I have to admit: when a Girl Boner Radio listener wrote in about her tendency to orgasm during massages, I was a wee bit envious. (My last massage was more like being trampled on by apes…) I was also extremely grateful, because, like most Qs from listeners, Dalia’s raises important points about arousal and pleasure, while shedding light on common myths.
Side note: I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s wondered why “happy endings” are generally reserved for people with penises.
Here’s Dalia’s question:
I’m 28 and until recently, only had very small and fairly infrequent orgasms — always with a partner. And I was basically okay with that. Recently I’ve been getting massages for a sports injury, and am embarrassed to say that I’ve come during them. What is up with that? It’s usually when the very attractive, kind man with firm hands is rubbing my lower back or hips. They’re some of the best orgasms I’ve ever had, and I have to work hard to hide what’s happening, though honestly I think he knows now… I don’t want to tell my boyfriend, because awkward, but I also want to know how to get the same kind of pleasure with him. Also, I keep wanting more massage appointments, haha. Any suggestions?” — Dalia with back-gasms

And you deserve them, Dalia! Kudos for finding pleasure, even when you weren’t seeking it, and thanks so much for writing in. I promise you, there’s nothing shameful about what you’re experiencing.
If you’re reading along and relate to Dalia’s Q, here are a few things you should know about back-rub induced orgasms:
They’re not uncommon.
In a culture where orgasms are associated with sex, or even intercourse, alone, it can be easy to think you’re some sort of eroti-alien—but trust me, you’re not! Chances are you’re not shocking the masseuse, should they notice. People of all genders are known to experience orgasm during massage. Most massage therapists are well aware of this, and even learn about in their training.
They make total sense!
During a massage, virtually all conditions are in place for arousal, said our resident sex-pert, Dr. Megan Fleming—relaxation being the biggie.
“I don’t know about you, but where else are you more relaxed than on a massage table in the hands of a trusted expert?” she said. “So we have the relaxation, check. We also have that sense of safety, check. And you’re being attended to, which for most of us is part of receiving pleasure, check. In the moment, I think you’re letting your body and nervous system does—because you’re not overthinking it.”
While overthinking can disrupt arousal and pleasure, relaxing and letting your body act as it will can enhance both.
“The body and nervous system have what we call tipping points—trigger points for the inevitability of orgasm,” Megan added. “For a number of individuals, there are specific parts of the spine and lower back muscles, that when they get stimulated, there’s a release of energy as well as blood flow to the small intestines, the bladder and all of the sexual orgasms.”
They can invite more pleasure elsewhere.
The more we learn about our bodies and our Girl Boners, the more pleasurable we can potentially experience. As my recent guest, therapist and educator Dr. Shannon Chavez, pointed out, orgasms during massage are no exception.
“I think it’s a great opportunity to bring it to a partner and say, ‘I’m learning these new areas on my body that are erogenous or sensual play or sensual pleasure really helps me relax and get out of my head and into my body, and that’s what I need for our connection and for intimacy together,'” she said.
Because the skin is our biggest organ, the options for exploring are fairly limitless, she added. Skin-on-skin touching, without involving the genitals, allows you to focus on other areas that may be highly sensual.
They can be super delicious!
Sex and relationships expert Kait Scalisi, MPH, is a huge fan of having her back touched.
“My partner and I joke that I’m actually a cat because I squirm and wiggle and sometimes get off when he (or a masseuse or a physical therapist) rubs my back,” she said.
While she loves any and all touch on her back, she has two favorites: soft touch all over her back and deep, firm, circular motions through her lower back, sacrum and hips.
“Not only do the nerves to our pelvis run through our low back, but as women we tend to carry a lot of tension in the muscles in the hips and pelvis,” she said. “Simply releasing that helps us experience more pleasure and even orgasm.”
For more on back-gasms, plus common issues that come up in sex and relationship therapy—including body image issues and libido differences—check out my chat with Dr. Chavez on iTunes or here:
Have you climaxed during massage? Is your or your partner’s back particularly erogenous? What other question would like explored on Girl Boner® Radio? I so love hearing from you!
You know… reading this makes me feel a tiny bit jealous. I can imagine this is a wonderful experience. And Thanks to Dalia for speaking out about what’s happening to her.
This really helped me because it was happening to me and I wasn’t sure how to process it. Thanks for the question and the answer!
I have one of my clients that will climax if I hit the right spots on her hips and hamstrings. It caught me off guard the first time, but I couldn’t let her know cause I didn’t want her to be embarrassed. Now I have her start on her back, then work hamstrings and hips last.
As a massage therapist I have had both men and women orgasm on the table. I think it’s a sign of the deep trust, safety, relaxation and enjoyment they receive.
I don’t do anything unprofessional to illicit the responses but it is more common than people think.
It really comes down to people being comfortable and able to simply release. The big thing is that as a client or a therapist the environment needs to stay one of safety and professionalism. Don’t draw attention to it, don’t expect it, and don’t ask the professional to get involved.
