AM Davies had been stripping for 18 years when an accident that led her to become a below-the-knee amputee changed everything. She joined me by phone recently to explore her sexual empowerment journey, how losing a foot (and then more) helped solidify her life’s purpose, her mission to help unionize strippers and more. AM is a fierce, inspiring person and I hope you love our chat!
Stream the Girl Boner Radio episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or below. Read on for lightly edited transcripts for the first half of our conversation.
August
You knew that you wanted to pursue stripping, becoming a stripper, in your teens. Tell us about that.
AM
I had been exposed to sexually expressed women, freely sexually expressed women at a very young age, just from living in a neighborhood where the kids were rowdier, and I had access to porn magazines. At a pretty young age, I kind of stumbled across these things, and I found it interesting, not scary or weird. And then I came across the Joy of Sex book as a child in my parents’ home, and again, was fascinated. Then at 12 or 13, I found Playboys in my grandfather’s room after he died, because I was tasked with cleaning his room out, and I was just so fascinated by these women.
A few years later, I saw a story about strippers on Fox News and it just looked so accessible, whereas everything else before was just on these glossy pages, and it was like a fantasy. But then when I saw real-life women on the news, I was like, Oh, they actually dress up and do this thing. I just wanted to be like them… I’m sure I looked at them and thought, Wow, they’re so free! And they don’t give a fuck about anything. And that was bubbling in me, even as a youth, that I needed to be free and make my own choices.
August
That’s really beautiful. Did you tell anyone that you were thinking about this? Were people surrounding you also sexually free or did you have this idea that so many of us do that oh, this seems cool, but it also needs to be secret. Did you absorb the taboo of it? Did you know that there was stigma?
AM
I think I did know that there was stigma, but I didn’t care. So when I was 15 or 16, I was like, Oh, I want to be a stripper. And then when I was 17, I practiced with my friends from high school. There was a time when I was 18 or 19 I told my friends, “I’m going to do nude modeling.” And they tried to talk me out of it. I guess that was the first time I was really faced with it. Because leading up to that nobody had said, “Don’t be like those girls.” That just didn’t resonate. That wasn’t a message that I had.
The message I had was do what you want, because my parents never stopped me from doing what I wanted. So that’s where I’ve been very blessed. My mother was like, “If that’s what you want, just as long as you’re safe and you tell me, then that’s what you’re gonna do.” So when my friends tried to talk me out of it, I was like, oh, people don’t like this? Well, that’s dumb. Fuck them, I’m gonna do it anyway. And then they weren’t my friends anymore.
August
That’s such a great thing when parents give you that freedom. I think the greatest thing that they can provide is to say, “I want you to be your own person.” Do you remember what your friends’ arguments were for not stripping?
AM
That it was dangerous and that I would just be caught up in a dangerous world. And, you know, my body is sacred and it’s not something to be showing off. That’s what whores do, you’re not that type of person, and that kind of stuff.
August
Interesting. So you found new friends. How soon after that, would you say, did you really take the leap and get started?
AM
It was about a year and a half, two years after I said I wanted to do nude modeling that I started stripping. I would have done it sooner, but this was the one thing my mother did put the kibosh on when I said, “Okay, I found a strip club. I’m ready.” I had told her before I wanted to strip, and I think she thought it was some silly idea… And she’s like, “You can work there, but you can’t drive my car to those types of places.” So that was her sneaky way of allowing me to be myself, but making it more difficult so I might not do it.
And it took her a while to accept that. All of the other things that I did, she could accept. But when it came to actually doing it, it was hard for her. But eventually she did accept it, within like six months after me doing it. It was like full on Okay, if this is what you’re doing, I’ll get over it… I accept everything that you’re doing.”
August
Oh, I’m so glad that you’ve had that. That’s beautiful. I think regardless of what we do with our lives to have that support system is really important. Do you remember your first time stripping?
AM
Absolutely.
August
Tell us about that. What was it like?
AM
Like on stage, in an actual club first time stripping? Because my first time actually stripping was in a very well-lit living room with eight of my high school friends. I was 17. It was four guys and four girls, and we made it even on purpose, to make everybody comfortable. It was like we all talked about it. We discussed boundaries.
August
What?! You were so professional and all about consent culture, before it happened.
