Do you ever look back on your life and think, Gosh. How fun would it be to share highlights from your favorite anal sex conversations? Okay, maybe that’s just me… Jokes and puns aside, anal sex is a valid and valuable form of pleasure for so many people. If you’re among them, or think you might like to be, this week’s Girl Boner Radio episode may be just what the proctologist ordered!
I hope you enjoy the excerpts from my chats with several awesome experts, plus some added facts and tips to help you get more pleasure from your bum play.
Stream the episode on Apple Podcasts/iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio or below! Or read on for the lightly edited transcript.
“Anal August: Butt Play Blasts from the Past!”
a lightly edited Girl Boner Radio transcript
August:
Hey, awesome listener. Happy Anal August. That’s right. All month long, all-things-butt play are being celebrated.
Back in 2012, the adult retailer Good Vibrations declared the month and folks in sex ed circles have been commemorating it ever since. Here in Girl Boner land, we’re going to celebrate by looking back on times when butts have come up during past episodes.
First, I think it’s important to point out that whether you love anal sex, loathe it, feel sort of meh or just curious about, your stance is valid.
Since starting this show, I have heard from people who are eager to try pegging, folks who want to experience more pleasure from anal sex, and those who want to figure out how to talk to a partner about it. I’ve also heard from listeners who feel shame for not liking or wanting to try it.
No matter your view, I promise that there are many people who enjoy anal once in a while or routinely—and probably just as many who are not into it at all. You don’t have to enjoy or try it – and it’s equally dandy if you do. I also think it’s a GREAT thing that these conversations about all of this are happening more often.
So the first time I explored anal play on the show was with porn star Vicki Chase, in an episode called Anal Sex Extravaganza. As a seasoned adult performer, Vicki has had a lot of experience with anal sex and she knows that it’s almost always different in porn screen versus in real life.
Anal isn’t as “simple” as it may seem in porn, for one thing. It takes practice and preparation, often more so than other types of sex. And like all porn sex, the examples you see on the screen are built for visual appeal, not the performers’ pleasure. So it’s not uncommon for there to be zero clit stimulation, for example, and yet the person who has one will somehow quickly and passionately orgasm. That might happen, but it’s likely extremely rare.
Vicki pointed out another important aspect of anal sex that’s both similar and different on and off screne: hygiene.
Vicki:
The one similarity is that you gotta be clean. You know, you’re just going to save yourself a whole lot of heartache and mental stress if you are thorough with cleaning yourself back there. Enima until you can’at enymore because nothing is flushing out. That is the best way to start, I feel. Professionally, it really sucks. It slows up the day. It kind of adds undue stress on your body. And I don’t know what it is, but every time I do it for the camera, I’m just so much more excited and into it. I guess it’s the performer part of me that comes out a lot. So the difference is that at home, I could be lazy about it. I could be like, “Well, I really don’t want to clean myself and do this right now.” But it’s a special treat. So if you want to treat somebody, you want to spice up the bedroom, I highly recommend it because it is good.
August:
And everyone can get pleasure from it. I think it has a reputation for being all about penises and prostate But actually, some people have G-spot orgasms through it. And if you don’t orgasm, that’s cool, too.
Vicki:
Oh my god, yeah. You could have a vibrator on your pussy as they’re going up your butt and it is great, let me tell you.
August:
Yeah, adding clitoral stim, masturbating during it is great. And if you do surprise somebody or want to do it as a treat, making sure they want it, right? If you’re not prepared physically… And I like that you mentioned different ways to clean yourself. I don’t know if I would do an enema for it. Maybe if I was going to be filmed…
Vicki:
[laughs] Yeah! You’re doing different positions. You’re doing reverse cowgirl. And that’s just gravity. I’m just very…clean when it comes to sex. I like to be very clean, the smell and everything – very thorough. But I don’t know, I guess as a civilian….
August:
I think it’s great to know that that’s an option. Especially if you’re really concerned, I think there can be a lot of fear around: “Oh my gosh, what if there’s some poo?”… And then you can also wear a condom, even on a toy or your finger.
Vicki:
Exactly, exactly. It’s stages. You know, in the beginning. Don’t stress over: Oh my god, I’m cleaning my [anus] because you’re just beginning. Learn how much you like it, how much you’ll have it. And then go based on that.
