What experience changed sex for you for good? What’s your favorite sex story to tell? Or most embarrassing mishap? I had a blast explore these questions and more with superstar comedians Vicki Barbolak and Shawn Pelofsky—with the help of a giant toy and Esther Perel’s game, Where Should We Begin.
“Sex Questions with Comedians: Shawn Pelofsky and Vicki Barbolak”
a lightly edited Girl Boner Radio transcript
August: Today’s episode is really an event. Two very special guests joined me in person: comedians Shawn Pelofsky and Vicki Barbolak. Before I share it, I want to give you a heads up about a couple of things. In the first quarter or so, Shawn talks about her attraction to particular cultures. That’s not about race, she said, but about things that are celebrated in those cultures that she’s drawn to.
To learn about some of the stereotypes about Latinx sexuality, listen to the episode featuring filmmaker and actor, Carolina Hoyos. Scroll back to January of this year in your feed or head to augustmclaughlin.com/bi-demi.
Secondly, we touched on a traumatic sexual experience that Vicki went through, in the last 10 minutes or so. One that I think really highlights what can happen when we don’t have helpful sex ed. Vicki looks back on the ordeal differently today. She’s in a wonderful place with her sexuality now, and she had Shawn and me laughing seconds later.
I so appreciated Vicki and Shawn’s candor and openness and humor and huge hearts — and the ways they interacted with this giant sex toy, you’ll hear about shortly — as we played a very fun and intimate game together. With that, I hope you enjoy Girl Boner’s first installment of Sex Questions with Comedians.
[acoustic chord riff]
August: I’m so pleased to be sitting here with two incredible comedians Shawn Pelofsky and Vicki Barbolak.
At the age of 38, Vicki saw an ad for a stand-up comedy class — that class quickly helped her realize that making people laugh gave her more happiness than she ever dreamed possible. She was discovered by Mitzi Shore, the owner of the World Famous Hollywood Comedy Store, at a showcase. In 2018, she was a finalist and fan favorite on America’s Got Talent.
Shawn started performing at age 8, as one of the only 10 Jews in Oklahoma. By age 20, she was performing sketches and improv with Will Ferrell. She’s now a paid regular at The World Famous Comedy Store. Shawn has opened for many fellow comedy greats, including Richard Lewis and Joan Rivers. And she’s especially proud to be an alley and frequent performer for the LGBTQIA+ community.
You both also, co-host an incredible podcast and I can’t wait to share that with folks called trailer park diaries. I am so happy to have you both here.
Shawn: Are you kidding? I mean thank you for having us August. It’s like looking in a mirror. August is a model, by the way, if you guys never seen what August physically looks like, she is just like the epitome of beauty inside and out so I hope that I can just catch that from you that out and I’ll take it.
August: I truly think you two are both stunning. I mean that. Inside, out – and with way better lashes.
Vicki: You can say that. Yeah, that’s very kind of you.
Shawn: Do you know how long it takes us to get ready? Just to walk out our door and be presentable?
Vicki: I didn’t, I didn’t, I didn’t even brush my teeth today I am pretty sure, because I knew there was no video. I’m that bad.,
August: Wait, your breath shows up on video?
Vicki: Well, if I knew – I like to get the last night’s dinner off my teeth. Yeah. It’s still some artichokes right?
August: Last night’s dinner is so welcome here. So thank you both so much.
Vicki: We’re so happy to be here.
August: I’m really fascinated by your friendship because you’re like this power duo in comedy, you’re colleagues, you’re also truly best friends. Do you remember, Vicki, your first impression when you met Shawn?
Vicki: I was watching her on stage at the belly room. There really wasn’t that many women working back then.
Shawn: At The Comedy Store.
Vicki: And we were at the Comedy Store upstairs in the belly room. And we both weren’t paid regulars and I was just so happy to be up in Hollywood cause it was still rare for me because I live in Oceanside in the trailer.
So I saw her on stage and she was so funny. I was like, oh my God. And then, uh, we got to go out to dinner after the show and talk and that I was just so happy. I was madly in love with her the first time I met her.
Shawn: I feel the same way. That night I saw Vicky onstage and she was just fire — her comedy, her point of view and just her character of who she was and really who she is. Everything is real about Vicki. Like, what you see is what you get. And it’s an incredible package. And I was blown away by her.
Vicki: The one thing that I would have to say negatively about her is at the dinner, Bobbie, the girl who ran the show, she was supposed to buy us dinner. But she didn’t show up.
We’re waiting for her as we’re sitting there together. And so I looked at her a little, she is, Shawnika. And I said, Shawnika so little. I could put her in my purse. And I said, I said, let’s split dinner. Would you like to split dinner? And it was like 11 o’clock at night. And she just reached over. and goes “NO!” And I was like, okay. And then of course I watched her, she eats like a quarter of the dinner and I’m like, God. So then for years I would never ask. I would just order like a side dish of like, a cracker.
Shawn: Yeah, she knows better now.
Vicki: And then for years I would just wait for her to give me her food. But then after a few years she stopped and she insisted I were to my own entree.
August: So you’re very protective of food or you don’t like sharing?
Shawn: Uh, I share. I share. I think at that moment I just was hungry. I mean, most of the time I don’t eat before show just because things can go wrong. So I have had some bad experiences, so I’m like, ah, I’ll eat after the show. And by after the show I’m ravenous. My husband will attest to that too. It’s like, I’ve been on an island. Like I’ve been on “Survivor” for five days. I’m just ravenous still. At that moment. Yeah, I was ravenous and I probably shouldn’t have told her I’d split with her.
Vicki: And credit to you. All those years that I didn’t order food when we were together after that evening. I mean, it was horrible. It’s like looking at some dog waiting for you to throw something. So for years and years, I was like the little dog going and I get it why she threw me off and made me order my own food . And finally she just stopped.
Shawn: She always said, Shawnika, do you want to split? And I’m like, no! I don’t mind sharing, but if I’m that hungry, I’ll be like, let’s just get two plates and share off those.
August: But you’re good at standing up for your needs. That’s good.
Shawn: Yeah, sure. Oh yeah. Again, my husband can attest to I’m good for standing up. No, take the trash out! Drive me to Neiman’s. Yeah, I’m good at that.
August: Shawn, what do you remember learning about sex growing up?
Shawn: Well, I probably was about in third or fourth grade, I remember my mom sitting me down on the bed and reading this book about sex to me and how it was about something like The Birds and the Bees, I think is what it was called. And it was this old fashioned book that she read to me.
I think my dad popped his head into as well as like, okay, how’s this going? So that was really my first memory of learning about sex. And then when I attended summer Jew camp in Rocky, Mount Missouri. If you think there are no Jews in Oklahoma, just go to Rocky Mountain, Missouri and Lake of the Ozarks.
There’s definitely, there’s not a lot of Jewish people there, but for some reason there was this overnight Jewish camp there that my parents would send me to. And I loved going there. And that’s really where I started to learn about sex. Cause we’d play Spin the Bottle and we’d have the boys raid our cabins.
And even though I was prudish at the time, that’s how I learned from my fellow cabinmates what to do.
