Could you go a year or longer without having sex? Meet Bruna, creator of The Problem with Dating, who is doing precisely that.
After reading her Cosmo article on the experience, I knew I wanted to have her on Girl Boner® Radio to discuss it. I’m so grateful she obliged. She joined me in the studio last week, for a super fun chat on her decision and its mighty takeaways.
About a year and a half ago, after having sex with a guy she’d started seeing, Bruna felt empty because he wasn’t willing to commit. Recognizing this wasn’t a sole case but a pattern in her dating life, she took pause.
“Why am I having sex with guys to try to lure them to stay?” she recalled asking herself. Determined to not let it happen again, she took sex off the table.
While Bruna recognizes that we all have our own definition of the “right” reasons for sex, she wants her own next experience to evolve from a mutually committed relationship—something stable with a solid foundation, that she doesn’t have to wonder about or overthink, and that she can completely surrender to.
I had a blast chatting with the dating guru about her experience, the surprising perks, how she’s dealt with temptation and how she imagines her next sexual experience will be. We also dipped into pubic hair wars, with the help of Dr. Megan, different kinds of ‘gasms—from skin-gasms and whispery Os to hands-free sleep-gasms—plus her advice for anyone seeking more authenticity in the dating realm. She’s witty, insightful and someone I can’t wait for your ears to meet. ;)
Stream the episode on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Google Play, Stitcher Radio or below! Then hop back and let us know what you think. To share thoughts or questions with me privately, click here.
August, you know I have problems with dating. I am quickly coming to the point where I enjoy my single life enough now, after having been married for a total of 18 years and looking for way longer, that I am not certain I ever want to be married. Does that mean I can’t date? Can’t have sex? No, to both, but I figure that if I tackle this problem in this manner, it will be very important that whoever I am with or seeing knows how I am right now on this situation. You can date without sex and have sex without dating. Your preference, but just be honest with the other(s).
Oh, and tell Bruna, that she is absolutely gorgeous!
Scott
Hey Scott! That definitely doesn’t mean you can’t date or have sex—and I agree that communicating your intentions is important. In a couple of weeks, I’ll release an episode on “Single but Dating” which may resonate with you.
Side note – did you see the giveaway I’m holding with Hot Octopuss? Thought you might be interested. https://augustmclaughlin.com/pulse-duo/
Can I go without sex for a year? – Of course – and much longer. After my last boyfriend-disaster I haven’t had anyone in my bed – and that’s 9 months now. One of the reasons might be that to me sex without love is like Hockey without the puck – but that’s mainly a detail. I’ve had a time where I was going without sex for – let’s see… about 7 years – and that wasn’t out of grief but because I needed time to focus on something else instead.
That doesn’t mean I don’t want sex, wouldn’t think about it or would not miss it. On the contrary… I have had physical reactions my doctors simply diagnosed as coming up out of sexual frustration. *sigh* And that’s not really pleasant. Sometimes I wish I would be wiser and know what to do.