I’ll never forget the time a guy I was dating—let’s call him Earl—pulled sexy talk (aka dirty talk) seemingly out of nowhere. This otherwise shy, quiet, ultra-polite person morphed into a sex-talking animal behind closed doors. Rarr!
At the time, I wasn’t only stunned, but intimidated. How the heck would I reciprocate?
Well, I didn’t. I clammed up, when we should have had a good conversation. At the time, I blamed myself for the mutual discomfort that followed. Now I realize we both could’ve done better.
Last week, I chatted with Ashley Manta, a sex educator who radiates sex-positive passion and enthusiasm. (She even brought her own vulva puppet to the studio!) As an educator and former phone-sex operator, Ashley knows quite a few things about talking sexy.
Based on our chat, here are some tips for making sure sexy talk brings only YUM to your bedroom:
Negotiate with clothes on.
As Ashley pointed out, springing dirty talk on your lover is likely to give them whiplash.
“Before you get naked, you want to negotiate,” she said. “Step one is to notify your partner that this is something that you’re interested in.”
Share your interest at the breakfast table or while catching up after work. The key is to do so when you can be completely present with your partner, without your sights immediately set on sexy play and orgasm, and with a sense of fun.
Mention that you just heard an interview on Girl Boner® Radio, for example, and “what would you think of trying this?”
Plan your lingo.
Sure, spontaneity’s fun, but when you’re new to sexy talk, it’s wise to have basic terminology in mind, said Ashley. Don’t let words or phrases that turn you or your partner off kill your buzz.
If you’re feeling shy about any lingo for starters, consider reading erotica aloud. Remember, there are countless ways to talk sexy. Describe your fantasies, how your lover tastes or a favorite spicy memory you created together.
Share from afar, with consideration.
There’s little sexier than a sultry text message, email or voicemail when you’re apart–unless the recipient happens to be in a setting where that could seem inappropriate.
Ashley keeps this in mind when texting partners who work in corporate settings: “All of a sudden seeing a photo of me with my mouth open, that says, ‘Please baby can I suck your cock?’ gets real awkward in board meetings.”
We had a good laugh about that! Hear our full chat on iTunes or below.
You’ll also learn about:
- Ashley’s journey to becoming a sexuality guru
- Her experience dating and speaking openly about having herpes
- Some sexual health history of my own I’ve never before shared publicly
- Sex and cannabis (yes, weed!)
- Dr. Megan‘s thoughts for a listener who feels a lot less sexually adventurous than her partner
Hungry for more? If you’re in the LA area, sign up for Dirty Talk with Ashley Manta, which will take place Saturday, April 9 from 2 to 5pm at The Stockroom University.
I’d love to hear from you! What did you think of the episode? How do you feel about sexy talk? Any tips to add or questions to share?