing or synchronized breathing with a partner. Beyond that, the next best thing you can do, Frank said, is to explore touch.
Then comes foreplay, which Frank said is about deepening the arousal with things like kissing, which he called “one of the most intimate things we can do with each other.” As you warm up to deep kissing, your bodies become aroused. And that’s important-
Frank:
Because with the arousal then comes desire.
August (narration):
He pointed out that, especially if you’ve been with a partner for years, it’s completely normal for desire to be more responsive than spontaneous. Kissing and touching feel good, and then you’re turned on. Responsive desire is also more common when you’re stressed out or have a lot going on.
If you don’t keep this in mind, you might feel like:
Frank:
“You know, I don’t really care whether we have sex or not.” But if you suit up and show up, as I say, and get naked in the bed, and start fooling around and you get aroused, then the desire will be there. [sexy drum]
August (narration):
He calls the next stage the-play. If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, he said it’s important to make like therapist Dr. Ian Kerner’s book and makes sure that “she comes first.” This is especially important for penis-havers who are pretty young or struggling with premature ejaculation.
Frank:
And of course, my young grandson says, “I’m so horney, I can’t stand it. I can’t wait.” I said, “Well, don’t stop. You know, once you get off doesn’t mean it’s all over. You have to finish. And you have to make sure that she finishes in a way that brings her to ecstasy, but you’re better off getting her to ecstasy first.”
August (narration):
Can I just take a moment to say how awesome it is that he and his young grandson can talk about sex?
Also awesome is the last stage Frank and Judith talk about: after-play. I think this one gets missed a lot—the care we can put into what happens once sex is over.
Frank:
When you have orgasm, you generate a lot of oxytocin, the bonding hormone.
August (narration):
Because of that, many people find that sort of cooling down by relaxing in bed together is a helpful way to spend that after-sex time.
Another term for this is after-care, by the way, which is used a lot in the kink and BDSM circles. But it can actually be helpful after any type of sex. Rather than dash off in your separate ways, spend quality time together. [soothing jazz] And if the sex was rough or kinky, it may be especially important to check in with how you both, or all of you, are feeling.
Another part of after-play that Frank is pretty passionate about is sex magic.
Sex magic as after-play
Frank:
It’s mentioned in the Kabbalah. It’s mentioned in the Vedas. It’s been around for a long, long time.
So we know that thoughts have energy? We know that sex is energy, we can feel it. So what if you combine your sexual energy with the thought of something you want to manifest? Well, that’s like adding rockets to it, man. It’s gonna lift it off and blast it out to the universe and bring it to you quicker.
August (narration):
I’m going to guess that some of you are so down with that: like here, here! I believe. Others of you are more skeptical. And I hear all of you. But here’s the thing: no matter what you think of sex magic, it can’t hurt—and might be super pleasurable and fun—to try.
Here’s a little clip from my conversation with Kristen J. Sollée, a writer, curator and educator who explores the intersections of art, gender, and the occult, from January, 2020.
Kristen:
Sex magic can be anything that harnesses like the energy you raise through sexual excitement or arousal, because it doesn’t even have to be orgasm. But let’s say, if we go to orgasm, that’s a powerful release, there’s so much focus there. A lot of people find it really useful to harness for spellwork. And I definitely got both my book deals through sex magic.
That seems to be the kind of ritual work that works for me…and you never know. Things don’t work out for your better good. Sometimes you do spell work or rituals for something you don’t get it. It doesn’t mean it didn’t work, you know what I mean?
August:
I get it. Like prayer.
Kristen:
Exactly. Who knows how this shit works? I don’t know.
August:
Right, you’re putting something out there.
Kristen:
There’s a placebo effect, which is real. The human brain is so powerful.
August:
And if it helps you, yay.