August: Ah, took it into your own hands. Kids do that. They’re going to, if they don’t get answers. What about you Vicki? What do you remember learning?
Vicki: I think I was like two or three when my mother started telling me that boys just wanted to have sex to make me pregnant, to stay away from them.
And I mean, I literally was just on solid food when she started convincing me of this. So, I mean, she was relentless. I was told from a tiny child, barely able to walk, that boys only wanted to use you and sex was completely miserable for a woman. So she must’ve been very unhappy.
Shawn: She also didn’t know if she birthed a Scorpio woman, so uh…news flash
August: Well because you both seem sex positive. You’re very open about sex today. You have a penis-themed cocktail on your podcast.
Shawn: I thought you were just going to end with you have a penis and it was going to be like,
August: You might! Not of my business.
Shawn: If I did, though, if I did have a penis, it would be so big. I’d be like, “Excuse me, excuse me. Don’t mind my penis.” Like I would drag it behind me,
Vicki: You’d get penis extensions, like your hair extensions.
Shawn: Right, can you step over my penis? Watch my penis. There’d be space for it.
Vicki: You’d have to have a separate car for your side car for your penis.
August: It seems like you’ve really thought about this. Is this like a past life thing?
Shawn: I don’t know, I think about it just because I guess, cause I hang around a lot of gay men and so we do discuss penis quite a bit and I’m all about it. And I’ve been a size queen for a long time, so I always think the bigger, the better.
August: You know, it’s good to know what you like, right? Even though it’s not the size of the boat. It’s the motion of the ocean.
Shawn: True. Could be that too.
August: Which is one reason that toys are also really helpful. I actually brought one to use during our game today and we’re not going to use it during the game.
Shawn: Okay, [laughs] cuz I just got a little uncomfortable – she’s like, and I’m going to use it. I’m like right here now?
August: We’re going to use it like a pointer stick, which sounds like a euphemism, which maybe, you know what, let’s use that as a euphamism.
Vicki: Oh, this looks very familiar to me.
August: Have you seen this? The Le Wand?
Shawn: It looks like a microphone. Is this thing on?
Vicki: This is battery operated?
August: It is battery operated.
Vicki: Because I’ve never found a battery-operated thing that’s powerful enough.
August: Yeah. You can find them with batteries or plug in chargers. Yeah. But they’re really great. They have a, it has a silicone head, so it’s really body safe and people love it for like reaching all different parts.You know, it’s great for external buzz. But I thought it would be a great pointer stick.
Vicki: It’s a great idea.
August: Since we’re playing a game, we can either pass it around or point at each other. I don’t know. I didn’t think this through.
Shawn: So don’t use it on you, Vicki.
Vicki: My mother got us all these one year for Christmas thinking they were real back massagers. And so we, my brother and I were going around, like it was Ghostbusters movie was out. We was like, who are you going to call? Bzz bzz!
Shawn: It was like Vibrator Busters?
Vicki: We put it under the tree. We called the tree vaginal chaos. It was so hilarious. She had no idea.
August: That is so precious. Oh, my gosh. So you can find us at The Pleasure Chest, my favorite toy shop, thepleasurechest.com.
So there’s this wonderful game. It’s actually my favorite game, but I’ve also never played it just to be totally transparent. But when we were getting together, I just knew that this had to me what we did today. It’s called, Where Should We Begin: a game of stories by Esther Perel who is this incredible sex therapist.
She’s so, so wise, and this game she created during the pandemic so that people could have these really rich conversations and not all of the questions involve sex, but of course, I just like picked a bunch of sex ones. And then I just grabbed three for each of us. So I thought we could take turns.
Who would like to go first? Who would like to take LeWand?
Shawn: Well, it’s been handed to me. This thing is heavy.
August: It is.
Shawn: You gotta be strong to get yourself off here. My God, they don’t tell you this is a 20 pound weight. Oh my gosh. My trainer would love this. Try til you cry ,try till you cry. Um, I, I will start. So am I supposed to just read it one?
August: Yeah, so ask a question and ask it of each of us and then you’ll answer as well.
Shawn: Okay! All right. I will start with you August, August. The worst kiss I’ve ever had.
August: Oh, the worst kiss I’ve ever had. I think it was, well, my first and second kiss, both tie as the worst. The first one I was in a play in high school Guys and Dolls.
Shawn: Of course you were.
August: There was a kissing scene.. Yes. Oh my gosh. You would be amazing that play. But I had a kissing scene. I can’t remember my own name, but I remember I had to kiss a guy named sky. What’s the woman’s name?
Shawn: I can’t remember it.
August: I was like a missionary named Sarah. I think I was Sarah Sergeant, Sarah and I had to kiss this guy named Sky. And everyone was like, oh, so have you kissed before?
Cause I’d never really dated. And I was like, oh totally. And I had only kissed my own knee. Like I’d practice with like a magazine, like trying to kiss. And so we didn’t actually kiss until, I think it was dress rehearsal. And I didn’t realize, and nobody told me that when you kiss on stage, you don’t actually like, totally put your tongue all the way in.
But I just geared up all of my courage and I dove at this guy and I just put my whole face, like down his throat. Like I just went for it. And nobody ever said, I mean, he had a little reaction. Like I felt him going like, whoa, but that was my first one.
And then my first romantic kiss was not very romantic.My first boyfriend, I just stood there with like this really, this really stiff mouth and my mouth slightly open and just froze. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe I was scared because I’d put my whole face in someone else’s mouth. I don’t, I don’t know what happened, but we joked about it later. Cause he was like, yeah, it was terrible.
Shawn: How old were you when you were in the musical and you had to kiss? Cause that’s like, that’s major. Like if you are young and you have to kiss somebody on stage that’s. I mean, all, I was, was like the wicked witch of the west and the wizard of Oz in school.
And I was playing the old, funny lady who came out. So I never had to, but I would have been so scared.
August: That makes me feel very validated.
Shawn: Maybe if they changed the musical to guys in tongues.
August: I did by accident. Um, I think I was 16.
Shawn: That’s nerve-wracking yeah, it was scary.
August: It was pretty scary.
Vicki: I have one that’s so disgusting. Do you want to hear disgusting or do you want to hear not disgusting or just embarrassing? I could give you extremely embarrassing involving my daughter’s volleyball coach’s husband, or, um, really disgusting, which do you want?
Shawn: Um, I don’t know.
Vicki: Just choose one. I can’t.
Shawn: I’m going to go volleyball coach because that’s didn’t I meet the volleyball coach?
Vicki: That’s just super embarrassing. Lily was given a wonderful scholarship to play volleyball with this wonderful women’s team. And her husband was he was currently a hot policeman. And, um, I went to his probably retirement party and, , just, I went to give him up a quick peck and for some reason, my mouth and tongue went in his mouth!
August: Oh my goodness.
Shawn: The uniform we’ll do it to you every time.
Vicki: You guys, I did not mean to do it. I mean, it was like, and then, and then they stopped kind of talking to me after that.
August: What did he do immediately. Did he say anything?
Vicki: He kind of backed off and I had my face would like, did I just do? And it was horrible and I’m still not over it.
Shawn: Don’t you hate it when you tongue your daughter’s volleyball coach’s, husband works for the force. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that was a bad move.
