What You Need to Know About Emotional Intelligence and Vulva Love

Have you ever felt stuck in a triggered state or shamed yourself for not feeling as happy, peaceful or insert-preferred-emotion as you’d like? Or wondered what would happen if you embraced a part of yourself you’ve long feared or ignored?

I loved exploring these topics and more with Anne Hodder, ACS, a multi-certified and inclusive sex and relationships educator, on Girl Boner Radio. Listen to our full chat on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Spotify or below! In the meantime, here are just a few of my favorite takeaways.

Emotional Intelligence and Vulva Love with Anne Hodder, ACS

Emotional intelligence involves understanding and responding well to emotions. And increasing it often requires some unlearning.

“There are no classes about emotional intelligence or how to feel growing up,” Anne said. “A majority of us were taught to not feel, in order to cope and survive, and we also learned however the authority figures in our lives experienced emotions…similar to adopting a language.”

Luckily, we can sharpen our skills, which helps us become less reactive and better able to thrive. In addition to paying attention to emotions, Anne recommends journaling as a useful way to observe any patterns.

“[Emotions] happen whether we want them to or not, and they’re not controllable,” she added. “What we can control is how we behave, how we react as a result of those emotions. Emotional intelligence is being able to register ‘I’m feeling really fucking angry right now and I understand that anger is sort of an emulsion of fear and sadness. I know what I like to do when I’m angry and it doesn’t really make anything better at all. It causes harm. Therefore, what can I do instead?'”

Observing your vulva can be a powerful and empowering form of rebellion.

Anne teaches a variety of awesome workshops, including The Space Between this weekend in Los Angeles. In addition to learning about the glorious yet often mysterious vulva, attendees will have a chance to take a mirror and privately peek at their own vulva, if they wish.

“It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time and kind of was holding back with this sort of assumption or fear that the public would be like, ‘You want to do what?'” she said, adding that she has met some such reactions.

But given political happenings of late and the ongoing policing of women’s bodies, she decided “what better time to offer people with vulvas, collectively, to burn it all down? Even if it’s a small fire in a little workshop space in Culver City, incremental change is what really needs to happen. Everything changes when you shine light on something that you’ve been keeping hidden for a long time.”

Learn much more in our chat. The episode also features:

• Practical ways to deal with feeling triggered and move out of a triggered state (literally within minutes)
• Emotional benefits of tapping into your dreams
• Dr. Megan Fleming‘s thoughts for a listener who was recently diagnosed with vulvodynia
• More!