Dear Girl Boner: What sexy movies will turn my girlfriend on? I really need ideas. Please help! — signed Jake
I hear lots of questions like this one and appreciate them all. We should care about our partner’s turn-ons. While I occasionally hear from someone who wants to arouse a woman mainly for their own benefit, most folks genuinely care about their partner’s pleasure and want to share arousing experiences. They want to connect, feel closer and have a grand ol’ sexy time!
If you relate to Jake’s question, here are a few things to keep in mind:
– Female sexual arousal and arousal in general are super individual.
– Choosing sexy movies for the sake of having sex is ideally a joint decision. If you want to surprise your partner with a sexy cinema night, have at it! Just don’t do so with a “because then she/he/they will definitely want to get it on!” mentality. Let things evolve as you both see fit.
– A movie doesn’t have to be sexy in nature to have turn-on potential, and everything from your mood to a movie’s quality can play a role. A scary movie that ranks zero on the sex-o-meter as far as content may turn you on thanks to the release of feel-good brain chemicals, or simply because hey, it was awesome!
All of that said, there are definitely sexy movies with mega Girl Boner potential! And used well, they can benefit our relationships.
Jake’s question inspired the latest Girl Boner Radio topic: sexy movies that turn us on! I had a blast exploring it with Heidi Mastrogiovanni, my dear friend and author of of the hilarious and heartfelt LaLa Pettibone’s Act Two! We shared some of our favorite steamy films, from sweeping romantic classics to contemporary XXX-ers.
“I think movies and sex scenes really do a lot for our erotic imagination,” said Dr. Megan Fleming, adding that they can function as a sort of litmus test of fantasies we want, or don’t want, to act on. “We certainly see the spectrum of power dynamics at play and that sense of human desire and what that looks like [when it] meets human psychology.”
To hear Heidi and me read quotes from our top picks, then guess which movies each derives from, listen to the episode on iTunes, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, GooglePlay or below! For spoilers, keep reading.
10 Sexy Movies with Girl Boner Potential
If you’re looking for love, love, love, add the Category 1 films to your Netflix queue. If you’re seeking more overt eroticism, jump down to Category 2!
Sweeping romances and classics:
This multi-Academy Award winning film starring Cher, Nicolas Cage and Olympia Dukakis centers on secret romances and love after loss.
“’Moonstruck’ is struck by love,” Heidi shared in our chat. “To me, it’s one of the most romantic stories. The main character, Loretta, is in her own second act. She’s widowed in the beginning. She has to find love again when she’s totally given up on it.”
Sample scene: Get Into My Bed
Now, Voyager (1942)
What happens when a slightly neurotic Boston heiress blossoms out of her shell? “Now, Voyager” tells such a story, and the blossoming makes love bloom.
“This is for me, one of the most romantic movies ever made,” said Heidi. “It’s about a love that could not be fully realized but was eternal and constant.”
Sample scene: We Have the Stars
Heidi called this romance a “wonderful, wonderful” movie, and I can see why! Julie Andrews plays a struggling singer who lands work as a male female impersonator. When a straight man starts falling hard for “Victor,” not realizing he’s actually a she, things get really steamy.
Sample scene: Victor/Victoria Kiss
This classic turned 75 this year and its sizzle hasn’t faded with age. Another big-time Academy Award winner, “Casablanca” tells the story of a nightclub owner who rediscovers his old flame who happens to be in town with her husband. It stars Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman and Paul Henreid.
“I envy anyone who hasn’t seen it yet because they have it to look forward to,” Heidi said. “It’s about love and honor and courage.”
Sample scene: La Marseillaise
Random Harvest (1942)
“What I loved is the way two people found each other under very difficult and challenging circumstances,” Heidi said of this classic, which stars Ronald Colman and Greer Garson.
A World War I veteran who’s lost his memory of pre-war life falls in love with a showgirl. But then an accident shifts his memory around, and—I’ll spare you the spoilers! Let’s just say this film features a roller coaster of romance.
Sample scene: A Proposal
Contemporary sensual and XXX:
Henry and June (1990)
PopSugar called this movie “basically porn with a plot” for good reason. Even without the super spicy, NC-17 rated content, I’d give this film two Girl Boners up! (Um…) It features a very steamy love triangle between Anaïs Nin, Henry Miller and his wife June—played by Uma Thurman, Fred Ward and Maria de Medeiros—in Paris in the early 1930s. Tres magnifique!
Sample: a montage set to music
The Sessions (2012)
“The Sessions” depicts sexuality in a way American films seldom do: tantalizing, soulful, deeply gratifying and even life-changing. It’s also a bit technical in places, which I didn’t mind because I’m geeky like that. John Hawkes plays a man with an iron lung who hires a professional sex surrogate, played by Helen Hunt. The sex scenes are deeply intimate and inspiring. (I wrote more about “The Sessions” in this Girl Boner post on stress and sex.)
Sample scene: Do You Blame Him?
Diary of a Nymphomaniac (2008)
Based on a true story, this spicy number chronicles the life of a young woman’s sexual adventures that eventually lead her into sex work. I’ve seen most of the French version, and there’s an American version available, too. (Learn more about why I never finished it in the episode or in my forthcoming book!) Lead actress Belén Fabra is fabulous.
Sample: Trailer (American version)
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Do I even need to explain? One of the first mainstream movies to feature a love story and sex scenes between two gay men, played by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, “Brokeback Mountain” is H-O-T. And they would be, no matter what the characters’ sexual orientations. That their love is societally forbidden, yet finds a way, adds to the magic of this triple Academy Award winner.
Sample: a montage set to music
If you’re into BDSM or simply find deeply erotic films hot, look no further than “Secretary.” After Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character makes a typing mistake her boss, played by James Spader, spanks her. (Coincidentally, his name is Mr. Grey). This sets the stage for a sadomasochistic relationship and some solo play scenes worth savoring—alone, with your partner or with your vibrator, IYKWIM.
Sample: a montage set to music
As you know if you follow my blog and listen to Girl Boner Radio, there’s only a bit of content crossover—but I couldn’t let readers-only miss out on Teri Emory‘s awesomeness! The author of the newly released novel, Second Acts, joined Heidi and me by phone to discuss the power of female friendships, the “women’s fiction” genre and more. I especially loved Teri’s response advice for women who wish to better stand in our power, including this:
To learn about Heidi and Teri’s Writing While Female Tour, click here!
What sexy movies turn you on? Which of the above are you adding to your watch list?