August: Oh my gosh. Very weird. I mean, kissing can be just very weird. And I, I grew up in Minnesota where there’s like a privacy bubble of about three feet all the time.
And so I lived in Paris for a short time, and I also lived in New York for a short time in the fashion business. And both times I was so scared of the kiss kiss on the cheeks, because I was always scared I would do that. What if I accidentally insert my tongue? Or what if I like bonk my nose into your nose or – it’s very awkward!
Vicki: Yeah. A million things could go wrong it turns out.
Shawn: Yeah. I mean, you hope there’s a nice tutorial for people to show you, but it’s really just you talking with your friends and like, well, how do you do it? And you don’t know until you’re until you’re actually in it.
August: Yeah. What’s your story?
Shawn: Mine’s going to say my first kiss and, what, was I was I a senior? I was maybe 16, 17, my first kiss and my friend Tammy, who we call Slammy, for, you know, reasons to, uh, figure out Slammy let me had a boyfriend and his best friend was a guy I was dating. And, um, you know, he was very sweet guy.
Wasn’t the brightest bulb. And I remember we were watching movies at her boyfriend’s house and they were on the floor and they were making out and he and I were on the bed and I was like, oh my God, am I, God, am I God? Even though I knew about sex, I was curious about it. I still was so scared to kiss a guy. I was so scared, so scared. Like I dated this guy in Jewish youth group and I loved this guy and I was so happy when he asked me to go with him. And then when I thought I was going to have to kiss him, I broke up like two days later. Cause I was so scared. That’s how scared I was to kiss a guy.
So here was coming this moment and I saw him kind of lean in and he just, he like sucked my whole head. He just like engulfed my whole face.
August: It’s like he watched my play.
Vicki: Yeah. And he stuck his tongue like way, way down my throat. And then he, you know, went on to second base. He didn’t really know what he was doing. He looked cute, but so it was a little bit of uncomfortable experience. And especially like, why was I doing that in a room with a friend for the first time? Cause usually I’m a little more private than that, especially when it comes to sex. So, it was public and it was uncomfortable.
August: I wish they gave us those like dummy heads and you’d have, in high school or middle school, a class where they just teach you the basics. Because I wonder if everyone is a little terrified at first,
Shawn: I think, I mean, if they have, you know, fake vaginas , why can’t someone develop something about kissing, but maybe they just think that that’s always going to come naturally. And that it’s not that important..
August: I think they do have something that teaches you how to kiss like a prosthetic face that kisses. I’m trying to remember where I saw this. I do think that there is a thing. But we need to introduce it to the children, which would take a lot. Cause as we were talking about.
Shawn: Yeah. I guess, I guess I won’t be going to Shark Tank with that. Hello sharks! Moms and dads…
Vicki: …do you remember that first horrible kiss where the guy swallowed your face?
Shawn: We’d like to teach your kids…
Vicki: …really hot kissing.
August: I want to see you on shark tank.
Shawn: It’s called the kiss-a-tator. You’re gonna love it!
August: Pass LeWand now, please.
Shawn: I’m going to pass the wand to my BFF. You know, it’s national best friends day. Yes it is.
August: And here you are holding a dildo together.
Shawn: Vicki, take the hand weight. Isn’t it heavy? Vicki, she’s putting it on.
August: I don’t think it’s charged.
Vicki: It’s not charged. Okay, I’m going to ask a question then. My sex life was never the same after… and I’m going to mix it up, go to Shawnika with this one.
Shawn: Um, my sex life was never the same after I started dating only Latin men. I just decided I was like, I like anything that’s Hispanic, Spanish, Latin, let’s go south. Let’s go to Spain. Let’s do some Portugal. There’s just this, something more passionate. I’ve never been the same after I made that decision.
August: Wow. Do you think that. Brazilian culture, they really encourage passion? Is that why do you think?
Shawn: I think, as soon as you, even, if you just go, you start with Mexico, central America, south America, but in Brazil, because specifically, because I am married to a Brazilian now,
Vicki: Of course, she is.
Shawn: When you go to Brazil and you, you see the people there, there’s just such a zest for life there. And it’s almost contagious of how happy and passionate and they love life. And so you see people making out fucking everywhere. You’re like, Hey, we’re at the DMV. Like bring it down. But they’re all everyone’s touching each other. They’re touching even like my, my husband’s brothers and sisters, I see everybody touching each other.
His friends are always there, hands on their wife or the girlfriend . And they’re all just, you feel it. And you’re like, Hey, I want I get like that. I want, It’s very sexy and they’re not afraid to show the bodies and do, and so it’s just like exude sex over there
August: And it brings that out in you then, right?
Shawn: It sure does.
August: Oh my goodness. Who’d like to go next?
Vicki: Thank you so much. I’d like to ask August the same question, which was to remind you my sex life was never the same after…
August: Mine would be after I started masturbating at age 30. It was very life changing.
Shawn: You waited until 30?
August: I didn’t even know I was waiting. I just thought I didn’t need to. Some of this was from a very entitled standpoint. I thought if I just had someone to have sex with, why would I need to masturbate? I didn’t even connect that, oh, sexuality is like yours first. I even wrote a college paper about why I didn’t need to masturbate.
Shawn: But what class, was that for geometry ?
August: [laughs] That would have been a much more fun geometry class.. I wish I wish I wish. Um, yeah, it totally changed everything. It’s actually a huge reason that I started Girl Boner. I mean, I’d had other epiphanies and there were other things that were really motivating me to go into sexuality.
But once I really could own my own pleasure. I literally felt like people need to know about this, even though everybody knows about this, but it just, uh, it was completely life-changing and it changed my partner sex, you know, because when you can have your own pleasure,
I had what I call a pseudo marriage very early on, because it was so ingrained in me, like if you have sex, you get married. That’s just what you do. And so I married someone, I should’ve just masturbated. So changed everything and sex is better ever since in every way.
Vicki: That’s interesting, that’s cool.
Shawn: Yeah, that’s truly. Vicky, what about you?
Vicki: Oh, it had to be when I started using vibrators because very rarely could have a vaginal orgasm.
In fact, it was always from on top and it really wasn’t a vaginal orgasm. And so I, but I didn’t understand. I mean, I read something once that oh, like 30% of women don’t anyway, so that, that changed everything for me, for sure.
August: What made you choose to try a vibrator?
Vicki: Oh, I was staying at my sister-in-law’s house, in marriage, number two, that’s how late in my life it was. And, uh, she had one and it’s disgusting that I used, oh God!
Shawn: Are you telling this story right now?
August: I’m sure it was clean.
Shawn: You used your sister’s vibrator?
Vicki: Shit. I realized her saying right now, she’s going to know I used her.
Shawn: You use someone else’s vibrator, Vicki?.
Vicki: Oh my God. And I didn’t clean it first and I didn’t clean it when I left.
Shawn: August, see what I’m up against here?
Vicki: I’m so embarrassed.
August: Well, maybe she’ll hear that this changed your life.
Vicki: Thank you so much. Something that rhymes with Lisa, um, shoot. Oh, well, there you go. Well, thanks a lot, Lisa. I owe you a new vibrator.
