“We make ‘hmmm’ sounds back and forth.”
“He gives me giraffe kisses…”
“He absentmindedly trails his fingers along my skin.”
“I love it when they smell my hair.”
These phrases appeared in an AskWomen Reddit thread, answering this prompt: “What is something your SO does while cuddling that you really like?”
But what about platonic cuddling, with a friend or professional cuddler?
Sex seems to get a lot more attention than non-sexual cuddling, when it comes to discussions around touch. And while sensual connection is awesome, sex shouldn’t be the only way we get to benefit from human touch.
In this week’s Girl Boner Radio episode, I chatted with Jean Franzblau, founder of Cuddle Sanctuary, LA’s destination for touch-positive events and professional cuddling since 2014, and Fei Wyatt, president and founder of CuddleXpo.
We explored messaging they learned about physical touch growing up, their journeys to becoming cuddling professionals, benefits and myths about cuddling and more. The episode also features a sweet tip from Dr. Megan Fleming for inviting more physical affection to your relationship.
Stream the episode on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Spotify or here ⇓ or read on for a few highlights and takeaways.
5 Incredible Benefits of Cuddling
Sounder sleep
Move over sleeping pills!* Human touch can boost your body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone and neurotransmitter referred to some experts as the ‘hug hormone.’
“Without the oxytocin boost, we’re not sleeping as good as we could,” Jean said of this cuddling benefit, which she considers one of her favorites.
In a study published in the American Journal of Physiology-Lung Cellular and Molecular Physiology, oxytocin treatment provided some big time benefits for people with obstructive sleep apnea.
*If you require medication for sleep, don’t make changes without your doctor’s approval.
Less stress
Another study, published in a German journal, showed that oxytocin can minimize stress and boost well-being, among other perks. That and the sense of connection with another human can go far in the stress department.
“I notice that if I haven’t had a client in a day, an hour of focused cuddling time, that I am not right,” Fei shared. “There’s a level of stress in my body.”
Having attended a Cuddle Sanctuary event, I can attest to the fact that even sitting back-to-back with someone can bring stress relief. (And yes, that counts as cuddling!)
Less loneliness
For Jean, not cuddling brings a sense of loneliness and isolation. “If a day and a half goes by and I haven’t had connection, then I start getting depressed. It’s that quick,” she said, adding that she and Fei notice subtle shifts acutely, given their heightened awareness. Longing for touch actually led Jean to her career.
“I really thought the only way to get soothing connection and affection was through sex,” she said. “And I had a sex drive and I had lots of curiosity about sex, but I also had just a need for connection and being known and seen and heard… Those two got conflated, so I would push such situations.”
In the episode, Jean shared a specific situation, in which she pursued casual sex with a guy, when really, she longed to spoon.
(This type of scenario is common among people of all genders, by the way. Stay tuned for my chat with professional cuddler, Dr. Yoni Alkan for more on this topic.)
Less shame around asking for what you want
Ah, shame… Most all of us grapple with this beast on occasion, including when it comes to advocating for our personal desires. Working with a cuddling professional can help remedy this by instilling valuable skills.
“So much of what I do is about moving shame blocks out of the way,” Fei said of her work with clients. “In my book, ‘selfish’ is a good word: ‘Hey, I want this thing.'”
Later in our conversation, Fei shared a favorite practice to teach: noticing and vocalizing when discomfort arises, which seems related and equally important: “I invite my clients to always let me know when something needs to be adjusted.”
Imagine if we honed these practices and applied them to the rest of our lives.
Becoming a better lover
Jean and Fei’s work as professional cuddlers involves completely platonic touch, a distinction they’re very clear about, given the common misperception that cuddling is usually or always erotic. But well-approached, a platonic cuddling practice can spice up sexual intimacy with a partner.
Some of the biggest perks run parallel to the last point about self-advocacy. Jean shared that cuddling has helped her better pay attention to how she’s feeling and how physical interaction is influencing the other person.
“Frankly, I use my words,” she said. “What I’m noticing with a partner, when I’m paying attention to my own needs, I might say something brave like, ‘This stopped working for me.’ They’re like ‘Oh my god. For me, too.’ I’ve never been disconnected from another person without the other person feeling it. In the past I would pretend I was still connected and nobody’s having fun… Speaking, asking [and] checking in. Wonderful skills for both cuddling and sex.”
Download free cuddle lessons, thanks to Cuddle Sanctuary, here!
To sign up for Dr. Megan’s upcoming free webinar on creating your ideal life, click here. 🎉
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