August:
And then always use lube, because it’s not self-lubricating like the vagina…
Vicki:
Yes! Don’t ever go back there without lube. I love coconut oil myself. You don’t have to keep reapplying it. It’s not like that gooey stuff in your hand. you can use it for lotion, cooking and sex.
[guitar chord strum]
August (narration):
You can also use a commercial lubricant that has a thick texture, such as a silicone lube, which has a nice, smooth feel and lasts longer than water-based lubes. Or if you use a water-based option, reapply it as needed. And remember, saliva is not ideal as a lube.
August:
Foreplay is different with anal sex too, right? Because again, you’re not, it’s not like you’re going to have natural lubrication back there. And the person who is receiving the annual sex should be in control of it, right? The one who says “okay, too much,” or “not enough.” “Go back on/back out.”
Vicki:
Oh yeah, please! Vocalize.
August:
Do you recommend masturbating anal sex with yourself? If you’re brand new, do you think that’s a good idea?
Vicki:
I think so. I mean, learn your limits. If you go zero to 100 it’s gonna hurt and you’re not going to want to have another try at it. But if you practice… I feel like they make it so fun with the butt plugs with the jewels and the little furries. I think they’re just so much fun. So I like to relax. It helps you relax back there. You’re not too surprised about the sensation. So I do like to even now like even as a professional anal artists that I am I like to keep up a butt plug back there for a minute or two.
August:
That can be really good foreplay, too. Some are so small and discreet. You can be at a restaurant and know that something fun is coming – pun intended. And I liked that you mentioned that there can be pain and discomfort and even if you go slowly, you might feel some discomfort. Some people really love that, because the pain and pleasure receptors [are so close in the brain]. Everyone’s different. We featured recently the B-vibe from the Pleasure Chest which is like a beginner’s anal toy.. And it’s for couples so it vibrates. There’s a lot of different options, but starting with a small toy is important, don’t you think?
Vicki:
Definitely because there are monster toys out there. And you’re like, who uses these? Anal queens.
August:
Do you have a favorite toy of all?
Vicki:
Oh my god. Of all? Yes. The old school Hitachi wand. I was just reading it’s been around for years. I saw a very old one from like the 1940s or 50s. So it’s basically a massage wand. It’s got a rubber edge and it vibrates. It’s got like two levels, low and high. That’s the original Magic Wand. It’s white. It’s got some blue in it on the neck, right between the head of the toy and the handle, which is a long one.
August (narration):
I have to jump in here and mention how useful that length is for anyone who has difficult reaching certain body parts, including during oral sex. A listener recently asked me how they could experience pleasure while receiving doggy style sex — when you’re propped up, usually on your hands and knees, and someone is entering your vagina or anus with a penis or toy from behind. If you aren’t already experiencing pleasure from the insertion alone, you could use a Magic Wand to stimulate your external clit while you play.
Vicki:
And then there’s cordless now, which I love but they’re not as powerful as the ones that have the cord. The ones that have a cord, I will come so hard in two minutes, versus the cordless one is more like four minutes. It takes twice as long. But it’s okay. Sometimes you want to take your time.
August:
That’s true. Sometimes you want to feel the arousal more. Sometimes you just want that quick getting off. I know another tip for anal sex is not to use numbing creams because you could really hurt yourself, right? I see why people might think they’d help because you’re like, oh, it’s gonna hurt so therefore I will numb myself but then you really get injured.
Vicki:
Yeah, you want to feel everything. Because isn’t is not feeling right, you stop. You need that.
August:
Thank you. Yes. And that’s the case for all sex. If something is not feeling good—and I’m not talking about kink—stop. Communicate about it and shift positions. Sex is not supposed to hurt.
Vicki:
It’s not. I mean, even if you want it to just be safe, because you don’t want to end up not being able to have sex.
August:
Exactly. With all performance arts, people get injured sometimes. So I imagine that can happen on sets. Is that something that happens occasionally?
Vicki:
I mean, knock on wood [knocks]. I’ve never had an issue… Well, actually I shouldn’t say that. Once I did kind of hurt a girl. I was eating her out and I guess we both kind of moved in and I kind of pressed my tooth on her clit and she was like, “AH!” And I was like “ohhh!” But luckily everything was fine. So yeah, do have caution when eating the box. But I have heard of instances where guys have actually had their penis break.
