Why resolve, when we can rebel? As we near the end of what’s been a difficult year for so many of us, I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept.
When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, it’s all-too-easy to set goals that feel restrictive and diminishing—which isn’t only not fun, but very seldom effective. So let’s make a deal, okay? Let’s rebel against the messages that suggest we have to look, act and behave in certain ways in order to have value or find success. Let’s honor and care for our authentic selves, knowing that in doing so, we can lead more rich, full and impactful lives. And let’s aim to experience joy in the process.
In honor of 150 episodes of Girl Boner® Radio, I invited renowned comedian and world-class human being Shawn Pelofsky to join me for a chat on her personal journey, her career and much more. I also asked some of the year’s groovy experts to share their thoughts on empowering aims for the new year. I LOVED what they had to say!
Stream the episode on iTunes or below! In the meantime, here’s a sneak peek at some of the tips you’ll learn about.
1. Start a daily practice of extended eye contact.
Kait Scalisi, MPH called this “one of the best ways to deepen the intimacy and connectedness in your relationship.” It’s not only easy and free, but can be done in-person or via FaceTime or Skype. With as little as four minutes of eye-lock per day, you can experience boosted levels of the bonding hormone oxytocin, so you’ll feel closer to your partner, and potentially minimize any hurt or tension in your relationship.
2. Explore your sexual fantasies with your partner.
Expressing sexual desires is difficult for many people, said Sandra LaMorgese, PhD, but it’s also extremely valuable. Sharing and exploring your fantasies with your partner will deepen the way you care about and trust your partner, she said. When we reveal our fantasies, we show great vulnerability, which is a mighty superpower. Chances are your partner will respond with acceptance, encouragement and love.
3. Prioritize adventurous, exploratory solo play.
Last year, as friends set their sights improved fitness and the like, Pam Costa focused on another kind of workout. She learned to masturbate in a variety of different ways and places, gaining many perks in the process. Emily Lindin recommends setting aside time each week for what she calls exploratory masturbation, especially if you’ve fallen into a same-old-same-old/toy rut. “There are so many different nuanced ways to experience pleasure,” she said—amen!
4. Wear clothes you feel comfortable in.
Rather than fret over changing your appearance (which, by the way, is 100% embraceable as-is!), the wonderful Lana Fox is aiming to keep her clothing choices empowering. “I’m only going to wear things that make me feel super comfortable, because I think I’m at my sexiest when I feel good,” she said. Indeed, comfort = sexy! I can totally vouch for this.
5. Bump it up a notch!
It’s easy to fall into autopilot in our work, our relationships and even how we save (or don’t save) money or dress from day to day, said Rayne Parvis. So why not bump whatever you’re feeling blah about up a notch? We can all take steps to add more sparkle to the mundane, and trust us, you deserve it. Even baby steps can bring powerful change.
6. Meditate, meditate, meditate.
Victoria Moran is striving to do something she’s been practicing for years, but better, this year, with a daily meditation practice. Linked with everything from improved moods, better sleep and boosted brain function to appearing more vibrant, a little stillness regularly can go a long way. (Psst! Learn more here.) Use a meditation app, join a group for accountability or go it on your own. Even 5 to 10 minutes per day can work wonders.
7. Commit to the great life you desire.
Dr. Megan challenged us to ask ourselves what we truly want, and whether we’re merely interested or if we’re willing to commit ourselves to creating it. “When we’re interested in something, the thought or feeling around it feels like a ‘should,’” she said. “There’s a heaviness to it.” When you’re committed, you fully embrace the opportunity of what you can have. That’s not only more pleasurable, but helpful. We’re much more likely to take action on opportunities we’re jazzed about.
8. Pursue a passion or curiosity.
As I often say, Girl Boner® is about arousing our whole darn lives. Rather than attempt to change something about you, as though you’re somehow flawed or broken, honor that which makes your heart shimmer. It doesn’t need to be a revolutionary “OMG I found my calling!” type thing. It could be as simple as trying a new toy (such as the fab Lady Bi I featured, thanks to The Pleasure Chest, this week!), starting that creative project you’ve been daydreaming about, planning new adventures with your partner or taking up a new hobby.
9. Seek the support you crave.
There is only strength in seeking support you need or desire. If you’re going through a difficult time, consider therapy, if you have access. Have heart-to-hearts with a trusted friend. Try an online support group, self-help book or workshop. (To reignite sexy sparks, check out Dr. Megan’s Rekindle Desire program. She’s offering a discount to Girl Boner® listeners!) Whatever you’re going through, you don’t have to go it alone. You’re also welcome to submit a confidential Q for us to address on Girl Boner Radio right here.
10. Practice kindness to the max.
During my chat with Shawn (did I mention that was a highlight of my year???) we discussed the importance of kindness. Particularly in today’s political climate, it’s vital to remember that opening our hearts day in and day out can have a profoundly positive impact. “Compassion is my thing,” Shawn said. “I think people get caught up in their own worlds, and they just don’t know how to be nice and kind.” Luckily, we can turn that around. A bit of awareness and commitment may be all it takes to start touching the lives of others, which will no doubt brighten your own world as well.