It takes 10,000 hours to become a master of a skill, I hope everyone tries to master the skill of relaxing during a massage!
I have had orgasms with my current massage therapist. I am 33 and am single so I truly love getting that special attention from him currently while between partners. I travel often and see him for jet lag and sore muscles from weight training. Last week, he was massaging my hips and glutes and I felt a small tremor of pleasure just as I do before I orgasm but this time as I orgasmed, I squirted a bit on the table. I have never squirted before and he noticed. I was embarrassed and didnt know what to say. He just smiled and said wow, that’s not. So has any woman ever squirted before without a man even touching your vagina?
Lonely redhead in Maryland
Yes, absolutely! I actually wrote about “think-gasms” — aka hands-free orgasms— in my Girl Boner book. I may address your question on Girl Boner Radio soon, too. Thanks for sharing. ?
I have had a few of my female massage therapy clients do the same
I wish I could learn how to do this. Also did you feel weird when he said “wow, that’s hot”. I feel like that was a come on.
Lonely blond in Maryland lol
I’ve had that happen to me twice but when my boyfriend rubs my lower back I cum really hard, like if I had a vibrator almost. It’s the best feeling. I’ve never told anyone he doesn’t even know.
You are using the term “masseuse” to refer to your questioner’s male therapist, or in a gender-neutral manner. If you are going to use the French terms, you should know that a male massage therapist is called a masseur and a female massage therapist is masseuse.
I recently read about a therapist in New York who specializes in this as reported by New York Magazine. It’s about time there was something out there for women, too. On my agenda the next time I travel to NYC. I’ll let you know how it was.
I found my new massage therapist. I don’t go often but now I feel I needed it once or twice a month, while he was massaging me he hit my weak parts from ears to neck and I started feeling wet my imagination was crazy. I was embarrassed because I could not help it, I was moaning quitely and I know he still can hear and see my face reaction. I nearly say can u touch them ( my breast) but good thing I did control myself. After the massage I got up from the massage table and I can see it was wet.
I was twice taken by my hand and led into the walk in wardrobe closet of a blond girl and climbed up / mounted at age 10, but it was when I was 12 one early morning, I always slept and sleep nuke. I awoke and erupted shot cum upon my bed sheets, just then the alarm clock radio turned on, and the song was: Oh, Oh oh, its magic, you know, never believe its not so. Although ever since I was the age of 17, I have procreated every morning and every night. Twice a day for decades. Now I stoke every time it comes up. I will probably die with my cock in my hand. Because its a natural thing to do, both.
Singer Song Writer John Prine sang it best. On Lost Dogs and Mixed Blessings. the Song AIn’t hurtin’ nobody.
This comment is like the literary equivalent of an unsolicited dick pic. Just….why?
While all comments on the topic are interesting and pleasant, I wonder why the same question becomes so stigmatizing when the therapist is female and client male. These innocent, acceptable and hidden pleasures for a female become traumatizing, shaming and even criminal for a male.
Has this occurred to anyone?
I am soo happy that i found this. Was starting to think something was wrong with me.. was trying to explain this to my husband first time experiencing this was during a acupuncture session i didnt orgasim but i felt i would have if she rubbed on that spot longer😅 i was embarrassed (obviously she didnt know i hid it well and really tried to fight it) and
told my husband about this he thought i was just being stupid that was over a year ago.. today i went to get a deep tissue massage for the same reason. Shoulder injury and lower back.. i almost orgasimed again😭😭 and fighting it again.. then i told my husband it happened again but i was soo close to orgasim i had to move while she was massaging to stop the urge😭 she changed area of rubbing.. i was like 🥵OMG!.. then i googled and found this.. now telling my husband im not crazy its a real thing!!! Thank you soo much..
I need to see the massage therapist afew more times now im abit scared it might happen🤣🤣🤣
I had a sacral orgasm yesterday, while having my very first time sports massage. That was so unexpected and so intense!!! Holy mother. I literally could not control the moaning and my hips were just doing their own thing. I lost myself in.the.most.massive orgasm, as he massaged my lower back, for what felt like at least 10, maybe 15 seconds I did apologize in a whattsapp the next day, saying that I hope i had not caused any embarassment and he was like there’s no need to apologize and thanks for the business etc.
I had no idea what had happened but i looked it up in the net when i got home. Im still walking on a cloud.
I am 54 and he is 30. I wont tell my husband as there is no need.
We have a mind blowing sex life as it is, (i am multi orgasmic)and we had crazy wild sex last night, so its all good. He doesnt need to know about the orgasm part.
That massage therapy made me SO horney, I was insatiable!!!!!! Ill go back in a months time. F*ck, i cant wait.
I just wish I could find more information.
So glad you had such a pleasurable experience — and I completely relate to wanting more info! You might find the podcast episode linked in this post useful. (I have other episodes related to this topic, too.)