If I had a dollar for every shady or confusing “rule” around sex and relationships I’ve heard, I could buy a Girl Boner island. This is only one of the reasons I’m a ga-ga for the work and mind of Susanna Brisk, Sexual Intuitive® and author of How to Get Laid Using Your Intuition.
Susanna joined me on Girl Boner Radio recently for a very fun and enlightening chat about doing away with tired old gendered stereotypes around sex, and the supreme power of relying on our intuition instead. (Ahh… Don’t you feel better just reading that???)
“I’ve always been incredibly intuitive, mainly it’s because I can’t trust my other senses,” she told me. “I could never trust what my brain was telling me because my brain had some old patterns I call torture loops…and yet I’ve always made really good choices when it comes to sex and dating. It confounded me in a way. How did I end up being that girl? I’ve just not had the particular issues that other woman in my life, particularly, have had. It’s because of intuition.”
While we’re all born intuitive beings, she believes cultural messaging often stands in the way as we rush toward the go-go-go “American Dream.”
In her book, Susanna explores new terminology she uses to discuss sex and sexuality, including The Fuck Zone, Fuck Motivated and, my personal favorite, Fuck Energy. When I asked her to speak to this concept, which she defines as “an intuitive tool used by pretty much everyone I’ve ever met who gets laid effortlessly,” she said it’s about shifting from a criteria-driven view of relationships to something far more individualized and real.
“A lot of the time if you go to a relationship coach, they’ll say, ‘Write a list of what you want him to be like… ‘I want him to be tall and have dark hair and have a Maserati.’ That’s not it. I don’t have any objection at all if your deepest need is to have a tall, dark-haired man with a Maserati—darling have at it. You shall have everything your heart desires.
But when you’re in a real relationship, you see everything. It gets ugly… Your particular brand of messiness, when you think you’re like a mess, is probably when your [partner] looks at you and thinks, ‘Oh my god, you’re so gorgeous right now.’ Because when you’re in your own skin, and you’re really authentically basking and radiating in your own Fuck Energy, you just have that.”
SEE WHY I ADORE HER?