Non-monogamy, Gaslighting and Liberation: Rachel Krantz’s Story

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“Non-monogamy, Gaslighting and Liberation: Rachel Krantz”

a lightly edited Girl Boner Radio transcript

Rachel Krantz:

You’re told regularly that you’re remembering things wrong or it’s all in your mind and you’re being irrational. And as you have your emotional experience continually invalidated, not just once or one instance of these things, but as a prolonged pattern, you begin to lose trust in your own judgment, your own reality. Therefore theirs becomes the strongest one in your head over your own. 

But it doesn’t happen all in a day. The person isn’t bad towards you all the time. And so it’s very incremental, and very confusing. 

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August (narration):

Rachel Krantz is an award-winning journalist and author of Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy. She told me she doesn’t recall much, as far as learning about sex growing up.

Rachel:

I remember that some of those like Our Body Our Selves books were kind of erotic to me. [laughs] And sort of learning about some things through that. 

And then I think otherwise, my sex education was like watching Real Sex on HBO as a preteen or teenager. And just finding that exciting and realizing that there were lots of different ways people were doing things. 

I went to private school. So there wasn’t very much mandated sex education. Not that there isn’t a lot of public schools either. And though my parents were pretty open people, I don’t think I got a lot of direct education. 

August  (narration):

As the title of Rachel’s memoir suggests, she ended up delving in to non-monogamy—which is another topic she barely learned about.

Rachel:

Yeah, I don’t remember knowing about open relationships in my teens. 

August  (narration):

At the same time, she knew that monogamy and marriage didn’t always work out.

Rachel:

Of course, I knew people cheated. And then there was the example of my parents who divorced when I was two. And then my mom became partnered with my step dad when I was four. 

So I think I kind of grew up going back and forth between their houses and these different parental figures expressing different sides of myself, understanding you could love, you know, different people in different ways. 

August (narration):

In her teens and into college, Rachel explored sexually—learning the ins and outs along the way.

Rachel:

I think that once I started having sex, I found that I enjoyed it. I was also prone to falling in love and relationships. I was never big on hooking up or anything casual. So my pattern quickly got established as sort of serial monogamy. I would fall in love with a new guy, and then start to feel increasingly trapped once those sort of falling in love chemicals began to wear off around six to eight months.

August (narration):

She’d try to stick it out for a little longer, then break up with him, and then repeat. The same cycle would happen with the next guy…until, that is, she met Adam, the man at the center of her book. 

She was 27 when they met on OKCupid. For their first date, they shared an evening of experimental jazz. [experimental jazz music] It also invoked questions that made her feel like she was being interviewed. He was like a friendly therapist, interrogator and journalist all in one, she wrote.

Rachel: 

I think I didn’t know what to do with him at first. There was something that was very alluring in his dominant and sort of hard to read nature. He was also incredibly direct and asked me all these questions about myself and didn’t really seem to have much concern for social norms in that way. 

At the same time, you know, he didn’t make it easy, necessarily. It was clear, he was somewhat interested but basic things of like, when he met me, he didn’t smile right away. And I remember feeling like, you know, I write in the book, like, What, is he disappointed, like, I have something to prove now. 

And so there was sort of that dynamic, that I think will be familiar to a lot of people who’ve been in a certain kind of dynamic, where, from the beginning, you’re sort of trying to earn their approval or affection and there’s a kind of seriousness to this very dominant personality that’s appealing and exciting, but also a little scary, or you don’t know how to read it, or what to do with it.

August (narration):

That certain kind of dynamic is one that’s come up here a bunch of times — in the dating a sociopath series from several years ago, and in more recent episodes involving abusive relationships. And that can affect relationships of all styles, from open and poly to married and monogamous. And that dynamic is one of the most powerful storylines of Rachel’s book. 

Another thing that came up in the episodes I mentioned is the way a person who ends up being quite controlling starts out by sort of studying you—learning all they can about you, only to later use that information against you.

When Rachel met Adam, he had been studying something else, that’s related. His academic research focused mainly on the psychology of romantic and sexual desire.

August: 

I was really struck by the fact that he was studying like, desire and all of this. I feel like for me, looking back, if I were in that situation, and early in my journey, I’d be a bit intimidated by that. How did you feel when you learned about his studies and his focus of research?