August: Let me take this LeWand.
Okay, where do we go from there? Oh God, no, look, I’m talking into it as though I need to that’s delirious. I like it. So it’s really funny. Okay.
Vicki: That’d be really funny on like Trailer Park Broads to just a cover a mic with one of these.
Shawn: Come out with the wand?
August: Yes! And then it starts vibrating.
Vicki: No, but I mean like literally design a microphone .
Shawn: That also vibrates? So it’d be a two in one, a microphone vibrator.
Vicki: Why not?
Shawn: Well, I love hello sharks sharks.
Vicki: They’re like we can’t scale it. There’s not enough comedians,
Shawn: the micro vibe is wonderful for doing standup comedy and getting yourself off
Vicki: When lou built next to my trailer to live in. And he moved into it like a patio room and he moved in it with a grand piano and a bed
Shawn: Lou’s her husband.
Vicki: And he is he a musician. So he had a microphone back there, and little Timmy was five years old, my grandson, and he would come down there and he would grab the microphone off the stand and go around in that trailer singing.
And then one day he came in the trailer with my vibrator that was laying on the bed, thinking it was the same, because it looks so much like the microphone. He’s walking around the trailer and the whole family’s there for dinner and he’s singing “hello!” And it was just hysterical.
August: That’s so sweet though. That’s like so innocent.
Shawn: Never a quiet day in Vicki’s trailer.
August: I believe that. Oh my gosh. So this this question, I think that you two should answer because I’ve told so many of these myself already, and my whole show is about sex stories. But the question is “my favorite sex story to tell, dot dot dot.” Shawn?
Shawn: Well, Vicki has actually heard this one. God, bless. You’re going to have to hear this again. Favorite sex story was I was working, performing on an all gay male cruise, about 5,000 gay men on this cruise.
And then there’s the crew that works for the cruise line. Now what happens when you go on a cruise, you are not supposed to get together with anybody who works for the actual cruise line. Cause that is a cause for termination for those employees. So they’ve been advised like you can’t mix with the guests like that.
You can say hello and talk to them, but you can’t have relations with them. So when I’m on these boats and when at the time I was single, of course the gay guys are cute, but none of them want to be with me. And so. You have nothing, but to look at the crew and some of the crew is they’re hot.
And of course there was a guy I had just finished doing my first show that week. And it was the beginning of the week. And after my show, I see this guy with a name tag on for the cruise line. And he was like six, two dark handsome. And I see them kind of start to walk towards me and my friend that I brought with me to go on the cruise noticed, and we see this guy kinda, and I’m like, oh my God, oh my gosh, this guy is going to approach me.
And then I got cock blocked by like a group of gay guys are like, “Hey, Shawn, what’s going on, Shawn?” and so the guy kind of turned and went the other way and I didn’t get to see his name tag. I didn’t know where he worked on the cruise and that whole week, I was searching the cruise for this guy.
I was calling people who worked at the gym. I called the people who worked in the, in the stage. I called people who worked at the spa. I’m like, does anybody know? And I described who this guy was. Like at a bar, I’d go around run the ship, looking at bar tenders. I knew the guy was straight and nobody knew who this guy was.
And then the night before the cruise is ending, it’s the white party and you have to wear a costume. And I was dressed as princess Leia, of course. And as I’m standing by the DJ booth, boom, I see this guy and I’m like, that’s the guy, that’s the guy. And my friend turns me and he goes, oh, that’s the guy? That guy’s the glass blower.
And I’m like the glass blower. Well, that’s what I missed. Of course I didn’t go to the glass blowing show. So how would I know this guy’s the glass blower? So he approaches me because I’m dressed as princess Leia, which he liked. And he starts talking to me and the minute we start having a conversation, the gay guys appear because they like him.
And they go, oh, hi, there, you’re cute. And I’m like, back off. So he turns to me and he says, listen, I am down. My room is down there with the crew and like level whatever in the basement, wherever they have. Want to meet me in like, you know, five minutes and I’m like, boy, you’re willing to do this.
I’m a really nervous person. I’m not good at secrets. I’m not, I’m a very obvious person. I don’t want to get, you know, I’m thinking I’m going to get caught by the, the, the boat police, the boat Popo. It’s, nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m a guest on that boat, but something, you know, I don’t want him to get terminated, but I’m like, Hmm, is this worth the risk?
And I said, okay, give me your room number, tell me, and he’s like, Okay, you’re going to go downstairs. And he gives me all these directions, but the music’s loud. I don’t think I’m really paying attention. And I’m in my head going, how am I going to make this happen? Also I know, I’m in my head because I’m dressed as princess Leia.
I have a wig cap on. I there’s so many elements that are. Wait, my hair’s not going to look good if I take the wig cap off and then thinking, I’ve got to get back to my state room to A, take the wig cap off underneath the wig, because I don’t want to look like he’s fucking madame the puppet. And then I’m also thinking, like, I’ve got to grab a condom, I’ve got to come prepared because that’s the way I roll.
So, you know, cross your fingers. Let’s go. So I said, you know, what, can I go to my room? And I’ll meet you there. And he’s like, great. So I go grab my stuff. And then he says, oh, but make sure you keep the costume on. So I took the wig cap off, kept the Princess Leia hair, went downstairs, got lost. Couldn’t find my way knocked on the wrong door. There’s cameras everywhere. Finally, I find my way to his door. We get to his state room, which is such a small, they’re like four by two. And he’s a big guy. And he had a tiny little twin bed. It was like Gulliver’s travels.
And we got it on. And literally in the middle of me giving him oral sex, I started laughing and he’s like, why are you laughing? I’m like, because I’m blowing the glass blower. It’s, there’s nothing better than this. And then when I was leaving the next morning, doing my little walk of shame still, and my Princess Leia outfit, I was walking through the hallways where the cruise stays and I stopped and I looked at a camera that was staring down at me, like security camera. And I just, I couldn’t, I couldn’t stop myself. And, um, I looked at it and I said, help me, Obi-Wan. You’re my only hope. And that was, that was my, my favorite sex story
August: That is so precious.
Vicki: That’s so funny, blowing the glass blower.
Shawn: As Princess Leia.
Vicki: That’s like a merchandise that you should be selling.
August: Beautiful role-playing, too. It sounds like he was really into the Princess Leia
Shawn: I think most men are. So yeah, when he said keep your costume on. I was like, Hmm, guess he doesn’t like me for me. No problem.
Vicki: So funny.
August: What about you Vicki?
Vicki: I’ve only told it a couple times, but, um, so I worked for my parents.
We had a carpet store for 20 years. We opened it when I was 19. And, uh, there was this mill rep named Bob and he sold carpet to us, you know? I’d, you know, blow him and have sex with them and stuff. You know, we get some discounts and we eventually started really dating and we had this pad room and the pads, like two feet around and six feet across, big foam rolls of pad wrapped in plastic.
And the pad room was like pretty small, like a small bedroom, but it was filled with these pad rolls. And, and I always thought, yeah, What fun it would be to have sex in the pad room, because you could really get some interesting positions, you know, like you could be like Cirque de Solei type movement.