AM
Yeah, we were like 17, 18. And nobody touched me. They let me get fully nude… I lapped dance on them and I spread my legs in front of them and nothing weird happened. And they all supported me and clapped for me and then I put my clothes on and we drank a bunch of beer after that. That was technically my first time stripping.
And my real initial time stripping was at the Spearmint Rhino in Van Nuys, California, here in the valley. I wore a pair of chunky platform heels and a full black cat bodysuit. You know, it’s really hard to take off over those types of shoes. I didn’t really plan. I didn’t think. I didn’t know what I was doing. And I had zero experience. And at the time that was one of the most high-end strip clubs in the area and where some of the best talent in Southern California was working. They were like, “Well, you’ve got something, but you’re not going to make it here because these girls are sharks. You need to go to Blue Zebra, our sister club in North Hollywood.” And that’s where I learned to speak Spanish.
August
Wow. Okay, so you made the shift to go to this place that might be a learning place for you, not realizing you’re also going to learn another language. Did they provide any training for you at all or was it complete improv? Because if you haven’t had any training besides your high school club, I could imagine it feeling like, Oh, my gosh, here I go. I’m diving off the deep end here.
AM
There’s zero training…still to this day. Actually, the training you might get now is if you go to a pole dance studio. That might be the closest training that you’ll get. And that’s if they accept that type of pole dancing. Some pole dance studios have different curriculums. And so there’s zero training for us. There’s no manual, no book. There’s very little, “Let me take you under our wing.”
We’re starting to see that shift now because we’re starting to understand more. The younger generation is so much more compassionate, in general and in society, than the older generations. And the younger generations are a lot more woke. So they are helping each other more. But when I was there it was very, very cutthroat and it was during a time when the economy was shifting. When I came onto the scene I was stoked because every night I worked, I made about $1,000. And I remember saying, “Oh, my god, it’s amazing…” And the dancers that were there before me said, “Oh, two, three years ago, it was double this.” They’re like, “This isn’t even that good anymore.” I came in at a time where their income was dropping off. And it got a lot more cutthroat and you know, mean girl type stuff. And at least in the environment I was in, I don’t want it to sound like that’s all it was. But there was a lot more of that than there is now.
August
That’s really interesting… Were you already a dancer? Did you have a skill set that you could rely on? Tell us about the learning curve. I’m sure a lot of it is learning as you go.
AM
Definitely, a lot of it is learning as you go. And I would also say that prior to my stripping career, I had 11 years of competition, cheerleading and dance under my belt. So I was very accustomed to being on center stage in front of people and was very accustomed to using my body for performance style and using my body to evoke emotions. Because as a cheerleader…not only was I the loudest, but I was the shortest. So I’m always front and center, and I just kind of tend to be the leader wherever I go… I was always calling the cheers. And when you’re in the front row, especially towards the middle, it’s hammered into you to stare at the judges and “make face, make face” and maintain contact with the people that are watching you. And so, I use that. It translated to being onstage. And I think that a lot of my particular power on stage is my ability to maintain connection with the people that are watching me, and not just maintain connection, but I have a goal every time to evoke emotion within them and create reactions, to make them feel something.
And so I think that having that practice as a young person, it kind of developed even stronger on stage. And furthermore, because I was obsessed with sexually expressed women, I would practice for hours and hours and hours in front of my mirror as a teenager. What my curves looked like and how my face looked. And then I got to a club and I had all that already in me. And it was really easy for me. It was like I was prepping my whole teenager life for this stripping career that I had for 18 years of my adult life.
August
You literally were. In your mind, you had set a goal. And because you had that support, and also this personal drive I really sense in you, this strong will to go out there and do what you’re passionate about. And I know you’re passionate about cultivating positive change in these arenas, which I really respect so much.
You’ve had a really interesting journey with stripping…You fell in love with it. You’ve fallen away from it. Can you tell us a little bit about that? The ups and downs and maybe a time when you felt like this isn’t for me?
AM
Luckily, I’m a free thinker and I’m able to like really analyze systems and structures that are put in front of us without question. You know, we’re just born into these systems. And we’re like, well, that’s just how it is. And we don’t ever question it. But I’m still human. And when I was in my 20s, so it was five and a half years since my stripping career, and I just was noticing the deterioration of the industry. And I started to blame the workers. I reflect back on this and I see now where that mistake was, because after a couple of years of doing that, I realized, Oh, it’s the system.