Rachel: 

Well, a part of me was like, oh, no, like, this is kind of pickup artist, but like, advanced degree. He just knows everything, he’s gonna know how to get me to do whatever he wants. At the same time, that was kind of appealing of like, well everyone I’ve dated before him seems rather clueless how to maintain my interest and here’s someone who’s literally made it his work to study the psychology of maintaining desire. 

And I knew enough to know that that’s a hard thing to figure out how to do. And so I could kind of respect it, because I also found love and relationships and desire to be among one of the most interesting, if not the most interesting things about life. In a way, what better topic could there be for your partner to devote their life to studying because then hopefully, they’ll really know how to apply it. 

August (narration):

For her second date with Adam, Rachel decided that the evening would be about “ushering in a new era of Adult Dating.” She was on the tails of a breakup after two years with a guy named Dan—and she was tired of her patterns.

Rachel: 

You know, he was just kind of a bit of a hipster manchild, very lovable one, but kind of like a lost puppy. And I had just spent all this time kind of trying to feel like he would be someone I could build a future with, but I knew you weren’t really and so when I met Adam, it was very much like, you know, okay, here’s this really adult man and is very intriguing.

But, I also was sort of like, I don’t want to just fall back into this same pattern of, you know, falling in love with the next person I meet and falling into a relationship. So I was kind of determined not to do exactly what I did and fall for him very quickly.

That’s part of why when he told me on that second date that he believed in being non-monogamous, I was like, Okay, maybe this actually would break the pattern or be something different to try. 

August (narration):

They didn’t open their relationship up right away, but Rachel knew that that was part of the deal if it carried on. And in the meantime, the relationship grew sexual — and very pleasurably so.

Rachel :

It was great. It was kind of an awakening for me, because I had never been in a relationship with someone who I felt was very dominant, a sort of natural Dom. 

August (narration):

She said it was a little confusing, because Adam didn’t like that terminology–even though a Dom is exactly what he was.

Rachel :

And soon, I would call him Daddy, and he would call me his girl. And there were all kinds of things and he would correct bad habits of mine around the house, he would command me to do things. 

And that was always my role in bed was the submissive and he was the dominant, the top, but there were no clear boundaries or rules around it. And he even kind of actively said, like, “Oh, I don’t like BDSM. Those people are pretending or they’re trying to manipulate people,” which, you know, is a big red flag if people ever find themselves in that situation. 

August (narration):

From the beginning of the relationship, Rachel was intrigued by the idea of non-monogamy, but it was also new and slightly intimidating terrain…especially as time ticked by. On page 36 of Open she wrote that non-monogamy was “like the Grim Reaper hovering in some shady corner of [her] mind.”

Rachel:

You know, he told me before we even kissed that this was the way he believed in being, but he very much framed it as like, this is how I want to be towards someone I love and maybe I’ll want some of the same freedoms, but it’s kind of a philosophy. 

And you know, he would even say sweet things that I think were true, like, you’re still young—he was older than me—I think this is the best way to keep you. And from the beginning, I moved in very quickly under his encouragement. It was just very much very, very intense kind of textbook, love bombing, I guess people would say, but to me, it just felt like the best thing that had ever happened to me. 

And certainly when I thought about even being as in love as I was the idea of being able to one day date other people or potentially even fall in love again. I was like, Yeah, I’m sure I’ll want that because I knew myself enough to know no matter how in love I am initially, eventually I start to get that restlessness or claustrophobia. 

But, I didn’t like the idea of him dating other people at all. It made me immediately jealous and scared. 

August (narration):

So Adam proposed an offer.

Rachel:

He would be monogamous and I could be non-monogamous so that I could see the benefits for myself, which was a very, you know, generous offer. And very explicitly offered with the understanding of, you know, this is not indefinite. This is basically to let you see the benefits for yourself before you open it up for me for you to see I’m really serious about you. 

August (narration):

The end date was implicit. It would be up to Rachel. Then Adam confided that his kin was seeing her with other men.

Rachel:

And so I was like, that sounds fun. [laughs] And something that had never occurred to me honestly. 

August (narration):

So for the first year of the relationship, they explored that. Rachel would be sexual with other men in front of Adam, while Adam watched.

Rachel:

They were all experiences we were having together. And it wasn’t until a year in when I met someone and started kind of casually dating them on my own that I decided, okay, this feels unfair. He’s not included in this anymore. And I decided to open it up on his side, too. And that’s when my struggles with jealousy began.

