I remember years ago, very early in my eating disorder recovery process, I shared a bit about my experience in a college speech class. After I presented the professor told me I could be “the poster child for anorexia!”
He meant it as a compliment, that my story could perhaps help others, and I appreciated it. But I sensed even then that my story had just begun and involved so much more than disordered eating. That same year, I had the major epiphany that not only inspired my quest for sexual empowerment, but seemed to secure my healing like nothing else had: while I’d had sex, I wasn’t sexually empowered. As I began digging into the whys and consequences of this lack, I gained a whole new respect for my body and stopped wishing to starve it. A series of additional epiphanies, spread out over numerous years, led me to all-things-Girl Boner, my latest book included.
I recently had the fun privilege of speaking about my journey alongside two fellow authors I respect and adore at The Pleasure Chest in Los Angeles. Erica Garza, author of Getting Off: One Woman’s Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction, and Amy Dresner, author of My Fair Junkie: A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean, endured their own battles riddled with shame, compulsion and self-destruction. Thankfully they, too, came out on the other side. I’m so grateful they decided to pen and share their stories, because I truly believe both books are game-changers. Potentially even life-savers.
When I asked Erica what prompted her decision to write her memoir, she said:
I guess it was the book I needed to read at different stages of my life. For so long, I felt completely alone, not just as a woman who’s dealing with sex and porn addiction, but also as a person who’s bisexual and even when I was younger, as a girl with a growing appetite for sex, as a Latina… When you don’t see your experience reflected back to you, in the media or in books, it’s easy to think that you’re alone and you’re inferior to other people and nobody will understand you and to feel a lot of shame. I often wonder, if I could go back in time and come across my story, would I have felt less alone? Would it have changed my path? And I really do believe that it could have… I started writing about sex addiction back in 2014 with personal essays online… I’d never written about it before and I received so much mail from people who were going through similar experience and they were just so grateful that I was sharing my story and they were feeling seen. And I felt then it was important, that it was something I needed and that maybe I could help other people in the process of sharing.”
Amy said she relates to Erica’s experience in many ways, adding this:
I was writing for the addiction and recovery magazine The Fix for six years and chronicling my mental illness, all my relapses, my trips to rehab, my trips to the psych ward. Then I got arrested for felony domestic violence. (I’m still single, so if anyone wants to date me…) I lost everything and was on a chain gang and had this epiphany, so basically, it was time to write a book… People were writing me, ‘We want a book! We want a book.’ And I felt like in my own recovery, I’d finally sort of…transcended something. Because for years, I got sober and then I relapsed. I got sober, and then I relapsed, for like twenty years. And then finally I’d had this real epiphany while sweeping streets and I fell in love. And there was also all of this sex addiction that came in this new sobriety. So I decided to write a book, hoping that it would help other people and to just let go of my own shame. And also, there are very few recovery memoirs that are funny. I think it’s really important, for me, to be able to laugh while I was going through it… So I wanted to write a recovery-addiction [memoir] that was deep, but also funny. People have written and been like, ‘Oh my God, I really identify and thank you for helping me laugh at something I was really ashamed of and helping me feel less broken and less alone.'”
There’s so much more I could say about these women and our conversation, but I think it’s best heard. Once you’ve listened, hop to their web links above to learn more and purchase their wonderful books.
Stream the full Girl Boner Radio episode, which includes readings from our books and both serious and laugh-worthy chit chat, plus an insightful Ask Dr. Megan segment on a related topic, on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Spotify or below!
To order the gorgeous affirmation cards by Natalie Hatjes, MS we used for the activity (that I only partly cried through…), click here: Reconnect, Restore, Reclaim. For more sensual or spicy goodies for you or a loved one, visit The Pleasure Chest.
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