As many of you know, I’m a huge fan of sex toys. I love the fun, pleasure and adventure they can bring to people of all ages and abilities, and have learned a ton about my own body thanks to them. As with anything we can bring into our intimate lives, though, they aren’t all for everyone.
On Girl Boner® Radio last week, artist and activist Trish Causey shared how habitual vibrator use took away hugely from her ability to experience pleasure. While traveling without the toy, she attempted solo play.
“I realized that when I was using my hand, I felt nothing,” she said. “That disturbed me. So fast forward a couple of times masturbating, trying to use just my hand for old times’ sake…and my clit was not responding at all.”
She would then try to go without her vibrator, only to end up resorting back to it. Determined to find healing, she tossed the toy in the dumpster.
“What I wanted more than anything, was to be able to go on a three-day trip somewhere, and be able to play with my luscious clit and vagina as much as I wanted to and feel something,” she said. Eventually, she got there, and now champions the practice of self-stimulating with your hands alone.
Nothing you bring to the bedroom should make you feel small.
These challenges Trish faced aren’t uncommon. Last year, Dr. Megan and I explored vibrator use for a few concerned listeners: I heard vibes can interfere with arousal?!? If they can, should we use them at all?
“To me, vibrators are tools in a tool box,” she said. “For some women, because of the intense stimulation that typically a partner can’t duplicate, they bring orgasm very quickly. Sometimes when we reach orgasm quickly, we aren’t truly building our arousal, which is really slowing down and incorporating our entire body and not being so focused on the clitoris, in particular, to reach orgasm.”
If you love and benefit from vibrators, I agree with Dr. Megan—great! Keep using them. (My personal favorite toys don’t vibrate, but you do you! OH, the double meaning. ;)) If you’re feeling somehow limited by them, however, or want to rediscover how your body responds sans any buzz, I hope you’ll consider a break.
For Trish’s advice and to learn more about her journey to becoming the outspoken feminist and sexuality activist she is today, listen to the episode on iTunes or below.
A few of my favorite takeaways:
- Exploring your body with your hands is a supremely groovy thing!
- If you’ve lost sensation or pleasure due to routine vibrator use, you can regain it.
- Practicing generosity with yourself is powerful.
The episode also features Dr. Megan’s poignant advice for a listener in a troubled marriage, and a sweet deal from The Pleasure Chest!
How do you feel about vibrators? Can you relate to Trish’s experience? I love hearing from you!
Aurora Jean Alexander says
Here is another great episode of your show, August!! So much information!
Thank you for all your efforts!
Ret MP says
Excellent article- speedy get off is great, but, honestly, it pales in comparison to the full body O with a partner. Incredible delights on all levels- and this is not to say that at the right moment, partner play PLUS the vibe can be over-the-top O-mazing.
KM Huber says
I love Trish Causey’s wit; she uses it deftly in telling her powerful and inspiring story. She never gave up when many would have stopped exploring life, and certainly would not have eventually come to self love, so much so, that she now helps others. What light she brings! As both you and Trish said, “We have been speaking up forever.” Yes, we have. As a sexagenarian, I hear ya! And we won’t stop.
Regarding vibrators, I gave mine up for other reasons but I recognize the signs she was talking about. Again, her great sense of humor brought home a serious point–needing a “surge protector” for enough toys to climax–initially funny but not out of the realm of possibility.
Of all the thoughtful responses that Dr. Megan has given, this information is for all couples, no matter where they are in their relationship. So beautifully she shows how it is possible to rekindle and restore intimacy, even with addiction issues but as Dr. Megan points out, “rupture and repair” is the nature of relationship. With some work, the relationship is not only restored but stronger. Not only does it take work, it requires time. As you said, August, this is such a poignant response.
Great episode, all, as always!
Karen
Bob says
Just always seeking details.
Allinta Rose says
Vibrators are the best thing ever!! As I am single I need some love and attention from time to time and using a vibrator is the best thing ever. I love using my vibrator as well as stimulating my clitoris.