August (narration):

And it didn’t take long. Within a few days, after they decided to open the relationship- 

Rachel:

This gorgeous woman who was just as type like, walked into our neighborhood restaurant and plopped herself down next to him and just started flirting intensely, and I was like, What the hell is going on? It was like, as if she’d been delivered. So he didn’t even have to look… It was someone who was immediately interested in and who was very much pursuing him. 

And they started dating, and I started feeling really jealous before they even slept together or anything like that. But I also felt, within the narrative he’d established in the relationship, jealousy was a counterproductive, immature, unloving emotion that needed to kind of be trained out of me. 

So that made it difficult, extra difficult, because it wasn’t really held with compassion or understanding.

August (narration):

Instead, she said, Adam judged her jealousy – considered it immature.

Rachel:

Then we began this cycle of I would feel jealous, but then I wouldn’t really feel seen for that, or like that could be held with any compassion or negotiated. So then I felt a further shame and more jealousy. And then he would kind of pull away more or feel more resistant to being restricted or more annoyed at any of my jealousy, and that kind of perpetuated as anxious avoidant dynamic. 

August (narration):

But she was also determined to defeat her jealousy. She took a practical approach, reading books, writing articles on the topic.

Rachel:

I was like, I’m a reporter, I’ll investigate this, and I’ll just try to outsmart it.

And it was very humbling, because it was the first time where I really felt for like a prolonged period that I could not make my physical response match what my beliefs were. I’d certainly experienced anxiety before, or some degree of that, but this was like, wow, my body ached, my stomach was upset. I really felt like physical fight or flight symptoms in a way that was not fleeting and was deeply uncomfortable. 

And I just kind of was like, Oh, my God, maybe I need to try this exposure therapy. And that’s kind of the way he framed it of like, look, this is hard in the beginning. A lot of the book said, this is very hard in the beginning, but you’ll adapt. And I saw how in some ways that was true. I did begin to adapt. But the problem was because I didn’t have that baseline feeling of respect or safety or ability to say no, really, without losing him-

August (narration):

And because she had so little power in the dynamic, she said, it was hard for her not to keep experiencing extreme jealousy.

Thankfully, it wasn’t all painful or negative. One really strengthening part was the chance to explore her queerness. 

Rachel: 

It was something that was a part of my feelings and psychology from very early on, but that was, you know, I think through all the cultural messaging, easy enough to squash. 

And so these feelings would come up. But also, you know, I kind of had absorbed some of the cultural messaging of like, oh, women just are more fluid, or, it’s hot when girls make out with other girls. And so that must be what I’m just wanting to turn men on. Or, you know, I feel very attracted to men. So, you know, it doesn’t seem to be a problem, that I’m not dating women too much so maybe it’s just not strong enough. And I would kind of discredit it for myself, or feel like maybe, you know, if I was very attracted to a woman, I was like, you probably just want to look like her, or be her.

And, and that can be true at the same time. So it’s confusing.

August (narration):

She’d gone on dates with other women in her early 20s, she said, but she never had the confidence to go further than making out.

When she started dating Adam, they decided to go to sex parties – and that’s when things changed.

Rachel:

I saw that this was a space where it was very encouraged for women to explore in that way, it was easier to access than ever before. You know, it was still very heteronormative, or designed for the male gaze in that men didn’t play with other men, right? So, and most of the couples who came to these spaces were straight, or ostensibly straight, but the women were all encouraged or free to play with other women. So I don’t know what you call that. 

August (narration):

Still, she gained confidence—enough so that when, a year into dating Adam, a woman named Miranda caught her interest, she felt she could really pursue intimacy with her.

Rachel:

I felt more confident in my abilities. I felt more sure that this was something that really was a part of my sexuality that I enjoyed. 

August:  

And your relationship with her seemed really positive. And very healthy by comparison to what you had been experiencing? Did that help you see some of the downsides or, you know, the harmful parts of your relationship with Adam?

Rachel:

Yeah, to a degree, but I think it was also this feeling of I have to take the bad with the good because I, this has been so great. And such a continued awakening and then meeting people like Miranda and having all these other, you know, interesting openings up of my world, that maybe this is just part of my journey. 