Vicki:
Very painful. And I wonder if it has to do with the fact that some guys are now starting to inject some kind of fluid into their deck so that it stays hard longer.
August:
That could be part of it! I read that Viagra and similar medications can make a penis so hard that the harder it is—because obviously, there’s no actual bone to break—but it seems like the more potential there is of a quick movement and snapping. And it’s an emergency situation…and you can heal from it. But yeah, they’ve become more common. So I’m not that surprised that you mentioned that there might be injections happening and stuff like that.
Vicki:
Yeah, I don’t know. Maybe that happens after Viagra stops working, I guess? It’s crazy, because I hear those can be quite dangerous. Because eventually when they get older, [it’s possible] they’re not going to be able to get it hard at all.
August:
Yeah. For a porn star, if you have to stay hard for hours…
Vicki:
They do. Oh my God, I feel so bad for them. I really do. Because some of these productions really require male talent to stay hard for pictures, and then stay hard for the scene and different positions. Even the positions that don’t feel so good. You know, and it’s hard. So I understand why they take these big steps but they’re dangerous.
August (narration):
That’s another reason to take extra caution when you’re trying to imitate something you’ve seen in porn. While it’s fine to get ideas or inspiration from spicy films, so much time and work goes into porn creation. And porn isn’t only created for visual entertainment, but the performers are basically athletes — and, as Vicki pointed out, going to extremes at times to get the job done.
Anal sex is usually a safe activity when you go about it well, but injuries do occasionally happen. One case covered by an Austrian Australian Broadcasting Company News investigation in 2019 involved a teenage girl. She and a group of friends tried to replicate group anal sex scene. She ended up severe internal injuries and now needs a colostomy bag for life. So again, please be careful when you’re trying something new. Turn to qualified sex educators or credible online resources, versus porn alone, for information.
Anal fissures and hemmroid pain and bleeding can also stem from or worsen from anal sex if you don’t use lube, move too quickly or use overly large toys without caution.
August:
You mentioned teeth on clit. Another thing to be careful of, I know, is fingernails.
Vicki:
Oh my god, yeah…. And I always have the nails. I’m like, “I’m sorry, babe. I’ll stick a toy for you. But I won’t stick my finger.” So I’m not one of those girls that likes to stick fingers in . I’m very cautious. Like, let me see your fingernails before you go in. Because it can hurt.
August:
Especially if you’re having anal sex and you want to use your fingers, make sure you file your nails down, trim off any sharp edges. It’s really a tender area.
Vicki:
Yeah, you don’t want to infect it with anything, any cuts in there.
August:
Absolutely. And then the bacteria, too, as you were saying. Make sure everything’s clean. The same thing goes for fingers. And also, you might get the urge to have a bowel movement.
August (narration):
That’s not very likely, if you don’t have the urge beforehand, by the way. But, it can happen. That’s because anal sex stimulates your pelvic floor—which is also why it can feel pleasurable. That stimulation can also cause a bit of fecal matter to release. If you have a weak anal sphincter — meaning you’re prone to leakage or incontinence — that may be more likely during backdoor play.
If you want to avoid any of that matter, try to time your anal sex well. You can also avoid spicy or fatty foods just before, or, again, consider an enema. Shallower penetration might help, too. As they say, “just the tip.”
I’ve heard several sex eduactors recommend lighting candles and using a dark towel, if only for your own emotional ease.There’s also research that shows that things that typically gross us out don’t as much during sex.
If you’re new to anal sex or aren’t sure how your sphincter will react, slow down. In an interview with Women’sHealth educator Taylor Sparks recommended starting with a massage. She described it like this:
“Warm up your partner first with a lower back massage and extend it to the top of the butt crack, also known as the sacrum. Then, using your fingers or tongue, touch, massage, rub around the anal area to stimulate those nerve endings. Once your partner is comfortable and/or excited, start with just inserting one well-lubed finger gently into the anus.”
And, of course, you’re doing this with consent, with permission.
Vicki:
Some guys are okay with that actually. They’re like “Oh, it’s just poo. Wipe it off.” And then others, you can just tell they’re gagging. Everybody’s different. But let’s just stop and be respectful. We’re all human. It happens.