So we closed the shop one night. We were sitting there and we were having a drink. There’s a liquor store, of course, next door to the carpet store. And we were having some drinks and I said, do you want to go on the pad room? I’ve always wanted to do it. And so we don’t, but we don’t lock the door.
We don’t shut the door. It stays open and we go into the pad room, we start doing it. And it was really fun. Just like I dreamed it would be, I was like on top how I wanted to be. I was like really into it, started sliding down. And then I just, as I was sliding kind of out towards the end, there’s no door on the pad door.
It’s a wide open area, but it’s in the back. And I didn’t, I didn’t, it was dark. And I didn’t think anyone was going to come in. Sure enough. Some stupid ass customer walks in just as I’m sliding down the rolls. No, no, no pants, just a shirt on. Bob rolled the other way. And the guy just was like, I’m not seeing this, I’m not seeing this. And I’m like, “we’re closed!” And he goes, “but I got some apartments,” and I put on my pants and sold the job.
August: You know, some people really love that the possibility of someone might walk in. Was that part of the excitement?
Vicki: You know what, it might’ve been because years later, as I’ve told Shawneka, one of my other husbands and I were having sex in Irvine, near the freeway We got off the freeway and we had a very small truck.
Shawn: Where you don’t have sex….
Vicki: Yes, exactly, exactly. And I don’t know what was going on and he’s a real big guy and it was a tiny Tacoma truck and we’re kind of wedged together. And I look over and there’s this poor bastard, a mailman trying to eat his lunch.
And so maybe that’s, maybe that has been like, even with Lou, I’m like, I’d like to give you a blow job at a truck stop once.
I go here, just hold the paper like you’re reading it. And he’s like, okay, I can’t concentrated. It’s too public. So maybe I do have that in me.
August: Maybe you do! I think that’s a common one, but it is an interesting combination if you’re with someone who’s like really into the stealthy private, you know, the secret sex that nobody can find.
Shawn: How about you, August?
August: Well, like I said, I’ve shared so many stories. Yeah. One that I have told multiple times, I think, on the show is I got to orgasm in an MRI machine. I got to play with myself in an MRI machine.
Yes. And so that’s one of my favorite stories.
Shawn: You are, I mean, you, you should go on, America’s Got Talent. So what are you about to do for us August?
Um, I’m gonna masturbate in an MRI machine? No way. Yes I can!
August: Oh my gosh. I absolutely would sign up for that, that I would, I would, although it is much more challenging than I realized it was going to be
Shawn: Were you dare to do that?
August: No, this was not like I had a medical appointment and then just masturbated. It was, I was part of a study at Rutgers University.
And so beforehand, they have you fill out all this paperwork and there’s all this fine print. And I’m like, yeah, yada, yada, yada. I’m just gonna like play with myself and you’re going to measure my brain and I’m super into the brain. And I, I get off a little bit on like, knowing what’s going on in bodies.
Like that kind of turns me on. So I was like, this is going to be great! But I didn’t realize that, have you had an MRI before?
Shawn: Yes! There are lots of no fun.
Vicki: I haven’t, but I’ve seen them on TV.
Shawn: That’s one of the most, uh, least sexual places I can think of.
August: Well, it’s nothing like Masters and Johnson. So if you ever saw Masters of Sex, the show, they had electrodes and they could move freely. That’s what I was picturing. I could move, you can’t move in an MRI machine.
Vicki: You were supposed to have an orgasm and they were measuring your brain for that.
August: I was supposed to masturbate.
Shawn: It wasn’t just an idea that she had as they were like searching her brain for like
Vicki: Gotcha. Yeah.
August: It was consensual.
Shawn: It wasn’t like, I think I have a tumor and wait. She’s masturbating. Right?
August: Exactly. Exactly. But I had to have one of those like plastic masks to keep my head perfectly still. It was like a Hannibal Lecter looking kind of thing. It was really challenging.
Shawn: But you made it happen.
August: I didn’t think I was going to, to be honest,
Shawn: Ooh, that’s pretty impressive. [Shawn and Vicki applaud, August laughs]
Vicki: And the winner is August. She’s getting our golden buzzers. Yes.
August: Thank you , no one’s ever applauded for that. I still have my mask.
Shawn: That’s hard.
August: Yeah, it was, it was challenging.
Shawn: I had to do a monologue in an MRI for a movie, and that was my first time getting an MRI. And that was, that was terrifying
August: Were you claustrophobic?
Shawn: Uh, I wasn’t claustrophobic, but after some time you start to feel that way. Like, I didn’t go in it claustrophobic , but after time. I was like, okay, now we’re doing like a fourth take. Now, now I want to get out.
August: Was it running? Cause it sounds like when I got there, they were giving me the rundown and they were like, the sounds are a little bit like bullets.
And I’m like, oh, this is going to be very sexy. I didn’t know if I was claustrophobic. They said, it’s possible that you’ll get in there and panic, that happens sometimes, so hit this button and you’ll shoot back out. And that scared me. I’m like, oh no, but really I was concerned about, I really wanted to have this experience because I had so much passion.
I mean, I still do for solo play and masturbation, but this was like a couple of maybe few years after my first time masturbating when I was like, everyone needs to know. So I went in there with all this, like, I’m going to write about this. And then I thought I was just going to be this horrible buzzkill of like, I went in there and ruined everything. But they told me it’s okay if you don’t come because that’s helpful for our study too.
And I was like, okay. So I relaxed. And that was a key, you know, when you, when you relax and you don’t stress about it. And it also taught me. Because I’m more of an internal pleasure person. And so the external buzzing and stuff like that, and just playing on the outside, doesn’t really do it for me. Um, or at least I didn’t think it ever did.
And that’s how I came. So I learned a new way that my body experiences pleasure that I had written off because in the past I was like, oh, , this feels good, but it’s quote unquote small. I want the G-spot. I wanted like the internal everything pleasure. Yeah, it was, it was fascinating.
Shawn: Yeah, super cool. I don’t have a story to top that! [laughs]
Vicki: There’s no way you could possibly top that..
Shawn: Yeah. I’ve got blowin’ the glass blower. But hell.
Vicki: No, no. I came on top of an elevator once when it was snapping? No, there’s no way to talk to them. No, God, no, no, no. I’m just saying you’re on a dropping elevator and you manage to come. That would be the only way you could top coming as an MRI, in my opinion.
Shawn: While being pushed out of a helicopter.
August: I feel another TV show coming. Yeah. Okay. So who’s next with the LeWand?
Shawn: All right. Well, I will go.
August: This is our last round, I believe.
Shawn: So how about I like this one? Mmm. ” I turned myself off by what?”
Vicki: Oh my God. You turn yourself off by what. Oh, I just think of one of my ex-husbands [Shawn laughs] coming out of the bathroom after he peed and standing next to the side of the bed and slapping his dick at me, like he’s slapping the last of the pee off and then standing there waiting for a blow job.
If I think of that, I never want to have sex again ever. It makes me so un-horny. It takes me a while to get it out of my mind. I have to think of Gene Hackman for 10 minutes to get horny again.
August: Did you him that this bothered you?
