Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt “not good enough.” Yep, that’s what I thought! We can all lower them now.
So many factors can lead us to feel insufficient including pressure from others, societal messaging, toxic relationships, abuse or neglect and more. While occasional bouts are especially common and no cause for alarm, severe and long-lasting symptoms can wreak havoc on our daily lives, relationships, careers and, most importantly, our sense of self.
Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Barbara Jaffe, a professor and writer whose book When Will I Be Good Enough? A Replacement Child’s Journey To Healing explores her experience as someone born because her older sibling died.
While each person’s experience with Replacement Child Syndrome varies, common effects include:
- imposter syndrome
- strong perceived need to please others
- survivor’s guilt
Barbara’s book and experiences hold universal takeaways including the powerful message that anyone feeling not good enough can move forward and heal. It may not be easy or swift, but it’s worth every effort.
Listen to our chat on iTunes or below! The episode also features:
- A chat with my mom, who had a major epiphany during my interview with Dr. Jaffe!
- Dr. Megan Fleming‘s thoughts for a listener eager to learn about sex-positive parenting (and whose husband sees things differently)
- A groovy summit Dr. Megan would love for you all to register for!
Have you struggled to feel “good enough?” How have you learned to deal with these feelings? What did you think of the episode? I love hearing from you!
Aurora Jean Alexander says
August, I’m the daughter of a mother with a narcissistic personality disorder. Not feeling good enough is my middle name.
She poisoned my soul, destroyed my self esteem, gave me the feeling of being far below her and worth less than anyone else. She hated me having the wrong eye color or that I cut my hair. No matter when I see her, there’s always something wrong about me. She still tries to control me, after all these years.
Whatever I do, wherever I go, she tries to keep control and hates it when I ‘escape’. This is how it feels…
August McLaughlin says
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of that, AJ. Especially sad, considering the gem of a human you are! Sending light.
Aurora Jean Alexander says
Thank you, August.
KM Huber says
What a great episode! The minute I read the title, I knew it was just what I needed today. “Being worthy” is a lifelong issue for me for different reasons, yet the feelings are parallel. For me, the feeling has meant a life of chronic illness. I could not agree more with Dr. Jaffe’s words that “we can change ourselves from the inside out.” Understanding this has been life-changing.
Your mom is a natural behind the mike! To hear her, you’d think she’d been doing radio/podcasts all her life. What a delightful and insightful exchange among Dr. Megan, you, and Caroline. This, too, brightened my day.
As always, thank you.