How much do you share about yourself online? What about those of you who are online dating? Have you ever hidden parts of yourself, or revealed what turned out to feel like too much?
I recently had the supreme joy of interviewing Dr. Megan Stubbs, a fabulous sexologist I’ve been wanting to meet and chat with for some time. The energetic multi-media savvy relationship expert has faced some dating turbulence herself, when particular guys have learned in advance of her career.
So when I brought up a listener’s question, involving preconceived notions about her past career as an erotic dancer, Megan had a lot to say.
I call it deep creeping,” she said of the tendency to research people online. “We see someone we like, and if they’ve attached a social media handle to that, you know we’re looking at that.”
And that is just the beginning. We may move from their Facebook profile to Twitter to LinkedIn to who-knows-where-else. The next thing you know you’re invited to their ex-mother-in-law’s house for Thanksgiving dinner! Okay, maybe that’s a stretch (though I bet it happens).
“It’s easy to think, ‘He looks nice in this photo, but who is he really in real life?’” she said, adding that she completely understands ‘deep creep’ tendencies. “As someone who has a career in the sex industry, people are either impressed, amazed, scared…there’s always a reaction. You want to have privaacy [because] there are exploitive people out there who will be with you just because you’re a sex expert and assume you’re going to hang from a chandelier, dripping with candle wax—and it’s like, ‘Woah, relax man. This is date number one!’”
Whether we want to maintain our privacy around our profession, a chronic illness, bad credit, divorce history or another factor, it’s reasonable and potentially important to do so.
It’s complex, and there is no gold standard here,” said our own Dr. Megan Fleming in response to the listener’s Q. “There’s a big difference between secrecy and privacy… Honor your experience and your intuition.”
I so agree! And thought I hadn’t fudged any details while dating until shortly before the interview started—I totally have…
To learn how Dr. Megan Stubbs and I have protected our privacy in the online romance realm, plus what inspired her to become a sexologist, her top tip for better sex, ways to embrace body and more, stream the episode on iTunes, Stitcher Radio, iHeartRadio or below!
Scott L Vannatter says
I get upset because so many women see my age, my pic, read my income and assume that I cannot be any fun to be with or, worse, there’s no future so why start anything? I see the points, but why can’t we be just a bit more temporary minded? I mean, what’s wrong with dinner and talking? Perhaps, it won’t be a magic moment, but you spend an evening with a good meal and interesting talk. Quit making it about forever….