August:
Yeah, cleaning before ,cleaning after. A lot of people will wear gloves and obviously toss those out, too. What would you recommend to somebody who wants to start engaging in anal sex and either they don’t know if their partner enjoys it or their partner is kind of nervous? How can you start talking about that kind of fantasy in a helpful way?
Vicki:
I mean, just by being patient and honest about what it is that turns them on, you know? I feel like honesty’s the best policy. So if you tell me “It’s just something that I’m into,” then obviously I don’t want to judge you. “I want to please you, but I want you to understand that I am scared. I’ve never done it before.” So be patient.
August (narration):
Vicki also recommended watching artful anal porn, such as Anal Beauty, a film she starred in.
Vicki:
Women would like to see this because it’s not so hardcore. There’s like a little scenario and it gets you turned on. The girls are always looking very nice and beautiful and clean. And it’s just beautiful, beautiful anal sex.
August (narration):
Or you could read anal sex erotica stories and find a tantalizing scene to share or read together.
To hear my full, unedited conversation with Vicki Chase, join me on Patreon at Patreon.com/girlboner. You’ll also receive access to other achieved interviews, bonus clips, prize drawings, Ask Me Anything and more.
[upbeat, acoustic music]
So In 2019, I had Alice and Yvette, cohosts of the podcast Two Girls One Mic, on the show to explore their sexual empowerment journeys and more. We also delved into butt stuff a bit. Neither of the gals learned much about sex or sexuality growing up, which is one reason Yvette’s anal sex experiences started early. First, Alice’s experience:
Alice:
Well, I recall when I was driving with my parents home from a wisdom tooth operation, and I vaguely remember this, but definitely to use a condom. And I think that was the one thing my parents taught me. And that’s really it. We never spoke about it again.
August:
How about you, Yvette? What do you remember?
Yvette:
Oh my god, same. I was raised Catholic. So I learned that condoms are bad, birth control is evil and you should probably lose it in the butt first or Jesus kick is kicking you out of heaven. So of course, I lost it in the butt first.
August:
How did you learn that? Because I’ve heard that from people who grew up in purity culture, because they thought that that was not intercourse.
Yvette:
Yeah, because it’s the sex that God can’t see.
August:
Because God can’t get to the back of our underwear?
Yvette:
Yeah, apparently, God can see everything except your butthole.
August:
And he created everything but the butthole, so maybe Satan made the butthole.
Yvette:
If Satan did make the butthole then I’m on Satan’s team because that was worth it and glorious.
August:
So it was a positive experience. That’s good.
Yvette:
I would say, as a teenager, probably not. But as an adult… It was like a 10 year hiatus from but sex because it’s like I’ve been told by society this is wrong and dirty, and nobody told me that you need to get an enema kit. There are things that you learn as an adult, that will make that much more pleasurable. If you’re all you’re told is you have to do this sex in order to not go to hell, you’re gonna make some mistakes.
Yvette:
Which was the company that sent us a bottle of their lube and toy cleaner? Was it Bad Dragon?
Alice:
Oh my god, yes.
August (narration):
We also talked about some unique products they’d received from various companies.
Yvette:
We were sent like two lubes and a giant bottle of toy cleaner and a couple of things that I can’t fit up my ass yet. But I’m not a quitter. One of them is a giant egg. Number one it glows in the dark.
August:
Okay, your hands just shot like a basketball.
Yvette:
Around, it has to be…I want to say this thing is four or five inches in diameter and I don’t know if even with two years and and a 55-gallon drum of lube I’ll ever be able to go there. Maybe I need to get drunk like this guy (who wrote in). Maybe that’s all I need and the egg will fit. Probably not.
August:
What do we call him again? Thank you Jungle Jim. You may have just changed everything.
Yvette:
See, you need a 55-gallon drum of lube and some time. That fixes everything.
August:
Lube does fix a lot of things. Orgasms, masturbation and lube.
August (narration):
If you’re in the camp of folks who really want try anal sex (or any sex for that matter), and feel anxious about bringing it up to a partner, this excerpt with Alice and Yvette might resonate.
Alice:
Oh god yes. In all seriousness, though, a lot more people should be a little bit more open and honest. And that’s the thing, if your partner can’t necessarily satisfy that need, they will be more than likely at least willing to try. Because if you’re with someone, why wouldn’t they want to see you happy, especially in the bedroom. Most people are willing to please. And if you’re not with someone who’s really willing to please and looking out for your enjoyment, that’s probably not a great relationship to be in.