As things got more and more problematic with Adam, in some ways the aspects of non-monogamy that I liked more and more also became clear simultaneously and so it was very confusing of like, what is the relationship with Adam not working? What is me just continuing to have trouble with jealousy and non-monogamy and unlearning some of these social constructs, and it felt like everything was in upheaval.

August (narration):

Finally, Rachel did reach a turning point. Something happened that prompted her to leave Adam—to start seeing more clearly the harmful parts of the relationship. 

And as she pointed out, that kind of realization tends to happen gradually—especially when someone has a controlling grasp on you. Gaslighting and other types of emotional abuse make getting clarity so much harder. 

Rachel:

You’re told regularly, that you’re remembering things wrong, or it’s all in your mind, and you’re being irrational. 

And as you have your emotional experience continually invalidated, not just once or one instance of these things, but as a prolonged pattern, you do begin to lose trust in your own judgment, your own reality, therefore, theirs becomes the strongest one in your head over your own. 

But it doesn’t happen all in a day. The person isn’t bad towards you all the time. And so it’s very incremental, and very confusing. 

And I think you see, throughout the book, I tried to leave multiple times. And I didn’t even put every time in there that I tried to leave. And I’ve seen a friend in a similar monogamous dynamic before, and from the outside at the time, before I had gotten through that I was like, What is she doing? I was there for her, but it was exhausting. I was exhausted just witnessing it. 

And it seems so clear when you’re on the outside. But when you’re really under someone’s spell, and you’re really locked in a dynamic that has your self esteem, and sense of autonomy, getting more and more destroyed, it gets scarier and scarier to leave. Your sense of identity has been so eroded that you can’t imagine even who you are, without them. To leave them would be like cutting off your own leg.

And so I think it was interesting that in the end, you know, there were many, many moments of realization and trying to go and failing, and, all these things add up. But then there was sort of a moment that cracked the illusion.

It broke the illusion that he was always going to be the most moral, correct person I could ever meet, the one I would respect more than anyone. 

And I noticed for my friend, or in talking with some therapists since, that it’s often this kind of small thing that just kind of cracks the spell. You finally begin question, well, that’s not true, what else is true? And their authority begins to diminish and maybe you can walk away.

August:

Yes. Yes, and I relate to that. It’s so true. 

Could you speak a bit about gaslighting? Because you did end up learning quite a bit about it. And that hindsight lens is so fascinating when you’re like, Oh! Could you share some of the examples of what you saw as you were learning about it?

Rachel:

Sure. Yeah. And I mean, it was really important to me to depict this and dig into it, because I think it’s kind of some of the more interesting reporting I did, because I had the very reporterly writing coping mechanism of asking Adam, “Can I record our conversations, our therapy sessions, my therapy sessions?” And part of that was I was just in the mode of documenting my life through writing a lot of first person material for Bustle, but I wasn’t writing about any of this. 

And so it became, as he was increasingly telling me, you’re remembering things wrong. You’re misinterpreting reality. No, that’s not true. And also Me Too was happening. And I was seeing so many women, you know, maybe being believed but others was just being questioned because they didn’t have that solid record.

It was kind of this coping mechanism slash protective measure of like, I don’t know what’s going on. I can’t imagine ever doing something that would make him look bad. I don’t want to do that. But I need to have some sort of solid record of reality, because I am very confused. 

And I think the recorder became like a witness. So even when I was so stuck in that dynamic, and I knew the way he was talking to me was not okay but he was so good at the logic of it and the rationalizing why he was doing this all for my own good, that even if I couldn’t argue against him, or see past that logic, I knew at least the recorder was my witness. And it was kind of like feeling I wasn’t alone in those really bad moments. 

And he, to his credit, let me record all of this. And I think that’s part of, you know, someone who’s prone to that sort of gaslighting, they tend to think they’re right. And so he’s incredibly calm, like, what do I have to hide? Like, I’m, I might, you know, like, I’m, I’m doing this for your own good. He wasn’t trying to, I don’t think, consciously manipulate me. 

But he was, you know, and part of his delusion was that he thought he was above delusion, or couldn’t acknowledge his own fallibility or subjectivity or vulnerability. And so disavowed aspects of himself got acted out on on me and needing to assert his rightness.  