Vicki: Oh, yes. Yes. I think it’s when I said I wanted the divorce… That was awful.
August: Oh my gosh. I could feel you were getting turned off just thinking about it, I was smelling it.
Vicki: Yeah, you nailed it. Exactly. I can go right there in a minute. Yeah.
Shawn: How about you, August?
August: You know, what really turns me off is just the news. If I watch the news or scroll the news, or even scrolling through Twitter and seeing a bunch of like trolley stuff or scary things, cause there’s so much scariness in the world right now.
And when you see that, it turns me off in every way in my life. Like it’s hard for me to sleep all that stuff. So I, I, I want to be aware without going down that rabbit hole. Cause I really think that when we’re in touch with our – you know, when we’re living fulfilling lives, we’re much more easily turned on in general. Right? And so I’ve had to put boundaries around, around all that stuff. Cause it sucks me in. I don’t think that humans are supposed to take in so much scary, awful news 24 7. I don’t think we’re built for that.
Even before the pandemic, but then, you know, there’s just so much atrocity in the world too, but we will see all of the horrible things that all of our friends or their friend’s friends or their friends,’ friends,’ friends went through and it all comes to the top because the negativity stuff everyone interacts with, right? And so I think if you’re a sensitive person or if you’re at like a pretty empathetic person, it’s really important to, to have some boundaries. Delete the Facebook app.
August: See, I just buzz-killed all of us.
[Shawn: No you didn’t, you’re right though.
Vicki: Although I remember during the beginning of the pandemic, I was pretty sure I was going to die in the next few days. I would look out my trailer window and I went up on the hill now because I have the best trailer in the park.
And I look at all the other trailers beneath me and all the people that I’m, I’m like, oh my God, we’re probably all going to die. I need to fuck right away! I was so horny in the very beginning of the pandemic because I’m like, I just like, I have to reproduce? I’m 63. I don’t think I’m going to reproduce, but I just was horny as hell.
August: That’s a real thing. People get into that, like, you know, in refugee camps and stuff like that It’s a survival technique just in your own chemistry, but it’s also, if you have precious time left, how do you want to spend it? I mean, I saw both things happen.
A lot of people feeling much less interested in sex and then other folks feeling much more interested.
August: And it’s all normal.
Shawn: Yeah. Wow, that’s interesting.
August: What turns you off, Shawn?
Shawn: Well, a good World War II movie will probably bring me out of it or, I find distractions sometimes because I’m so neurotic about things.
And if when I’m focused on the moment, I don’t like anything going on around me. I haven’t really, I’ve only told Vicki this, but recently I was having sex with my husband and I had previously ordered like an hour before from Instacart.
And I didn’t know I had, the, the notifications on my phone on on, kind of, uh, a higher sound. Usually I just have like a vibrator , but somehow I guess I had, in case I had, was taking a shower or something, I have the notifications on. So, you know, we just kind of, at this spontaneous moment, started getting it on and I started to hear the dinging.
And so I started, I pulled away to check because if the guys out of, you know, the cream cheese, I like, it’s a problem! But it was like, what are you doing? And it was like, Instacart. He is substituting a cream cheese and he’s like, oh, what are? Cream cheese, I’m trying to have sex with you. And I was like, well, let me just like answer him.
So that, that did take me out of the moment. It was a whole thing.
Vicki: No substitutions.
August: That is so real. I think that happens to a lot of people, probably . Even just your own mind, going to all these other places . Don’t you think?
Vicki: You also have to bring yourself back cause, you know, I think especially women, our minds, we’re always selling on a million things and you’re like all of a sudden you’re like, you’re, you’re doing something else.
And then you look up and there’s a guy with a penis inside of you and you’re like, oh, what are you doing here? I was, I was just thinking about this script or something. I’m always surprised to be in the middle of sex. What’s going on?
August: That is some daydream. You have a really strong imagination, don’t you?
Vicki: It’s terrible.
August: Is it also, do you use it to fantasize? Like does that
Vicki: Oh definitely. Oh yeah. I haven’t been with my real husband in years. Yes, I have.
August: You two are so amazing. Oh my goodness. So I believe you have another question for us. Would you like LeWand?
Shawn: Yeah, I’ve just been holding it, like it’s my child.
Vicki: I think this is a beautiful question. I’m going to give it to you first, August, “the most sensual experience I’ve had without having sex”
August: Without having sex. So sensual experience.
Shawn: What does that mean, intercourse or …?
August: That’s a good point because how do you define sex, right?
Vicki: We talking the Clintonian version or…
August: I think however you define sex, it’s not that. Something else that’s sexual without having sex. So sensual sexual, like using all your senses. Right. I see it as like tapping into your sexuality, but you’re not having sex. Right. And the first thing that came to mind for me was oh, my gosh, I ate these Brussels sprouts. I was in a restaurant and they were like roasted so perfectly. You know when they’re like crunchy outside and they have like, and they have Balsamic. I bit into one. And I think I may have come
Shawn: Really?! From a brussel sprout?
August: Yes, it wasn’t. It wasn’t like …
Shawn: Kids eat your vegetables. This is definitely a PSA for that. [Vicki and August laughing]
August: It was like, not a traditional orgasm of like very obvious yelling and screaming and it wasn’t like that, but it just felt like my whole body felt orgasmic.
And I had a friend, I was at a writer’s conference and this friend of mine, she was snapping pictures at our table. And I got so lost in these Brussels sprouts. She took several photos and I look like I’m having sex.
August: I was like glistening with a little bit of sweat and yeah. ,
Shawn: Where are these Brussels sprouts?
August: I’ll look it up. I need to find the place for you because maybe it is these particular aphrodisiac brussel sprouts.
Shawn: That sounds interesting. All right. I’m in for it.
August: How about you?
Shawn: Me? I would have to say mine’s a little more sexual as far as almost in the act of sex. I remember going to meet this guy I met on JDate in Vegas and we met up and we did have chemistry. And, I just decided for dinner that night, I was going to wear like a tight dress. And then I just didn’t , I didn’t wear underwear under that, and he knew that, so at the restaurant, at the table, it was like, that was exciting to him.
I think we went to a show and I’m like my hoo-ha’s to the wind. But it kind of just was this buildup, like nothing happened. But just knowing that, that, that, that, that was going to happen.
August: The anticipation becomes sex almost, right?
August: That is so sexy. I felt that.
Shawn: Yeah, I mean I’m wearing underwear now. You’re welcome. [laughs] I’m getting older. I need underwear.
Vicki: I forgot the right underwear for the bows the other night, I host the ehhh, I host a show in Los ….. I’m not gonna say the name. But I was hosting this show the other night. And I have to wear special underwear for the bows to match , because they can’t wear the Spanx with this other top, but I forgot my underwear in the motel room. So there I am. Doing the bows with no underwear on.
Shawn: Yeah, Vicki’s a big advocate of no underwear, but anyway.
Vicki: It’s terrible.
August: So this was not your sensual experience I take it.
Shawn: What’s your sensual experience?.
Vicki: It had to be with Murray the plumber. So I was in an improv group and there was this guy named Murray the plumber in the improv group and he was much younger than me. I think I was like 40 and he was probably like 30, 27.