August:
Yeah, the communication is so big. And most people do really care. It would really hurt me to find out that someone wasn’t expressing their desires because it doesn’t have to be their fantasy, as you’re saying. Or what have you both have the same fantasy?
Yvette:
And you’ve been holding back…. I dated a guy for a while, who only told me after a long time that he was into the Kitty Girls from anime that have like the ears and the little tail. So I got myself a bug plug with the tail on it. If it’s something that that you might not be into, but it’s gonna turn your partner on a ton? Dive in! Why not? He f*cked me. Like he hadn’t f*cked me in a long time. It was like the first sex all over again.
August:
Becomes a turn on for you. I mean, obviously, there are exceptions or things that people don’t feel comfortable doing. But usually, I think what happens is whatever turns your partner on kind of becomes a turn on for you in some way.
Yvette:
Yeah, because you see their reaction and it’s, you know, it’s like, oh, this thing is very sexy to them. And you know, so what if I got a collection of butt plugs with tails on them? I’m just saying it was a worthwhile investment.
August:
Smaller than the basketball, I hope.
Yvette:
Oh, my god. [laughs] There’s also the giant tentacle. I have not attempted to mount it yet.
Alice:
It’s about 16 inches.
August:
And this is a butt plug? Or an anal toy?
Yvette:
I think you can put it into any hole… They attach onto the wall. So if you’re motivated and lonely you can do this on your own. The giant egg butt plug, though. Like I think there had to have been a miscommunication on what size I ordered.
August:
That’s a hard thing online though. It’s to know what size you’re ordering.
Alice:
And they do custom products. So I love Bad Dragon toys, but in all seriousness, most people don’t realize what the difference between an extra small or a small, versus the medium.
Yvette:
I’m sure I ordered the medium egg. Why didn’t I order the extra, extra, extra small if that’s the medium? There’s a chance the order got screwed up or there’s a chance that I did not read carefully enough but I never would have thought medium would be bigger than — there is an office kitten in here today, and that thing is much larger than the office kitten.
Alice:
We had tape measures. I’m not even kidding when I say we spent a solid two to three weeks measuring everything and figuring out sizes and measuring all my different dildos and toys.
August (narration):
That’s another super important point about anal sex when you plan to use toys. Always check the actual measurements – don’t go by the photo alone or try to eyeball it.
Right now, The Pleasure chest is featuring anal sex toys and accessories for everyone from anal amateurs to prostate pros.
Explore their wide selection of butt sex toys including beginner anal beads, prostate massagers, vibrating plugs and dildos small to extra large at the link in the show notes to go straight to their featured collection. They also have designer butt plugs, starter kits, plus enema play and douching kits. Again that’s The Pleasure Chest at thepleasurechest.com.
Speaking of toys, we’ll wrap up today with an excerpt from last year’s episode, All About Pegging with sex educator, Luna Matatas. We explored several common myths about pegging, including “bigger is better,” when you’re selecting an anal toy for strap-on play—which led into tips for choosing a great harness and making the most of your experience as a receiver.
Luna:
Yeah, sometimes our eyes are bigger than our buttholes. [laughs] And we want this fantasy of giant things and we think that bigger is going to give us more stimulation, more pleasure. And the pleasure anatomy of the anus doesn’t really work that way.
August (narration):
For some people, Luna told me, the idea of bigger is connected to the aesthetic and fantasy of taking something really big in. Maybe you watched something on porn and you were excited about that. And it gave you the idea that something really large would be the most exciting. But for many people, the pleasure they desire in their bum has nothing to do with something the size of a fist.
Luna:
It could be a really nuanced finger, it could be a tongue, it could be a small dildo or a small butt plug. And that’s going to maximize your anal pleasure and help train your ass for bigger stuff if you do want to get bigger.
August:
So it sounds like that’s a really good beginner step, too, even if you are someone who ends up really desiring a fist size or something much larger. Do you recommend easing your way in literally—and well, literally—with your finger, with smaller toys, before you go to the triple X?
Luna:
Totally. The triple X is like next level and everyone—whether they’re taking from a finger to a penis to a dildo to a fist—requires anal training. Our anus is a muscle or built up of several types of muscle and so we don’t necessarily have that constriction and expansion in the same way that we talk about vaginal muscles. We don’t necessarily need vaginal training but we need anal training because the anus just functions differently.