Kristen:
Exactly. If you feel good in the process, that was good enough, you know? And then if there’s more, even better. [saxophone croon]
August (narration):
If you’d like to try this, you may want to consider a ceremony. Frank describes several he’s learned from various teachers in the book. You can create a small altar near your bed that represents the four elements, for example: earth, air, fire and water.
“If you really want to get fancy,” he writes, “get a piece of red paper and cut it into a triangle. Write whatever it is you want to manifest on the paper and put it on the altar with the point of the triangle aimed at you in the bed.”
Then after your orgasm and focusing your thoughts on what you hope will happen, burn the paper and add some of your body fluids from your lovemaking onto it. That is one I hadn’t heard of before.
Or you can just think about or talk about your hopes or desires after sex, whether you stay in bed or not – over a meal or a walk.
Frank:
Sometimes just at the moment of orgasm, or just after orgasm, when you’re in that cuddling, after-play state that you can be thinking of those things. And we talk about them out loud. We want to manifest financial security and good health and a joyous relationship.
August (narration):
Talking about those things seems so helpful regardless, don’t you think? And after sex seems like a meaningful time to do so.
[soft music]
Keeping things real
He realizes that all of this takes time—all sex does—and people are busy – himself and Judith, included.
Frank:
And it doesn’t happen every time. More often than not, that we get that connection, that Oh, my God.
August:
He told me that when they do have mindblowing sex, they ask each other, why don’t we do this more often? And the answer is, they’re busy—leading rich, full lives and doing work that they hope will really help people.
Frank:
She’s working with her clients. She does three art classes a week, she does her full counseling practice. And I’m writing and doing stuff. And then I know I’m getting older. I just came from having coffee with one of my buddies. and I’m thinking about writing an erotic novel just because it’d be fun.
August (narration):
And that busy-ness is just fine, as far as their relationship goes. Because what seems most important isn’t the sex itself, but the connection between lovers—something Frank is committed to maintaining.
One day he was having dinner with sexologist and author, Dr. Patti Britton.
Frank:
I had her book, and we were having dinner together one, one time, and I said, “Patti, write something in our book.” And she wrote, “Celebrate eros every day.” And I said, “Thank you.”
I try to do that, to find some way every day to feel that sexual energy in my body. Somebody called it, it’s like stoking the fire. Keep that connection going.
August (narration):
To do so, Frank and Judith lean on various rituals.
A ritual for deepening connection
Frank:
Every morning we start our morning with a Worship Each Other, tell each other, how much we love each other. And it gets kind of repetitive. I mean, how many times can you say, you know, “I love your body, I love your heart, I love your art, I love your tips. I love your tush.” [laughs] You know, all that stuff.
It doesn’t matter what you say. What matters is that we’re connecting. We acknowledge every morning that we have this love for each other. And then we finish the day withs saying what we’re grateful for. And one of the things I’m always grateful for is my relationship with Judith.
[acoustic chord riff]
August (narration):
To learn more from Frank Wiegers and his wife, Judith Claire, visit themagicalsexbook.com. The book is geared toward heterosexual couples and brings up various beliefs about gender differences that I think can be interesting to reflect on, whether you relate to them or not. It’s also full of tips, exercises and topics you can discuss with a partner. And it’s all written with a lot of heart.
Another way to make sex more magical? Bring a new toy into the mix. All February long, The Pleasure Chest is celebrating toys for couples. Check out their Better Together and Let’s Be Queer collections for folks of all orientations at thepleasurechest.com. They’re also featuring games, toys, and kinky kits for anyone who wants to reignite their love life, partnered up or not. If you’re a new customer, sign up for their mailing list to save $5 on your first order.
If you’re enjoying Girl Boner Radio, I’d love to hear from you by way of a review on Apple Podcasts or the iTunes Store.
And if you give this episode’s sponsor, Zencastr, a try, using this special discount link (30% off for 3 months, after a free trial), I want to hear about it.
Thanks so much for listening.
[outro music that makes you wanna dance…]
Leave a Reply