Did you know that some of the first condoms were made out of fish bladders and animal intestines? We’ve come a long way since 3000 BC. It wasn’t until 1916 that Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic in the U.S. The next year she was sentenced to 30 days behind bars for being a public nuisance. Once she was released, she reopened her clinic, persevering through more arrests.
The activist, sex educator and nurse was controversial for other reasons, too. She focused her efforts in minority communities where people had less access to healthcare and founded Planned Parenthood. She also, however, used the ideas of eugenics, or “selective breeding.” (A little too Handmaid’s Tale, I know.) In 1966, Martin Luther King, Jr. praised Sanger’s overall community efforts and in a 1998 essay for Time magazine, Gloria Steinem wrote that Sanger’s embracement of eugenics rhetoric may have been more of a political strategy to get more folks on-board with birth control than her actual beliefs. Still, eugenics gives me the heebie-jeebies. (Major understatement.) Now, decades later, people with vulvas have many birth control options, which is a great thing. But a bit like Margaret Sanger’s ups and downs, people’s experiences range from pretty frightening to wonderful.
Last week, I spoke with three such folks, all women, who had nightmarish birth control experiences before gradually finding their way to far better options. I’m grateful they were willing to share their stories, because I think we can learn so much from lived experiences. All three women sincerely hope that by sharing their stories, they might save someone a lot of pain and grief.
Stream the full Girl Boner Radio episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or below! Read on for partial, lightly edited transcripts.
First, Hayley’s story. The PR company director and founder of a homeless outreach company in London started looking for a form of contraception in her late teens to help deal with heavy, painful, irregular periods. Her doctor recommended an injection form, which felt like a nightmare for three months. It got to the point where she didn’t like being around herself; she was temperamental and moody. Soon, she said, enough was enough. By age 21, her periods had become unbearable. She could barely get out of bed some days.
So, she and her doctor worked on a plan for her to take birth control pills that she could take breaks from and for a while that seemed to be working. Her periods weren’t as bad, and her emotional health hadn’t gone haywire. Two years later, though, that pill was discontinued. Then her doctor recommended a mini pill that she would take continuously.
Hayley
And the first one they put me on worked miraculously. Everything just stopped. I had no symptoms. I was absolutely shocked by it… And so I started exploring. I was like this isn’t normal. These aren’t normal periods.
August
She was no longer collapsing on the floor with menstrual pain. It all felt, she said, just lovely. As she reached her mid-20s, though, the pain started again. The flareups grew gradually worse and the pain extended into her arms, her back, and her bowels.
So, Haley and her doctors did some investigating and discovered that she did not have PCOS, or polycystic ovary syndrome, which often causes abnormal periods. Finally, a couple of years later, the word “endometriosis” was mentioned. It took five years for her to be diagnosed, which isn’t uncommon. Some studies show eight to nine years is common. That’s a long time to be dealing with the pain and bleeding, which causes tissue that typically lines the uterus to grow outside of it. And like many people with endo, Hayley’s symptoms weren’t taken very seriously.
Hayley
Even now with the diagnosis, I still have doctors saying to me, “No, it’s not that.” It went back and forth. I’d see doctors and they’re like, “Yes, it’s definitely that.” And then I would see other doctors who were like “No, it’s not. It’s just stomach issues. Everyone has stomach issues every now and then.”
August
Yes, everyone has stomach issues now and then but endometriosis is a whole other ballgame. Haley’s symptoms landed her in the hospital at times, once when endometrial tissue got into her blood and caused an infection. At times, she was so bloated that she appeared to be several months pregnant. Birth control can be extremely important when you have a chronic pain condition like endometriosis, which makes finding a good fit that much more important.
One day she went to pick up her prescription and learned that the brand she had been using, the one she was comfortable with, had been discontinued. They gave her another pill, telling her it was exactly the same. There should be no problem. She started taking it and soon noticed more pain and that she was exhausted. It affected her moods as well.
When Haley told the doctor how the new brand of pill was affecting her, they said, “No, don’t be silly. That doesn’t happen. You’re just anxious because you’re on a new medication.” She thought “okay, all right.” Then she was given yet another brand of the same medication. After one month of taking it, she knew she couldn’t continue.
Hayley
It made me anxious. And it’s one of those things. I suffer from anxiety anyway, so it’s like, I don’t know if it’s my anxiety getting worse. I don’t know if this is causing it. I remember after a month going back to my doctor and saying, “Never ever give me this again.” I was so depressed and anxious, and I just felt horrible for a month.
August
Haley described these mood changes—the anxiety and depression—as an instant drop. After that first month, she went to Hungary and discovered she’d forgotten her birth control pack. She saw a doctor who gave her the original brand, the one she’d loved, which was still available there. She was, of course, over the moon.
Hayley
It cost me a fortune, but I didn’t care. And it was then, as soon as I started taking that, I was fine again.
