Orgasm Myths: Have You Heard this Biggie?

True or false: If you have a vulva, orgasms are the BEST in your thirties. Or how about this one? If you have a penis, every orgasm you experience will be basically the same. Or this: If you don’t orgasm with ease, or the “best” or “right” way, there’s something wrong with you.

If you’ve ever heard or believed these myths, you are far from alone. (Yes, they’re all false, not to mention harmful.)

I recently had the pleasure of chatting with Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist who’s been featured over 1,000 times in major publications, including the New York Times, CNN, O, The Oprah Magazine, and Real Simple, on Girl Boner Radio. We discussed what she learned about sex growing up, ways to make your sex life more playful, how to invite your first orgasm and orgasm myths that really get to us.

The myth Vanessa finds especially common and damaging is the idea that orgasm is a passive process.

“You see so many articles that say, ‘Just relax. Stop thinking about it. You’re stressing yourself out about it. Have a glass of wine,’ like that’s all that there is to do,” she said. “Just let go and let it happen to you… I really like to make it clear that orgasm is an active process. It’s not a passive one. It’s not something that happens to us. It’s something that we make happen.”

She also finds it interesting how differently we tend to view male versus female orgasms. “Men don’t just lie there waiting for it to happen to them,” she added. “They move in the ways that they like, at the angles they like. They get into the positions they like… But we really shame women for wanting to do the exact same thing.”

So consider that your permission, femmes, to go after your orgasms to your Girl Boner’s delight! For much more on sex myths, involving everything from relying on sex toys to orgasm intensity, stream the episode on your favorite podcast app (iTunes, Spotify, iHeart Radio) or here: