Feeling Sexy through a Spicy Photoshoot: Beverly Diehl’s Story + Practical Tips

“Feeling Sexy through a Spicy Photoshoot: Beverly Diehl’s Story + Practical Tips”

a lightly edited Girl Boner Radio transcript

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August:

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Beverly:

I looked at those pictures, and I just cried. I saw a beautiful woman. And I couldn’t believe it was me.

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August (narration):

Last week’s orgasm/body shame episode brought an interview from a few years ago to mind. I had Beverly Diehl, author of the memoir Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll and a Tiara, joined me in the studio — back in pre-pandemic days—to explore her sexual empowerment journey, her journey through breast cancer and a spicy photoshoot that really impacted how she felt about her body and appearance. 

Well before her breast cancer diagnosis and that sensual shoot, she was growing up in a household where, looking back, she now considers herself fortunate, to a point. 

Beverly:

My parents were very sex-positive. But I remember being allowed to look through my dad’s Playboys when I was seven or eight years old and play the game of “where’s the bunny on the cover?” Apparently, there was a way that each woman was posed and her arms and her legs are something that formed a rabbit. So I would try to find the bunny on the cover. And I would look inside and I would look at the pictures of naked women and I just thought, ‘Oh, this is interesting. This is beautiful.’ 

I did end up getting a talking to by my mom because while I was welcome to look at the magazines, it was not okay to share them with the 11-year-old from next door who was sometimes my babysitter. Apparently her mom was not pleased. 

August:  

Oh, no! Oh, that’s really funny. Did you get a talking to?

Beverly:  

Yes, that this was something that we could do in our family, but not everybody did. So I, early on, got books on sexuality and sensuality. I was exposed to erotic literature. My dad told me that pretty much everybody in our family enjoyed sex and I expect you will, too. But there were some gaps that you don’t know what you don’t know. 

August (narration):

For instance, she hadn’t yet started high school when she had penis-in-vagina sex.

Beverly: 

And I hadn’t yet started to menstruate. And I didn’t know that sperm came with an expiration date. I thought that once the sperm was inside you it was just like swimming around like “Jaws” waiting for eggs to be released. And at any point I could be pregnant.

August:

For the rest of your life?

Beverly:

For the rest of my life because this sperm was inside me. 

August: 

So were you wandering around wondering every day until you knew otherwise?

Beverly:

For years! For years, I was like, until I get my period. I don’t know, I could be pregnant right now!

August:

Wow. Yeah, that’s an important thing to mention, isn’t it when we’re talking to kids about what actually happens.

Beverly: 

The sperm will be dead after two to three days max!

August: 

Oh my gosh, that’s very, very funny. 

[encouraging, acoustic music]

August:

Your memoir talks about your experience going through breast cancer and becoming a sur-thriver. I really appreciate that term. Tell us about the experience being diagnosed. I know you have a family history of the disease.

Beverly:

Yeah. So my mother had breast cancer. And she was diagnosed when she was about 45/46. So, there’s a thing that happens, Hope Edelman talks about this and “Motherless Daughters,” that you always think that you are going to meet your parents’ fate, at that age or before. 

So I always knew that breast cancer was going to come and get me, right? I had that hanging over my head. So it was actually a relief to get the diagnosis. It was like, Oh, it was the moment in “High Noon” where Jimmy Stewart walks in the street. And it’s like, okay, “You and me, cancer! One of us is leaving here.” [laughs]

August:

Finally, finally, you can face this and then move past the anxiety that had probably been building up for years.

Beverly:

Yeah, yeah. So it’s like, okay, here it is. And there were so many blessings that happened to me along the journey. 

August (narration):

The first was that the cancer was detected to begin with.

Beverly: 

So I go in for my routine mammogram. And they go, “Okay, you’re fine. You can leave.” I’m in the parking structure next door, getting ready to go thinking about, ‘Okay, I’m going to go home and I’m going to celebrate, yay.’ 

And then they call and they go, “Mmm, the radiologist would like you to come in for more screening.” I was like, “Really?” They were like, “Well, if you don’t want to do today, you can do it on another day. And I was like, no, I do not want to drive all the way home and come back on another day. 

August:  

And wait and worry and blah, blah, blah. 

Beverly:

Yeah, let’s just do it. And so they did some screening. They found a teeny teeny spot, and she was showing me and with my breast blown up that big, it was like the size of a pencil eraser maybe that she’s pointing to. And she’s like, “I really think you should have a biopsy.” 

August (narration):  

Beverly had had a couple of biopsies before that turned out negative. And the need for biopsies is fairly common when you have what are known as fibrocystic breasts. 

Beverly:

We have spongy tissue, we have cysts, we have you know, I don’t know, somebody’s lunch in there — whatever, you know? So 80-85% of biopsies come out negative.

August:

So are you anxious at all or did you think oh, just another blip?

Beverly: 

Well, that’s where my tiara came in. [laughs]

August (narration):

Beverly’s tiara. She had gotten it for dating purposes before and decided she needed a little extra help getting through this.

Beverly:

So I put on my tiara when I went back for the biopsy. And it was a good choice because everybody smiled at me. You’re wearing a tiara, people are smiling at you. And you’re smiling back at them and you create this good feedback loop. 

And so I had my biopsy, and the results came back and it came back positive. And so it’s like, okay, here it is.

August (narration):

Her “High Noon” moment. Finally the disease she had anticipated was confirmed and she was on to the next steps: connecting with a surgeon, scheduling an MRI to check for any more suspicious spots, discussing her options and her pathology results.

Beverly:

Now, my pathology, I had a tiny estrogen receptor positive tumor. It’s the most common kind. It’s easiest to treat. And the cure rate is 98, 99%.

August:

If caught early?

Beverly:

Yeah. It’s like, okay, this is a nuisance, but I would have to work hard to die from this kind of cancer. 

August:

It’s kind of a best case scenario, if you have to have breast cancer.

Beverly:

If you have to have breast cancer, this is what you want. 

There are other kinds that are less common, and that are harder to treat. And, you know, unfortunately, women do still die from it. Do not let a suspicious lump go just because you think you’re too young, or whatever you think, get it checked out.

August (narration):

Once Beverly was diagnosed, things moved quickly. First there was the MRI, and then genetic testing—thankfully she tested negative for BRCA 1 & 2, the “breast cancer genes.” Straight away, though, she wasn’t sure if she would lose one or both breasts or just have a lumpectomy.

Beverly:

I didn’t know, at the point of diagnosis, what was going to happen. So one of the first things that I did was I decided to schedule some boudoir photography.

August:

Okay, so I love this so much. And you have gorgeous photos in your book throughout. Now this was on your bucket list already, right? But it was the actual diagnosis that prompted it.

Beverly:

Yes. I was going to do this eventually. I was going to do this when I was thinner or more toned or this or that. And then it was like, I don’t know, if I’m going to even be keeping my breasts. Maybe I should show them some love and memorialize them before one or both of them goes away.

August:

That’s beautiful. So even before things moved forward, you found a photographer, how did you feel leading up to the shoot, given that you were prior to that thinking you’d wait until blank happens? Were you anxious? Were you excited?

Beverly:

I was a little of both. I felt like I had seen it inspired his work in various blogs and stuff. And I felt like ‘okay, this is going to be a good experience.’ I negotiated with him before and after sessions for a flat rate to be paid in advance. And I made arrangements to have my hair done and to have my makeup done. His style is very 40s glam.

August:

I’ve seen it. So it’s Nick Holmes. I’m a fan of his. Just from the photos it feels to me that people have really positive experiences because I worked in fashion for so long, and I feel like you can tell when someone’s not comfortable. You looked really comfortable. 

Beverly:

I was comfortable. I just felt like I had nothing to lose. And he is super professional, super charming, super hot. It was a lot of fun. There was, at one point, because, you know, he had laid out this and laid out that He had a cow skin rug and I was standing on top of paper on top of it. And he had me leaning over. Well, again, I have big boobs. So I kind of went over, ass over teakettle. Bam! I went down. He was horrified. 

August (narration): 

He put his camera down and said, “Are you okay?” Beverly was like,

Beverly:

I’m fine. I’m just clumsy.

August:

Oh, so it all worked out. 

Beverly:

It worked out. It worked out fine. But yes.

August:

And what did you think when he saw the photos? Did you see any right away? Or did you wait until he gives them to you later?

Beverly:

He sent them to me within a couple of days. 

You know, going in there, I’d felt like, hopefully I’ll get two or three pictures that I like. I’d always hated pictures of myself. I’d always rush through taking pictures of myself. I’d always, you know, made faces, hidden at the back of the crowd, done other things to escape being in pictures because I never liked how I looked in pictures. Never. It was awful: “I don’t take a good picture.” And I was like, you know, even if I only like two or three of these – 

August (narration):

-it was a good experience. She was glad she did it.

As it turned out, Nick sent Beverly 1 or 200 of his favorites of the 700 he had taken. And here’s the part that gave my chills chills when Beverly spoke about her experience:

Beverly:

I looked at those pictures, and I just cried. I saw a beautiful woman. And I couldn’t believe it was me. And it started me looking and feeling so differently about myself. I stopped avoiding being in pictures and I started taking selfies. And I shared some of my pictures with my boyfriends and I just felt amazing no matter what happened. It was like, this was worth it.

It made me feel – I don’t know… It made me feel lovely. It made me feel desirable. It’s something that when I’m down, I can pull out those pictures. And I can look at them and I’m going, ‘Yeah, you have it going on.’

August:

That’s so awesome. I feel like everyone should experience that, don’t you?

Beverly:

Yes. And, one of the things that I’m dealing with in my life is, I have gained a lot of weight in recent years. I’ve had certain physical conditions that have inhibited my ability to exercise. And so, the whole hating on yourself, because you’re not the size you think you should be.

We’re transitioning through this life. We’re gonna have peaks and valleys, and we’re gonna have times that we really love the way we look. And we’re gonna have times that we don’t really love the way we look. So having these pictures taken at a time when I would not have said I was attractive and looking at them and saying, “Damn, she’s sexy.” 

[sultry jazz music]

August (narration):

Shortly after the photoshoot, Beverly learned that she would be keeping her breasts. In October, 2020, she posted a public update on Facebook that read:

“My mother didn’t survive her breast cancer, and sadly, too many of my friends have lost, or are currently fighting, a cancer battle. 

I, however, am still cancer-free, five years out, according to yesterday’s checkup. Bittersweet, because I want ALL the people I love to win their battles, too, and I know they won’t, and I grieve for those who have already passed.

Please do what you need to do – mammograms, colonoscopies, other scans – even if it is a challenge to get your tiara, face mask, and sunglasses all positioned on the same head. 40%+ of Americans both receive a cancer diagnosis, AND survive it, but early detection is key to that.”

And below her words appears a selfie of Beverly, sporting her sparkling tiara.

You can order Beverly Diehl’s memoir, Sex, Drugs, Rock and Roll and a Tiara, from most major booksellers. Recently, she’s been publishing an article series called “Great Sluts of History” on Medium, which you can find at writerbeverly.medium.com. 

[acoustic chord riff]

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[acoustic guitar strum]

Tips for planning your own sexy photoshoot

August:

Beverly’s story really affirmed what I believe about sensual photoshoots, whether you go super XXX, explicit, or clothes-on, classic boudoir: that most everyone should have one at some point. There is something so strengthening about having your image captured through an artist’s eye, a professional who is trained and perhaps naturally inclined to see your inherent beauty and sexiness.

A few months after I interviewed Beverly, I ended up shooting with Nick Holmes myself and had such a great experience. Before that, I did my first sensual shoot around age 30…which is basically dinosaur age, in the modeling industry. I was not only older, but less “fit.” And I felt more beautiful and empowered, my appendix scar showing and all, than I did on any fashion set. 

If you would like to schedule a sexy photoshoot of your own, here are a few tips to consider:

Choose a photographer you trust, or get referrals. The more comfortable you are, the better your experience will be. Whoever you work with should be very willing to provide said referrals, upon request, and to answer any questions you have. 

You might also want to create a Pinterest board of the types of photos you’re hoping for, for the photographer to look over — unless you already love their main style and plan to go with that.

Schedule your shoot at a time of day when you have good energy — and  on a day when you don’t have to set your alarm super early or be out late the night before, if possible. Feeling rested and refreshed can go so, so far.

If you think you might be nervous — which, by the way, is completely fine and common — bring something that relaxes you… some CBD oil, your favorite relaxing music or a candle with a soothing smell. You can also do breathing exercises or use a meditation app you enjoy.

During the shoot, relax into fantasies. Sexy daydreams can help bring that sultry spark to your eyes. And rather than “pose,” per say, or try to act like someone you’re not, aim to be yourself. The photographer will likely guide you. 

Some photographers offer free consultations, too. You might even be able to stop by and even have a few non-sexy photos taken first, so you can get a feel for the vibe and your comfort level.  (Or schedule a Facetime or zoom call so you can get a feel for the vibe.)

And if finances are tight, consider splitting a session with a friend or two. Many photographers are more than happy to provide a group discount rate. And you might appreciate having a friend nearby. 

I asked Beverly if she had any tips to share, and she shared this really practical one: 

“Wear a loose caftan with no undies, then dress in a robe or your lingerie on-site, so there are no garment marks on your body.”

She also said to keep in mind that boudoir photographers are not school or DMV photographers.  “They KNOW hot to capture your best qualities,” she said, “because they WANT you to leave your session delighted.”

Yes! Amen. Now I want to start a Girl Boner boudoir scholarship fund. Adding that to my goals list.  

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[outro music that makes you wanna dance]