So, when thinking about how do I build up to this, one of the great ways, if you’re the peg-gee or the receiver, is to start touching your own butthole. Put your finger up there in the shower and get used to the sensations. Start masturbating with your butthole, start using really small butt plugs and allow your ass to get kind of comfortable with being penetrated and being a receiver.
And from there, it’s actually a physiological experience for people where we toughen parts of the tissue around the anus so it’s more likely to be resilient and won’t necessarily tear or injure as easily. We’re training the muscle to expand and get stronger. And so that helps with penetration, whether you’re taking bigger things or smaller things. It just helps ease any discomfort or pain if we slowly build up versus, “I’ve never put anything in my butt, babe. Can you just peg me?”
August (narration):
Here’s another very common myth about pegging. That it’s really all about the receiver’s pleasure when in fact there’s potential for pleasure, not only for the peggee but for the pegger.
Luna:
Ooh, yes. Strap-on play for some people looks like it’s a one-way thing and that it’s the receiver that’s getting all the pleasure because the strap-on doesn’t necessarily have any biological feedback for the giver. So if you’re strapping it on and you’ve got this silicone dildo, you think, well, I’m putting something in someone. This is really our society’s problem with phallic centered pleasure and that everything is going to be in the penetration tool and that’s where all the pleasure comes from. And that’s not true. So we’ve got an erotic experience that is a combination of our physical selves as well as our erotic selves.
Maybe this is the first time that you’ve penetrated your partner or maybe this is a fantasy you both have been really wanting to do. So, there’s all this mental excitement and mental stimulation. There’s visual stimulation as well. And there’s physical stimulation. So, the clitoris actually has stimulation potential from the mound of the vulva—so that area is kind of pounding against something—or there are vibrators you can slip into your strap on or things like that. But even just the simple kind of pounding that you would get also during vaginal penetration is stimulating. It’s almost like a really big vibrator that you’re creating against your body.
August:
That’s so exciting… I feel like the dildo gets all the attention. How important is the harness? What are your tips for choosing one that’s helpful to you?
Luna:
Oh, I’m so glad you asked that. Because I think this is one of the places where people buy something cheap and then they decide they don’t like strap on play. The harness is really important so that the giver feels comfortable and that it’s actually holding the dildo against their bodies so that they have more control and it’s not kind of flopping around, which is going to give them problems, and often can just shake your confidence if you can’t get the dildo in or you can’t thrust comfortably or you feel you’re contorting your body.
So, it’s really important to look for a harness that is both a comfortable material but also has multiple points of adjustment. And those adjustments can be buckles, they can be straps, anything that helps shape it to your body so it feels like a seamless extension. Lots of strap-ons that come in a kit are nylon material and they’re really hard and rough on the body so they can cause abrasions. So, you want to look for something a little bit softer. There are strap-ons in all different materials. If you’re not a fan of leather, there’s silicone, there’s vinyl, there’s all different types of materials but we’re really looking for multiple points of attachment.
August:
I love that you teach people how to be good at receiving pegging as well. I think there’s this idea that you just sort of sit there and let it happen.
Luna:
Yeah, I think that receivers can do so much more that actually adds to the pleasure for everyone. So, if you’re an active receiver—you’re an active bottom—that can look like communication. So, giving reassurance when it’s good so that’s moans, that’s wiggling your bum or pushing backwards and also giving feedback when it’s not good. As a giver I’ve often been in a position where I think, well, that looks like it hurts. And you’re like, “Yeah, [groans]. It’s okay. Keep going.” And so there’s a disconnect that shakes everybody’s confidence. Don’t take it. Give feedback, even if it’s very simple words like slower, softer, harder, faster, very simple cues to increase the communication.
[upbeat, acoustic guitar strumming]
August (narration):
Such good advice. And I hope you all enjoyed our walk down buttplay memory lane.
If you’re enjoying Girl Boner Radio, I would love to hear from you by way of a simple review on Apple Podcasts, iTunes or on social media. Don’t forget to follow the show wherever you’re listening. I also hope you’ll tell your friends about it. Thanks so much for listening and have a beautiful, Girl Boner embracing week.
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