And by “girly parts” I mean your vagina, vulva, clitoris, labia, cervix and so on. Don’t just read the words—say them out loud. How do you feel when you do so? How would you describe your own? How often do you explore them with your eyes or fingers?
Women tend to think too little and too negatively of our sexual anatomy. From societal messages and gaps in sexual education, we’re taught in plentiful ways that our sexual parts are unworthy of love and attention, places only designed to bear or avoid bearing children, unattractive-looking or worse—disgusting.
Some of the most damaging messages about female sexual anatomy are the least obvious, in my opinion, because what we fail to recognize as problematic, we’re highly unlikely to change. Last week on the Craig and Robbie Hour, I shared an example from a book by intimacy expert Dr. David Schnarch, which is eerily similar to a conversation I’ve had with many girlfriends over the years. Here’s an example:
Over dinner recently, a girlfriend asked me if a man’s semen really changes flavor based on his diet. It sure can, I told her, and the same goes for women.
She laughed. “Gross. I don’t even want to know…”
“Why is that gross?” I asked.
She went on to explain that she won’t kiss her boyfriend after he’s gone down on her, for fear of tasting her vaginal flavors in his mouth. And since she adores kissing, she’s been hesitant to let oral sex play out. If it does happen, it’s usually one-sided.
“Do you like how he tastes when you go down on him?” I asked.
“Sure,” she said, semi-blushing. “I don’t mind it. Kind of sexy.”
If I were her, I told her, I’d make a point of trying to enjoy my own flavor—alone and then with my partner. (“Taste it on my own fingers?” she asked, quivering. Of course! Why not?) I’d also think seriously about why I held such negative beliefs about aspects of my own sexuality, yet found my partner’s enticing. I tell her this because I know what it’s like to go from sexually repressed and shameful about my body to empowered, and want every woman to experience the freedom, strength and joy doing so brings. I also know that these issues typically run far deeper than they often seem; any “ugliness” we fixate on externally often has internal roots.
I’ve said it many times and I’ll keep saying it, because it’s true: Embracing our sexuality is a glorious gift we give ourselves, then share with others. When we hold our selves back with negative beliefs, placing barriers between ourselves and our sexuality, we hold ourselves back from life to the fullest. Repeat after me: “My genitals are beautiful!” Good. Now, repeat! (If anyone’s giving you funny looks, please send them here! ;))
10 Signs Your Sexual Anatomy Deserves More Self-Loving
1. Your call your genital area your “girly parts,” “down there” or nothing at all.
2. You have no idea where your clitoris and think “pleasure button” has something to do with a TV remote.
3. You’ve never even searched for your G-spot.
4. You seldom, if ever, masturbate.
5. You’ve never looked closely at your sexual parts.
6. You don’t really know what you enjoy sexually.
7. Your partner doesn’t know what you enjoy sexually.
8. The last time you saw the gynecologist, a Bush was president.
9. You’d rather eat stale pretzels than taste your own sensual flavor.
10. Sex seems like a stressful or embarrassing obligation or a waste of time.
If you relate to any of the above, I hope you’ll consider revamping your relationship with your sexual anatomy, aiming to celebrate and embrace the beautiful wonder it is. Doing so may not be simple, but it’s very doable and starts with awareness.You’re far from alone in your struggles and my total hero for desiring change!
For practical tips on embracing your sexy self, check out How to Feel Sexier Naked and Gain #GirlBoner Gusto: 20 Ways to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone. For an empowering piece on celebrating the Great Wall of the Vagina (woo hoo!), visit Trish Causey’s blog.
How do you feel about your sexual parts? Are you offset by your flavor or your partner’s? What’s helped you gain sexual confidence? Any questions about your Girl Boner anatomy? I love hearing your thoughts! ♥
If you haven’t yet signed up for the 3rd annual Beauty of a Woman BlogFest and would like to, stop by the registration page. We have two categories this year: Girl Boner and original. So exciting! I can’t wait to fest with you all soon.