August
Next, I spoke with Natalie, another London resident who owns a lifestyle PR agency. Natalie had an extremely difficult experience with an IUD, which stands for intrauterine device. Many people in the U.K. refer to as “the coil.” Like Haley’s birth control journey, Natalie’s didn’t start out with the ideal method—even before her problems with an IUD.
Natalie
So initially, I started on the pill. I didn’t have a good reaction to it. I started to get chest pains and I just didn’t feel well, so I came off it. And then I was struggling to find out what I should go on…I’m quite forgetful, so I didn’t think going on a different pill would have been helpful and also the fact that I had a bad experience just put me off having any of the pills.
August
That’s when Natalie opted to try an IUD, or the coil. While birth control pills use a single hormone or a combination of hormones to prevent pregnancy, the IUD is a small T-shaped device that works by blocking sperm from entering the uterus. Some contain hormones but others are hormone-free and made of copper. Once in place, they can stay effective for anywhere from three to 12 years. I’ve heard from many people that the IUD is their favorite birth control method, thanks to its convenience. For Natalie, the convenience that attracted her to it instantly pushed her away.
Natalie
It was pretty much quite hellish from the get-go. So when I had it put in, I was told that I would be in pain afterward but the pain that I experienced was nowhere near what I expected. It was like my body was instantly rejecting it, and I still had to travel home on the train. And I just felt like I was going to pass out the whole way home. The pain was unbelievable…I’ve not had children but if that’s what it’s like, I’m not sure I’d go through labor. It just literally felt like my body was trying to squeeze the thing out of me. I remember going home and taking some strong kind of pharmaceutical and I fell asleep but then the next day I was fine. And then I would say about three weeks later is when the bleeding started.
August
Both Natalie and I have been curious why some people experience pain after IUD insertion and some not at all. I, personally, had so much pain during the insertion process that it never fully made its way in. A Human Reproduction Update study from 2013 that reviewed findings from 22 years showed that 17% of the cisgender women with IUDs who had never given birth and 11% of those who had given birth experienced significant pain from the device. In other words, you’re more likely to have this side effect if you haven’t had a baby. And several medical articles state that neither heavy bleeding nor intense pain afterward are normal.
Like many people, Natalie wasn’t aware of that. She’d been told that pain and bleeding might occur so when both happened, she had no reason to believe they weren’t part of her body’s adjustment period. The bleeding in her case was a lot more than spotting.
Natalie
It was super heavy. It was just nonstop and not like anything I’ve ever experienced. And I thought okay, maybe this is just my body getting used to it. I did some googling, I looked on a few forums, and it seemed that I wasn’t the only one that experienced this. But then the days passed and started to turn into weeks and months, and I was still bleeding pretty much all the time, which was pretty disruptive. It was kind of uncontrollable, to the point where I had to be careful what I was wearing. I had to change my tampons at least five to six plus times a day. It was just an awful experience. And then on top of that, I think after about six months or so, I started to get extremely bad cramping and I’d never experienced cramping at all, even with my general periods.
August
And get this. I googled “is cramping after IUD normal” and here’s the top, featured response: “Yes, most women experience cramping during and after having an intrauterine device (IUD) inserted or removed. The cramps might continue periodically for a few days. They might even last a few weeks to a few months as your body adjusts to the IUD.” Which goes against what some of those medical texts I mentioned and experiences like Natalie’s suggest.
Natalie
It just got to the point where I just needed to get this out of my body. It just seems like it doesn’t agree. And basically, I got it removed straight away.
August
Natalie’s symptoms diminished after that and having the device removed wasn’t painful, certainly nothing compared to the cramping she’d been experiencing. Since then, she has switched to a contraceptive implant, placed beneath the skin in her arm.
Natalie
It’s been amazing. I mean, it has pretty much stopped my period, which I’m not complaining about. But yeah, it’s fine. It’s not something I have to think about and it does its job and I do don’t seem to have many side effects. So I feel like I’ve made the right choice.
August
Our last experience comes from Meagan, who described her birth control challenges as “one nightmare after another.” Her journey with contraception started early, at age 13, to deal with period problems. Basically, her doctor put her on a new pill every three months.
Meagan
It never really fixed the problem and I got tired of like the cycle they had me on so at 14-ish, I was like I’m done doing this now. My journey with birth control as birth control, like for that purpose, was a little bit more normal. I was 18, I’d lost my virginity and then suddenly was like, “Oh my gosh, I need birth control. I can’t keep doing this.” Not that I didn’t use protection. But you know, you have that realization afterwards. You’re like, “oh my gosh.”
August
Meagan’s hope at that time was to find effective birth control so she could enjoy sex more freely and safely. Instead, she found a lot of problems. But it took her a while to realize the issues weren’t caused by birth control.