Shawn: And it wasn’t an old Jewish guy, right?
Vicki: He might’ve been, but he had long blonde hair, like, like so beautiful, beautiful blue eyes. He was so gorgeous. I was in such a terrible, I like I had sex like hardly ever with my husband. I was with him like 15 years. Sex was not ever on the plate. That the guy that came up to me you know, with the, with the pee pee penis, that guy. Never had sex with him. And it was a horrible marriage. And, and I thought I didn’t care about sex. I’m like, I thought my mother was right.
Sex is nothing. And there was something about Murray. He would just sit down next to me and he made me so hot my skin burned. He’d just sit next to me. He never touched me. Maybe touched my face one time, nothing. But it made me commit myself to know that one day I would get to have sex and that sex must be great.
And I really literally cause I’d before never in all my relationships just never was very good. That one day in the pad room was probably the best time I ever had, but all the other, I wasn’t with a lot of men, it was always no good. But there was something about this guy that just, he made me so hot and horny. I just knew one day I would get to have good sex. I believed in it.
Shawn: With a guy named Murray, the plumber.
August: I feel like that needs to be written as like an erotica story. That’s beautiful! We never know what impact they’re going to have.
Vicki: I thank Murray every day.
August: I’m going to thank Marie every day as well.
Shawn: We thank you, Murray. Shabbat Shalom, Murray.
Vicki: By the way, Murray, I live at two to five…if you happen to listen to this show.
August: All right. Are we up for one more?
Shawn: Sure. Sure. Why not?
August: Okay. “My most embarrassing sexual mishap.”
Shawn: Whew. I can answer that pretty fast. The first time I had sex, intercourse, and it was, with a guy I was dating, from the private Catholic school.
And it was right before prom and I had arranged for us to have sex for the first time on my own terms. He had tried to pressure me at parties and whatnot. And I had decided to myself, I’m going to do this tonight. And it’s going to be on my time. This is going to be my decision. And I had my friend’s boyfriend rent a room for us at the Days Inn off the Northwest expressway in Oklahoma, class act.
And my boyfriend and I went out that night to Olive Garden, and we had sex that night, but before we had sex, I told my friend, Robin, who was kind of sexually active and she worked at a tanning salon and I said, Robin, I’m going to have sex tonight.
And I’m worried about getting pregnant, you know, and even if he has a condom, I’m just so worried. And she said, well, they gave us this thing at our tanning salon. It’s called the sponge. And I said the sponge. And she goes, yeah, just here. And she gave me the box. I looked at it, I went in her bathroom.
I put it in. Didn’t think much of it that night. He and I met up. We go to the Days Inn and have terrible sex. And the next morning I’m back at my house. Like I, you know, he dropped me off maybe like three in the morning, whatever. And when I got back to my house, I go to retrieve the sponge and the sponge totally turned around and I’m reading the directions and I can’t get the sponge out. I’m basically fisting myself at this point. And I’m reading the directions saying sometimes you may have to have it surgically removed and I’m panicked because I’m a good kid. I’m a good student. And if I have to tell my parents, I’ve got essentially, you know, yeah. I’ve got a sponge lodged up my hoo-ha they are going to lose their minds.
And then I finally got it out. I just kind of relaxed. And I just kept trying, because what happened was the little, you know, the bands that you pulled down, it just wasn’t. I did not advise, I guess that’s why these really aren’t on the market anymore. I don’t think it was a really good form of, protection. So yeah
August: And when you tense your muscles up. It’s so much harder. It’s like when you try to take out a tampon and you’re clenched.
Shawn: Yeah. I was freaking out. I mean, it took me about an hour and a half to get that out of me. So that was very embarrassing. And I was calling friends, waking people up, like, they’re like, I don’t even know what this is, so I wouldn’t even know how to get this out. Cause it was new on the market.
August: I can just imagine feeling so embarrassed and horrified because when you’re that young and you don’t know up from down.
Shawn: And then you start like slut shaming yourself because you’re like, oh my God, I’m gonna have to tell my parents. Right. It’s over.
August: Oh my gosh. I did an episode on the different things that people get stuck in the vagina or anus because every year there’s a report because it’s a pretty common thing. Cause again, we don’t learn anything. And so people go, oh, this looks like it might feel good or fit in there. And sometimes, you know, you can work around some things and make them into what they call pervertables. But, you need to be careful. Oh, what about you, Vicki? What stands out?
Vicki: Well, my first husband, I loved him so much before we got married. I adored him. I worked so hard to get him to marry me. I just I went for it. Like I went for it. I was going to make it happen and I made it happen. And I made it happen fast .
And so, I was very, very inexperienced like, my mother had, literally, since I was a toddler, told me what a bad thing sex was. So I definitely was very frigid and he used to take me to porn theaters thinking that would help me, but I just closed my eyes. Cause like it was that horror movie.
But anyway, so he kept telling me that I was going to give me this wonderful gift for our wedding, and I was so excited. What would it be? Jewelry of some sort? I’m pretty sure. I couldn’t imagine anything but jewelry that had to be. And he just kept telling me it’s going to be wonderful.
And we, we were at the beautiful hotel. He said, I’m not, I’m not going to give you a gift tonight. I go, okay. So my uncle had given us this, he sold RVs and he’d given us one of these RVs, brand new to pick up in LA and drive up north. It would be our honeymoon drive. Next night, we were on the coast in California near Santa Barbara.
And the wind is blowing…it’s raining and so romantic. And it had some wine and food in the RV. And he said, would you like your gift now? And I said, yes. And I held my hands out and he goes, uh, it’s, it’s anal sex. And this is like 40 years ago. And I was so like only like real weirdos had anal sex.
I didn’t even know was possible. I’m like, what? That’s my gift? And he goes, yeah, bend over. No lube, nothing.
Vicki: That was like that. And he started to do it and I started screaming in pain and then I felt so stupid. Like I disappointed him and I’m like, what kind of asshole would do this anyway? And then I went and sat in the front of the RVs for the rest of the night, just like crying and shaking.
And the next morning he goes, I’m really sorry. And I go, it’s okay. And I totally took it on me. Like, it’s my fault. I was the one who did them wrong.
August: Vicki, I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Vicki: Sorry. It’s kind of funny now.
Shawn: I know what Vicki’s about to say, I could almost read her face. I don’t have that same experience about anal sex. Vicki loves to tell people like, and it’s not true. For like the couple of times I’ve done it in my life. She’s like Shawnika’s an expert on anal sex. She loves it. Like I walk around, just having anal sex with strangers.
Vicki: I still would like to get good at it. And then I would say tell me.
Shawn: You just gotta be relaxed.
Vicki: And I would say, tell me and you go, well, you have a couple glasses of wine. You get with a guy who’s not too big. I go, I have never been with a big guy and I’ve never been sober. So there’s must be more to it than that.
August: There is. Do you need tips? Are you okay now?
Vicki: I do need tips.
Shawn: I don’t think Vicki’s into it. It’s not her thing.
August: Well ’cause there is something called anal training. I mean, the anus needs some practice and some preparation.
Shawn: Yeah. August has a wand here, if you’d like to…
Vicki: I think I also have PTSD still from that night..