And so I really, having had this kind of incredibly detailed record of exactly how this complex dialogue and dynamic works, I wanted to really depict that as close to verbatim as possible and talk to psychologists to explain what is happening here, because even though it was specific to us, it also followed some pretty predictable patterns of what gaslighting is, what emotional abuse is.

And I also wanted to show how gaslighting as a term is often kind of thrown around. And what I’m really talking about is a prolonged pattern of discrediting another’s emotional reality. And to really show how that happens incrementally. And is destructive. 

August (narration):

In Open, we see Rachel attempting to cope with the gaslighting through things like disordered eating, sex and drugs.

Rachel:

I’m just kind of gradually losing my mind under those conditions, even as a very strong smart woman. And I really wanted to show how that can happen to anyone.

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August (narration):

Rachel’s story also highlights another common theme I’ve noticed in people’s experiences with abuse— when the abusive partner starts using sex as a means of controlling you. 

And in many cases, in straight couples where the guy is abusive, the myth that female sexual desire is inherently lower than men’s makes matters worse. Because it’s super easy to take it personally when the guy withholds sex —- you know, why doesn’t he want me?

Rachel:

And that’s what happened. I mean, in the beginning, he was very interested in sex with me and sex was very intense. It was, you know, especially because of his kink, it was a lot about reclaiming me after he had seen me with another man and it would just be incredibly like this intense feeling of being chosen and dominated and wanted. 

And then that was sort of incrementally taken away as my behavior was not matching up with what he wanted, or he felt I continued to be too jealous –

August (narration):

He would say, “I don’t feel free enough.”

Rachel:

You know, even though he was dating other people–that he knew I wasn’t that turned on by it was a problem. 

And then I would try to like, talk about it dirty during sex to try to get him to come back to me. And it was still not enough… And it became this kind of carrot on the stick of, again, I don’t think consciously on his part, but basically, he would withhold sex, I think as a way to get me to act in line with what he wanted. 

And if his sex drive dropped, rather than examining, like why that might be or how he might be able to help me get my needs met, it was often just this kind of thing that was like, it’s not a problem.

August (narration):

Dynamics like that can really wreak havoc on your sense of self-esteem, your confidence, and your beliefs around your desires and sexuality. And of course, healing is necessary after all types of controlling relationships. 

For Rachel, little has been as healing as meeting a monk named Tashi Nyima, who helped understand Buddhist concepts about attachment. At one point the monk said to Rachel: “What matters is the intention, and how that meets the result. You should go with whatever brings you less suffering in your life, monogamy or non monogamy.” And mindfulness was important. 

Rachel:

But also just having some sort of meditation practice where I could begin to clear out and see what was his voice versus my voice, having a real period of intense solitude and silence, listening to a lot of teachers like Tara Brach who’s really amazing, who’s a meditation teacher and psychotherapist. She helped me, you know, reconnect with some of my feminine wisdom and energy that had been so disavowed over those years.

August (narration):

Rachel also found reading a lot about gaslighting and reading other memoirs and novels by authors who’d been through similarly difficult experiences helpful. And eventually, when she was ready, writing her own book, Open, became a valuable part of her healing.

Rachel:

I mean, at times, it was for sure re-traumatizing, but it was also my way of reclaiming a sense of, you know, authorship over my own life. 

And feeling like this record I had gathered was gonna be about something more than just me or the compulsion I had, but rather, hopefully something useful I could pay forward to others. And I think in constructing that narrative and making sense of the story, I felt, yeah, like a sense of trust again in my own capabilities, and in listening to my own voice. 

August (narration):  

Rachel said that she sees healing as a day to day practice, and something she continues to work on over time. And while Adam’s voice still visits her on occasion, it’s gotten fainter over the years. When it does crop up now, she examines it with compassion.

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August:

You talk about liberation at several different points that feel really impactful in your story, and it’s even in your subtitle. Would you share a little bit about what that quest was? What were you seeking liberation from? How do you feel about liberation now?

Rachel:  

Yeah, it’s a great question. Well, so I think in the beginning, I sort of thought maybe liberation happens, like when you meet the one, like, I didn’t want to believe that, like you’ll meet this magic person, you’re gonna have the best sex ever, like, you’ll just feel fulfilled, and tada! 

And then as I met Adam, and was exploring non-monogamy that became complicated of, well, perhaps liberation is getting to question all these paradigms and all these narratives I’ve been sold, and basically getting to have a much more expansive view of what my life can be saying yes to all these experiences. 

