How to Use (and Get the Most From) a Cock Ring

“Cock Rings and Simultaneous Orgasms” on Girl Boner Radio

(a partial podcast transcript)

Welcome back! 2021, let’s do this. 

[a few bars of acoustic music]

So last month, I released a year-end survey to my mailing list to find out what folks are most curious about and interested in lately. And the results affirmed what I and others in the sex ed space have suspected:  

Some folks are feeling less sex-inclined during these zany times. Others find sex really helpful for managing stress. And lots of people are interested in adding more fun to their sex lives when they do play, regardless of how often. 

The Kinsey Institute has been studying this and found that 1 in 5 adults surveyed made a new addition to their sex life since the pandemic started. Here are some of the most popular ways:

• having sex in a new position or location in their home
• filming themselves having sex
• trying a remote-controlled sex toy
• sharing and/or acting on a sexual fantasy that they’ve never explored before 

I loved hearing this, because it shows that so many of us are prioritizing pleasure and new adventures. And that those adventures don’t need to require huge changes or efforts. One simple and fun toy to consider adding to the mix if you or a partner has a penis is the beloved cock ring, which is where I’ll start today.

First, a bit of history. Humans have been putting a ring on it—wink wink—for centuries. The first documented cock rings were found in Ancient Rome.

I’m not sure you want to actually know some of the first were made of. Basically animal parts with eyelashes  attached. Sorry if that was a bit of a buzzkill.

Materials aside, the main purpose of these handy rings is an excellent one: to increase pleasure during sex, typically for both partners. Or however many folks are invited. That’s why some folks call them “pleasure rings.” 

Worn around the shaft of the penis and sometimes the balls as well, cock rings restrict blood flow—which may sound kind of medical or not fun—but they can make erections harder and longer-lasting and intercourse more pleasurable and orgasmic for everyone involved. 

Today’s cock rings are made out of much more palatable materials, such as silicone, metal or leather. Thank goddesses. Like many sex toys, though, they don’t often come with in-depth instructions—or, in some cases, any instructions at all. So today I’ll cover basics, benefits and mistakes you definitely want to avoid. Then, with Dr. Megan Fleming’s help, we’ll delve into simultaneous orgasms, including practical tips and ways to keep them in perspective. 

To get a fun infographic guide to using a cock ring I put together for this episode—a one-sheet guide you can reference just before or while playing—join me on Patreon at patreon.com/girlboner. 

[a few bars of acoustic music]

If you want to put a ring around penis for the first time, here are a few beginner’s tips:

Step 1: When you’re starting out, go for a simple cock ring, also called a “donut cock ring,” that stretches. 

Silicone is a great option, because it’s really flexible, as well as body safe. Stretchy ones are especially easy to slip on and off, use and clean.

You could also try a silicone ring that has a small vibrator on the outside, which can bring some external clitoral stim to a partner. If you get really into this type of play, you could check out other types, too, such as double or ridged cock rings. 

Step 2: Putting the ring on it. 

Put the cock ring in place when the penis is flaccid or semi erect. If you place it on before a full erection, it’ll get tighter as the penis gets harder. 

Some folks have an easier time achieving and maintaining erections while wearing a cock ring, which makes them a great choice if you or a partner deals with performance anxiety or struggle to have full or lasting erections in general or only in certain situations. All of that is really common, by the way, and no cause for shame. 

Step 3: Don’t forget lube! 

A quality lubricant can make nearly all sex hotter and more fun, and lube is especially helpful when you’re using a toy. Bodies produce lubrication, but toys, of course don’t. So before using a cock ring, add a small amount of lube—roughly the size of a dime or a few drops—to the inside of the ring so it’ll slide on with ease. 

Step 4: Listen to your body and communicate. 

This is probably the most important step. Like using lube, tuning into your body and communicating are always helpful and important. When you’re restricting blood flow with a toy, they can help keep the wearer safe and comfortable, physically and emotionally. 

Cock rings are generally really safe, but if you wear one that’s too tight or for too long, you can run into potentially serious problems, from intense pain to permanent tissue damage. Most people do just fine wearing cock rings for up to 20 minutes or so. When in doubt, remove the ring, especially if you notice any discomfort or unusual sensations—including numbness or coldness. And if you have butterflies about your first time, try it for 3-5 minutes at first. You could try it out solo before any partner-use, too, if that appeals.

Here’s a bit more on the benefits of cock rings:

Improved erections and sexual self-confidence

Many folks, especially cis men, place a lot of their sexual self-worth on their ability to have erections because of those wonky societal messages. It ranks up there with penis size as a source of self-criticism and insecurity. Even though neither of those things—trouble with erections nor smaller penis size—say a single darn thing about a person’s sex appeal, worthiness as a partner or pleasure abilities, it’s nice to have a way to boost that comfort and confidence. Don’t you think?

Intensified orgasms

If you or a partner has a penis, a cock ring can intensify orgasms for both of you by creating stronger arousal and more blood flow, which is what makes physical arousal and orgasm possible. Some people find that wearing a cock ring allows them to stay hard long enough for their partner with a vulva to take the time and get the stimulation they need to reach climax—which tends to make both folks happier. 

More fun for you and your partner or partners

… because of the physical perks and the emotional ones of cock rings. Novelty is such a sweet way to spice things up and new adventures send those feel-good chemicals flowing, the ones we feel when we have a crush on someone or we’re falling in love. Even if you end up not being into cock rings—which is, of course, completely fine—trying new things can heighten fun and intimacy. 

To get the most out of your cock ring experience, here are a few tips:

Make sure the cock ring fits well before using it during sex, whether you try it on or use it fully first. It would be a bummer to get all into it, only to realize it’s too small or too large. If you’re concerned about this, you can buy a set of multiple sizes or measure the penis girth using a string before buying one online. 

Here’s a position tip. If one partner has a vulva, you may want to have that partner positioned on top for maximum clitoral fun. This is a great position for a vibrating cock ring, too—anything that has your pelvises together. Really, though, most any position can feel more pleasurable with a cock ring. Just make sure you’re doing more grinding movements than thrusting if you want maximum external clit bliss. (And I mean, who doesn’t?)

This also means that cock rings are great if there’s a position that you wish you could experience more pleasure or climax during and you don’t. It might be the thing that takes you over the edge.

Lastly, before gifting a cock ring to someone or bringing one into sex, talk about it with who you plan to use it with first. That’ll help ensure that you and your partner are on the same page and can provide some really fun anticipation. You have something to look forward to, something that you know your partner has been thinking about and it’s now in your mind, too, or vice versa.  Looking forward to a sexy new adventure can be half the fun and make cock ring sex that much hotter.

To get your hands on a new or your first cock ring, head to thepleasurechest.com. It’s really easy to search. Plug “cock rings” into the search option or visit the Men’s Sex Toys section and you’ll find  a variety of vibrating and non-vibrating cock rings.  You can also search by materials, type and experience level. 

I’ll include a link to some of their most popular cock rings down in the show notes, where you can also click to head to the Girl Boner Radio Patreon community for that quick cock ring visual guide I mentioned, chances to ask me anything, interview outtakes, occasional safe-for-work videos (mostly me talking to you about Girl Boner topics) and more. 

Hear the rest of the episode, including thoughts from Dr. Megan and me for a listener who’s eager to experience simultaneous orgasms, up above or on your favorite podcast app! Contact me here if you’d like to read the remaining transcript.