I got very, very angry at the system, which is misogynistic, exploitive and abusive, and taking advantage of women who rely on that system. That’s where a lot of things refocus for me but there was about two or three years where I was very angry with strippers, I think, for allowing what happened to us to happen, for going further and further in lap dancing. In my mind I viewed their actions as the reasons why I was being put at risk. Because, you know, if the girl in the lap dance next to me was giving a hand job, then that meant I must be giving a hand job. And therefore, now I was getting sexually assaulted. And so, I was mad at the worker. And that’s what they want you to be. They want you to be mad at each other so that you don’t see what’s happening in this bigger structure. And their goal is to pit us against each other. And that’s what they did very successfully for a really long time.
I came out of that. I really opened my eyes and really started questioning the system and that’s when I fell back in love with strippers, and I owe all of them a huge apology for my ways of being and my ways of speaking for a small period of time. I was angry, I was hurt, and I was dealing with my own sexual trauma. That’s no excuse. But it’s what happened.
August
I really appreciate the honesty and openness and your willingness to be vulnerable by saying, look, this is what I believe, because I think it’s very analogous to the way that so much of society views strippers or sex workers or anybody who’s in any kind of sex-related business—that it’s not real work and that it’s not respectable. And then the blame for the challenges fall on the very people who deserve to thrive and are contributing so much to society. Do you remember the turning point for you? Was there a specific event or was this like a gray area?
AM
I think it was something that my boyfriend at the time said to me. We had met at the strip club. He was a bouncer and I was a stripper and so we were together for seven years. So, he really got me in a lot of ways, and nobody else did. And I was talking shit about strippers one day and he stopped me and said, “Don’t ever forget where you came from and the experiences that you’ve had that have gotten you to where you are now. Because all of those things made you who you are today. So, don’t ever forget that and don’t ever be ashamed of that.”
You know, he didn’t say very—like, what’s the word for that—Aha type of things to me very often. You know, that was a very significant moment between us that I don’t think he even remembers that really made me go, huh. You know, I really thought long and hard after he said that to me. And that’s when things started to change.
August
It’s really beautiful. It sounds like it hit you at a really appropriate time. Like maybe you were starting to, maybe on some level you were feeling that you were having this, this sort of disgruntled feeling about strippers, and he said the words that made you kind of dig deeper, and maybe, you know, get back to that passion that you had since you were a teen. Like, wait a minute. I think that’s really awesome.
I know that you’d been stripping for 18 years when you had a pretty bad accident. Could you tell us about that where you were at in your journey and what actually happened?
AM
Yeah, it’s one of my favorite stories. I was at the height of my stripping career. I was to the point where I was helping other strippers. So, I had finally figured out my shit to the point where I was like, “Let me teach you. I’m saving for retirement. I pay my taxes regularly, for several years in a row now. I’ve got credit scores that’ll help me. Let me show you what I’ve done.” I was in the best shape, making the best money. And I was living alone for the first time in many, many years in Hollywood, which is my favorite town in the world. I was driving a VESPA, basically like a motor scooter, around town, with, you know, hot pink braid pigtails coming out of it, and I would wear all black and leather and I was really, really dope looking on my little bike and was like a daredevil on the bike.
I was driving one night, very late. It was a longer drive than I should have been on. Long story. Anyway, go through a green light and a young woman turns in front of me, doesn’t see me, hits the back of my scooter, crushes my foot between her bumper and scooter, and amputates all five toes and the ball of the foot on impact. I tumbled out of the scooter. Everything totally else is fine. Nothing else is broken or injured. I was awake, I never fell asleep. I didn’t cry. I didn’t go into shock. I was just very matter of fact going through the whole thing.
I told myself right away, take this one moment at a time and the minute I started going, like, “Oh, God, ambulance bills! Insurance to claim!” Because my insurance had lapsed, and it was supposed to kick in about two weeks from that date that I got hit. And so I was like, my brain was swirling and it’s like, what is broken down there? I’m not gonna be able to dance for a while. And then as soon as I started to swirl I was like, nope, one thing at a time. And that was the only way I didn’t go crazy.