And then as I went on, I found, yes, that’s part of it. But it’s also sometimes learning how to say no, or learning how to say, I don’t want to have this experience, or this complication that might potentially be sexually liberating or interesting, but emotionally, that you know, above my bandwidth or even harmful. And also just the clarification that someone else shouldn’t be telling you what [[ liberation]] can and can’t look like or is, or telling you, “but you’re so free, why why are you saying, you know, you don’t feel free Look, you can be with whoever you want, you’re free,” and just sort of realizing, oh, even within a non-monogamous relationship, you’re not, by default, free, any more than you are necessarily in a monogamous relationship. 

So I think when I emerged, I felt like I didn’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I still wanted to continue questioning those paradigms of, you know, why should I have to believe there’s this one magic person or that I have to be monogamous. But I also became less inclined to view liberation as a point you reach and more sort of as the way as I came more to Buddhist thought, too, that they might define it of, you know, enlightenment, or liberation is not a point in reach, it’s a moment. It’s a moment of presence, and not trying to kind of manipulate anything in the moment, but rather kind of seeing the moment as it is. 

August (narration):

That’s not the same thing as being passive, she pointed out, but engaging with it fully. It’s something that can come and go.

Rachel:

Yeah, I think now I just see liberation in this more expansive way as like, a feeling of being free and present and generous and tapped into the interconnectedness of everything, a sense of whether it be I’m having sex or going on a walk, that it’s not about reaching a certain destination, but rather just being aware in that moment, but of course, it’s very much a work in progress and I slipped out of it all the time. So it’s also, I guess, having compassion for that journey.

[guitar strum]

August (narration):

Another thing I personally have found very liberating throughout my journey is sex toys. And The Pleasure Chest is my favorite place to find them. Right now they’re featuring a Power Hour collection of wand sex toys, which offer the strongest vibrations around. Check them out at thepleasurechest.com or the link in the show notes. Again that’s The Pleasure Chest at thepleasurechest.com. 

[guitar strum]

August (narration):

To invite more of your own liberation, Rachel shared this advice: Approach your desires with non-judgmental, friendly curiosity. And if those desires don’t match up with what society has told you you’re supposed to want, know that that’s okay.

Rachel:  

I think that these are just stories that we can choose to adhere to. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that if we choose to do that with certain things all the time. For example, I like the construct of being a woman. I find that a useful label for me. At the same time that I can see there are many things about that that are just pure socialization, and then maybe there isn’t even any inherent truth to that construct. But I still choose to identify with it. 

And I think in the same way we can, we can choose to identify with monogamy, but it should be able to be a deliberate choice rather than just the standard default that we feel like we have to adhere to. Same thing with marriage or any of these other choices. 

And if you find you want something different, that it can be a conversation. It doesn’t have to upend the entire fabric of your life or be as extreme as the journey I went on. It can be very small of saying “Look, like I’m scared of experiencing jealousy. I don’t know if I want you to date other people. But I also feeling like I don’t know if I can deal with never having a novel sexual or romantic experience again, and I don’t want to lose you. So what can we do about that? Is there some middle ground?”

And you know, I’ve found that a lot of people practicing non-monogamy was much more on the spectrum towards monogamy, but they had navigated some degree of freedom that made their sex life better, that made their lives feel a little less restricted. And I think a lot of couples would benefit just from allowing that to be a conversation. Doesn’t mean if you decide to explore if you can never go back, and you’ve opened up the floodgates, but you know, rather just a conversation. And it’s something that’s potentially negotiable and fluid and is going to change at different parts of your life. 

[acoustic chord riff]

August (narration):

To learn more about Rachel Krantz’s journey, visit racheljkrantz.com and find her book, Open: an Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy, most anywhere books are sold.

The book is very honest and raw and contains some very spicy, sexy material, too. If you enjoy the book, Rachel would love to hear from you. Find her on Instagram and Twitter at @rachelkrantz. You can support the book by posting a review and letting your friends know about it.

While you’re at it, I would love it if you’d let them know about this show. You can also support Girl Boner by posting a review on Apple Podcasts or the iTunes Store and by joining my community at patreon.com/girlboner.

Thanks so much for listening.

[outro music that makes you wanna dance!]