Shawn: I would, I would believe.
August: It sounds like a really painful physically and emotionally.
Vicki: Happy wedding night.
August: Yeah! That just, ah, it just breaks my heart. I mean, and it, it’s not uncommon for people to assume that somebody is going to be into something. And that’s so dangerous . especially after you learned all those things about sex isn’t really for women. I mean, it’s so easy to fall into, oh, well, I guess it’s supposed to hurt . Sex is not supposed to hurt unless it’s your kink, you know, like you’re into a certain kind of pain.
Vicki: So, you know, and actually now, I kind of think it’s so many years have gone by and I’m like, it’s kind of to me in a way now it’s kind of like funny, here’s your gift. Are you kidding? Is there a receipt?
Shawn: I really would have so wanted jewelry.
Vicki: And it was just so it just, it was weird and embarrassing.
Shawn: You’re like, not even a votive?
August: Yeah. You just wonder what’s going through someone’s mind. Like, did he really think that he was giving…
Shawn: …he did though.
August: …a gift.
Shawn: Yeah. Yeah. I never met the first husband only the second. And I know the third, but I think the first husband probably thought it was…
Vicki: …terrific. Yeah. Yeah.
August: And there’s so much anal sex. Like mainstream porn now. Yeah. It’s, it’s normalized in a way that people still assume that everyone’s doing it.
Shawn: Totally. That’s not really even a kink anymore.
August: And it’s okay to not like it. I mean, it’s, it’s great to love it. It’s great to not love it. I think there’s a lot more belief that everyone’s doing it than actual people who are just like, this is my favorite thing all the time.
Shawn: I agree.
August: It’s hard to say, but yeah. Well I’m glad that you can laugh now.
Vicki: Yeah, for sure.
August: That’s a good thing. And that moment of just here’s my gift.
Shawn: This doesn’t sparkle!
August: Oh my goodness. So we need to talk about your podcast.
I am so into old letters and notebooks and diaries and stuff to the point that my mom teases me about, I once bought a bag of other people’s memories is what she says. Cause I go into a thrift store and I look for stationary because inevitably there’s a letters. I’m fascinated by that. Which is kind of the premise for your podcast.
Vicki: Yes. When we first came up with – [[inaudible name]] thought of it, but the idea I literally went, I put an ad in my trailer park newsletter. Please give me your diaries. And some people gave me diaries and letters and I went on podcasts and asked for diaries and letters and we got some and it was really fun. I get it.
Shawn: So, yeah, basically the premise is that I live in her trailer park and, and that I had to uproot myself from Beverly Hills and I’m going through some bad divorce and , then I have to move into the trailer park cause that’s all that I could afford at the time. And you know, she’s my only friend left and we uncovered this, this trunk full of diaries. And each season we go through each diary and read a couple of pages and then discuss it. And of course there’s cocktails. We always have a specialty cocktail ready to go that we’ve created and made. And it’s, it’s just, it’s been a lot of fun. We’ve really enjoyed it. And you know, it just gets, if people want to listen to something to just not think about what’s going on in this world, and there’s a lot going on, it’s kind of a fun getaway and it’s a little bit of storytelling. And so it’s something we really enjoy.
August: I love how you, you weave in your friendship and your own kind of banter with this unfolding mystery…
Shawn: and some of it’s true and some of it isn’t, so, which is fun because of course we get to improvise sometimes.
Vicki: A lot of her family thought gotten a divorce. And so they were like, they didn’t want us to call her directly. So they were calling other cousins and back channeling. When did Shawnika really move like she would move into my trailer park. Not at gunpoint would she be, surrounded by paneling, never.
August: So it’s fictionalized.
Vicki: That part and that’s really fun. But everything we talk about between us is real stuff, you know.
August: And when you found the suitcases, so within this story, I love that immediately. It was like what’s in here. And your first guess, was it wasn’t you, Shawn? You were like, I think it’s sex toys and then Vicki, I think you said something like maybe my grandmother was a dominatrix or something.
Vicki: Yeah. All that. Yeah.
August: Would you ever make that podcast?
Shawn: The dominatrix grandma?
Vicki: Actually, we could. The next season is so dirty. It’s like 50 Shades of Grey to the fifth power and it’s, it’s really difficult to read through it. It’s so it’s like, oh, like we have to stop and laugh and put it down.
Shawn: And Vicki and I are sexual people. Obviously we can talk about sex, but just when I hear Vicki read it, I start laughing like a school child and I’m like,
Vicki: Yeah, we’re like kids in school. And then I have to say, please clear the car of children. Please make sure there’s no children around because I’m just terrified that there’s going to be like, cause it, it just so crazy what it got. It’s crazy.
Shawn: It’s lots of fun. Yeah.
August: I can’t wait for that. It’s a delightful podcast. Where can people find it and all of your wonderfulness, you both do such incredible work outside the podcast.
Shawn: You can, you can find our pockets wherever you listen to podcasts. I mean, of course the big ones like Spotify, Apple. The company that, has our podcasts is called All Things Comedy, you know, wherever you can find them.
Vicki: Trailer Park Diaries.
Shawn: Trailer Park Diaries, it’s called. You know, Vicki and I both tour. You can always catch us at the World Famous Comedy Store. Vicki, you want to tell about.
Vicki: Oh yeah, I’m hosting that. Now that everyone’s going to know where I wasn’t wearing my underwear the other night, the AGT Live Show in Las Vegas, the Luxembourg.
Shawn: America’s sweetheart, everybody. Wears no underwear.
Vicki: Oh boy.
August: Would you leave us with one piece of advice around sex or pleasure?
Shawn: [exhales] Just have as much as you can of it because life is short. And as we’ve seen in the past couple of years, I think this world is just becoming void of pleasure and it’s alarming. So if there is someone, or an idea where you want to just get it on with yourself, well get to it. Get it done, have that moment.
Vicki: You know, I think that’s so true. And there’s been a lot of sociological studies, which I’m sure that people are having less sex and it’s shocking, but it’s just true. I think like people would prefer to sleep in general. So I agree. I mean, I went so many years without it. I love it so much now. And I’m sexty-four years old and I’ve never been hornier.
Shawn: I actually don’t know anyone hornier than Vicki Barbelak. I you you’re the winner,
Vicki: No, I’m not. But it just, I feel like don’t give up on it, you know, in any way, like with yourself or with others, but I just think it’s worthwhile.
Shawn: Even if you’re in an MRI, if you give up on it, you can it.
Vicki: If you’re in an MRI, especially rub one out, rub it out.
Shawn: August, everybody. America’s Got Talent. Tell Simon Cowell about her now. [August laughs]
Vicki: I’m calling my producer this moment..
Shawn: Howie, you’re never going to believe it. We’ve got a girl in an MRI. She’s going to masturbate and she’s going to make it all happen.
Vicki: Beep beep beep! Golden buzzer. This is it.
August: [still laughing] I adore you both. Thank you so much for being here and for the very important light that you bring to the world.
Shawn: We love you, August. Thank you for having us.
Vicki: Thank you, August.
[acoustic chord riff]
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[outro music that makes you wanna dance…]
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