Cristina Royale grew up in a conservative, Catholic community where marriage with a man and parenting ranked high for all women. During college, she became active in LGBTQ activism, where she learned a great deal about herself and her sexuality.
“Particularly gay men tend to be very sexually liberated,” she told me during our Girl Boner® Radio chat, “That was not comfortable for me at first, but I wanted to be comfortable with it.”
Through many conversations she says were probably terrible for them, Cristina learned a great deal. She also credits a few understanding boyfriends early on for allowing her space to experiment.
“For me, practice makes perfect,” she said. “I really got to explore what I’m into, what I’m not into, what kind of people I click with and what kind of people I don’t, and what I look for in a sex partner to have a sexual experience. Nothing got me there faster than having a lot of experience.”
Now an activist, writer, YouTuber, and outspoken feminist, Cristina infuses the world with sex-positive hilarity. And while you may watch one of her videos for kicks and giggles (they are so, so funny), there’s a good chance you’ll walk away inspired. Even her Booty Call Diaries—my FAVES—hold valuable insight that go beyond sexy fun.
“I would like the booty call to become a bit more commonplace in terms of things that we think about [and] talk about,” she said of her motivation to start the series. “I talk to a lot of women who say, ‘I don’t know if I could do that. What does that look like?’ and I’m like, ‘Well I can show you what that looks like!’”
To see what I mean, stream our full chat on iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio or below! In the meantime, here are a few highlights from just one of the topics we explored:
Booty Call Tips: How to Have a Safe and Satisfying First Experience
1. Don’t booty call your friend or friends of friends. “Just don’t,” said Cristina. “It’s always messy—and that’s a first-timer mistake, speaking from experience.”
2. Make plans to meet in a public place.
If you meet someone on Tinder as a booty call newbie, Cristina suggests meeting the person in a public place that’s convenient for you, such as a coffee shop, lounge or restaurant you feel comfortable in.
“Anywhere you can say, ‘okay, there are no obvious signs that this guy will murder me,’” she added, having noted earlier that stranger dates are actually statistically safer than intimate partnerships. But even so, safety precautions are important. “I would tell them, ‘let’s meet for coffee or let’s meet for a drink and see how it goes — see if we vibe, and then if so, come back to my place.’”
Choose a place you feel super comfortable in, she said, “because at the end of the day, if you’re not comfortable, you’re probably not going to get off and then why in the hell are you doing a booty call?” RIGHT?
3. Know that you can change your mind any time.
Consent is an ongoing thing, so if at any point you or your date/sex partner don’t feel comfortable, hit the ‘pause’ or ‘stop button.’ Express your feelings, use clear body language or make up an excuse, if that’s easier for you. Not everyone has the agency to stand up for themselves, but hopefully you can start honing these skills before dipping into Booty Call Bliss.
When I asked Cristina about stopping a booty call once it’s begun, she said she has absolutely done it. “It’s uncomfortable for them, but it’s fine,” she said. “They’ll live.”
4. Stock up on supplies.
If you think you may end up going back to your place, take time to stock it up with whatever supplies you might need in advance. Cristina has a stash of condoms in various sizes, for example, and a special glass for drinks you’ll definitely want to hear her talk about!
“I would have everything set up to where you know where it is,” Cristina suggested. “You can get yourself water so you don’t have to take any beverages from him. I honestly feel more comfortable in my own space. Also, I feel comfortable kicking people out of my place if I need to.”
5. Express your desires.
I asked Cristina how folks can ensure a pleasurable booty call experience—whether there’s much communication or if she tends to just go for it.
“That’s my favorite scenario, when this is not their first rodeo either,” she said. “They understand that they can listen to the female body and understand it easily. To be honest, I don’t let them do things I don’t like anymore.”
Otherwise, she’ll offer a clear “no” or “don’t do that,” as needed, and her partners generally take that really well. She recommends more caution with less experienced partners, though, who could benefit from gentler feedback.
6. Get clear about what you hope for after.
Cristina’s partners occasionally attempt to sleep over, which isn’t her cup of sexy tea — so she has a system:
“After it’s over, I always straight away get up to pee, so that I won’t get a UTI — tip for a first time: always do that. Then I start to put my clothes on, and 90 percent of the time, they get it and they start to put their clothes on. When they’re almost done, I say, ‘Great, I’ll walk you out.’ Then I walk them out and close and lock the door.”
If they plead to stay over anyway, she tells them she’s not comfortable with it, and you can, too. If you want them to stay over, of course, you can request or accept that. What matters most is clarity around your desires, with yourself first and foremost.
Eager for more? Hit play below to hear the full episode. It also features fabulous insight from Dr. Megan Fleming for a listener who wonders if she’s become asexual in her 30s, Cristina’s thoughts on knowing your sexual self-worth, a bit about mainstream and feminist porn and more.
Have a sex-positive tale or tips of your own you’d like to share? Registration for my 7th annual Beauty of a Woman BlogFest is underway—and there’s a Girl Boner category! (Whoop whoop!) Learn more and sign up here.
I remember the bootie calls of my youth with fondness and humor. It was what helped me know when I was ready to get serious and commit, but man we’re those times fun! Totally agree about the friends/friends of friends thing, too. Bad idea.
I love that, Kitt. Keeper memories, for sure!
Thanks. I needed to hear a lot of this. I am/have been considering my own “booty call” of sorts. I would like to invite a woman to a motel or whatever after dinner or talking over drinks. It is difficult to do this and not feel wrong, based on the time I grew up in. I see nothing wrong with it, but hear it all the time from those around me. I will make it work. I am getting more and more up to it.
Thanks again, certainly helped.
Scott