And then I get to the hospital and they’re like, you know, eventually, they told me what had happened, what I have lost and that they were going to try to save the rest of my foot. And they did. They saved the rest of my foot. And for a year and a half I lived with half of a foot and I was able to dance, not at the clubs, but wear my shoes and never able to wear very cute shoes, again. And then in May, of this year, I started to experience a breakdown in my little, tiny foot. And the doctor said, “Okay, it’s time for another surgery.” So, I researched my options, and I chose a below the knee amputation. And on May 29 of 2020 they removed the rest of my foot and several inches of my shin bones. And now I am a below the knee amputee, very proudly.
August
Yeah, yes, I can feel that, I can feel that for sure. When you said, and I know you’ve talked about this in a recent episode of your wonderful podcast, Yes, a Stripper, you talked to another amputee who’s also a stripper. And you shared how important the decision process is for anything big in our lives, which is something I really appreciate about you. You’re always on your podcast sharing these messages that are universal that we can apply to our lives. Tell us about that decision process, because as a dancer, as a stripper it has to have many layers to it. What were the things you were considering?
AM
The number one thing that I considered is what is my purpose in life? And how do I make this vessel that I’m in suit my purpose and carry me through this life maintaining that purpose, in order to represent the community that I plan to be a part of for the rest of my life—I want to dress like them, I want to be like them, I want to wear my stripper heels, I want to wear cute shoes, and I want to feel good. I want to stand on my tippy toes. And I couldn’t do that with this other foot. So that was the number one thing: there’s just not as many prosthetic options for someone with a half foot as there is with a below the knee amputation, so fulfilling my purpose number one.
Number two is saving time and energy because there was a chance that another surgery that would have tried to save my foot wouldn’t have worked and then I would have had to go back and get a below the knee amputation later, anyway. And so I joined a bunch of forums. I joined a really great one on Facebook and I asked them: I want to hear specifically from someone who has been in my position before, where you have had to opt in for a below the knee amputation for whatever reason. And every single person that I heard from, which was about six different people, said I opted for below the knee amputation and it was the best decision I ever made.
August
That was really smart to talk to actual people because you only get so much information from doctors or from reading about procedures. It doesn’t have that personal feel. So, I think that was great on your part. So, you made the decision. This was very recent. How did it go for you? How was the process?
AM
I am still in the recovery process. It’s been 31 days since my leg is removed. I was in the hospital when the protests first started happening. I was in the hospital when George Floyd died. I could smell the smoke from the streets pouring into the vents in the hospital. That’s what that was like. My friends were screaming in the street. And I could hear everyone’s voices from the hospital room. And I could see everything on fire on TV. And I was just lying there on drugs. Hopeless. That was the most difficult part. Forget about losing the leg. That was easy. That was nothing.
August
Was the difficulty being away from your friends who were protesting? Was it the violence that had happened? Was it all of it?
AM
It was all of it. I mean, I was also very jealous that I didn’t get to set cop cars on fire. I would have 100% percent been on the freeway burning cop cars, if I could have been. You know I’ve been angry for a long time in our system. I’ve been questioning the system for years and very pissed off that I’ve been involuntarily added to this system without my permission.
August
It sounds like almost like a spiritual anger in you. Does that sound accurate?
AM
Oh yeah.
August
Like a passionate anger that serves as a purpose for you, which is how it sounds when you talk about stripping and also the amputation that has really enhanced your life.
AM
Yeah, definitely. Showing people that no matter what happens, you just keep going… I want to remind people that every little thing that happens it’s just a thing that has happened. There’s not this great meaning to it. We’re just like objects, trying to do our thing.
And I think that we all put so much great importance on ourselves, like we are the end all, be all and we’re not. It’s as a collective we are. As an individual, you are not that important. It’s really hard for me to say that and for people to hear it because I don’t mean that you’re not important. Even though I do. I’m still trying to learn how to put it into the exact words that I’m looking for. You are important, but at the same time, so is everybody else. I think that’s what I’m going for. And that you always need to remember that everyone else as a collective is more important than you. That’s what I’m trying to say.
During the second half of our chat, we talked about unionizing strippers, problems with the Earn It app and AM Davies’ top advice for cultivating sexual freedom. Then Dr. Megan Fleming weighed in for a listener who misses her pre-pandemic solo play practice.
Hear the rest of the episode or on your favorite podcast app! Request remaining transcripts here.
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