Meagan
I had things like constant migraines that were not always the painful kind. I’d have what’s called silent migraines, too, where I’d have all of the vertigo and sensitivity symptoms, just without the full-on headache. And so I was like, “Why am I having all these cluster headaches? What is this about?”
And the doctor was not helpful. So I had those and then mood swings were just always crazy for me. I would go from laughing to crying to angry at the drop of a hat. I was like, “I’m not okay with being like this.” I would yell at people and I was like, “This is not who I am. This is not okay.” And then one of the bigger ones was my sex drive just totally went away after a while and there was no way to orgasm by myself or with anyone else, and honestly the thought of sex started to make me feel a little bit physically sick, like queasy, because the sex drive had just gone so far away.
August
Some experts estimate that about five to 15% of people who use certain types of hormone-based birth control methods experience a drop in libido but considering that link isn’t as talked about as other side effects, it’s possible those numbers are higher. While some people may feel more sex-inclined because they can rest easier knowing they’ll guard against an unwanted pregnancy or feel healthier and more balanced overall, others may feel less sexual desire because of drops in certain hormones. Or as a result of other possible mood changes, like depression. Thankfully, Meagan started putting the pieces together—to understand why she was dealing with so many challenges—when she heard about someone else’s birth control experience.
Meagan
She was actually a friend who had been on birth control and was telling me why she’d gone off it and she ticked off all these things and I like mentally ticked them off in my head. I was like, “Oh my god, I have all of those same problems.” And so her doctor had said, “Yeah, you need to quit the birth control. You can’t have like the quality of life that you need with the birth control.”
And so I was like, “Do I need to quit?” And frankly, I didn’t consult the doctor at that point because I was frustrated. And so I quit and so many things got so much better. Some of it got better within like a week and then within the next three months, so much had cleared up. But it was honestly years later that I put it all together.
August
In all, Meagan said she struggled with birth control issues from age 18 or so, when she started hormonal methods to stave off pregnancy, and she started putting it all together between ages 23 and 25. She described going “hormone-free” as life-changing. She has PCOS, so she still deals with that, but the headaches went from weekly migraines to maybe two a year. Her desire for sex returned quickly, too, as her hormones leveled out, allowing her to feel more comfortable having intimate relationships again.
Meagan
Honestly, I consider myself somewhat hypersexual. And so it was jarring, definitely, to completely lose my sex drive after like having had a high one. Like, who is this person? And so getting that back was a lot like getting back a piece of myself.
August
She also experienced fewer mood swings and less bloating. Without all of that, especially the frequent headaches—which she described as most debilitating—she was able to thrive more, including in her work for a child-protection nonprofit organization that, among other goals, pushes for comprehensive sex education. She’s also embraced ways to prevent pregnancy and enjoy safer sex without hormonal changes.
Meagan
So currently, my alternative is that my partner has a vasectomy. I am poly, so I do use condoms when I am with other partners, for safety.
August
Haley, who struggled with severe effects from different brands of the same birth control option, told me that advocating for herself has made all the difference. Another big takeaway she hopes other will learn is that no one can know you as well as you do, not even doctors.
Hayley
The biggest lesson is doctors aren’t always right. And they did try to distance me when I said that the pill was causing the mental health bit…no one goes from fine to depressed overnight when nothing has happened.
August
Natalie, who had severe pain and bleeding from an IUD, said the whole experience made her more wary of medical information, in ways she feels many of us can learn from.
Natalie
So now I definitely advise people. I tell people my experience, when they mention that they want to get that, and I say do your research first because I don’t think I did enough research. I just jumped in. And it was definitely not something I’d recommend other people to do without reading the pros and cons and reading forums of different people’s experiences, because it wasn’t until afterwards that I read a lot of people had (the IUD) in and then it needed to come out. Like it’s not working well with my body.
August
Meagan, who realized she doesn’t tolerate any hormone-based birth control method, shared similar advice, adding that talking to people you know about their experiences can be hugely helpful, too. She also wants others to know that everyone’s unique. Just because she dealt with some of the worst-case-scenarios doesn’t mean you, will, too.
Meagan
I would warn, and I have warned, anybody who’s asked me, exactly what side effects I’ve had. I always say you won’t necessarily have this experience. I have these things that have probably helped lead to the problem here. But I definitely think more people should know just how bad the side effects can be. And I definitely know women for whom that’s worth it. Like not having a baby is worth whatever the side effects are, and I totally get that. And they’re not as bad for some people.
August
I’m so grateful to Haley, Natalie, and Meagan for sharing their stories. To learn about factors to consider when choosing your own birth control method, see the links in the podcast show notes or check out Chapter 10 of Girl Boner.
Stream the full Girl Boner Radio episode, which includes Dr. Megan Fleming‘s thoughts for a listener who fears her issues with chronic pelvic pain will stand in the way of sex, up above or on your favorite podcast app!
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